Will Ferrell Acceptance Speech | 2011 Mark Twain Prize

(upbeat jazz music) (bust banging) (audience applauding) (audience groaning) (audience laughing) (bust bits jingling) - Oh, uh, boy, it's okay. (Audience laughs) Wow, thanks. Thank you very much for that warm ovation. (audience laughing) As I look at this magnificent bust of Mark Twain, (audience laughing) I remember how humbled I am to receive such an honor and how I promise to take special care of it. (Audience laughs) I'll never let him out of my sight. I

will

find a place of honor in my home for this magnificent bust. (Audience laughs) If my children try to touch it, or even look at it, I

will

hit them. (Audience laughs) It means a lot to me.

In fact, I told my wife that maybe she should buy her own seat for the plane ride home. (laughter) (loud trumpet music) No, no, I'm not done. No, no, I just started the

speech

, why do you think I'm done? (Audience laughs) I want to sincerely thank the Kennedy Center for this award and the fine people at PBS for airing this special. I am the fourteenth winner of the Mark Twain Prize. And you're probably wondering, "What took so long?" (Audience laughs) Well, for 13 years in a row, the Kennedy Center has begged me to accept this award. (Audience laughs) And for 13 consecutive years, I have emphatically said, "No." (Audience laughs) Over the years, I had many questions about this Mark Twain, the first being, "Who is he?" (Audience laughs) Then I realized that since he was a little boy he had really enjoyed his delicious fried chicken. (Audience laughs) And then my wife informed me that she was thinking of Colonel Sanders, not Mark Twain.

It turns out that he is considered the best author and comedian in the United States. But his real name is not Mark Twain. He was Jerry Goldman. (Audience laughs) Before that, I was Judy Blume. (Audience laughs) And before that, of course, we all know the name, Samuel Langhorm Chimmons. (Audience laughs) Despite my failures to understand the importance of Mark Twain and what exactly he did, I decided to accept this award for the

prize

money. (Audience laughs) One billion dollars. (audience laughs) Paid for the next 10,000 years. To say I'm delighted to be here is an understatement. And to make this evening even more exciting, I have just been informed that I am only the 11th Caucasian to receive this prestigious award. (Audience laughs) Very good. (Audience laughs) I can't tell you enough how special it is to be here on this stage at the Kennedy Center.

In front of this incredible audience while hundreds of people watched it on PBS. (audience laughing) It's very surreal. You have to understand, when I was a kid growing up in Irvine, California, I would sit in my room and listen to records by Steve Martin and the original cast of Saturday Night Live, or stay up late and watch Johnny Carson on The Tonight. Show to see what, what comedians I would have, I had a dream. A singular approach. Even at a young age. I remember wanting to do one thing and one thing only. Sell ​​insurance. (Audience laughs) So, standing here feels kind of strange. (audience laughs) Whether it's car, home or life, (audience laughs) Fire, flood or earthquake, I just wanted people to feel safe. (Audience laughs) Do you have enough inland marine insurance? (Audience laughs) Or disability insurance for general business expenses? (Audience laughs) These are the things I thought about when I was a kid.

But the insurance game wasn't a reality for me, so I turned to comedy. And here I am now. There are so many people I have to thank for helping me make this night possible. First of all, I would like to thank all the wonderful people who spoke or acted tonight on my behalf. (Audience applauds) Incredible, an incredible lineup. That you all take time out of your busy personal and professional schedules to be here means a lot to me. And if any of you ever need me to speak on your behalf, for any reason, know, and I mean this sincerely, that I'm probably not available. (audience laughing) But thank you.

And I'm sorry in advance. One of the people you saw tonight to whom I owe an enormous debt of gratitude is Mr. Adam McKay. Together, Adam and I have created “Anchorman,” “Talladega Nights,” “Step Brothers,” and “The Other Guys.” A Broadway show and comedy website. I wouldn't be here either if it weren't for Saturday Night Live executive producer Lorne Michaels. Thank you, Lorne, for taking a chance and giving me the opportunity to be on Saturday Night Live, the show I always dreamed of being on. And finally, what makes this night really special is that I get to share it with my family.

I am so grateful to all of you for your continued support and love for the things I do. But most of all I would like to thank my lovely wife Viveca. Before I do that, though, I should really thank my first and second wives, Donna and Julie. (audience laughs) Donna, what can I say? (Audience laughs) We were too young when we got married. I mean, literally too young, we were 13. (Audience laughs) Hell, you were 13, I was nine, you know? I was in third grade and I wasn't doing well. (audience laughing) Or legal. (Audience laughs) But I hope you're okay.

And I thank you for your support. As for Julie, you left me for Gary Busey. (Audience laughs) And I will never blame them for that, ever. Finally, Viveca, (audience laughs) all I can say is "Thank you." And thank God I found you. You have given us three beautiful children and we have a wonderful life together. But I have to say that sometimes you get a little nervous. Well? (audience laughs) You have a big mouth and, uh, (audience laughs) you like to say it. (Audience laughs) And I'll tell you one thing and one thing only, okay, tonight is my night, okay? (Audience laughs) I love you, but I'm really sick of that big mouth of yours, okay?

And I won't stand for it, okay? Can you hear me? (Audience laughs) They look at me when I talk to them. I mean, tonight, if after the show I want to go on a spree with Gwen Ifill (audience laughs) (audience applauds) and buy a pair of harpoons and try to climb the Washington Monument, I'll do it. , Well? And there's nothing you can say to stop me. I love you. So, once again, I thank you for this magnificent evening and this incredible honor. And I want to thank the Kennedy Center for being one of the few places that champions comedy for what it really is, an art form.

Thank you. And good night. (Audience applauds) Now you can play, now you can play the music. (upbeat jazz music) (audience applauding)