Best Impression of a Dubbed Kung Fu Movie. Arvin Mitchell - Full Special

come here I'm trying to wear clothes that fit me now you know I'm tired of holding my stomach I'm sorry lose a little weight don't start feeling proud when you lose weight start strutting my friend America I'm serious. I'll do my poses and everything. I'm going to have a flat stomach by Christmas. I want to rip my shirt off like they used to do in the old

kung

fu

movie

s, where they do that and get very serious. I'll watch one of the old

kung

fu

movie

s, sometimes they get romantic with Lady Minh, hey Shirl, come here, are you talking to me?

I watch those movies every week. A man. I used to think I can fight while watching the movies twice. I want to see. come to the theaters chinese connection with the Dragon I was Bruce Lee in school every Monday morning I go to school starting fights Hey south, now it's your problem with the name, so you want to fight, you killed my teacher and Now I'm going to kill. You sometimes walk around all day doing things like that, you were standing at the door. Hey, what time is the fight, sir? You should step aside. They call the police.

My whole family is crazy. One of my sisters thought a boyfriend was cheating on me. Not long ago she put crazy glue on her contact lens case. You care so much that you seem surprised. No, the craziest thing is that they are still together. This is not a joke. She moved from Saint Louis to Kansas City because she got a better one. paid job is now uploading photos of her with his on Instagram. I ruined it. He poses in photos as if he feels normal. I can't make this up. He will use Instagram only he doesn't like me.

My sister told me not to make jokes about him. It was like you had to be joking every time he came to the house. I'll stand right next to him. I'm not a man. You want to go hang out. Come on, let's go to the club. I'll be keeping an eye on you, thanks. everyone to come keke steps through the square as you see laughing a lot I love you darling you have someone under your shirt tickling you or some Jesus applause thank you I hope I'm funny now she's at the bar she's laughing beforehand right? you look funny you just start laughing you had plenty of giggles this morning by the way that's how I like to be surrounded by different ethnicities man culture is so important I'm just saying that to be funny I'm serious like when I go, I travel the world and I see these different cultures and I try these different foods.

The Indians are my favorite. The food is hot as always and hurts to come out, but delicious to go in. Are you playing dumb? Oh my god, you have to call in sick to work. Sorry, I won't be able to make it sound like someone is starting the line boy in the bathroom. I'm sorry, it's reckless. I have Indian friends. I can say this is great. What I love about different cultures is you. I can say something in a different culture so that made me something different from Americans like my Indian friend Bulow I'm leaving the gym I'm sweating you know I'm trying to get in shape trying to lose my stomach I want a six pack for Christmas and he was walking in while I was walking out he's I see you've been working out oh yeah man I'm trying to put it together he's and he's I just lost 30 pounds myself I said, are you smiling? about it you lose 13 kilos from where I'm from, you better start packing your bags, okay, I see something, you didn't find humor in it.

I'm talking about drugs, ladies and gentlemen, don't do drugs, right? I appreciate that. 70% of the audience understanding and laughing coin looking at me like this isn't right this is my plumber the drugs have caffeine and I don't I just got all this information today my mind is blown I feel like I'm on a whole other planet I'm not like a Starbucks for you How about the large one? Do not forgive me. I am stupid. I laugh, I laugh so much. Please don't smell bad. I'm horrible. I thought about years, so I thought about eating things I try.

You know, so I can feel better, but they don't turn out very well. I love vegetables, but I can't drink. milk and I'm lactose intolerant and God bless you I mean it doesn't matter I was laying in bed the other night and I thought about it and it smells so bad for the Brees commercial that came on I didn't even want to get up I just held on to the blanket. Like I'm a monster in the name of Rome, you don't have to put up with that, you know you can laugh, I'll make you change colors, that's your third color, it's easy, I'll stay this way, you cover up, I feel safe.

Here, yes, I can say that I feel like I have walked down the street here without even being stopped. Okay seriously this is a good drop yeah the police are killing a black man like it's just a bucket list nowadays oh yeah you gotta check it out. this laugh looks too hard at that brother I'm serious I learned inside the crowd they laugh all the time they should close it you better laugh tomorrow it's not promised Kim boom boom boom he put his finger on the button here Eddie I don't know his name, but he set him up with a drum bait, they fought just to get the ring, they fight amongst themselves, don't let him watch, I just got my credit right.

