Your Parents Are Slowly Losing Their Minds. Andrew Sleighter - Full Special

why don't you try it? Why are you trying to kill me now and get me out of this horrible conversation? Please, sometimes my dumb friends don't even compare to geniuses, right? They'll compare to great people in general. Great athletes, if I have a friend, he's going to screw something up, you know? Hey man, if I went 3 for 10 in the major leagues, they put me in the Hall of Fame, it's camp, but they're trying to hit 99 miles a year. One hour fastballs, all I asked you to do was pick me up at the airport, okay, if you go 3 for 10 on airport pickups, they'll put you in the Jackass Hall of Fame, that's a percentage of Airport pickup horrible, 300 is not enough.

I said I'm not the smartest guy in the world. I was on a plane recently and I like to pay attention to what people do on planes. You know most people pass the time and like to read a book, you know, listen to a podcast, but I said the strangest thing. I was flying a couple of weeks ago and I saw this guy with a big beard and his hobby on this plane was doing math, yeah, now. I'm not talking about a Sudoku or a math worksheet. I'm talking about a blank yellow notepad that starts in the top left corner and just focuses on complicated equations, things that no one knows, okay, and that's suspicious in the first place.

I see something I say something that's not right We don't know what that is That could be a bomb I don't know how math works He could be solving it right now First of all you bet and second it's rude Okay It's rude to be so smart in public. You can't do that to people like me. How am I supposed to enjoy my entertainment options with you now? Beautiful taking care of that. I can't watch Clunk Foodpanda 3 now it's embarrassing. I want to know. If kung fu is the other pandas, how the dumbest thing happened to me.

This happened to anyone. No one can top the story of my fools. I got a text for my stupid friend and it said, Have you seen that small town safety show? That's great, now I hadn't seen the show and I was busy and I just forgot to text him back. Sometimes it happens that two days pass. I get another text from the same idiot and he says: I know I love it. It was two days later. it was out of context and I thought, oh, maybe he texted the wrong person, that happens sometimes, so I ignore it a second or a couple of seconds later, I get another text about this, it's like, oh, when that man turned out to be a police officer.

Which of these four are you texting right now are you texting the wrong person and that's when he explained to me the dumbest thing that's ever happened to me? He said oh I saw that text I sent you two days ago, I thought the text I sent you just sent me right now and I was replying to my own text. He was texting himself. He texted himself using me as a very annoying conduit. I think we can all agree that it is a very stupid thing to do right, however, like anything so stupid, there is a little.

Genius about that, if you think about it now, maybe some single person here tonight will sing. Okay, now maybe you'll meet a cute boy or a cute girl after the show. You get her number. It is exciting. You're also nervous. You are not sure. Shall I send him a text message? I immediately wait a couple of days I text them right away just turn it on say something like hey do you want to go out sometime next week oh but then they ignore you the worst happens just two days go by you haven't heard from them no Don't worry, just send another text.

Sure, how about Wednesday? The clock works for you. They are trapped. Congratulations, you have a girlfriend. Yeah, don't really try it, but like I said, my wife we ​​don't have kids, but I think. One of the most beautiful things you will see in the world is a father reading to his children. Do you ever go out into the world and see

parents

taking the time to read to children? It's kind of charming, though, there's nothing funnier in the world than When you see a parent mispronouncing the words in the children's book, have you ever seen that before?

That will brighten

your

afternoon. I once saw a friend of mine and she said and then the ball bounced off the wall. No, nothing bounced. Actually, can I say something? Can I talk or is there a number I can call to prevent SAT disasters from happening? Actually, it reminded me that a few years ago I was in Boston with my dad and we were walking through the park, the great Park Boston Common, and if you ever go there, they have these duck statutes, okay, and he sees them, he sees them. stops and says. Oh, Andrew, these are the ducklings in that book.

