Fluffy Goes To India | Gabriel IglesiasFeb 19, 2020
Martina and I just got back from India yeah so let me tell you I started posting on Facebook and Twitter that we were going out to do these shows and then people started messaging me asking what I was going to do in the first place. They will understand you in India. Will they understand English? OK? Will they be able to follow your stories once we arrive? I found out that more people speak English in India than in all of the US and Canada combined I could put Mexico in there for extra credit because there are a lot of people and yes they have the internet they have the internet they have Bollywood they have Hollywood they understand the American culture far more than we understand theirs, the second thing people tried. to warn me about going there Gabriel be careful India is a third world country don't drink the water in India it contains parasites that will make you very sick don't eat the food of street people especially street meat contains a parasite that will make you sick It will make you really sick and more importantly there is a lot of crime there, don't stay up late when the sun
goesdown. a lot of crime don't stay up late don't eat any of the street vendor food and don't drink the water why does it sound familiar that's Mexico when Martina and I got there we found out that Indians and Mexicans have a lot in common , guys I tell you it's crazy how similar we are especially the food the food is so similar for example mexicans love tortillas
indians love naan which is a fluffier way of tortilla, Mexicans love chicken, Indians. love chicken Mexicans love spicy Indians invented spicy The most popular drink in Mexico is Fanta The most popular drink in India is Fanta Indians love cows Mexicans love barbecue Lots of similarities Most people I met there they were very hard. hard working and humble and i have to tell you that whenever i talk to someone they always greet me the same way they look at me put their hands together do a little bow and say namaste which is a sweet hello it's really nice and sweet and then i noticed that the
indians when you talk to them they do this with their head or it will start to move from side to side as they talk now first when you notice you think oh he slept bad he just has a sprain in his neck get a tempur-pedic now when they start talking his head start moving and i figured this out the guy is checking us in and he's really cool he listens if you have any problems it's ok call the front it's press zero we'll send someone to your room to help you every time may you need it we have it right here ok ok ok now one thing i notice is the more they talked and the more excited the indians got the more the head starts to shake someone in the hotel yelled at the clerk he is
fluffyand the guy said oh my god i don't think so i can do it i thought that was crazy i work on
fluffyyou love it you love it even crazier than that is the mouth is actually connected to the neck when the mouth it stops moving, the head stops where the mouth left off and when you see the Indians talking to each other, you can see it, okay, let me tell you, son, okay, put it right, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait well like you're Indian and you stutter you're so fucked up i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i stop stop it I'm not gonna lie to you when I first saw it happen I thought it was hysterical I thought it was funny but then then I started thinking about it, head movement is just a form of expression, no matter where you live in this world, people express themselves in a unique way, be it through facial expressions, hand gestures hands, body movement, additional words wherever you go, things are different and that is how they are expressed. expressing yourself in india now back to the whole mexican indian thing which is something else we share with the indians nod now some of you in the building tonight are like stupid we don't have no nod yes we do it's a bit You see differently with the Indians, the movement of the head is from side to side.
The Mexicans, the movement of the head is from front to back. The difference between that is that with the Mexicans, we have to be very, very upset for you to see the head movement. with the indians it's all the time o today is such a beautiful day it's such a beautiful day today i'm so happy it's very nice very good by my god i can't believe it so nice is that a brit mexicans when we're angry that's when he comes out for the no latinos trust me you cut a mexican in traffic look what happens that's funny i don't know why blacks laugh y'all take everything i don't know you did oh hell.
No, I know they're talking about me. I got dizzy so let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to travel to India I encourage you to check it out. They will see beautiful things. They will see amazing things. You will see some sad and depressing things and some really horrible things in general it is a well balanced trip but when you come back home here in the United States you will have a completely different appreciation of your life believe I guarantee you this guys there is a lot people in india and a lot of people come a lot of traffic first things first american traffic and indian traffic are very different here whatever happens on the highway it will stop all the highway in india there are 10 times the traffic but it moves see the problem it's that Americans were fascinated with accidents.
We are fascinated with the idea of seeing a potential death. That's why we slow down on the freeways. We say we don't want to see it but what happens in traffic doesn't even have to be a collision you could be on the 101 freeway and a car has a flat tire and its tops don't hit anything now it's facing oncoming traffic you know what's up with the rest of the highway even on the other highway where there is no accident someone could be I'm very sorry in India if there is an accident in the middle of the road you know what they do they turn around they don't stop and it's not that they are not sensitive to the situation, it is just that there is a lot of chaos. that happens regularly you just need to go to work you see what is happening and believe me you are sincere you know you will drive I am so sorry for you nothing stops the flow of traffic in India from where you need to from point A to point B and so on they go they go if there's an accident they turn around if there's something blocking the street they get on the sidewalk to turn around it's amazing the way they drive and here's another thing no one uses turn signals there no one uses turn signals they use one honk now if you go to india tomorrow from the time you arrive to the time you leave you will constantly hear a horn it is a real language when people are driving i will show you that you are driving a car on their right the current car on their left faster turn on later they talk to each other while driving and barely get lost every time also you will be on highway 101 here and there will be six lanes in india you will see six lanes but guess what you will see twelve cars cross yeah they have lines but basically they are there to let you know more or less the direction in which you might want to go, they are so close to each other and even at the traffic light that communicating they see everything cars trucks vans motorcycles pedestrians cows children all waiting for the traffic light and they talk in the traffic light with current horn ok you can go you can go turn welcome you're welcome go go nothing stops the flow of traffic there.