I want to live well with a little. I want grandchildren and everything I want. For a living I want to watch more comedy shows. My son. I didn't love comedy since I was a kid. I used to try to sneak into comedy clubs when I was too young to get in. I had to use my

best

friend's ID. my

best

friend is the ugliest person. I know he is so ugly when I used his ID. I had to make faces to pretend it was him. I'm standing in front of the club holding his ID. That is a totally true phrase.

I did it on a flight the other day I was going to Miami and her wife was burping her son, so the child was in front of me. I went, that child, the mother turned around and looked at me. I was like, oh, what's wrong with your son? I have no idea, can you please? turn them around Thank you man for the gradual laughter I like the way they build up I love you it's a happy laugh I laugh every day I laugh at the wrong things sometimes I do I saw a man get hit by a car in which there was still the phone yes, I laughed, I laughed immediately, I thought the car would swerve, I thought I would hang up the phone, neither of those happened here in the middle of the intersection, of course, you won't believe this.

It hurts me very, very much. Yeah, I managed to hit me, oh, oh, man can you hang up now? What was it that hurt so much? It doesn't matter. I have three minutes. I'm going to take a photo of this with this on Instagram. Wait, it hurt so much. I think I got really hurt. I don't have insurance I don't have it it's unnecessary the world is ending why do I need shoes on hurricanes left and right yeah hurricane Irma wait maila hurricane her mother that's an old lady called category five with a name like armor that can?

Not everything turned out well Oh, let me go back this way, let me go back, where do I live? The hurricane has amnesia. What did I do again? Oh, my back hurts. Don't think I'm making fun of people. I love the elderly. My grandfather is 107 years old, okay, oh, come on, don't clap, I appreciate it, don't clap, it's time for him to go 107, you lived your life and someone else's, all this is for nothing, one hundred and seven, I need that home, okay? I love my grandfather, but this idiot it's time for him to go. I used to be afraid of my grandfather.

He has been a vegetarian. His whole life he never had a stroke, but I never reasoned why I say you never had a stroke because when he laughs. he doesn't smile I thought he had a stroke in his smile the muscles are broken but he sees you laughing go away you laugh you know the codes of your teeth it didn't go well my brother left my chart I'll use your laugh you and that . come down my grandfather laughs it's just that he's creepy my mother used to ask me do you want to spend time with your grandfather no one why not because he laughed like he had a haunted house in his throat that's why I love him he has a sense of humor he once told me I'm so old when I fight it comes out of my ass it's funny it doesn't have a filter no one has grandparents like that it doesn't have a filter yeah, they tell you how it is don I don't think you need that in your life, keep it real.

My grandfather doesn't care. He asked me one day. Boy said. When are you going to be successful? How much does that hurt someone who tries? Where are you going to succeed as a grandparent? Your muffins. I don't care about hurting your feelings, you need to be successful like that, that, that, that, Steve Harvey has his own talk show, he has his own radio show, he's hosting a family feud, they won't let him host the awards, right? , said. Why do you say his grandfather? Because they don't want black people to host the awards. Why do you say that grandfather?

Because they think we're going to change the name of the awards program to something like the award. Yeah, this guy, man. he doesn't care about anything else in the world he doesn't care about anything but president barack obama loved president brocco bomb he doesn't care about trump but he loved president brocco bomber nothing bad can be said about president brocco bomb my grandfather, He kicked you out, get on the porch, go cover the miles, Thomas, what about me, mom, hey, the president is your own personal president, grandpa like you, keep it in a dresser drawer, bring it out for inaugurations, My grandparents just celebrated an anniversary and all of us?

We had like 20 people in the kitchen, they had a big kitchen, you know, they had this house for years, a group of people in the kitchen that we talked about, you know food and recipes, and President Barack Obama and my grandfather, passing by the kitchen, turned. He around he said when I was a kid I had a friend who was so cross-eyed one time he dropped a dime and picked up two nipples I said grandpa what do they have to do with President Barack Obama? he said, I'm talking about Changing this guy is funny. I love being around a man who is weird at the same time.

I'm glad he likes me because most of my family doesn't like him that much. I am my own mother. I love my mother, but she doesn't. She didn't like me very much, she used to make me stay in the car until she found out I could go to jail because a child can die in a hot car because I used to spoil what everyone walked past me, you know, at the supermarket, everything . man, so she made me stand in front of the grocery store so I wouldn't get stuck in a hot car. I had to stand in front of the purchases.

