"It Makes No Sense!" - Trevor Noah - (African American)

I just got back from Atlanta it was 107 degrees Fahrenheit The hottest weather the worst thing is everyone comes up to me and leaves well you must be used to this being from Africa and I'm like No I'm not I'm from Africa. but that shit is hot That was just No. I was afraid to go for a run because I thought if I ran out into the street and passed out, wouldn't the local news love that I would be running and fall in the heat? vans reporting live they would be standing there going It's so hot in Atlanta even the Africans are fainting so I'm enjoying this very happy to be here this is going to be good for us I hope I say I hope because you never know with stand-up comedy up It's an uncomfortable experience.

I'm always nervous. I think comedy is very similar to sex for me. Well, if you think about it, it's exactly like sex. Me, the comedian, playing the role of the man and you, the audience, the role of the woman, because My job is to satisfy you and you just have to sit there and then, just like sex, my success or failure in some way It will be determined by how much noise you make during my performance, making it a one-sided affair. I think so, I don't. I know maybe you're the quiet type. I hope we have magic tonight.

I hope we create something wonderful for many of us. It's our first time and that means it can be awkward. I understand this and if that is the case, I want you to know. I'll look you in the eyes, I'll see that I'm scaring you and I'll stop, I'll stop and I'll turn you around and we'll get back to simpler things. I've been in America for a few months and I'm really just thrown by the place not being what I expected, not at all different from the brochures and pamphlets. There are many assumptions I had about America before coming here that I have learned are incorrect for one, I just assumed that people speak English here.

It is far from the language as much as the pronunciation of words that baffles me. It's what Americans have done with the language you have, wow. You've done something: you give 22 to the English language. you just have tires that say pimp in my language, that's what you used, you know I was chatting to this woman in the city center the other day. She came up to me and wanted me to see something I don't know what, she was like Oh my god look up Thursday I said look up what? She's like Over Thur. Look what she and I said she?

She says No. her hair, she waits a minute. There are two? I don't understand anything, not even the small words, just the pronunciation. The little things that help you, for example, I pronounce the opposite of uncle as aunt, I say my aunt, out here you say my ant, which to me is an insect that made me look like an ass. When my friend told me that his ant had died, I thought, "There are tons of those out there, a great way to end a friendship." I couldn't get help the other day while looking for a battery for my remote because that's what I'm saying. battery, a small form of energy.

In the United States you say Baderee, which to me is a different form of energy sponsored by Chris Brown and you know what I don't understand. We live on different sides of the world, so it's okay. The language we will evolve. This is something that I have come to understand but I hope to change one thing in your hearts forever only one thing and it is that animal in nature that looks like a horse it has black and white stripes please from now on it is not a zebra okay. Zebra just like it is not Deebra, it is Debra, the same word structure, plus you can't name them because you don't have them.

Zebra It's crazy, everything here is different, do you know how hard it is to learn when you come here? They have to change everything, there is the measurement system that is simply, I mean the United States, you have your own, the imperial system on my side of the world we use the metric system and on my side I mean the rest of the world. where the metric system, which is, among other things, very poor, is very simple prose, everything fits together and here you have imperial, which is fine. I won't judge you if you want to be imaginary, it's up to you, but I just feel there is a certain consistency that is needed in small things, for example, when we abbreviate our small measurements to milligrams, we use mg milligrams, mg milligrams, right, you guys have ounces , ounces which then abbreviate oz, there's no z in the word ounces, I don't know, that's pale in comparison to What did you do with the pounds?

That, please explain to me how the abbreviation for pounds became pounds lb pounds. I sound like the idiot who walks into a store and says, could I have the 2 pound bag of sugar? He said you mean pounds. I said I don't see the P No, no, well, it means pounds, pounds, a lot of shit is what it means. It's horrible, in fact it's crazy that you realize that the imperial system is so inefficient that even the American drug dealers have switched to the metric system, even the drug dealers got to the point where they said we need order, We're going to use the metric system and I honestly thought this was an anomaly.

I thought you know what it's just one of those things that's a coincidence, but it's not. , Americans don't care about abbreviations or the English language, they just don't give a damn. I learned this in the little things, like when I was in Tennessee I ran into an organization known as the Ku Klux Klan, have you heard of them? The worst magic show of all time. A guy gave me a pamphlet that said come meet the great magician. Great magician. The great magician did not do a single trick. Not a single trick. I mean, I noticed some black people disappeared, but I mean that's not magic, no, that's just Reaganomics.

I wasn't impressed with that like where's the magic? I sat there forever, these guys running around in their sheets Hee Haa! The KKK, as they are affectionately known, has no one ever bothered to tell them that you don't spell clan with a K? Nobody stopped, even in the United States the clan is spelled with a C. The Ku Klux clan are the KKC, not the KKK, you realize? Klu kluks Clan a C Actually the name is wrong, the whole Ku Klux part is just horrible because they got that, as you know, from ancient Greece, it was Klu Klux Alvion, which means a circle of brothers and that's how the they got. re name.

They call themselves a Greek circle of brothers, which is wrong for two reasons. One, if your sole purpose as an organization is to hate black people, don't you think it's strange that they're now called the Circle of Brothers? and, secondly, do they realize it? that in the ancient Greek circles of brothers they did very different things with each other, very loving, you know, yes, if they were really a Greek circle, the sheets would be a little higher, only higher, yes, there would be one more hole.