Girl Chat: Getting Real About Guilt

It's okay, the new year comes with a new beginning and many of us are still hopeful about what this year will bring us thanks to the resolutions we made. Yes, but for some of us, the only thing that could stop us from seeing these. The plans through them are actually fault. Witty Professor Susan, a University of Massachusetts Amherst native, says

guilt

can make you feel defeated, anxious and depressed, and

guilt

also comes from the expectations we set for ourselves. How do you feel about guilt and how has it affected you? I understand what you're saying Tamara because guilt can

real

ly cause people to go through a series of emotions that can weigh so heavily that they start to show in them.

I never fully understood it until recently. I lied to a member of my family and at that time. I

real

ly thought I was protecting this family member. I thought I was making the most protective decision by lying to them about the money actually because I didn't want them to know a certain amount of money they had because I was afraid they would. keep them in the position that they are in, they are in a harmful position for themselves right now, so I kept it from them and what ended up happening, like most lies, ended up spiraling, ended up having to be I kept this up for Over a year, other family members had to be involved in the lie and it actually caused this person to spiral into depression because of the lie and when they found out, I drugged them deeper to the point that they couldn't even I could reach them, it was a no, it's one of the guiltiest things I feel about myself today because I like, I call myself a Christian, you know, I really love God, you know, and I chose this path because I want to have that North Star. what I look forward to I want to emulate something that is better than what I know myself to be, so at that time what I did wrong is that I tried to play God, but I didn't realize that until now, so right now this is actually the first year we got to that place, I'm trying to rebuild with that person because I really lost them and now they're in a place where they just don't trust anyone, they've built walls and started to see themselves, but it's really the most horrible thing I've ever learned, that you can't control someone's life.

Hey, and you can never lie and keep the darkness in the dark because God will always be real, he has a light and it's not okay. I want to ask you something, although you know that when you told the lie you thought you were helping the process, yes, and I think that's what you thought. I don't hear what you're saying and you said you know you can. I don't play God, but when I hear your story I don't know any. I don't hear you say you were playing God. I think you were trying in your mind, you thought you were helping them.

I know it is, but I think maybe. I don't know if parents go through this but many parents my parents have lied to me to think they are protecting me but you can't lie to someone you love mm-hmm there is no way The lie actually comes off lightly and I don't care what others think of me. I will never believe a lie. Well, today I understand what you are saying and I tried to do the right thing, but 20:17 for me is about learning. my mistake and now be that example that I know I look up to and and I want to be and I can be living every day with the truth even if that means how much it hurts it's worth, I applaud you for being honest genius um for me I think Mine will probably be the obvious and that's mom's fault, but it's really damn, now I'm going to cry.

I hate that and what does mom do? Well, first of all I just need to get something off my chest. I feel like some people don't. I don't like the fact that I talk a lot about my children and my family, but what they have to realize is that my family is my life, it should be now. There is a difference between raising your children and raising your children. I'm raising my own. Right now mm-hmm they are less than five years old, what people need to understand is that if they are not moms, they need to understand that this time in their lives is probably the most important five years and that underneath them is certain development of your brain.

It goes fast and fast, and their experiences shape their characteristics, they say every day yes, their experiences shape who they are as a person and I'm not there all the time to see it. I want to be there every day at a perfect moment. world I wouldn't want a caregiver, that's just the type of person I am, but I also want, I also want to provide for my family, yeah, and I want to be a positive example for my kids that they can grow up and do anything. What they want to do but at the same time I can't spend that time with them and I just want my children to love me as much as their dad because he is there a little more than me and I think mom is a Kent mom, working moms. , we are amazing at the way they will understand when I say that just because mom isn't there it means I don't love you.

I do not love you. I'm working because yes. Hmm, so every day sometimes. Oh, I don't know, but I know. I know and on the weekends I try to do the best I can but sometimes I feel like it's not good enough, honestly do you feel guilty for having to work when? I think you should be with your kids more, yeah, and sometimes people don't understand that, but you'll understand once you're a mom and especially once you look at social media and you see these moms posting pictures of their kids every second. every moment like going to the park with them I go to class with them music class I can't do that that makes sense now because obviously we're on our own social media pages and we read our you know real Instagram, social media, Facebook and a lot, and We see that sometimes people ask that, but I've always thought that you know when it's so ridiculous, you just brush it off, you don't think about it, but I understand that it actually penetrates you because it feeds the guilt that's already there, yeah, and then that the reason you talk so much about children here is because it's subliminally the only thing on your mind because that's where you want to be and right now in my life I have to do it.