Still I scoffed. I stand in front of the door. I do exactly this. I made $48 doing that one day I can't make up for this but I did it I took every penny I don't know why people give you money if they think there's something wrong with you I'm glad everyone is laughing. I've never done. I intended to be a comedian. I used to want to be a rapper since I was a kid. You know, seeing how hip-hop is coming. You know, MTV raps the city. You know, seeing Eric be a rock, I can see Ice-t, look how successful.

It became him, they were smashing the CD and tapes of him in front of Congress because he was making raps about doing things to the police and everything. He now he is the Law and Order detective. The irony is crazy, so my mom didn't want me to be a rapper. I found my notebooks my mother threw my notebook away man this I don't want to be you you're not doing this garbage in my house man that's why I didn't like it so much I always loved it but I didn't like it like all the time no one in this room can say that you love your parents all the time you can love them all the time you can't like them many times it's not realistic your mom helped you with your homework but when the teacher passes he comes back out, the only one you get right is the one you did by yourself, you go back home from school school the next day, she has that smile on her face, what did you get, do you like mom, did you get an F, how are you doing poorly in majors?

What less, she doesn't want me to be a rapper, it took me a long time to get there, you know, because I really wanted to be a rapper, then I came to my senses and said I probably wouldn't have been the best rapper with a name like Arvin Mitchell, yeah, so you laugh right away because you know you must have a dumb name to be a rapper, but you can't eat at a five star restaurant, the maitre d' comes over and calls you over. I know how they did that to change party from 22 Chainz party from 20 waka Flocka Flame Party at 30 kind of name is that what the Flocka Flame Party after this is the name of the real rapper Arvin's Senor Mitchell jr. party of one she felt bad for me oh don't feel bad I'm glad I'm not a rapper I don't know there's a lot going on in the hip-hop community man I can't understand some things I wanted to be an actor too but that too It ruined me.

I really wanted to be an actor. I watch Denzel grow up on Shurl Street. You already know them all. Halle Berry. What I love about actors, they make you feel like. it's real like you really in the moment that's what makes them great actors and I respect them Jamie Foxx Samuel Jackson is one of my favorites but I had to stop supporting him I loved Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction and for negotiating and Jackie Brown but I had to stop to support him when I saw him with snakes on a plane. I lost all respect for that man.

Snakes on a plane. You don't seem to understand, but let me explain. You can make a movie with black people and snakes. and they are on a plane there are three elements that you will never see together in your life you can see black if you want to blame but the snakes and them on the plane and a black don't go together in time you can't even call the movie snakes on the plane yeah those three elements are in the movie like this, you mustreversed, you laugh because you know what they told me, you saw some things fall like I can't leave right now because I want to see this kid scream in the store.

I want to see this argument. between this couple so I'm hanging out and I had to get off the bus. I caught my favorite person. I called my mother. She is my favorite person on the planet. I love your mom. I called my mom. And you know, in the middle of my story. My mother said you need to go to church. I said not my mind, the whole time she said: I see it and when a black woman says: I see it, you have to do what she said. I don't normally go to church. I'm traveling a lot, it's the only church I like to go to.

I'll be honest with you. I love Church's Chicken. They have those two piece dinners that are delicious. It's not a stereotype. They have some offers. I went to church the next day because my mother told me in church that if I had it, it would be about twice the size of this club, but it was half the size of the club, yeah, it was like that again, that big. , but it was triple the amount of people, there were a lot of people there. and it was a Baptist Church. I know most of you are Mormons, but that day I was Baptist, for those who have never been in a Baptist church, they showed up, you know, what showed up is I can tell some of you listen to little hip-hop , they showed up and started saying things.

That's not man, hallelujah, I want to do it, it's exciting, it's scary at the same time and I'm nervous because the insecure guy told me next to someone who looked very familiar to me, it was the lady from the day before who was on the bus having coffee. and I was like this guy trying to tell me something drink more coffee stay awake and read the Bible but I can't concentrate the lady on the other end says that Amen hallelujah what did he do I look at the pulpit the bus driver is preaching the sermon a man as always a man all I was oh I was upset this lady has nothing to do near a church she was so dirty with me today before now she up there preaching I want to throw my Bible and I hit her with the word I made I got angry but I didn't even I was able to lift that.

Snickers, the other lady says I want to scream a little too, so I said, is this bus going to Lamar Park?