Extreme Heat Bakes The Nation | Schumer's Grilling Scandal | Sir Ian McKellen Is OK | Celtics Win!

Thank you very much, very kind, welcome one and all to The Late Show. I'm your presenter Stephen Colar. You know, I don't say this often enough, but my audience is

extreme

ly attractive, literally CU. They stayed outside for hours in what experts call a record. -breaking Heatwave It's so hot in New York that the guy with no pants on the subway wears his linen penis oh, it's breathable, it wrinkles like crazy and it's not just here 265 million Americans face temperatures of up to 90 degrees thanks to a phenomenon known as a

heat

dome that our own CBS senior weather producer David Parkinson described as very intense

heat

.

Thanks David for that informative information to stay safe. The National Weather Service recommends people go inside, hydrate, and just in case, get a fan, a couch that's passed out and says oh God, I've got the fumes, I've got a bra, I've got brain fever, it doesn't look like it's going to cool down anytime soon. , scientists warn that heat waves will become more intense and frequent, so good news for Ms. Heatwave, oh. Wow, I assumed you can really do anything, anything can be a sex joke. I assume the weather channel would name the Heat Dome like they do with winter storms, but they drop the ball on this one, no wonder because balls tend to drop when there's this hot half of the audience laughed, of course , a hot June day is a good time for a cookout, just as the Senate Majority Leader and raisins in trail mix insulted that you keep avoiding him Chuck Schumer Schumer sparked some controversy this weekend when he was accused of staging a fake Father's Day photo of himself

grilling

, here's the pick.

Well, at first glance he looks like any nice grandpa with the shirt he slept in and he offers you a delicious burger without a bun, but look closer and you'll see that he put cheese on a raw burger. a little weird for my taste, we have all the fixings, we have ketchup, mustard, eoli, salmonella, now Schumer captioned the photo with Father's Day, Honey, which is where you'll be if you eat one of their burgers, oh that was big . day for Chuck Schumer's friend Joe Biden, today the president announced an executive action that protects undocumented spouses of US citizens from deportation.

That's amazing news, isn't it? You know, this is incredible news for many immigrants and terrible news for the producers of 90 Days. promised, but TLC is moving forward with changes with their new undocumented mil Manor program, wow, the new, yes, the new policy allows undocumented immigrants to stay in this country while their green card is processed, which is a big deal because previously they had to return home. countries to complete the process, which could mean long separations from your spouse and families, sometimes for 10 years, and you can't spend that much time away from your children, you leave behind an angelic child and return to a monster tween quoting memes of elusive toilets. and calling your ankle socks put a cork on it Dylan maybe try some deodorant not everyone qualifies for this plan to apply immigrants must have lived in the US for 10 years and be married to a US citizen at least that an immigrant said but then we can divorce the citizen right after the elections and maybe push him down the stairs in Maral Lago yeah, yeah, oh, that's cool, hey, hey, come on, oh, talking about things that are more legal than They used to be, New Yorkers now allow Ed to grow marijuana in their homes, finally finally an answer for Manhattan nights Eternal question what will I do with all that extra space between my kitchen and my bathroom which is also my kitchen according to this new law ?

New Yorkers can grow up to three adult plants and have up to five pounds of marijuana in their homes 5bs a package of 5B weed who is your distributor Costco well I want to take a minute right now this is sincere to send our well wishes to everyone who We are here to our friend Sir Ian McKellen Sir Ian gave us a scare last night Now keep in mind that everyone is fine, but last night Sir Ian was performing in a play in London when he lost his balance and fell off the stage and, oh, They told me we have a clip.

F you fools, I'm fine. Now Seran, he's fine. he's fine, Seran took to Twitter to reassure fans that my recovery will be complete and Speedy and I are looking forward to getting back to work, which is great, but he had us worried for a second after the fall, he was taken to the hospital and the play being canceled is the scariest thing that has happened to a famous British actor since Dame Helen Mirin flipped his NASCAR this all happened during a performance of Shakespeare's Henry IV Parts one and two are called Kings player coincidentally Kings player too the original name of the player's Renaissance DraftKings Reyes, I think I ruined our daughter's dowry in a donkey race.

I have the NBA. I have a couple of things for you. The NBA Finals ended last night and after defeating the Dallas Mavericks four games to one, they were the winners. the 2024 champion Boston Celtics there you go Bostonians Bostonians were in the streets drunk and screaming and then they found out they won an exact championship Boston Boston is not good, it's good for Boston fans to finally have something to celebrate since Tom Brady left It was from the city. they've had to support bill bich setting the record for youngest girlfriend oh im the bad boy after last night the

celtics

now have the most championships in nba history with 18 wow its that kind of sustained excellence that let everyone agree to that. a kind of sustained excellence that allows everyone to overlook their shale-smoking pipes wielding a stereotypical pot-bellied Irish mascot and baskets full of whiskey This championship was the peak of Celtic star Jason Tatum's career, surpassing even having his own brand of Flamin Hot barbecue chips, which are much more popular than theirs.

Rival Luca has no Slovenian crisis records. We have good news in the form of bad news for Trump's advisor and the man in the desert. I agree, but I want to tell the joke. Trump's advisor and the man on a desert island who just divorced his volleyball. Steve Bannon Bannon was sentenced to four months in prison after being found guilty of two counts of contempt of Congress. Now sources say Steve Bannon won't spend his prison sentence in a minimum-security Club Fed like he hoped, but if he's listening, but if it's not a cushy white-collar prison, how will Bannon maintain his meticulous personal grooming? he?

Not exactly going to Rikers Banon will report next month to the low-security federal prison in Danbury, Connecticut, and we all know how intimidating Connecticut convicts can be. Let's get one thing straight, old Bean, my collection of monogrammed T-shirts is not to be touched or I warn you that you may not receive an engraved invitation to my daughter's debut. You feel like I'm heading into the world of uh Health yesterday in the US The Surgeon General called for warning labels on social media platforms. I agree that all social media sites are dangerous, you can't trust them. All social sites should say this warning.

You may see photos of your high school bully living a happy life. The Surgeon General surgeons specifically said they would push for a warning label warning parents that use of the platform could harm teens' mental health, adding that the sites take advantage of developing brains and contribute to overuse when the monkey is washing the cat, oh what's what? Was he talking about oh yeah, teenagers? Teens put down their phones and do something productive like grow five PBS of marijuana. We have a great show for you tonight. My guests are the hosts of Pod Save America, but when we return, cyborgasm Jo we won't. you a