Brad Williams Daddy Issues • Part 2 | LOLflix

BUT YES, THIS IS A FUN JOB. I LOVE THIS JOB. The only bad thing is that you have to travel a lot. LIKE THE LAST THREE YEARS, I'M ON THE TRAVEL LIKE 48 WEEKS A YEAR. So I get burned. I was so exhausted that I took this other job just to get away from it for a while. I TOOK A JOB AS A DJ IN SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, ON A MORNING SHOW. DON'T ENCOURAGE. I LASTED SIX MONTHS AND THEN THEY FIRED ME. I WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT HE HAPPENED TO. THEY COULD SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT ON GOOGLE.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED. I was a morning show DJ on this show, I was the sports guy on the morning show. OBVIOUSLY, YOU LOOK AT ME AND THINK, "YES, THERE'S A GUY WHO WAS PICKED FIRST FOR EVERY TEAM THAT GROWS." I AM THE SPORTY ONE. WHILE I WAS THERE, THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS WON THE WORLD SERIES. NOW, I DON'T LIKE THE SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS. SO I GO ON THE AIR THE NEXT DAY, YEAH! I go on the air the next day and talk a bunch of nonsense about the SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS. YOU KNOW, REFERENCE A COUPLE OF PLAYERS WHO I KNOW HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON THEIR WIVES about him.

YOU KNOW, CLASSY THINGS. THEY DON'T LIKE THAT. THE GIANTS TEAM CALLED THE RADIO STATION, LIKE, "IF THAT GUY IS NOT FIRED," SUSPENDED, OR APOLOGIZED, "WE'RE WITHDRAWING ALL OUR STATION FUNDS FROM HIM." THE STATION GOES IN PANIC, THEY CALL ME TO A MEETING. They said, "BRAD, YOU HAVE TO GO EAST TOMORROW, SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE GIANTS." I SAID, "NO. "I WILL NOT DO IT." AND HE SAYS: "NO?" They say, "NO, YOU HAVE TO DO IT." JUST GO OUT TO THE STATION and say something good about the giants. I say, "THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN." They say, "WHAT? "BECAUSE YOU'RE FROM SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA "AND YOU'RE A DODGER FAN?" And I say: "I AM, BUT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO." NOTHING TO SEE, I AM PROFESSIONAL.

THEY SAY, "WELL, WHY DON'T YOU SAY "SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT GIANTS?" AND IT'S LIKE, "BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING DWARF! "I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR A JERSEY THAT SAYS GIANTS, IMPLIED!" I WOULD NEVER WEAR A JERSEY THAT SAYS POLICE. OK, OK. THAT'S A GOOD FITTING ROOM JOKE. GOOD FITTING ROOM JOKE. SOME OF YOU LAUGHED, SOME OF YOU NO, THIS IS FINE. THEY DON'T HAVE TO LAUGH AT THE JOKES THEY DON'T MAKE "NO, THIS IS FINE. BUT IF YOU DON'T LAUGH AT THAT JOKE, I CAN TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU ARE WHITE. I GUARANTEE YOU. BECAUSE BLACK PEOPLE LOVE THAT JOKE, AND BLACK PEOPLE LOVE RACIAL JOKES IN GENERAL.

THEM." I'M NOT AFRAID OF THEM LIKE WHITE PEOPLE. WHITE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF TELLING RACIAL JOKES. BLACK PEOPLE ARE NOT. YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PEOPLE AT WORK WHO SAYS: "HEY GUYS, I HAVE A..." "JOKE COOKIES TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW." NO! A BLACK GUY WILL WAIT UNTIL HE IS SURROUNDED BY THE MAXIMUM NUMBER OF COOKIES BEFORE TELLING THE JOKE THAT WILL CALL AGAIN. "RICHARD, COME HERE, YOU'LL LOVE THIS BOY." NOW, WHITE PEOPLE, I WE STOP. WE KEEP IT BECAUSE WE KNOW WE COULD GET IN TROUBLE. SO WE WALK ALL DAY WITH THIS VOICE IN OUR HEART, LIKE, "DON'T SAY CHIT, DON'T SAY CHIT," "DON'T SAY CHIT, DON'T SAY CHIT." BECAUSE WE KNOW WE CAN BE CAUGHT.

WE CAN SAY GOODBYE. YOU SEE IT ALL THE TIME, PEOPLE HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT RACIAL ISSUES. THERE'S ALWAYS SOME CELEBRITY WHO HAS TO CALL A PRESS CONFERENCE AND SAY, "I'M SORRY TO THE AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY. "I didn't mean anything when I ordered the blackened salmon." YOU GET SCARED AND HOLD IT DOWN. WHITE PEOPLE KEEP IT AND IT AFFECTS OTHER PARTS OF LIFE. EVEN SOMETHING BASIC LIKE LAUGHTER. BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE NEVER WANT TO BE CAUGHT LAUGHING AT THE WRONG JOKE, SO WE LAUGH LIKE WE HAVE TO ADD, IT'S JUST "HA HA!" AND WE STOP.

