Conan Helps His Assistant Buy A New Car - CONAN on TBS

Conan O'Brien here, he's great, huh, he's great, so don't get obsessed with Sony? You and I have been together for over nine years and I've been there during some really important moments in your life. Yes, they told me that you want to buy a new car yes, okay, this is a big decision. I would like to help you. Is it okay if I help you? I mean, yeah, sorry, don't trust my dick. I question your judgment hello hello true story ladies and gentlemen. Once I was really hungry after a long session and then Sona was in the office and I called her and I was heading inside and I said to Sona, what about lunch?

And she said, I'm fine, I ate and hung up before I bought you a new car. Yes, we need to look at your existing car. This is a 2007 Volkswagen Jetta. How many miles does this car have? There are a hundred and sixty thousand miles on this car. What did they tune it? I got my first installation. about a week ago I didn't know I didn't know you had to get it that's crazy this thing is a death trap but it still works it's cool when I stopped at a stop sign and it started shaking really bad and then the light came on The engine started flashing.

Sometimes the light comes on and then something happens and then the light goes off, so I think it must be like that. You are a terrible car owner. You have a nickname for this. I do. This is white lightning. How is? It is a white lightning bolt, it is one hundred and sixty thousand miles long. I get chills and shakes. Why don't you call it sickle cell anemia? It is a plugin for Glade. It ended a while ago. I guess it's a dollar. chip from the Bellagio in Las Vegas I'm just thinking why this thing is open.

It doesn't close sometimes it closes but the old clothes last about three minutes and then it opens again. I could fix this if you want, you're rolling deep. three four of coupons mostly Bed Bath & Beyond coupons well they're like an old lady doing this to you, to a young woman, like a coupon, you have a one dollar chip from the Bellagio and you have $600,000, you have a coupe , where are you? get them, they'll mail them to you look at this thing that happened here things up here you can store magazines it's kind of useful actually look at that storage space you didn't even know about the Furious vanished that goes right in the old ceiling camera with That's bad.

I would have bought you a new car myself. Can you buy me a new car? I do not have access to your financial information. Those reports are old. I made some reckless investments. I bought a theme restaurant. It was a depression-era burger. stand I bought some Arabian racehorses I will have lupus but I can't go with you to the dealerships because if people saw me they would get scared, they do it's like, oh my God, the Beatles got back together and I became a common person like that's the accident I've been places with you, yeah, and it gets pretty crazy, no, no, it's not crazy at all.

I'm going to find you a new car, but I can't go with you, let's do it online. We can go to a car dealer, let's go to a car dealer, let's do what kids do, I have a lot of wisdom, I do what do you know, do you know cars, yes I know cars, that's a car, man, woman, want to be with me. men want to be on top of me they want to be on me let's choose a car for you I'd really like to see it as a Subaru well sure can you please not buy a white car?

It seems like there are a thousand birds in your car. You can't immediately see this because it matches the white, that your car is fine, then you realize that the Subaru Foresters of your dreams are great, yes that is a good car and it costs 23,500 and what is the price advisor by Kelly Blue Book. Oh wait, it's a bit Lexie. lower than which is great no, it's in the middle to the middle this is a good car but boring let's go out of your budget a little it's worth like what we're going to see Bugattis there we go first use of a 2010 bench how much does it cost?

It's 2 million dollars. No, it's 1 million, look at it, you know what works with liquid arrogance. How about a Hummer? When you get a house, it needs so much gas. Yes, they make a model that only works with reinforced wood. That is not true. Okay, good improvisation or contour partner. Sun is improvisation when we come back well, I'm in a candy store, yes, yes, now it's okay, I'm the famous detective, there's a white one that's the color of your car, what's the price of that one? Seventy-three thousand dollars, yeah, what's the Kelley? The Blue Book says 49 thousand fifty six what that idiot what are you looking for what is this person doing he is the owner of the Hummer let's write an email to this person I just checked the Hummer you are selling and noticed that you are asking over thirty thousand dollars more than the value of the Kelley Blue Book.

I'm really excited because I grew up on a stupid farm. Seeds, wait, I think there's a word limit. Okay, we'll eliminate the last three words and then we'll say, Well, cars under a thousand dollars, under a thousand. dollars, okay, what's that, oh, but like shooting in this shadow, this suspicious shadow, look that car is in the witness protection program, you know why they broke the handle, right, oh, that's a Killer car, this is the killer car, is it a murder? car says Kelly Blue Book does not consider this a car I think it is a good costume with four wheels please get this car I do not want this car, congratulations, I will buy you this car and I will deliver it to you yes, you have to accept ladies and gentlemen, let's get it out son I'm obsessed with y'all thanks guys so are you excited about your new car?

No I'm not, we actually went and bought this car, we agreed to pay. $1,000 and then they gave it to us for only $500 and now it's yours. I'm like Oprah, this is amazing. Here's your new car, isn't it so cool? Look at his car, it's all yours. Herot, why don't I want to enter you? You're an idiot, it's amazing what he taught me, you don't want to understand it, look at this thing, it's beautiful, this rubber thing curves and comes out of the top, it's amazing, look at your new car, I'm not really new. I will do that. tell people who's on the show tonight hotel transylvania 3 summer vacation andy samberg watch all the spots hey staff netflix rizal series now comedian nicole byer is on the show please go find stores she's on the show jimmy take it, enjoy it