I was like what book said, make way for the ducklings. I used to read that story to you every night before you left. to sleep then I thought I don't remember that so yeah you wouldn't sleep until I read this story to you make way for the ducklings and I thought I have no idea what you're talking about dad and that's my point here tonight. If you take anything away from this program, remember that reading to

your

children is a waste of time, they won't remember it, in fact all they can do is pass on

their

mispronunciations of the words and trust me. you don't want that to weigh on your conscience it's a terrible bird you'll never be able to order Quinto at a restaurant we go to now I moved to Los Angeles about six years ago, okay and like I said before, I was trying everything to make money, let you know , it ends with me and one thing that everyone suggested to me is like, hey, you should be an extra, you know there are people in the background of movies or TV shows, when you do it, you get a hundred dollars for the day you stay for free. lunch and I thought, great, I'll do it five days a week, five hundred dollars a week, free lunch, that's it, that's it, I'm rolling, okay, I'll retire fifty-five, the American dream, well, here it is the problem, too good to be true.

They never called me for that. Not two years passed. I didn't hear from him once. Apparently they already had enough chubby six-foot white guys at the bottom of things that they didn't need any more, so finally one. The day I received a phone call, right, I hadn't heard from you in two years. I got a phone call and they said, are you available? I said yes, yes, I am available. I get off the phone and then I remember the Seahawks are putting the 49ers on the next day, Thursday night football, now I'm a huge fan. I didn't want to miss the game, so I called him and said, hey, I left a voicemail and said, hey, I'm so sorry, but my grandpa just passed away.

Can. No, oh I know and I always feel the judgment I get, maybe in Utah you don't use the dead grandma excuse, but let me tell you something. I have used her 17 times in my life and every time I do, she just goes for it. Stronger as she always is. What I'm saying is that she recovers from something. I think that right now she is living in spite of it. So now here's the strange part of the story. I apologize. I imagine it's over. They call me again. It is not like this. I don't need me for two years, they call me back and say, hey, we need you, you said you could do this, well, I'll pay you double if you show up, like, oh, my grandmother just woke up, turns out she's asleep, let me sleep or grandmother.

I'll be there so now I go right and they don't tell you what it is in advance, they keep it like a big secret so I'm walking around, I don't know what I'm doing and they're very rude. For you the extras are the bottom of the totem pole so they have no patience with you and I go in and meet them, they say who are you supposed to be. Sorry, I'm Andrew, nice to meet you, no, who are they. You're supposed to be cool, I'm supposed to be a comedian, but to be honest the opinion isn't going so well, that's why I'm here, who are you supposed to be?

I don't know, well, someone said he's a Leo. I was like, who? Leonardo DiCaprio you're the Great Gatsby I'm like, wait, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio, they're like yeah, it's like well, so why are you making eye contact with me right now? What's with kale Caesar salad and a 22-year-old supermodel? statistic, but they didn't give me those things because he actually he wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio and he was an understudy. He was supposed to act, you know, and pretend to be Leonardo DiCaprio while they reshot scenes for the real Tobey Maguire. for that movie The Great Gatsby, which I don't know, have you ever seen that movie.

Yeah, and to be honest, you saw some skeptical faces out there, like I saw that movie. I don't recognize them, they don't look. nothing like Leonardo DiCaprio, okay, but what happens now? Yeah, that's mainly so Caprio has his neck in the business, they pay double. I can do any Leo movie. Brooke, this is Titanic right now. Titanic, well, the Wolf of Wall Street isn't that amazing. so now I have to do it right, they dressed me, they put the suit on me, they cut my hair to look like the back of his head, but like I said, they're rude because he wears this watch.

The guy and I say that's the most expensive watch you'll ever wear. Wow, well, now it's the most expensive watch you've ever had stolen, so congratulations for putting the old fake address back there. Good looking, funny. two things two conclusions because we do everything now everyone there was an understudy like me we all pretend to be actors except Tub and Wire and there was a girl there who was standing like Jordan's character in the movie and I thought she's really cute you know like that that I stole her information from the call sheet, yeah that's a good move, I asked her out and that's how I met my wife.

Everyone always asks a true story and the second thing that happened was that now my friends recommended me. For me as the big fat piece, so there is a good and a bad in every fairy tale.