"Zambia loves escalators, just don't be gay" - TREVOR NOAH (It's My Culture)

Although I went to Zambia. Fantastic place Zambia. I went there, visited the place and had a good time. While I was there I had a companion who really made my trip. His name was Alinani, sweet boy. And his job was to get me used to the Zambian

culture

. And every day he gave me a new piece of information, some more interesting than others. One day he looks at me and says, “Trevor, you know Zambia is a very, very conservative nation. He said, “Oh, okay, Ali. He says, “Yeah, so stay away from bad words.” And I said I can do that, I assumed he meant saying bad words.

But I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if he was referring to a person or a curse word. No, no, because in Zambia people have names like Profanity. That's how I laughed when I met Screwdriver. It's the same way I laughed. Yes, because you will see that in South Africa we have African names that you can translate. Like Happiness, Blessing and Hope. Those kinds of names. But in Zambia people give their names, like they give their children names from everyday English words, anything. That is, table, chair, car, house. You see, like you have to get used to it.

It's very difficult, but you have to keep a straight face. Which was hard because I met a mechanic who had kids named Brake and Clutch. And that wasn't the case, especially when Brake was running around causing chaos. And his dad was there like, "stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop." And I said, “Hey, stop it, brake. Ha ha." But you have to get used to it, it's a cultural thing. And that's why you have to respect it. And the second warning that Ali gave me was even stranger. We're driving through Lusaka, the capital. And Ali looks at me in the car and says “Trevor, you know we are a very God-loving nation here in Zambia.” I said, “Oh, that's okay, Ali.” that?" He says, "I know it can be tempting sometimes, but don't do it." "Do not be gay". "Do not be gay?" I have never been warned about this in my life, aren't you gay? “Hey brother, don't be gay.

Do not be gay". "Do not be gay?" Crazy, crazy warning to receive. But then I found out why Ali was warning me. It turns out that being gay is illegal in Zambia. If you are found out to be gay, you will be arrested and sent to prison for over thirty years, yes. Which is a bit of a strange punishment. When you think about it. I mean, I'm not saying that gay kids would enjoy prison, I'm

just

saying that if I were gay, that's not the worst thing they could do to me. They would tell me: "You're going to go to jail!" I'd say, "Oh, no." Do not be gay?

I couldn't believe it, homosexuality is a crime in Zambia. Which made me think. If homosexuality is a crime, that means the police have to control it. In fact, they have to police homosexuals. Yes. Which means they have a gay division in their police force. It's a crime, it's a crime. That means they have a murder unit, a robbery unit, a white collar crime unit. And then they got a gay unit. Yes, they have a small G unit in their police force. That's responsible for everything gay. It must be the funniest police force in the world. You can go under cover and dress very well.

Get in touch with your quirky side, have a good time. I bet the sergeant is there every morning, telling the detectives about him. "Good morning, detectives." "Welcome everyone, today we will launch a covert operation." “We have

just

been informed of a fashion show that will be held.” "And as you know, gays can't resist the latest fashion trends." "Therefore, we will be present to stop each and every one of them." “Let's make sure we're here.” “Detective Chepoa?” "Present!" “Detective table?” "Present!" “Detective Mongai?” "Present!" "I think he's in too deep." How are homosexuals controlled? Do they stop you if you look suspiciously gay on the street?

I mean, the gay doesn't have a look. But maybe you get a bounce, like a little pizzazz. Do the police stop there and say: *police siren* “You, over there!” “What is the purpose of that extravagant scarf?” "Raise your hands!" "Turn around! Don't tempt me, don't tempt me! “You're going to go to jail.” How are homosexuals controlled? Do they have roadblocks? Do you like driving drunk? Do they have obstacles for homosexuals? They are like stopping people in their cars. “Good evening officer” “Good evening sir” “License please?” “Thank you very much, Mr. Elegant. Hey?” "Tell me sir, have you been gay tonight?" “No, I have not been gay.

