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Online Dating

Online Dating
you you oh come on the year is 1995 the Internet is still in tiny little baby things I'm talking pre Napster free MSN Messenger free myspace pre premium free come snapchats but even in this early internet age a man named Gary Kremen some potential for love and romance on the worldwide web and he made the first

online

dating

service and what did he call it well I guess I'll tell you matcom but at this time not a lot of people were

online

so to help populate match.com with profiles Gary had everyone who worked for him including his girlfriend and himself make actual profiles on match.com and then his girlfriend left him for a man that she met using match.com that's a real fact and that's my best man that's my good that's my good buddy Eddie bird back once said Yipes he's not gonna like that but the silver lining was that it was proof that Gary's crazy wacky goofy idea of finding love on the Internet could work and bring two people together even if it meant that she no longer has a girlfriend but still at this time the idea of meeting your lifelong partner

online

sounded insane to most people the internet was still a very new concept most people were still figuring out how to work sticks and stones and Jiffy Pop they let alone hooking up a goddamn DSL connection wait so just so I'm getting this right you're telling me that this bleep Boop lookin piece of it's the funniest get this guy out of here all right fine smart house well as fast...
online dating
forward in 1998 Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan star in a little film I don't know maybe you heard of it called you've got mail the premise two strangers meet

online

and communicate through email and meg Ryan has a little bookstore and Tom Hanks has a big book story and his big bookstore it's gonna take over her little bookstore but she doesn't know that he's the guy that she's talking to

online

but he knows and then this cuz his name is Joe Fox and oh my god stop asking questions to just watch it you're so embarrassing you're like oh he nuts oh you gross to bark the point is you've got mail was very popular and successful and made the idea of meeting someone

online

a lot more acceptable and popular and Meg Ryan wore these pants and at this time matcom was growing very quickly and evolving but also the Internet as a whole was going through some major evolutions as well $19.99 we get that instant messaging aka I am tech with MSN Messenger so like BRB lol wyl and smarter child knows everything you can ask him just about whatever answer mm zero we get another major

dating

site called harmony but Eve harmony is different because it's the first algorithm based

dating

site meaning that it automatically tries to match its users based on their answers to this long-ass questionnaire of 450 questions Jesus and I thought the AC T was bad hey thanks for watching 2003 Skype video chat pops off winging that long-distance relationships just got a whole lot...
online dating
closer and more graphic lots of the pixelated ding dong ding ding willies tits 2004 two more major

dating

sites pop up OkCupid and plenty of fish it's different Jacob Matthew Wow we're free which means a lot more people are willing to give

online

dating

the good world 2005 at this point social media websites are popping off so you got Friendster MySpace Facebook and people are reconnecting and talking and customizing their profiles and be dazzling their mouse cursor and grandma keeps accidentally sending you superbugs you grandma your soap our fee what the 2007 cellphones join the party with that 3G internet text and now you're getting super poked by grandma on the go the 2009 grander launches as the first major

dating

service designed specifically for mobile phones that tracks your location and shows you potential lovers in your area and it's super innovative and also super gay because well sorry ladies but this one's for the dudes 2010 oh oh the documentary catfish comes out and reminds everyone that people can lie on the Internet what no yeah you can't I do it all the time on tinder I'm 311 in reality I'm 6 4 2012 now we got that for gene life stop popping off on smartphones we got Gangu style we got Max Payne 3 which is not enough people played but most importantly

online

dating

explodes onto smartphones with the swipe apps like tinder that basically speed run the entire

dating

process damn you look good no you look good yeah we match...
online dating
romantic ok sick I know exactly what to say what's up we went from sending emails to Meg Ryan's giant ass pants to swiping through a hundred faces a day on our phones that is insane basically in the span of 20 years

online

dating

went from being this like weirdo taboo gooey thing to literally the most common way to meet new people in 2019 this piece of year that thank God is about to end it's estimated that around 40% of American couples now meet

online

while playing rainshadow I'm just kidding and now there is no shortage of

dating

site match.com EE Harmon OkCupid Zeus but do elite singles Christian mingle aka jacketed Four Diamond biggest appears black people need senior people need feet people's feet farmers only which requires you to own about 700 acres of corn fields in downtown Orlando or Ashley Madison if you want to have an affair JDate which I'm pretty sure it is a site where everyone's name has to start with EJ like Jan you do Becca but her friends call it you Luke you and then you got that swipers talk about tinder grinder adult Fred find ship and hinge and plenty of fish or there's exclusive members-only services like the league which listen to get this so it's called the league because it places major importance on your financial and educational background translation this is the app for Ivy League students that total waste their time with two booy booy breweries that was their only viable option you you gross little nematode...
like Riya at least makes sense to me as an exclusive app because it's for celebrities who can't use tinder for obvious reasons but what I was reading about the league while doing research for this video i straight-up wanted to gainer off the Empire State I want to make a

dating

app called pieces of or you have to prove that you dropped out of college within the first two weeks and rights to becoming members of it I can truly date my peers or a

dating

app called backflip or in order to become a member first you have to prove that you can do a backflip or a

