Trump’s Disastrous Press Conference After Guilty Verdict & MAGA Nuts Kiss Ass with Cringey Tributes

thanks for watching, thanks for joining us here in Los Angeles, California, where, I don't know about you, but we're still excited about recreational cannabis and also about the

verdict

that was delivered so big and beautiful in Ayer, New York City , our former commander and thief, won the most

guilty

verdict

s of any president. It was 3, 4 and 0, beating the 1971-72 Lakers, who won 33 in a row and Trump did it without Will Chamberlain or Jerry West, he did it all. alone it was a day that will be written in the history books for those of you who see it uh in the history books of Florida there are things that they used to have in their schools before Ronda Sandz was governor the victory was or the verdict was unanimous on all counts Each juror received a thank you from the judge and, uh, Farm's gift basket was mysteriously signed to Melania T.

Melania was not in court when the verdict was read, but today she issued a strong statement posting how much she loves and supports her husband no matter what happens. the outcome of the trial was I'm kidding she didn't say anything she said nothing at all she was I couldn't find her anywhere she was probably online buying a new summer hat I don't know there are still three other cases against Trump each for more serious crimes , this is like the lowest mushroom of the bunch and feels a little unsatisfying given the scope of how many blatantly illegal things this man has done, which would start with arresting him for what he is. as if OJ had been convicted of speeding, do you know how fast we go in those bronos, sir?

You know it's funny how things work in the upside down world we live in, in everything for them it's a victory, each of these winners now wants to play. This is a good thing, it is great news that your candidate for president has been convicted of 34 serious crimes, the

tributes

to Magat Teresa flowed in great lines like, this gentleman who proclaimed that today was our George Floyd moment, I don't know if it's that. well and at what point do you put that back at what point when asking AI to generate an image of Donald Trump in cornrows, do you tell yourself that he should probably get back to work?

Here's another one from Trump advisor and fellow criminal Roger Stone, the one and only. What Trump is

guilty

of is being the best president since Abraham Lincoln, oh, and 34 felonies on top of that, but not all Trump fans were looking for a fight, some like this guy outside a courthouse in New York They ex

press

ed their hope that we can come together to achieve this. past this not guilty I hope the country doesn't burn not guilty I hope we can find a way to love each other and fix this this prostitution go to your mother well well that didn't last long but in New York that's a term of endearment and then we have our Leaders in the Republican Party who don't care at all about Americans and how important it is that we have faith in our legal system, know that Trump is guilty and don't even like him.

Donald Trump, but they are very afraid of him. Ted Cruz was on our show in I think it was in 2016, he told me and this is a quote. He said this on television. He said if I was in my car getting ready to back up and see. Donald in the rearview camera I'm not sure which pedal he would

press

right, but that primal urge to run over Trump didn't stop sweaty Teddy and all the other pathetic, sick bigots playing for lips Spates his big pimply butt They pretend to be outraged by this incredibly brazen attack on their beloved Baron von, an absolutely false judgment when people here ask me what the hell is going on in their country.

I'm embarrassed that this is the most outrageous travesty I've ever seen, hey James comr. Coward, how about you subpoena Judge Maran and his daughter to get to the bottom of this phony trial? This is a disgraceful political stunt perpetrated by Joe Biden. Incredible, incredibly credible, we the people support Donald Trump. This will be reversed on appeal. We're doing a special podcast tonight to break it all down, oh we don't want to miss that, if you think Donald Trump has been a victim, subscribe to Ted Cruz's podcast right now, what a snail, and then we heard from maestro Teresa herself who had a huge press

conference

this morning at Trump Tower, he didn't answer questions at the press

conference

and said he rambled like a drunk best man at a wedding, you know it's not going to work, this is a case where if they can do this to me, they can do it. do this to anyone, eh, do whatever you think you should call your lawyers for whoever did that to you, but in a way he's right, they can do this to anyone, they can do this to anyone who cheats on their wife with a porn star and then falsifies business records to keep her quiet so he can win a presidential election congratulations you finally understand what they accused you of and then he went into complete nonsense mode they want to raise your taxes four times they want to stop you from owning cars that's true, wow to be like The Flintstones, folks, you have to use your own two feet to go places, but carry on, Donald, the judge let you in on everything I was involved in, not in this case, everything I was involved in, which It's a first in other words you could analyze every single thing I did if I was a bad boy here I was a bad boy there oh yeah quote Diddy good move right now that's a bad boy for life and then he went back to lying biggest of them all one that I can't even imagine, even their staunchest followers believe this absurd claim that there was no interlude with Stormy Daniels, by the way, they were able to use lewd people and nothing ever happened, there was nothing, nothing.

It ever happened and they know it, yeah right, she made it all up, you know what she did, she went back in time, snuck into his hotel room, took off all her clothes and slid under him while he was sleeping the night. nap to avoid it. him one day being president is diabolical this woman I'm going to tell you something she is an evil genius hush money hush money it's not hush money it's called a confidentiality agreement so it's not hush money it's a totally legal confidentiality agreement totally common, everyone has it, that's right, you have them well.

