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Weekend Update Rewind: Girl You Wish You Hadnít Started a Conversation With (2 of 2)

Mar 17, 2020
-Michael, what are you going to do for spring break? -Oh, well, I could go to Puerto Rico -- -Oh, I'll bring democracy to Syria. Via Instagram. Oh look. I'm Corina. corina! ‚ô™‚ô™ -Today it was reported that Boko Haram has joined forces with the terrorist group ISIS. Here, with her thoughts on the subject, is the

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with at a party. -Hello Michael. Thanks for having you back. -Thank you - It's ok. Of course. Whatever. So what do you think about this Boko Haram situation? -What do I think about it? I think it's inexcusable, okay?
weekend update rewind girl you wish you hadn t started a conversation with 2 of 2
It's a Kardastrophe. It is unimaginable. Just look at the sadists, Michael. - -For every 10 people, there are 20 people. And that? Are we supposed to give everyone the death penalty? No. Like, America needs to grow. But also, he has to look like 15 years younger. I just made you a friend. Accept me. -I am sorry. Is it still about Boko Haram? -Open your eyes, Michael! Measles, Ebola, charter schools! Sometimes I think: "Salami Hussein was right." And then health care: everyone is talking about HMOs. Um, how about we just call them gay? -Okay, I don't think anyone is following what you're saying right now. -Miguel!
weekend update rewind girl you wish you hadn t started a conversation with 2 of 2

More Interesting Facts About,

weekend update rewind girl you wish you hadn t started a conversation with 2 of 2...

How would you feel if he went to your neighborhood and burned down your house? Would I feel bad? -Exactly. And that's exactly how they feel. -Who? -Fires! And it's like you take all the homeless women in the world and you stack them on top of each other... Jenga, Michael. Jenga. So can I draw a cartoon of Muhammad very quickly? -Nope! -Okay, well. But I need to give you this that my friend Rodney printed. It's like these MapQuest directions, but no one knows where it leads. It says it here. They're the addresses for Forever 21. -By the way, Michael, what are you doing for spring break? -Oh, well, I could go to Puerto Rico -- -Oh, I'll bring democracy to Syria.
weekend update rewind girl you wish you hadn t started a conversation with 2 of 2
Via Instagram. Oh look. I'm Corina. corina! You are dancing? Oh, she's having a little seizure. - Ok. I think you just need to go. "Yeah, actually, I need to go, Michael. Because some of us are actually working out progress. Because if we don't, in 800 years, our children won't even be alive. So can I draw a cartoon of Muhammad very quickly? -Nope! -Okay, well. Close your eyes. Open the. close them. Open only the left. wink at me Congratulations. That is assault. -The