In fact, I'm not gay at all." "I see, not even one or two?" "No no. No gays for me. For me there are no gays.” "Okay" "Then tell me, sir." *sniffing* "What can I smell on your breath?" "Is that balls?" “No, no, no, I” “I don’t even eat chutney, no” “Uh-huh” “So you’re not gay?” "No, I'm not gay at all" "So sir, can you blow on this?" Ahh, don't be gay. I wasn't gay while I was in Zambia, so I had a good time. He turned around and saw the people. The highlight of my trip came when on my day off I asked Ali for suggestions.

Ali told me, “Maybe you should travel around Lusaka, meet some people,” “just have a good time.” I told Ali I want to do something special. He said, "Well, in that case," "maybe you can go to the mall and if you're lucky," "maybe you can go on the

escalators

." Did I say what?" "Hey, I can't promise you anything," "but if you get there early, maybe you can go once or twice." I said, "Escalators?" "I know, awesome, ha?" I thought It was playing with me. Until I found out that people in Zambia go to the mall just to ride the

escalators

.

It seems ridiculous until you understand the backstory. When we were in Zambia there were only five public escalators. country. The first escalator was built in August. Not on August 19? Do you remember last August? They built the first escalators in history. Yes, and now it's fashionable. commercial just to get on the escalators. But now I don't want you to imagine a dusty town. Zambia is not that, it is a beautiful place. They are developing just like us, they have airports, they have beautiful shopping malls. They have everything we have, including faster Internet. They've just never had escalators.

And now they started building them. And that's why people go there and just spend the day going up escalators. Yes, parents will come home and look for their children. "Kids, let's go to the mall." “To do what dad?” “To shop and ride the escalators!” "Hurrah!" We couldn't believe it so we went to the Mall, right? We arrived at the Shopping Center. The shopping center is empty. The escalators are full! People are lining up, circling, circling. There are older people, young people, even couples. There were couples. Guys who actually picked up a woman by saying, "I'm going to take you to the girl on the escalator." "Oh, you're so classy, ​​huh?" Mechanic stairs.

Some people didn't even know how to go up the escalators. The kids were easy, they just jumped. The elderly would panic. There was a guy who got on the escalator and he was going up. And I guess to make up for something in his mind since he went up. He began to bow. He fell! Hahaha. He was very hurt. Hahaha. Oh, it was great to see. We spent about three hours doing this, watching people go up the escalators. And you know what? Our patience paid off, because in the third hour the most fantastic thing happened. A school brought a class of children to the mall.

And his excursion was just to go up the escalators. It was magical. Thirty children, about five years old. The cutest thing was that they were wearing their black and white uniforms. And they are there together, holding hands. And they were so excited that they were glowing. Not for excitement, they had Vaseline. And there are two teachers with the children, and they hold hands on each end. And on a long train they begin to march through the Shopping Center. And while they do, they start singing at the top of their lungs like little angels. “Escalator” “Escalator” “Escalator” “Oh, Oh, Ohhhhhhoh Escalator” “Escalator” It was the sweetest thing ever.

People wave and smile. And these kids see the escalators. And they lost their minds. These kids went crazy. They don't hold hands, they start screaming and running. It looked like a zombie movie or something. They're jumping, but then you see the smiles on their faces. It's like the end of Saraphina. You wonder, "What the hell is going on here?" These kids are screaming. They are jumping doing cartwheels. The teacher cannot control them. She panics and says, “Hey! Return! Come back!" "Two for two! Two by two!" Two by two was one of the children, I didn't know.

She says: "Two by two! Next to me, next to me! Single file, single file! Other children keep jumping, she can't control them. There was a fat kid. He couldn't jump so he just shook himself. "Escalator!" "Escalator!" It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. time machine to a time when escalators were new. New and popular So popular... that people were taking pictures of escalators using their iPhones! Technology, right? even think about these things, huh? Can you imagine? Hey, now we're in the future, escalators, huh? What are we going to see next? I wonder how it works, ah!?

Let me check... Siri, how does an escalator work? I don't know?