"Surfing AIDS" - Trevor Noah - (That's Racist) LONGER RE-RELEASE

Surfing is a crazy sport, you don't have to be in the water at the time, you could get eaten by a shark. I don't feel sorry for you, I feel bad but not sorry, because you knew the thing was there. What's crazy is that you even have experts defending sharks. I don't even know when this started, when did we start defending murderers? We defend them, they're like killing things in the ocean and then you have these shows, Discovery Shark Week fifty-fifty, shark experts and they say, "Hey guys, I just want to tell you a little bit about sharks.

I know sharks aren't the killers." evil that everyone paints. Sharks don't even like eating humans. How do you know this? How do you know this? I mean, the things that don't like humans, they've eaten a lot of them, hey, you have? have to admit it. They've eaten a lot, surely the memo would have spread by now, you know? "No, they don't like eating humans. What happens is that they get very confused, they get very confused because from below they see you paddling on the surface and they mistake you for a seal, they think you are a seal and they go up." and take a bite and when they realize that you are not a seal, it's too late.

It's not their fault, they're just sharks." Am I really? Why don't those same people come and defend black people when people say black people commit crimes? Black people commit crimes, like why aren't those same people there? "These blacks are always robbing people, these blacks." and they come. "Well, actually black kids don't like crime. Yeah, what happens is they get very, very, very, very, very poor because of things that have happened in the past and then some of them resort to criminal activities". to try to make ends meet so that when they see you from afar, they're just confused because you look like an ATM because you freeze every time they see you, and then they poke you and money comes out, yeah.

It's their fault, they're just poor." It's a load of rubbish, that's what it is. Sharks don't like people, how do they know that? You ask them? "Yeah, I don't like it, I don't like the marmite flavor *Laughing* I don't surf. I sit on the beach and enjoy it from there. It looks beautiful, I enjoy it. And I'm sitting. on the beach in Malibu and during the weeks it is very empty. There's just one girl

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there, a California babe and she's looking great, you know? She has this long blonde hair and she looks very fake and just, you know? her board and do her thing and all those unnecessary surf moves people do, you know? *Talking to board* "Stay here, there's no need to-" And surely, in the end, she's doing those. things and the wave comes like *Crashing wave sound effect* and I was like, "You're dead." Dead." But she wasn't.

She comes out of the water and is having the time of her life! And she looks at me and goes, *surfer girl accent* "Heeeeeey! Would you like to come inside? The water is super ahhh-maze!" I said, "Uh, no, no, thanks. No, thanks. I'm just going to sit here. I'm going to sit here and watch you. You are very good. Keep it up, keep it up!" She says, "Oh-em-gee! Yew tawk funny!" "No, I don't talk funny, you talk funny." "Where are you from?" "I'm from South Africa." She says, "Oh wow! Do you like Africaaah? How did you get here?

That? I used my monkey grip under the plane! How did you get here? He doesn't even wait for my answer. She's running, she's in the water, she's doing her thing and

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having a good time. Time doing those things. She goes out again and now suddenly we're best friends. She runs out onto the beach and says, "Hey, Africaaaah!" "So you don't surf at all?" I said, "No, I don't." No. Where I'm from, we don't really surf." In Johannesburg, there are no surfers here, you know? She's like, "Aww, that's too bad." "Like, do you guys have waves in Africaaaah?" Do we have waves? ?An adult human being asks me if we have waves on a continent.

Like no, no, we don't, we don't. Yeah, when the water gets to our side of the world it's so tired, you know? She tries to but it's just "Aaaaughhh!" She's brilliant, she says this and she runs back into the water and she comes back more stupid. It's like... almost like she's fishing for stupid things. out there! It's almost like there's a shark saying, "Yeah, ask him this now, ask him this! Ask her this!" Because she comes back and I will never forget it until the day I die, I will not forget this conversation. She comes back to the beach and stands next to me and takes off her wetsuit and says, "So, Africaaah , can I ask you a question?" I said, "Yes, go ahead.

Go ahead." "If you're from Africaaah... have you... ever had AIDS?" You know what's funny? I wasn't offended by the fact that she said AIDS... but I was offended by the fact that she say "I once HAD AIDS." As if AIDS was something you could have, like a passing flu, you know? "Hey Jonah, I didn't see you at work last week Thursday, bro, where were you?" Yeah, bro, I had a little AIDS there, it just affected me a lot, huh? You know, I had some Corenza, now I'm back, bro. "She's ever had it"! And you know, I know, I know that as a child of a continent devastated by this disease, it's my job, it's my duty to educate people when I meet them, you know?

It's really part of who I am, but... but you know when you look into someone's eyes and... there's no hope? It's just that old SABC tone like *SABC ring sound effect*. There are only two of us... and I'm bored. I thought why not have a little fun? Then I look at her and say, "Yes. Yes, America. I've had AIDS many, many times." She's like, "Oh wow, really? Oh, gaaaahd! So aren't you going to be super skinny and dead or something?" I said, "No, no, no! AIDS isn't as bad as you think. It's like chocolate, you know?

You shouldn't eat too much at once! You're like 'AIDS, AIDS, AIDS.'" , AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS - Ohhhh, too much AIDS! Too much AIDS! And then you stop for a moment and then you go, Wooo hoo, more AIDS, you know? She says, "Wowwww, is AIDS like chocolate?" I said, "Yes, yes! You should try it sometime." She's like, "Noooo. That's gross! Because then if it's chocolate... then it'll all melt and I'll be covered in AIDS chocolate and I'll be all sticky and I'll be all dirty." "I was like, "Yeah, then just take a shower. *Audience laughs* No, what are you?

What do they do...? Oh no! Don't laugh at my president! DAMN IT! DAMN!" I don't accept your laughter! DAMN! Don't laugh! This has nothing to do with that great man! I will NOT participate in this madness!?!