Indians drive. Think about ants, you know how ants travel in a straight line and if there is something in the way, like a rock. stage they dig a full angle under the rock thats the driving mentality in india a man can be shot in the middle of the road people just look at each other someone picks him up and they drag him down the sidewalk and if there is an accident and they need to move guess what's going to happen to that guy on the sidewalk nothing stops the flow of traffic in india except a cow now i know we've always heard the stories and jokes about all indians not eating burgers i asked the question and found out that it is believed that cows are people who have died and have been reincarnated and their new life is now the cow that is why they are not eaten and that is why they are given all the love and respect in the world there I saw it first hand there is a cow crossing the road while we are driving and the cows know they are cocky they know they can cross no one honks at the cows no one yells at the cows no one touches them the cows wait for the cows to finish crossing the cow we had thrown the driver he just turned off the car he began to tweet there is a cow in the middle of the street hashtag moo I asked the driver what happens on Saturday there is a tell I see there is a cow you are going to honk at it walk around what is going to happen no we can we can't honk at a cow we have to wait for the cow to move are you worrying i'm not kidding i passed a dead body 15 minutes ago it's probably him seriously the driving situation there is so intense y'all one morning one morning while we were there i needed to get to the airport fast because i overslept so i get in the cab and i give the driver a fifty dollar bill and i'm off sir i'm very late i need to get to the airport ASAP, whatever side street you have to take or back road, I agree, whatever you have to do. come on let's do it and i'm driving the money and it's going great let's go and take off the guy is hitting fifty to seventy miles an hour on the street we're doing amazing time i realize we're going in the direction of a red light sometime you've been in a car with someone and you're paying attention to what's going on and you realize you're about to go through a red light and you know how you start to mentally and physically prepare for the slowdown of the car and you start to anticipate the brake pressure and if you don't get the feeling of braking at a certain point all the alarms go off in your head and you punch the driver in the chest not only did I not get the feeling of slowing down I have the complete opposite I shoot it towards the light caught me off guard I couldn't even scream I was like and then I took a breath I didn't even know what I was doing he looks at me he
goesaway what's up what do you mean what's up friend you didn't see the red light as calm as it can be you didn't see that there was no one there you told me whatever you have to do right but you always have to do oh do you want to yell or do you want to make it clear he made a good point he sounded like a third grader i want to clarify like seriously that's a video game i want see I want to see Grand Theft Auto India en It was crazy guys and it's just us being there.
I haven't even gotten to the part where we act. We were in Mumbai, Bangalore and Delhi. Well, these three places is where we went to perform. Mumbai and Bangalore the shows were very very Well ok there were about 1500 to 2000 people which is unbelievable for some who were going there. I was excited, yeah, and then we got to Delhi and when we tell you guys that it got a little crazy, Martina walks out on stage and the crowd. they recognized him and started singing everytime i hear i'm like they know him it's going to be a good show so my Athene starts telling jokes the crowd starts laughing he's telling more jokes the crowd keeps laughing, suddenly I hear this mother. the subject doesn't say a word to them gets off stage the next comedian comes out and then the mother the subject comes up to me and says brother I don't know what's going on man I don't know what's going on out there these three guys are in the first row they're laughing like klingons from star trek i'm not going to address him i'm going to save it for you i was like oh thank you so my thing comes back on stage and introduces me ladies and gentlemen
iglesiasand then i ran out on stage and the crowd started to sing and I was like what's up Danny and I start to tell jokes I start to laugh I start to tell more jokes I start to laugh more and then it happened now look at me I can't avoid things especially when it's front row center like that that I addressed that, I came right away, I said well, hello, I said, what do we have here? they're from germany i said cool we have germans in the house and the whole crowd got really weird you could hear them they freaked out because they thought i was going to start making fun of the germans and one guy even stood up don't don't don't keep going do it i'll relax bro for god's sake don't do it i'm not going to make fun of the germans that's the last thing i want to do is offend them i don't want to end up out in an alley somewhere freaking out in two hours oh this is the last time What are they going to tell you not to make fun of the Germans while I make this joke about a German kicking me on the ground with the accent this is where it gets crazy I hit myself on the side of the head with a bat listen to what I just told you barrier hit me on the side of the head with a bat no major league baseball i'm talking about ivana soccer black in india there are millions and millions and millions of fruit bats and one of them actually six of them made it inside the building and they're flying and they're hanging out on the rafters and one of them decides to fly down and basically when I was doing the kicks I went into the flight line of the bat and it caught me right here and I look up and you see it andcan you hear it the indians saw that and got scared they were yelling they did they did they said don't they said don't yes even as a friend i don't care how evil you think the germans are they have no control over bats it wasn't like the guy got offended and said oh he really owns drop the bat so now the crowd is weird these guys are laughing and there's fucking bats flying around the theater the first two minutes of my show i got an hour and now i've already lost the crowd they're freaking out these guys are laughing weird i'm nervous it's my first time there no i don't know how to get out of this so i literally walked to the other side of the stage and started acting for this side from the room trying to redirect the focus here and I'm so nervous I'm stuttering.