dating

app called I'm thinking or beast or everyday you go on that's to be at an Arby's where do you wanna meet I'm thinking Arby's how could we forget the slipping and sliding into DMS Instagram DMS Twitter DM z-- facebook Messenger snapchat so many different ways to shoot your shot and drink buckets like your middle name is Colby Bryan's okay so what are the pros of

online

dating

well the most obvious reason you meet a lot of people that you never would have met otherwise for many many many years the most common and honestly like only dedicated spot for meeting other single people was a bar on the weekend but what if you're not old enough to go to a bar well then meet people at your college but what if you don't go to college well then meet people at your work but what if you're self-employed well then I have your family and friends set you up with someone but what if I'm...
completely alone and my family all died well then I guess it's back to doing gainers off the upper state for you I don't know what you want for me that's the pocket for

online

dating

the majority of the week when people are too busy living their lives and working their jobs and doing backflips to meet new people instead of hoping that you magically meet someone on the street like a rom-com that process is immediately expedited and you can just go yeah that that guy yeah that girl is cute and immediately get a response if they're also thinking Arby's it's also made long-distance relationships a lot more common and viable because through modern technology we're all constantly connected you could Skype or FaceTime or snapchat or played rain shadow legends with whoever you want whenever you want and it's like the person is actually there what is it though okay so why does

online

dating

some turkey dick it doesn't matter how attracted you are to someone picks or that you both share the same interest or then you have the same star sign it's a teal Ford Taurus because in reality you really have no idea if you actually like them until you're physically next to them in IRL real life ISM which sadly means that a lot of this modern convenience can unfortunately actually turn into a lot of disappointments and headaches yes it's crazy helpful and brings a lot of people into your life that you wouldn't have met otherwise but you often...
might wish that you did never it's not you bro it's me I want to keep it very once condo with you guys I'm not very good at

online

dating

don't get me wrong decently attractive younger fellow you know I'm not racist I'm not homophobic or transphobic or anything that Dumbo baby I never talk about politics I feel like the general bar is pretty low and like I'm getting a passing grade but double man I just fold dumpster in the conversations dude I can't help myself like in real life they're pretty decent I like keep a conversation going you know like making people laugh and but dude

online

through text I am like 200% that I just come off as a complete psychopath and try to make jokes that 14 out of 10 times just do not and it doesn't help there's so many people put the exact same on their profiles giving you like zero sense of their personality we're in reality you might really like some of those people what the just going on adventures even mean I swear to God if I see another girl's profile on tinder that's like I just love adventures I just love going on adventures I'm gonna lose my mind what the does that mean why does every person think that going to target and crying its shoes brunch this an adventure dude I want to go to the dentist and get my wisdom teeth put back in it or no I slept and died in the process also how come so many tinder profiles use group Nicks but it's always the same group of friends so...
that I have to go full detecto magnifying glass mode and play a game of Where's Waldo trying to piece together which one of these adventurers is Joe Pesci also because this is so immediately accessible and addictive and there are literally millions of faces in your phone at any given time even if you do have a match but you do kind of like there is always a giant side helping of FOMO and part of your brain that's like but keep in mind this is all from the perspective of a male seeking females if you're a male or female or whatever seeking males oh my god this is a completely different story from what I've seen the vast majority of dudes on these apps either say some like two word maximum kitty like you up or just Brett Farve not in his prime Hail Mary the next eat like you want to see me oh my god sorry my cousins a hamster stole my phone and wrote that my bad the following that I'm about to say you should really go without saying regardless of your sexual preference or gender but in case anyone needs to hear it always meet at a public place never let anyone pick you up if someone says they just really like watching the office and going on adventures pull out the blinky and shoot your phone but all of this being said

dating

in general whether it's

online

or not just food sucks it's annoying and shitty and you get hurt and you hurt other people and it just it's it it's the worst but I feel like

online

dating

is still more helpful than...
harmful in the grand scheme of things you just gotta be careful with it I've met some really cool people through these

dating

apps that I obviously never would have met otherwise so overall I'm pretty happy that

online

dating

exists so what's really the point of this video well honestly it just sounded kind of fun to do some research and then go full psycho mode in this room for like 10 to 12 minutes so I'm satisfied this is probably my favorite video I've made all year and I haven't even I think love is real and I think it's out there for all of this so if you're sad mopey just ugly piece of don't give up just get really gonna do backflips happy holidays everyone and I'll see you in the next decade get it cuz 2020 dude thing god I hated 2019 I went to several funerals I was depressed as for most of it I uh and that's a panther strike the out of 2020 I'm moving to New York try and stop me you won't I'm gonna drop a bunch of stupid songs that I care about so much I'm gonna drop some merch that's actually good yeah that's right I'm already working on good stuff for that I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna get a tattoo of a snake on my nuts I'm gonna shoot a 50 Cal rifle not unlike the one in the Halo series but up next time what if this time next year I just uploaded a picture of me just doing a fat gainer holman spine market 50 Cal rifle we're gonna get it anyways I love you guys always...
appreciate you it's like 2:00 a.m. I think that's why I'm extra of noxious but love you Larry said that Kairi subscribe equals three baby