"Lost My Voice" - Trevor Noah - (It's My Culture)

Sorry, I know this is weird. It's my tea. I know it looks like a magic lamp but it's not, it's my tea. I have to drink this as much as possible. So it's true, it's like my medicine. I have to drink it, why? Because I

lost

my

voice

. But it wasn't like the weekend I

lost

my

voice

, it wasn't like, "Oh, it was a great party, I lost my voice." No, no, the voice disappeared completely. What happened was I was doing shows in New York, right? Many performances and one day, in the middle of a show, my voice disappeared.

Out of nowhere, he was talking, talking, talking, talking and then he disappeared. Now, at first I thought it was just a small thing, that it would go away, but it didn't, it was getting worse every day, every day my voice was getting worse and worse. I finally ended up in New York and was returning to South Africa via London. So while I was in London, I met a doctor, a horrible doctor, because his advice was, "Maybe you should stay calm, Trevor, right? Maybe you should stay calm, stay calm for a few days and then what should you do?" do?". "It's speaking in a confidential voice, yes?

Speaking in a confidential voice." That's what he told me to do, speak in a confidential voice. A confidential voice is basically you speaking very softly, very humming. Basically, everywhere you go you talk like that, you know what I mean? This is basically what you have to do. Basically like white people in the office *whispering* "What is that?" "No, nothing, we're fine here, ha ha ha ha, see you at the braai, ha ha." *whispering* That's a confidential voice." Now, the problem with a confidential voice is that you have to lean in when you talk to people, right? and then two things happen.

One, I don't know why, but if you speak in a confidential voice Come down or whisper, people whisper to you. I don't know why this happens. I went to a store, I was trying to buy a computer and this guy came up to me and said, "Hello, sir, how are you?" good man? are you okay? I was like, “Hey, yeah, I just need to buy some computers, please.” “Oh, are you looking at some of those laptops over there?” laptops." He said, "Yes, we have a wide variety of computers here." "What are you doing, why are you whispering?" "No, I'm not whispering, I don't know what you mean." You're whispering, are you? why?

It's like he was hurt and now you're limping. What the hell is going on here? The second weird thing that happened was because he was talking like that, some people thought he was trying to have sex with them. Yes, it was strange for me at first and then I realized that this was really happening. The worst incident was when I was visiting friends of mine in Adderley, right? and I went to Chicken Licken with my kids, we're hanging out, it's a normal day, we're just getting food, you know? We approach the counter, the woman is there.

She says, "Welcome to Chicken Licken sir, can I take her order please?" I said, "I'd like four pieces of chicken, please." She says, "Do you want chicken?" "I'm going to give you my breasts and thighs." She was chasing me down the street, do you know how scared she was running away holding my chicken screaming for help in a confidential voice? "Help me, help me, help me. So this clearly didn't help. I came back to South Africa and I met a doctor here, a voice doctor who happens to be one of the best in the world. And he does an exam on my voice, finds exactly what I have, hemorrhagic polyp and he says we have to have surgery, which stresses me out, what do we have to do?

He says, “Yeah, Trevor, that? He's not helping. Stop doing that." I said, "What do you mean the doctor said?" "I don't want to have sex with you, so stop doing that." "You're going to have surgery." Surgery. Surgery, Do you know how scared I was now? The surgery was stressful. The worst thing about the surgery was the story surrounding the surgery. I was not allowed to talk for the week before the surgery and then after the surgery, I was completely silent during it. a month. Yes, a month without talking, without whispering, without humming, without coughing or even sneezing.

Otherwise you will damage your voice after surgery, which seems easy for the first few days because you think it's fun. like: Oh, I'll stay quiet, I'll just be a mime and then it gets boring and then it gets difficult because then you start meeting people who know you and you want to have conversations on the streets. The people you meet, white people are the best for. For me, I won't lie because white people are impatient, I like that. Yes, white people don't have time for anything. I have seen that white people don't like to wait, they are always in a hurry, they always have something to do.

They come up to me and say, "Hey, Trevor Noah, right, the comedian?" "Oh, what? You're not talking?" "Oh, no voice? Greetings, hey, goodbye." Missing. Out of my life, without stress. I loved it, I loved it. Great for me. However, it's not so good for white people, that's why they pay so much in traffic fines, yes. It's true, if they were more patient they wouldn't pay half. Yes, because black people pay almost nothing, nothing at all. Black people get to the traffic issue, you just relax the situation, you just relax the situation, you get there. You know, the guy comes up to your window, "Baba, you're not wearing a seat belt," and you say, "Oh, seat belt?" "Yes, without a seat belt." "Eish, seat belt?" "Yes, give me your license." "Oh, leave?" "Hey, give me your license, man!" "Ah, license, seat belt, license?" "Oh, license, seat belt?" "Hey man!" "Oh, leave?" "Hey man, go, go, go, go." Just relax.

I've seen white people at roadblocks, they don't have patients. They get angry with the subway policeman. They get so angry it's like I've done something wrong, you see them. They stop there. "Sorry sir, I was speeding." "Oh damn man, you guys are everywhere, no one can drive in this place anymore!" "You guys are like behind every bush, I don't know if it's a bush or a subway police. "What the hell is going on here, man!" "People like you, you should start calling them wildlife police. Hell! You guys in the damn bush, are you going to give me a ticket or something?" "No, I was just saying..." "Yeah, damn it.

Just give me the damn ticket!" "Oh, if you want a ticket, I'll give it to you. I'll give you the damn bill!" "Yes, just give me the damn bill!" "Yes, I'll give you the bill and your indicator doesn't work "Boom, thousand!" Just put it down, just relax. Just have some patience. White people have no patients, none. The entire opposite end of the spectrum, and the people I feared encountering when I had no voice were Indians. No, Indians are the worst human beings you will ever meet if you try to have short conversations. I don't know what it is about Indians, but they are the most curious people you will ever meet in your life.

Question after question, after question after question, it's like something typical of their

culture

. They just have to ask questions. Questions, questions, questions, questions. That's why there is no Indian GPS, you wouldn't get anywhere. You wouldn't get anywhere. You'd be fighting with your car "Take me to Woollworths please" "Why do you want to go to Woollworths, boss?" "Just take me to Woolworths, dammit!" Questions and questions. I met a group of Indian guys one day, it was Saturday morning, these guys see me, they're so cool, the guy says, "Hey Trevor Noah, Trevor Noah?" What's going on bro? How are you man?

Hey, mark this, Hazier. "Hey, Hazier, you know that, bro?" Yes, the comedian. We have all your DVDs here, Trevor. Yes, we bought them in Vorgeburg. Hey man, hey brother, you're the best, you're the best brother! Hey, you're killing us with the jokes man, killing us. Now, when are you going to do another show man?" "What aren't you talking about now?" "Did you lose your voice?" "What happened?"