Have you ever seen a black guy laugh like that? FK NO. I love making black people laugh. YOU MAKE A BLACK GUY LAUGH, HE PUT EVERYTHING HE HAS INTO IT. BODY, SOUL. BLACK PEOPLE BURN CALORIES WHEN THEY LAUGH. IT'S AMAZING. YOU MAKE A BLACK GUY LAUGH IT'S LIKE, "OHHH CHIT!" "THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY DAMN LIFE!" TRY IT, WHITE PEOPLE. YOU'LL LIKE IT. DON'T GET ME WRONG, YOU'RE GOING TO FUCK UP THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT. THAT. THE FIRST TIME YOU'LL SAY, "OMG, WILLICKERS!" "THAT WAS A HUMOROUS ANECDOTE." I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE WON'T ALLOW US TO TALK ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS.

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE I. BECAUSE IN MY OPINION, WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT RACIAL ISSUES, WHEN YOU JOKE, WHEN YOU ARGUATE, THIS IS HOW YOU LEARN, THIS IS HOW YOU GET A GREATER APPRECIATION, IT IS DONE, THIS IS HOW YOU LEARN AND VALUE OTHER CULTURES. LIKE RIGHT NOW, I LOVE ASIAN PEOPLE. I LOVE ASIAN PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE TWO WEEKS AGO, YES, TWO WEEKS AGO, MY ASIAN FRIEND CALLED ME AND ASKED ME FOR HELP TO REPAIR HIS IPHONE. THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND, OKAY, he asked me, he could have asked his cousin, his cousin built the fker, OK?, but he didn't, he asked me, and that made me feel good about myself, it made me feel good with Asians. .

And that's when I realized, "OH MY GOD," THIS IS HOW WE CAN END RACISM. "IF EACH GROUP JUST ASKS FOR HELP "WITH SOMETHING THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD AT." THEN WE'LL ALL SUPPORT EACH OTHER. WE'LL BUILD EACH OTHER UP, RIGHT? WE APPRECIATE EACH OTHER'S CULTURES. LIKE HOW MUCH WOULD YOU LOVE THEM? INDIAN PEOPLE IF YOUR INDIAN FRIEND JUST CALLED YOU LIKE: “OMG YOU NEED TO HELP ME. "YOU NEED TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW. "I TELL YOU ONE THING, NOW MORE THAN EVER: "I DESPERATELY NEED CUSTOMER SERVICE." "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY COMPUTER. "I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING TO REPAIR MY COMPUTER. "I'VE TURNED IT OFF, I'VE TURNED IT ON AGAIN. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. "IF YOU COULD HELP ME PLEASE, I WOULD BE VERY GRATEFUL. "OH, OH WAIT, ARE YOU BUSY? "WILL WAIT." AH-HA-HA!

BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS DIFFICULT. BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME GROUPS YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF, AND OTHER GROUPS YOU SHOULD NEVER MAKE FUN OF UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. AND I KNOW THIS DICHOTOMY EXISTS BECAUSE I KNOW I'M ONE OF THOSE GROUPS THAT IT'S PERFECTLY OKAY TO MAKE FUN OF. I AM, I'M NOT ANGRY ABOUT THAT, I JUST WANT EQUALITY. LIKE "Most of the time, when people make fun of little ones, they don't even think about it. Hollywood does it all the time. I went to a commercial audition not long ago. It was for one Christmas." COMMERCIAL, AND IN MY BREAKDOWN, NOW THE BREAKDOWN FOR AN ACTOR IS DETAILS ABOUT HOW THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO PREPARE FOR THE ROLE.

IN MY BREAKDOWN IT SAID, "MAKE SURE YOU BRING YOUR OWN HOUSE ELF COSTUME." FROM HOME! WHAT IS IT! FK DO YOU THINK IT'S IN MY CLOSET? YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO MY HOUSE, OPEN IT, IT'S JUST ELF, ELF, ELF, ELF, ELF, ELF, ELF, ELF, ELF. THEN SPRING. DUPRECHAUN, DUPRECHAUN, DUPRECHAUN, DUPRECHAUN, DUPRECHAUN, DUPRECHAUN. IN THE SUMMER, I WILL DRESS LIKE A GNOME IF I FEEL ELEGANT. LIKE, ARE YOU KIDDING? IT IS WRONG. IT IS MISSING AND IT IS WRONG. DON'T BE FOOLED, I HAVE AN ELF COSTUME. BUT YOU HAVE TO WORK IN THIS CITY. IT'S A MISTAKE BECAUSE THEY WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO OTHER GROUPS, EVER.

THEY WOULD NEVER SAY, "OH, YOU'RE AN ASIAN, "BRING YOUR WOK." DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT I WANT I WANT? "OH, YOU'RE A BLACK MAN, "BRING YOUR ILLEGITIMATE SON." THEY NEVER DO IT. ALRIGHT? Now, I really like it when some people don't laugh at that joke because it helps me relate to you. AND IT HELP ME IDENTIFY THE PEOPLE I HATE THE MOST IN THIS WORLD. OH, I'LL TELL YOU WHO THEY ARE. OH YEAH. HERE ARE THE PEOPLE I HATE. AND I DON'T MEAN HATE LIKE, "OH, I HATE CHOCOLATE CAKE." NO, I MEAN I HATE THESE PEOPLE, OKAY?

