Weekend Update: Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation with on the Coronavirus - SNL

WELL, THERE'S A LOT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. AND HERE WITH HER THOUGHTS ABOVE ALL IS THE GIRL YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T START A CONVERSATION WITH AT A PARTY [ APPLAUSE AND APPLAUSE MICHAEL, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK WELL, YEAH, WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE. THIS ENTIRE QDOBA VIRUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE ABORTION, OK, IT'S INEXCUSEABLE IT'S DISRESPECTFUL SORRY, THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION SAID THEY ARE OUT OF HAND SYNTHESISTS? IT'S LIKE, PLAYING ANOTHER INSTRUMENT LIKE, SORRY, MICHAEL, DON'T YOU THINK THERE IS MUSOTOMY IN CALLING IT A WOMAN VIRUS AND NOT A MAN VIRUS? NO, I THINK IT'S WUHAN.

WUHAN. WOW, AND YOU'RE DOING THE VOICE. LET'S DO A SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT GOOD. ROYAL WHITE OPEN. I'M GOING TO PUT MY WHOLE HAND IN NO. MICHAEL, YOU NEED TO WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR EYES, EARS AND YOUR MOUTH. THEN I CAN PUT MY HAND NO. COLIN WOULD LEAVE ME. YES, BECAUSE I'M CRAZY. ALL RIGHT, LET'S CHANGE THIS EVERYTHING IS NOISE FOR NO ONE'S PLEASURE. IT'S LIKE... EVERYONE'S SOCIALISM NOW BUT HOW DID VUVUZELA LOUD DO? SORRY, I'M NOT JUST FOLLOWING ALL THE OTHER LEPERS AND JUMPING OFF A CLIFF. YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, MICHAEL, THERE ARE NEWBORN BABIES WHO CAN'T EVEN READ OR WRITE, MEANWHILE THIS IS HOW THE BRAZILIAN JUNGLE IS BURNING.

IT'S LIKE, YES, IF YOU KEEP WAXING, IT'S GOING TO BURN WELL, SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE SOLUTION? WHY DO WE HAVE A TWO PARTY SYSTEM? WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A GAME? AND MAY EVERYONE NOT LOSE THE OTHER. GIVE EVERYONE HOMO YOU MEAN FOMO SINDA. SINDA. That's my friend Sinda. We're supposed to go to a Joe Biden rally later and confront his wife. [ALERT SOUND WHAT? OH, I JUST MET MOHAMMAD BIN SALMANARIA. LISTEN THE POINT IS PEOPLE ARE SICK OF THE HYPOCRISY MICHAEL MAYBE STOP WATCHING 28/7 CABLE NEWS AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING LIKE I'VE BEEN SPEEKING A LOT OF TIME WITH JOAQUIN PHOENIX RECENTLY WROTE HIS SPEECHES FOR THE OSCARS , THE GOLDEN GLOBS AND NAMBLA MAYBE STOP LETTING COWS FLY ON PRIVATE PLANES TO PALM SPRINGS.

OH, SO WHAT, SO JOHN JUNIOR CAN RUN THE TRUMP COMPANY? BUT HUMPER BIDEN CAN'T WORK AS A BARISTA? THAT'S NECROPHILISM, MICHAEL JUST TELL US ONE PRACTICAL THING YOU WANT PEOPLE TO DO. I DON'T KNOW, WHAT IF YOU STOP WORRYING ABOUT TOUCHING YOUR FACE AND START TOUCHING BEHIND YOUR MOUTH? NO. JUST STOP TOUCHING - EVERYONE IS SO SENSITIVE. IT'S LIKE, WHAT, JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A HIGH FEVER AND I'M COUGHING ALL THE TIME, AND I HAVE DIARRHEA, IT'S LIKE, THAT MEAN I SHOULD NOT GO OUT? YES, YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE WELL, WHAT IF I WEAR A MASK WELL, AT LEAST IT'S BETTER.

BUT -- [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OH MY GOD, PARTY GIRL, EVERYONE. DO NOT GET ON THIS CRUISE TOM FOR THE "WEEKEND UPDATE," I'M MICHAEL CHE. I AM COLIN JOST. GOOD NIGHT [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