I mean, everyone has them. My grandmother had dozens of them. She would give them away for Halloween. That's what I say, everyone has a Bentley. Everyone has, you know, on Gilligan's Island. Gillig was sometimes hit on the head with a coconut. Remember? Have you ever seen this show? G and then acts crazy for 20 minutes. That was the speech today, but you know he's an SLE guy. I wonder how many people here had cars yesterday. in McDonald's there was a man hitting them with machetes we are going to fight magga we are going to stop mag you know I finished the Russian oil pipeline he was dead we are begging Venezuela for oil the Congo just released a lot of people from prison Congo Africa our children can't anymore play a little more the immigrants live in luxury hotels and I grab them by the neck and he rejected me and then I went to the other guy who I think is a black belt in karate he is a black belt in karate they know how to get someone off their neck I'm wired in such a way that a lot of people would have left a long time ago oh let's fight, I don't really I don't know, thank you very much, it's interesting that you chose to play the insanity card after the trial.

He has so many lists of screws that Boeing might have to recall, so now that the trial is over, comes the sad part: the goodbyes from Trump's lawyer. Todd Blanch, who is definitely not getting paid for the way this man was forced to take the opposite of a victory lap on cable news last night, Blanch said that Trump himself helped direct his defense strategy, which explains why it worked so well, it was his idea. Not to put Trump on the witness stand, it was Trump's idea to sleep and fart throughout the trial, but I'm amused by Todd Blanch, he stood there scowling while Trump yelled that he wouldn't say anything, it always looks how it see. the guy waiting outside the bathroom saw everyone who really has to go and who would hire a lawyer named Todd.

I don't mean to offend, but we have a dog named Todd. I wouldn't hire him like me and with the trial now behind us, we put together a short video to honor both Todds, it's a disgrace to the New York state and city court system and all the cases are, frankly, they're all oh poor , my T must be so jealous right now that Trump will be sentenced on July 11, which With four days left until the Republican National Convention, there's also a free sorbet day at 7-Eleven, which should cheer him up. It's strange that a convict fell.

Probably the only job Donald Trump could get right now is president of the United States. His team is taking advantage of these legal issues. problems for all its value his campaign claims that yesterday they raised a little over $34 million in donations, that's a million per felony which, if he had known he probably would have committed more of them, Trump's people are also working to To make sure he is the only one making money from this, his campaign manager, Chris Lita, issued a warning to other candidates trying to jump on the bandit bandwagon, he wrote. Any official Republican elected candidate or party committee that siphons money from President Trump's donors is no better than Judge Maran's daughter.

We are keeping a list, we will check it twice and we are not in the Christmas spirit. The only person allowed to scam Trump supporters out of their lottery ticket money is Donald J. Trump himself. Go out and commit your own felonies if you want them I have to say I'm surprised by the Christmas spirit because Chris Las aita I don't know if you saw it it seems like Santa Claus has gone weird they are so Shameless on Fox News this is incredible see if you can continue the thought here. Joe Biden, embarrassingly, is raising funds from politically persecuting his opponent, which tells you everything you need to know about this current regime that is in power, so he goes to donaldj

trump

.com.

Support President Trump, stand on the side of democracy. and the worst part is that he has no idea that he said something weird, like they're too stupid to be hypocrites in the White House. City President Biden had boyfriends Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce and the rest of the Super Bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs. He gave him a helmet that for some reason he decided to put on and now he can't take it off, he'll have to bury it in that thing. Today he intervened in the legal Foles explaining in very clear terms. that the trial was fair and that his opponent will have every opportunity to appeal that is given to every defendant in every court of law and after careful deliberation, the jury reached a unanimous verdict: they found Donald Trump guilty of all 34 felony charges and now he is given the opportunity, as he should, to appeal that decision, just like everyone else has that opportunity, that's how the American justice system works and it's reckless, it's dangerous, it's irresponsible for Anyone say this was rigged just because they don't like the verdict.

I know I didn't know he spoke sign language, but I guess I do. Trump is heading to his golf home in Bedminster over the weekend and then will go on a big fundraising tour where he will share his Doom and Gloom message under anyone but him, you know him in 2020, when he was running, he did Lots of dark predictions about what America would be like if Joe Biden were elected and it turns out he's much better off losing fortunes than telling them wrong. Biden's plan will destroy 5 million. jobs 353,000 jobs added in the first month of the year what a spectacular report, your 401k and your money itself will be worth it, as you may have noticed here in the corner of your screen, the Dow Jones has never been higher than this, if Biden win, there will be no fracking there is no oil the United States is producing more oil than any other country in history it will ruin your social security system seniors will see a huge increase in their Social Security checks you will be locked up for years the public health emergency of covid-19 in this country will officially end at midnight tonight if Biden won China would own the United States, they would literally own the United States.

The trade deficit with China increased under Donald Trump under Biden it is finally going down there will be no schools there will be graduations there will be no weddings marriages are back to pre-pandemic levels no Thanksgiving Happy Thanksgiving no Easter happy Easter no Christmas Merry Christmas America not 4th of July happy 4th of July America other than that you will have a wonderful life