IF YOU'RE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE WHO ARE OFFENDED IN THE NAME OF ANOTHER GROUP, EAT A BAG OF PAWS. JUST A BAG OF PAWS. NOT THE FUN SIZE BAG, NO, THE FAMILY SIZE PAW BAG. NEVER STOP PUTTING PAWS INTO YOUR MOUTH. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS? BECAUSE? WHY DO PEOPLE CARE SO MUCH ABOUT CHIT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM? AND THE WORST THING IS THAT THEY THINK THEY ARE BEING VERY GOOD. THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE BEING CHAMPIONS. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU ARE OFFENDED IN THE BEHALF OF ANOTHER GROUP, WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS INFINITELY MORE RACIST THAN WHAT BOTHERED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.

BECAUSE WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS GOING BACK TO THAT GROUP AND SAYING, "HEY, YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW, THEY'RE MOCKING YOU RIGHT NOW." I KNOW. "I know they made fun of you," and I'm going to do something about it. "NO, NO, NO, DON'T GET UP, DON'T GET UP, "DON'T GET UP, DON'T GET UP. "STAY THERE, I'LL HANDLE IT, I'VE GOT THIS. "MASTER RACE IN THREE. "ONE, TWO, THREE, OKAY, HERE WE GO." WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS? AND I KNOW THEY DO. A WOMAN RECENTLY APPROACHED ME AFTER A SHOW. ANGRY, PISSED OFF. "BRAD, I WAS VERY OFFENDED WHEN YOU SAID THE WORD Dwarf." I THOUGHT: "RIGHT, "BECAUSE YOU HAVE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ARE DWARF." "NO." "YOU HAVE CHILDREN WHO ARE SMALL." "NO." "THEN WHY DO YOU CARE?" THIS HAS NO EFFECT ON YOU, IT DOESN'T CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

I UNDERSTAND IF EVERY TIME HE SAID THE WORD DWARF THAT WAS A KIND OF CALL TO ARMS TO ALL THE LITTLE LITTLE GUYS OUT THERE TO STAND UP AND FIGHT AGAINST OUR OPPRESSORS, AND THEN, WHEN THEY ARRIVED HOME, THERE WERE JUST FLYING IN THEIR WINDOWS, DOING SHOULDER ROLLS, AND THEN THEY FELL DOWN KICKING THEIR PUPPY. OKAY, I WOULD UNDERSTAND. BUT LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENS TO YOU. AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU FOR? TELL ME WHAT I CAN SAY ABOUT MY OWN PEOPLE? I HOPE YOU FIND OUT THAT I'VE BEEN A Dwarf MY WHOLE LIFE. ALL 32 YEARS OLD.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS A SIX FOOT FOUR, YOU KNOW, THINGS WEREN'T GOING SO WELL HE CUT OFF A COUPLE OF FEET AND SAID, "Come on Let's try it." That didn't happen. Why do people worry so much about things that don't affect them? Why would anyone give a damn if marijuana is legal or NOT? LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T SMOKE WEED? Great, don't smoke weed. BUT DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE DO IT BECAUSE TAKING THAT ACTION DOES NOT AFFECT YOU IN ANY KIND. THE SAME THING. THE SAME WITH GAY MARRIAGE. LISTEN, IF YOU'RE NOT GAY, WHO CARES IF GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL OR NOT?

IF TWO GAY GAY MARRIED, IT WOULD NOT CHANGE THEIR LIFE. IT DIDN'T AFFECT YOU AT ALL. WHY DO PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THAT? AND WHY DID PEOPLE SHIT WHEN I DRIVED IN MY CAR AND SINGING EVERY LETTER OF KATY PERRY'S FIREWORKS? BECAUSE? I LOVE THAT SONG. IT'S A GREAT SONG. IT'S AN INSPIRING SONG. IT HELPS ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT THE JOKE IS NOT FUNNY, OKAY? IT'S NOT. BUT I SAY IT EVERY NIGHT, BECAUSE ONE OF THESE NIGHTS, ONE OF YOU IN THE AUDIENCE IS GOING TO MEET KATY PERRY AND HE'S GOING TO TELL HER THAT JOKE.

SHE'S GOING TO BE INTRIGUED BY THAT JOKE. SHE'S GOING TO WANT TO COME AND SEE ONE OF MY SHOWS. SHE'S GOING TO LAUGH AT MY COMEDY SHOW. SHE WILL WANT TO SEE ME LATER. I'll meet Katy Perry and finally get the chance to take the tatas to them by speedboat. I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE ALL THIS SOCIAL CHANGE. I JUST WANT TO COME IN AND SAY "BABY, YOU'RE A FIREWORK." THAT'S ALL.