If I'm raising my kids and I'm not talking about them, then they would say, "Oh, you're the unavailable mom, how come you never speak well of your kids and I feel like you can't please everyone? Let me tell you." ". You're some town thing, okay, we've had these conversations before number one, I'm telling you, forget what other people are thinking, it's saying, okay, I know you're here, okay, and I see how you interact with your kids. , they love you very much and I know you. I know, but I know sometimes you need to hear that and I see it and I know it, so you're not doing anything wrong.

You know, but you have to stop letting yourself get away from those comments sometimes. Stop listening to what people tell you. I know what you're doing right, but I mean, I just feel sorry for you because you know I get life from you. I think I want you to know. So don't stop letting people get into your head. You are doing very well, your children. It will be fine apart from doing it great, great, if you want to do it all, but you don't realize that that's what makes you a dynamic woman, is that you feel so much that you want to do it all here, yes, and you also want to be. that and more, yes, yes, it downplays how much you are there: exactly your videos, he comes and she shows that she is very proud of every little thing they do, every word they say, every step Araya takes, she thinks that You are phenomenal and they could come.

I have to tell you here, although I come from a mother who worked all my life. Yes, I didn't see my mom or my dad. Yes, he was a kid with a key. Yes, but I will tell you that today I would never change anything about the way I live. I grew up because number one I have independence, you see me, I'm alone a lot of the time and I can take care of myself and I'm not afraid and I don't depend on anyone except God, you know, to be able to know who I am, that's number one, number two.

I respect a working woman who can be that proverbs 31 example that she can do everything and you are, and I think the last blessing before we get over you is that you have a husband that you know. she takes care of your kids while you're away so I think you know you have a feeling of guilt but like I said when I feel bad about something I start to think about why and process it and I try to think. about the good things that are happening your kids are growing up, you can know that you can, you might not be able to see them when you come home tonight, but you can see them, you might not be able to interact with what you can look at them.

Saying that you know you're okay and you're safe and it's time so try to keep your eyes on Iran, that just listening to them talk, a lot of our guilt is tied to the family and I wonder why, obviously you know that. They are the things that matter most to us and a lot of it is my fault that I try not to be so like you, but one of the things that has bothered me most recently has been exposing my family to some of the not so nice things. things that come with being in the industry mm-hmm you know, I think we don't realize how much it hurts our family when people say we can handle it, we can accept it if someone talks bad about us, but like when you have a mom . that happens there and read those things about a child where you have to now the meanness will make you know with the children and for them to read those things I feel guilty I feel guilty for exposing them to that it makes sense yes to the idea and recently I was in the church and I accidentally feel sorry for the kids because somewhere in my heart I feel like they should never read things like that about their dad and I know those things wouldn't have happened if he wasn't dating.

I, you know what I mean, and some of those things people almost want to go on a witch hunt to find dirt on someone because they're attached and I recognize that this man has been successful for years, not a bad word has been said. word about him. he starts dating me and there was a lot to say not just about family things and it broke my heart again. I can take it, I can handle it, but I don't like seeing the people I love being torn apart and torn apart. I was talked down to about it, especially when it's not true, so the guilt stayed with me and until recently I was able to have a real conversation.

I think, God, there are such incredibly strong children. I think God, I have a mom who knows better than I have a mom. That cheers me up and he can look me in the face and be like you don't know. I know who my mm-hmm baby is and that makes a difference, but until recently just being able to say sorry helped me deal with some of that. guilt just for being able to say I'm sorry if even indirectly things I didn't mean to hurt you I'm so sorry Adrienne I'll say this when I went to your wedding the only thing I really took away was the fact that those children loved you yes Mariah yes in a sentence yes and it was beautiful because I have never seen the dynamic of you know, stepchildren, not me and if there is going to be a positive and beautiful example it is what I saw, so don't do it.

You don't have to worry about that because those children love you just the way you are and that was beautiful to see and your children now more than anything see how you love Israel, we see how you love Israel and that. love is incomparable to anything in your entire life Israel is a different man thanks to you and Israel asked you to marry him Israel put that ring on your finger and Israel took his family in your arms and made this a full circle of love because of You, that wouldn't happen because you know we live in different times right now and your social media as you can see is a big part of our lives and this is something you know we signed up for before let's go I just want to check it out.

Did you apologize to your family member? Are you OK? I think sometimes some people need some time to really accept an apology. I did it, but I have to get out of this guilt because I know I could have done better and I should have. done better but i will do it from now on