Will Ferrell’s Full Speech As George W. Bush At #NotTheWHCD | Full Frontal on TBS

Please represent the 43rd president of the United States, George W. Bush, how is it likely that now, the prodigal son has returned? I don't know what that means, but I know it's positive, it's very lavish, quick, quick presidential update. I'm doing pretty well. thank you, history has proven to be kinder to me than many of you thought, yes, because I miss you for a long time too. I was considered the worst president of all time. That has changed, yes, and it only took me 100 days. Needed. I needed eight years. a catastrophic flood a war built on a lie an economic disaster the new guy needed 100 days is now widely considered the worst president of all time.

I'm in second place. I'm fine because no one remembers second place. I do not do it. I don't even remember who played against the New England Patriots and last year's Super Bowl. You know, yeah, I'm the Martin Van Buren of the 21st century, so yeah, I'm doing good. I'll be honest. I have never liked you in the press. or our relationship was sometimes tense, contentious, you could even say it was prodigal, you know, I'm just telling the truth, you know, you guys always sneaked up on me with questions like why are we going to war? Why didn't you respond to Hurricane Katrina?

What is your middle name? I have you. I wish someone had told me that all you have to say is fake news over and over again. You know that could be your answer to everything. If I have to do it. Be honest, I hated walking into that press room, you know, Sam Donaldson, David Gregory, Jake Tapper, I called it tap shoes, you guys remember Helen Thomas, sometimes Helen Thomas scared me until someone pointed out to me that she'd been dead since 1954, yes, no, it's true. it's true that Cokie Roberts used to carry his stiff corpse into the press room and then, through some kind of muscle memory, his mouth would move with bitter, hateful questions, yeah, fascinating stuff, if you think about it, you know, I'll give it this, although Helen Thomas asked several.

The questions a dead woman can ask on FoxNews today are for the men left behind. Heck, they're shooting anchors there faster than you can tell. Hey, hot chocolate. It's a pretty good phrase. Do not look. I never liked the press. but I accepted my defeat like any other president, the new one has thin skin, he is what they call a snowflake, you know, you have those sensitive children on our university campuses who cannot listen to arguments that are not theirs, we call them snowflakes. snow is one of those guys who can't stand the heat he's a weak man he can't even sit in the White House no, he runs to us he runs to Merrill ago Merrill ago sounds like a name from a Tom Clancy novel That night, in the In the muggy, smoky air of the Mara Logger Club, the president reached for a sumptuous and beautiful piece of chocolate cake and brought it to his all-knowing lips, chewing it with steely reserve and then with the delicious and truly wonderful chocolate cake still in his mouth. , he turned to the Chinese president who was also enjoying his wonderful dessert and said: I just launched 59 missiles at Arak or maybe Syria, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, that's not a Tom novel Clancy.

It really happened: he fired a bunch of missiles into cement while eating chocolate cake with the Chinese president. Hey, remember how Merrill blacked out the windows in the press room so you guys couldn't see what he was doing? even for those of you who are too slow to realize, that's what you call symbolism, you learn about symbolism in journalism school, journalism school is the place you go to be able to be a journalist or you can also just tweet angry racists and hope Breitbart hires them. that's another way that's another way to come yeah but I have I have to be honest with you I don't know why anyone would become a journalist now it's like being on the Titanic in this room you know Washington Post's New York Times Boston Herald, the iceberg is approaching and you cling to your journalistic integrity by playing the violin while a ship sinks, you should do what you're doing there on Fox & Friends, those guys dress up as women and children and steal lifeboats from Of course, of course, it's no good There's no point crying about it, apparently it's what the American people want or it's what a smaller percentage of the American people want.

Hello, did everyone know that I am a painter now? Yes, thanks. I have a whole book called Portraits. I encourage it to be a bestseller. Apparently I'm a better painter than I am a president. I'm working on a new series. I call it courageless portraits and this is what I'm working on right now, it's a portrait of Donald Trump and as you can see, I exhausted my palette of yellows and oranges. I mean, when you think about that man, it's clear. that he has an unnatural color, it's a strange shade, it's not really orange or yellow.

I mean, I have a new name for that color, they should call it Mara Lago, you know, yeah, so I started painting the cabinet of it and here's a fun one. story I traveled to all the hobby lobbies in East Texas, East New Mexico, Oklahoma area and still couldn't get enough white paint. He likes his cabinet rich and white, of course he had it. He had: he had conditions. forget about my good friends Alberto Gonzales friend, what is it? I am a friend of the Mexican people. I'm not a wall builder. I rinse the brush. You're starting to see the picture.

Oh and here's a fashion update for you Mr. Trump, the tie stops at the belt, okay, a big long tie that goes past mid-thigh doesn't mean what you think, it means I don't know anything about fashion and I shouldn't design my own ties, so in summary. The job of the presidency is difficult, and as I look back on my eight years in office and my time away from the presidency, I have accumulated a breadth and depth of knowledge. If I could sum it up in three words for this president, it would be this eat a salad so thank you