Steve Bridges as President George W. Bush at WHCA Dinner 2006

members of the white house correspondents association distinguished guests ladies and gentlemen here I am here I am at another one of these damn press

dinner

s I could be home asleep little Barney curled up at my feet but no, I have to pretend that I really like being The media here bothers me how they try to shame me by not editing what I say, well let's get on with things or I'll never go to bed. Thanks Mark, I'm absolutely delighted to be here, as is Laura, she's very hot as you know. I always look forward to these

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s, they're just a bunch of media types, Hollywood liberals, Democrats like Joe Biden, how come I can't have dinner with 36 percent of the people who like me?

The only thing missing is Hillary Clinton sitting in the front row. shaking his ass there's got to be a friendly face somewhere I tell you there's justice scalia here justice alito hey guys I bet it feels good to be out of those robes toga toga togo there's alex trebek from danger that smart kid knows a lot about that maybe i should put him on the supreme court let's see the democrats blocked that one you know it's good to see so many influential guests here tonight justice scalia justice eliminate yes all the usual suspects talking about suspects where's the great white hunter?

I'm sorry, Vice President Cheney. I couldn't be here tonight. I agree with the press that Dick was a little late in reporting on the Texas hunting episode. In fact, I didn't know anything about it until I saw it in America's Most Wanted Cheney. What a fool he shot in the only trial. lawyer in the field who is it to me I tell you the reporters would go crazy if they knew the real story he was as drunk as a skunk on a beer light beer oh people were ducking and diving for cover wish I had been there I saw him Walking in the hallway the other day I looked at him and said, don't shoot, you see, people don't see the funny side of Dick Dick is a good man, he has a good heart, well, he is a good man, ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry. .

Tonight, glad, I survived the White House shakeup, so I want to talk about some serious topics like, okay, here comes nuclear proliferation, nuclear proliferation, nuclear proliferation, pro-nuclear liberation, okay, okay , stay calm, let's try it. We must improve non-compliance protocols. sanctioned not only in the formal sessions of the IAEA but through intercessional contact we must improve the protocols of non-compliance sanctioned not only in the formal sessions of the e-i-e-i-o but through internal sexual conduct nailed I see that I am an activist I oppose those stories who say that I am a lame duck, I am not a lame duck, I am a fast duck, I am a scammer duck, I am a leader of the free world duck and I continue to spread our agenda globally and around the world as well as internationally , some of my critics in the international community call me arrogant I won't even honor that with a response fuck no, don't say fuck it, let's hit them with some rhetorical eloquence, my friends, our purple mountains with walls, red glow, white with foam and justice for all. fruit planes gallantly flowing from sea to shining sea with a shining city on a shining hill above a shining meadow and maybe some shining trees and some

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es i see a shining america yes my fellow americans in the words of sigmund freud i have a dream and one of those dreams is to remove barriers and I saw a wonderful opportunity to do that when I was in China touring the Chinese countryside with Chinese Premier Wen Hiabo.

I looked him straight in the eyes and said: Mr. President, tear down this wall. You should have seen his face. I love America because it is full of Americans. I think we are an America that should unite Republican and Democrat and John McCain. I believe in bipartisan bipartisanship. Yes, you see, it is like that. Here we can all unite. it's it's here's a visual image look here look here look there look there's the church and there's a clip on the door and look at all the people you see, they're all happy and moving, there's me and Senator Kennedy in the front row , You know?

I couldn't have said it better, yes ladies and gentlemen, that handsome tough guy over there, Steve Bridges, is a great talent, in fact, Steve was in all of my debates with Senator Carrick, he did most of my press conferences Let's see if I have to do it. He said you could have done a little better in the debates. Yes that's fine. I want to thank Steve for accepting my invitation to be part of this fun evening, as most of my predecessors knew that it is very important to be able to laugh in this job. I thank you for giving us the opportunity to laugh tonight.

I have one more thing on my mind that I want to share with you. It's something that's never far from my mind. God bless our troops. God bless the cause of freedom and God bless America. Thank you. you thank you