I don't even have a Segway. I'm like, I mean, you know it's crazy in America. Everyone in America likes to drink. You know it's crazy like, for example, the Mexicans. Jager here in India y'all like Fanta and when I said Fanta the crowd went crazy because it was such a local reference they freaked out they were like yelling oh my gosh he knows he knows they started singing on the label from Yvonne upstairs haha the roar was so big it allowed me to restart my show so I started making new jokes and more jokes and these jokes and those jokes five minutes go five minutes suddenly the Germans got offended that I left them from my drink a joke the one in the middle gets up and walks over to a stage now this stage has to be about five feet tall the guy's head was this high he's about six four he looks at me and starts pointing and he's yelling hey but no man what's up with the ass? haha, but there are the Germans, but to drink, man, that was like five minutes ago, they were giving it a chance, what do they drink?
First of all, sir, I apologize, I'm very nervous. Right now I had no idea there were going to be Germans here tonight, yeah I felt like Poland. I don't care if you laugh or not. find out why it's so funny that all the older white guys are so funny so i'm standing up and then i'm going to listen sir you need to sit down ok people are getting nervous you need to sit down so you can finish the show and the guys, he refuses. I will not sit fat and say tell us what we drink. IM going to listen.
I don't know what you drink and the Indians are being so cute. They are trying to help me. like funny cool and the guy said please take a seat if you tell us what we're drinking tell us which man am i going to listen sir you need to sit down and you need to stop calling me fat now it's starting to annoy me it's like the 6th time i've done it ago and i haven't just lost a hundred pounds now i'm getting caught so i'm going to serve you you don't have a seat we're going to have a problem especially if you call me fat again and he's crazy. he did what he's gonna do that bad luck drink he might even be who's behind the curtain i knew he knows when i'm at that point i crossed i could hear him in the back don't do it too late the fluff is mad so I said you want to know what you drink dammit don't ask me where this came from i got right in his face and said blood of jews now come automatically y'all gave me a completely different reaction in delhi that was probably the most something shocking ever said in that shocking scenario that 2,000 people at exactly the same time got so quiet y'all so quiet you could hear everyone's ass alone and i'm still standing there in my hands have you ever said something so mean and i mean , you knew it was bad because it was coming out of your mouth and you're trying to stop it but it's too late, it's already out and you're like and it's too late.
Jewish blood is all over his face, right? I'm standing on my hands I'm looking at him he's looking at me and I'm like he says that's good yes that's good it doesn't end there I tell you guys this is so crazy so the next morning could Athena and I fly back to home to los angeles from delhi we are taking an airline called british airways we are going from delhi to london england and we have a connecting flight there once we get to england they canceled our connection for whatever reason and so on. we were rebooked on another airline called Lufthansa it's a German airline now that's why I believe in karma seriously things like really bloody jews.
I made sure my Athena and I at least upgraded to their business class because it's like a long flight and we're there we're on the plane and the plane takes off about 20 minutes after the flight. sitting there they were laughing and the flight attendant starts down the aisle with the little trolley yes she comes down the aisle and sees me and says hello sir does she have a favorite drink today? Martine looks at me touches me on the chest and he goes like a cashier Tayler bro come on asks if anyone has it shut up then she looks at martine she said if you have a preferred drink of choice and other things like if you guys have blood she's like Bloody Mary yes yes Bloody Mary, your fucking machetes will get me banned from flying, so we're going home.
I'm trying to tell the story to my girlfriend, my son and my girl. He barely laughs. my jokes never again my son frankie on the other hand is dying and i think he really is 16, like a real frank he thought he was funny because you asked funny. i'm talking about i go who the indians he goes not the others i go the germans go yes it's funny i go what's so funny about the germans the way they talk i go what's so funny about the way they talk he says they sound like the three little pigs from the movie shrek, i had to go on youtube and find it and sure enough, the three little pigs, oh yeah i was just waiting for one of the golden fat ones.
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