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with at a party, everyone. The San Francisco Police Department is reviewing thousands of cases to see if the arrests were racially biased.
weekend update rewind girl you wish you hadn t started a conversation with 2 of 2
Here, to comment on this touchy subject, are Two Girls You Wish You Hadn't Started A Conversation With At A Party. -Namaste, Miguel. This is McKenzie. She is my best friend. -And I cross my fingers, her stepmother. -And what do you think of this police review? -What do we think about it? It's irrational. -It's reprehensible. -We are Nepali. And that? Are we going to put body cameras on cops now? Oh, like we don't watch enough TV already. -And it's, like, Bruce Jenner is allowed to be a transformer, but our climate can't change? That's hippo. -Michael, it's a fact: one in five homeless people are actually millionaires, and they don't even know it. -So if you have a caesarean section, say something. -Oh, your phone is buzzing. -Oh.
Oh yeah, it's Tiger Woods. -Okay! Can we focus here? -Oh well. Oh Amber! -Both: Amber! - Amber, this way! -Who are you talking to? -Our other friend, Amber. -Yeah, we couldn't find it before, so we launched an Amber Alert. - Ok. That's not what it's for. -Quick, Michael, who are you going to vote for in the 2016 election? -Well, it's pretty early, but -- -I'm going to vote for Sudan. Oh, but I'm sure Hillary Clinton is starving children too. -Okay, look. -Shh! shh! Expect. We want to show you a new game, Michael. -In agreement. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. -Who won? -Well, rock beats scissors, so... -Wrong.
Justice... -Ties with peace. -So the only loser here... -It's the kids. -And the future. And you, Michael. -Oh wait! Tiger is down, girl. We have to go. -It's okay. Two girls at a party, all of them! -Amber! -Amber! -Amber, don't die! -The primaries have been especially divisive this year. Here with his version is the girl you wish you hadn't started a conversation with at a party. -Hello Michael. Just so you know, if it were up to me, every year would be Black History Month. -Thank you? So what do you think of the primaries so far? -What do I think of them?
Disgust me. The candidates are truly "terrible". And now Ben Carson just retires, and we're supposed to believe that's the most effective form of birth control? Nope! No wonder everyone has the Zima virus. And it's like Leo Caprio is right: bears. "Okay, so I guess you're disappointed in the candidates?" -People need to start paying "intent", Michael. When the alarm goes off, he releases the "skooze" button. Because right now there are women in Africa who have to walk 3 miles just to see "Zootopia." And breaking news, Michael. You haven't even asked me if I'm transgender yet. -Are you transgender?
How dare you ask me that? -What are you doing? -I just chatted with you on Snapchat, but your face is that of a tiger, and I'm normal. -Cool. So are you voting Democrat? - Why do we have to "lip" everything, Michael? Like, why can't there be a black James Bond or a white Jackie Chan, or we rape Bill Cosby, because guess what? If you are not part of Sudoku, you are part of the answer. And it's multiple choice, and you're none of the above. And PS, why do we need super delegates? Why can't we talk directly to Superman?
And I ask you, Michael, why, #blackguysmatter. So real quick, I'll sing you Olive Hamliton. ‚ô™ How does a bastard, orphan, son of a bitch and Scotch ‚ô™ -Stop! Please stop. Please. -Good, but you could have learned something about "history". Yasmine! Yasmine! -Was that your friend? -No, she's my Uber driver. I think she's hanging around the studio. How many minutes away does she say that? -That's Tetris. -Okay, okay. Did you know? I want to give you something. It's this knife I found at O.J. Simpson's house. Wait, who do you think she would play you in a movie? -I dont know.
Maybe Denzel Washington. -I would choose a homeless woman so that she could work. But I'm sure Denzel would be grateful too. Wait, very fast. He wraps your hands around my neck like you're going to choke me. -Nope! -Okay, well. Then just hit me really hard. This is Wall Street. -Just tell us who you're voting for! -Okay, well. Here. Hold this. Oh look! This man stole my bag and he's white! What?! Boom. That is progress. No problem. And I need that because there's some Adderall in there. -Girl at a party, everyone. Vaccines are a scam. -Just two weeks before the elections, both candidates are trying to send a final message to their followers.
Here, with her final thoughts on this choice, is the girl you wish you hadn't started a conversation with at a party. -Wow. Hello Miguel Che. Thank you for finally putting a woman on late-night television. "So I take it you're not happy with the choice?" -Here's a thought, Michael. Maybe try getting woken up for a change, okay? Because "Kevin can wait", but Syrian refs can't, okay? And breaking news, Michael. 40% of children are just their legs. And that is according to the doctors, Michael Che. -Yes, okay, can you please tell us about the candidates? -Please don't interrupt me when I'm talking about something, Michael.
This lesson is a disgrace, okay? This is a colostomy, Michael Che. And sorry, if I can play the devil's abacus for a second, I think we all know the real reason Jillian Assange is in jail, and that's because she's a woman. Do you know what women have to do when we go to vote, Michael? We have to show our IUD. I am sorry. That's fair. That's called a bubble standard. You know what I have to say to that? -What? -Bleat! Bleat! Bleat! -What are you doing? That's your impression. - Ok. -Because you are a sheep. -Jesus. -Quick, who are you going as Halloween? -I don't really dress up for Halloween-- -I'm going as Justice.
David Justice. -Baseball player? -Wow! So all black men are just athletes to you. -No, he played baseball. -No, Michael, you just played yourself. -Oh Lord. -Sister! sister! -What, is your sister here? -No, I'm calling cisgender people out there. I'm serious, Michael. I so need to go to Cuba before the whites ruin it. -Good. You haven't said anything about the elections. Can you at least tell me who you're voting for? -How dare you. That's called voter insemination, what you're doing. I am sorry. My friends blogs were right about you. -Good. -Did you know? Penalty fee. Did you know?
Maybe I should tell a joke instead, right? Since that's what all these elections are anyway! -Penalty fee. Tell us a joke. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Interrupting polar bear. -Interrupting polar bear -- -It's too late! - Global alert already killed him. Now he sucked. - Did it stink? -Yes it's correct. He is stinking. So why don't you just call me Samsung Galassy? ‚ô™ 'Cause I blew your head off ‚ô™ -Girls at a party, everyone! -Free El Cheapo! -It's "El Chapo"! ‚ô™‚ô™

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