UNHhhh Ep 87: "Doctors" with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova

This is Harbor. Why did I choose today precisely today to spin it? I once asked you this. You have an old boot. It's like a very old boot ready. Yes, oh, you are very warm. Hi, I'm the British lady who hates weather, a stick destroyer. Trixie Mattel keep simmering oh my god oh my god I'm the one in your room cutting your dresses that night the supervisors were you I'm the one I'm the person who insists you wear flip flops the sock destroyer Remember when that bug landed on me lip, right on your lip, move, yeah, and no one lived here for months anyway, welcome to the show, we talk about whatever we want because it's our show and not yours at your age, are you going to the doctor or?

Is it like when you go to the doctor? I think it's the beginning of Jurassic Park, where they're cleaning bones and then the helicopter comes by and they say no every time I walk in, but the receptionist is in the waiting room. Like my findings,

doctors

listen to a game of rich people totally in this economy in this country, they always say, go, don't wait too long when you go, not for nothing, no, I wouldn't say that you have very white eyes and eyelashes. they're long we should actually get a doctor here because yeah I was left with a lot of unanswered questions oh you would never try to make an appointment with dermatology oh don't do it yeah you can't do it you're like what Can I just get a queen ?

I get a simple and funny, yes, with great detail. I was affected by this flesh-eating rash on my face and I was in the hospital parking lot crying because I had just been fired from a job. on the phone that in front of um I'm a person to buy and then I was wrongly accused of stealing from a secret lesbian job t-money and I went on to steal my next job twist blond you're like that's not what I am, yeah, open record . I've been to the doctor a lot for drag related things, we're like I come home from a drag race and my nails are disgusting and the doctor is like, oh, why don't you try to respect your body, ha ha, do you think it is like that? important for gays we have gay

doctors

you know gays are like Keith who is your gay doctor yeah he was weak because we do things yeah we do things like hey I got a chemical burn in the spiral car yeah , and I keep a person trapped in my house when I was in university who was another doctor I am not going to go to the university clinic not to have enough of waiting three hours for another student and telling me to take a claritin I cut my leg fell off the insole was over when I realized that every doctor I had was like a third year resident and it wasn't almost like he was a kid putting on his father's suit, you know what I mean?

One day you looked and realized it was three Pomeranians, yeah I mean it's important Be a little careful go see a real doctor for example in West Hollywood there are doctors when they asked me to get on the table It's a gaming table and I told them I would never go back. Could you at least clean the poker chips? off the table before I got it is like oh you can move on and I'm just trying to do it successfully. I hate doing blood tests because I always expect the worst but it's the fun strategy, have you been tested?

Yes. I love receiving anything that has results that come in the mail or over the phone. I love that. I really like SAT or AP scores. They are STI tests. I love it. I can not wait to see him. What's happening? You know, it means you're alone in that because I think a lot of people don't get tested because they're afraid of it being positive. That kind of horrible news is like this, like some kind of tragic death sentence, that kind of thing that really waits because I can do exactly for you, you say it's a way out, oh my God, yes, I feel like I could deal with something Well, well, you're in your 40s, which gives you a little more perspective, yeah, you know, I've been tested by the sands of time, honey, I'm very sexually active, but I think that will ever happen to me. , TRUE?

What's it like, guess what, Linda, yeah? I could smell the cancer from here, sexy enhancer. Not good, how did you get cancer when no one else has? I don't trust doctors implicitly because I know how lazy people are, but do you think they spent eight years in medical school to be lazy? No, not at all, yes, that's it. It's not enough that that makes us both doctors now earn this money doctors don't make as much money they make a lot of money no more than us well wait a minute are there Christian doctors like COD? I would recommend it to a state. in atrial fibrillation and a prayer, yes, Christian scientists, yes, about the healing power of P: yes, of course, I remember that we knew that we were a scientific person or a person of God, yes, the Christian side does not speak like Jesus, it is like eighth grade lab glasses and then It's weird because prayer is not a suitable substitute for antibiotics.

She was watching this show and this woman had cancer and she believed that her urine would cure her cancer. and she would pee in a cup, she would pee in a shot glass, you're not ready and I need you to stay here, you can't be left without a friend, she put it in her eye, yeah, she put it in her eye and she would. Hold this guy and then open her eye and let her urine go into her eyeball. She would also bathe in urine. It was like cancer. I have to thank them like I'm a pit crew looking for a way out.

That's really miserable. Also, let's not say that a doctor would intervene, yes, one day I told her butt. Stephanie, did you spit in my face? I remember I was in a research study when they were making an HPV vaccine for men. You had to ask me all these really personal questions like a sexual inventory that's like you know you're in a gangbang, even a raw dog, like what is that, very specific details, yeah, like over and over again, did the doctor use the words are they going to call you raw dog?, it was like on the clipboard and he took a monocle and frequency of raw dog, okay, I'll do it, everything was going very well and it was like an hour-long interview as if everything in life was great, you were taking some time here scheduled to be a pretty creepy test subject, everything was going great.

I felt like my colleagues were broke and desperate, but then came the part where they got some crops, so they went to the library. Did you see those long, giant swabs? Yeah, you know, and they had to take some swabs from my rectum. Yes, yes, it was three wet and three dry like or the key to a paper machine the hallway is fine, so wait, he pushed three dry separately and like that, but he didn't save like you know, doctors generally like it like that , this is how this will feel, it's you. I know when you're going to feel a hint of it, you're just not warning, there's no information, he took the thing and it was like he became a sleepover camp, you just shoved it up my ass and then, like me.

I swear to God, here's this rotation. I was like Tina Turner, like rolling, yeah, why did I think I could? It was like mixed up, he was crocheting, hooking your gut. I felt like I was exploring a vendetta that was like 20 years old like him. He was looking for his keys, yes, I was so horrified that I thought there must be blood everywhere. I must have, like you, were ready for the full read, yeah, oh, this is it, this is useless, that's it, oh, so he. I stuck a finger in and it fell like, oh cool, well that was just to show that you don't date a guy who has Q-tip fingers, yeah, I think he broke one of my friends and broke one on his ass.

It broke in half he was in the same studio he broke his ass you know this thing is going to break my stuff in your whatever yeah they say yeah hi I'm dr. Katya I'm not a real doctor, but I am a PhD student in archeology and I also have a hypochondriacal self-image. Oh, I have a question for you. Tell me, do you believe in yourself? Yeah of course why do you say I have a debilitatingly positive self-image we think you're seeing a lot I'm like body dysmorphia yeah like thin and they're like God I'm disgusting I'm at my worst and I'm like ah like you I can't tell myself anything , but I also think we should all feel that way.

Think about it this way. Anything you tell yourself about yourself is like a lie, so you might as well construct a completely good one. I've had days where I've woken up like I opened my eyes and I'd already be smiling that's a scary thought like and it's like it's not even like I'm ready to make the day I and the day are already like intertwined attentive and I'm ready to deploy you felt that today uh it's not right