"Sports In America" - Trevor Noah - (African American) LONGER RE-RELEASE

You guys love

sports

here. I have never seen so much attention to

sports

anywhere else in the world. Americans love upside down sports, they analyze them, they revere them, they watch the game before the game, they watch the game after the game. you talk about what could happen in the game, you talk about what's happening in the game and then you talk about what happened in the game and what could have happened and what could have happened but didn't happen in the game, it's the Craziest thing I've ever seen in my life that's all about statistics.

Have you watched sports in the United States? Your guys are coming out non-stop, no time for smiles or anything, just come, ladies and gentlemen, welcome, it's the 2012 Miami Heat against OKC, this is the best finish we've been waiting for in the NBA Finals. Lebron James. leading his team here with an average of 30 points doubled every game 10 points per game This season alone it's all this man is something over 90 percent from the free throw line he just got consistently has improved his team gets with more Chris Bosh came in with more assists and really did well in the last game, like whaaa!

Oh! numbers, numbers, numbers statistics, statistics, statistics you know everything, every statistic, I mean, you got four out of five and if you look at that stat alone, it looks like it should get four and it's crazy, you know everything and then you switch to your channels trades and your economy and you wonder what's happening in the economy this year, Bob. Well, nobody knows, I mean, nobody knows. Yes Hahahaha. We thought the real estate market was going up, but it wasn't, ha ha ha, but hey, that's the economy you never know, right? You never know. What happens with stocks?

Well, stocks I guess are going up and down. I really don't know if they are going up and down. They can go anywhere. Those are actions. We don't know but the sports you know you need to change get the stats in the economy just relax in your sports have fun like the sports I watch are relaxed like football I'm a big football fan Yes Oh there are some fans here I love it football It's cold, you hear it in the commentators when the game is played, there are no statistics at all the game begins the whistle blows (Whistle) and welcome ladies and gentlemen to this majestic match it's Spain playing against Germany Oh and what a wonderful day It's look at the crowd really excited oh and the atmosphere is amazing what wonderful weather Oh yeah John you can feel it and the players look great.

It is wonderful. What do you think is going to happen today? Martin. Oh, nobody knows. I can't even remember the last time I watched a game. Good Americans will remember. Americans will be the best again. Stat: The last time a black man scored using his left hand by jumping over a half-Indian half-breed was in 1967 when... Okay, like what? This is crazy. It's also about action in sports, you know, as much action as possible, it's about action in America, it's so action-focused that you'll take the ball away from the other team if they don't give you enough action.

I have never in my life seen that to be a horrible way to educate people. You just go to the other team and say, "Hey guys, take the ball and you have 24 seconds to put the ball in that net, 24 seconds! And if you don't, we give the ball to the other team." Team, do you hear me? Let's give the ball to the other team, yes we know there are a lot of black people, but try to pass them, that's up to you 24 seconds later (horn sounds). Try it, try it, all about the action, you know, because America is different from the rest of the world and you don't really know how different America is until you get here, that's the only thing I'll say you believe.

I know, but then when you land in the United States at your airports, that's when you know this place is different because American airports, unlike airports around the world, which have a certain level of general joy and happiness, the American airports are like concentration camps, you know? It's just people walking barefoot in single file. No, I'm not kidding, there are even signs that say, "No kidding" and you're like, seriously? it's just crazy, and you walk through those airports and you have to do things in American airports that you don't do anywhere else in the world, like take off your shoes, take off your shoes and you don't know that as a foreigner, but they don't care, they say : "You, take off your shoes!" I'm like, my what?

Take off the shoes! Because? "For safety, sir." I said, "I'll keep them on for your safety, my friend. You don't do this anywhere. I remember flying to Dubai one year and when we arrived at the airport this woman, an American woman started taking off her shoes and those guys, you gotta understand that when you are in the Middle East as a woman you are already a sin and now, by taking off your clothes in public, these guys lost their minds, they were saying: "Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing! "What are you doing?" She says, "I'm taking off my clothes." They say, "No, no, what are you doing?" She says, "I'm taking off... but why are you taking off your clothes?" She says, "So, the machine." "He says, 'No, this is a machine, not your husband, you don't need to get naked!' 'Put your clothes on and walk through you, whore!' You just don't do it anywhere else.

But when You come out here you have to take off your shoes and your jacket to go through the metal detector and they're mean about it, they yell at you like "You, take it off, take it off! "but you don't know what to take off, you don't take it off anywhere else, so you don't know what to take off. He says, "Take it off!" Take it off what? "Take it off, Lord!" Take it off what? "Take it off now "What? "Take off your clothes!" Take off your clothes! Now you're standing there with this man yelling at you to take off your clothes, you feel like a child.

In a Catholic church, it's horrible standing there! I want to I mean, I understand the need for security, but they don't need to yell at you, at least if they're trying to be nice, maybe if they sang instead of yelling, you know? If they told you, "Take it off, take it off, take it off," you'd say? : "Yes, wow, security!" heartbreaking experience upon entering. And the worst thing is that if you have to go through passport control as Americans you don't feel the pain, but as a foreigner it's a completely different game, Americans walk through the line. of American citizens and they welcome them.

You returned as if you were on some secret mission "Welcome home, sir." Know? When you are a foreigner you have to wait in a super long line. You know, and then they make fun of you. The line goes straight to the front and then back. Comes back. And finally you get there and you have to wait for them. Know? and he's standing there and the guy says, "Sir, sir, come on, come on sir, one step forward, one step forward sir! one step forward! forward! Back! Back! behind the line sir, back! come back sir, come back." You know it's stress that you're standing there and you know you have to answer horrible questions, like you don't understand, it's stress that you know standing there and you don't want to get any of the questions wrong because, just like in school.

They will send you back, so you will stay there and you will have to answer them into a microphone that is placed strategically low, almost so that you have to bow to the American while you answer each of their questions and they ask you these questions that you feel like too I know the answers, but when you're there, I mean, I just handed the man my passport and he responded, "Is that you?" I've never felt so much pressure to look like myself before. I thought, "I was younger then," he's horrible and then starts reciting, "Is this his first time in the United States of America, sir?" uh, yes "Your first time sir, is that correct?" uh, yes "Sir, how long is his visit here?" I'm going to be here for six months "Six months sir, is that correct?" yes "Sir, what is the purpose of your visit to the United States of America?" I'm here on vacation. "Vacation, sir?" yes "Which one?" my "Could you give us more details, sir?" public holiday! "Yes, what do you mean by vacation, sir?" you know, like vacation, like woooowoooooo yeaaaahh vacation vacation "Do you mean vacation sir?" ah! battery, yes of course