Michael Jr (Christian Comedian) - Full Standup Show

They had to do was pray. I wonder what that sentence must sound like. Joseph probably said the prayer and said, oh God, dear God, oh forgiving God, remember that the Messiah that you gave us, you have. another one somewhere Real man that was the only one because he's okay, we'll find them, we'll find them, we'll find them. He was reading I want to know about the blessings of Abraham, so I'm reading the Bible like Genesis. and one thing that was a blessing about Abraham was the obedience of his house. His name used to be Abram and one day God told him to change his name.

God changed his name and told him to go home and circumcise the whole house. Even the servants the Bible said he went home that same day and did that is obedience because I don't know if he could have been a servant. I'm just saying first I had a couple of questions like wait, what happened, what happened, did you change. your name I think I don't know you so I don't know you I don't know I don't know you okay okay can we talk for a second? we can talk well can you stop sharpening that stone while we? talking though it's a distraction it's a bit of a distraction I'm trying to concentrate I'm trying to concentrate well what exactly did God say his words please it's okay to circumcise and a flesh and a foreskin you shouldn't say your skin go back up there and check , man, come back with a note and then going to church can be a little intimidating sometimes, like if you're trying to look for the right church, you'll never find the perfect church, so you just stop looking for the hamburger church because you don't.

It's not perfect, I went to a church and the pastor says: I want you to pray with your neighbor. I'm like my neighbor doesn't go to this church. You want me to call my neighbor on the phone. That's creepy, so explain. I, your neighbor is the person who is next to you. I'm supposed to pray with a lady. I don't even know what I'm supposed to pray for. Lord, help them stop the hairs on this lady's chin from growing. Sir, I don't know if she. was the first man, she must have been John the Baptist, aunt or something, man because she prayed for all good things, she was like the dear heavenly father, you said in your word in the sixth chapter of the third third verse, Lord of the Book of Matthew, Lord, word 601 on page 1297 Lord or does it just say seek seek Lord You are the Alphanese Jehovah Jireh the King of Kings I'm thinking man she even knows her nicknames now she looks at me like it's my turn to pray I won't let her out of pray I, so I'm fine, dear God, God is only you, I just, I can't fight this feeling anymore, you know, you know, because there is no Lord, at the national level, you are on my side, God, and because there is Demanding moms, choose Jesus, Lord.

You know, those are the rockets, the red glow, Lord, okay, test of the night, I think I can fly, amen, yes, so I was baptized. I just want to go on the record to say that it's a little bit more about when black people get baptized because we don't like it. water I'm not going to say that all black people don't like water. I'm just going to say that all the black people I know don't like water. I don't know what's in the water. Invite a black person. to your pool party some of you have done this before what happened they

show

ed up with all their clothes on talking about man I'm just going to eat man I'm not going to get in the water we just don't like it I don't know what I know what is black women's hair black women don't want to get their hair wet you could rob a black woman with a square gun take it just take it just take it right I like water we don't like water right away when I first got baptized let me tell you how I learned to swim.

I'm fishing off a bridge in Michigan as a kid. I'm 11. I'm fishing on a bridge. I love fishing, so I'm fishing. They are fishing from a bridge, I am biting, my dad comes over and says that they are not biting the Arctic. I was like no, he's like, well let's have some fun, oh yeah, okay, that's how I learned to swim forward fast like 10 years ago. He's about to be baptized. I haven't gone underwater since the bridge stopped in the water. Dude is going to push me, you know? I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready yet, it's okay buddy, you'll push me again.

I'm like there's going to be trouble in the water, there's going to be trouble in the water, come on if you want to do it right and I'm all creative, I'm like, wait a minute, it's a white guy that has on a white sheet, no I don't know if this is correct Are you going to let me up? Are you going to let me up? This is not an eight-minute baptism and when they baptized you, what did they say in the name of the son, the Father, the Holy Spirit? go underwater I'm reading the Bible that Jesus was baptized I was like well, what did they tell him?

There are like you, your dad and your best friend. I was at a

show

at this club in Los Angeles in Los Angeles. this club called The Comedy magic club is a very prestigious club it is very difficult for

comedian

s to get into this club like every Sunday night Jay Leno performs here it is a very difficult club to get into so I am new in town and this

comedian

named George Wallace takes me to the club now George Wallace if you don't know who my favorite Wallace joke is because he says he was in China and he bought a pair of shoes and he looked at the bottom of them and it said done around the corner, I love George Wallace.

George Wallace takes me to the club and in the green room are Gary Shanley and Jay Leno, now George Wallace. I'm like, oh wow, these are some soldiers in comedy. I'm happy to be in the room with them, but your gift will make room for you, so I'm sitting there and just as you're working on a joke, a football player got hit in the eye with a flag. Does anyone remember him getting hit in the eye with a flag? flag, was suing a league for about $400 million now Jay Leno George Wallace and Gary Shanley are working on a joke for Jay Leno's monologue for The Tonight Show like next week I'm not saying anything, I'm just happy to be In The room then fell silent and they looked at me.

I was like, oh wow, that was good, so let me see if I did it right. They hit him in the eye with a flag, he lost vision in one eye and soon. a league for 400 million dollars, he won't see half of it, so not long after that I'm leading the club right now. I get a headline there on a regular basis and I've been doing a show there for a while now. and right before I went on stage, God changed the way I think about comedy, when a comedian goes on stage, he wants to get the laughs, that's 100 true, that's exactly what I thought.

God changed my way of thinking and told me not to go up there and laugh. people go up there to give them a chance to laugh he will change everything so I do my show we have a great time I go out I'm outside I'm talking to people they want autographs the same thing every time I leave this club but this time I looked at the other side the street and I saw a homeless man. I've never seen a homeless guy outside this club before, but that doesn't mean he wasn't there before, it just means my mentality was to make people laugh.

So why would I even notice a homeless man? And I noticed him. I was like: What's wrong with him? How could he give her a chance to laugh? and then God said, "You really want to know" and I said no, then I said yes, you know? because he was putting me on a plane the next day. I said yes and we went and did a comedy tour like no other tour before. The first place we went was Fort Worth, Texas. There's a place here called There's a place called The Samaritan House the Samaritan. House takes care of people who are homeless and have HIV.

We went there, we did a comedy show for him and then after the show this guy comes up to me and wants to talk to me. Now the facilitator already told me that this guy. I think his name was Steve, he doesn't talk to anyone but he wants to talk to me. I ask him why you want to talk to me and he goes on to tell me that until that night he hadn't laughed. more than 20 years and I tell you I almost started to cry I was like you better back off we are leaving there we are going to Montrose Colorado a place called dolphin house the Dolphin House takes care of children who are being abused by their parents who They are drugged and his grandmother tells me the story of her grandson and she tells me how his mother abused him and one of the things she is doing is pulling out his toenails and then she explains to me that her grandson is so afraid of her mom everywhere she goes she wears a Spider-Man costume everywhere she goes I hear her story and I hear all the other kids' stories and now they put them all together and I was able to do comedy for them only with the strength of God I was able to get on stage, like this so I go up there and start sitting right in front in the

full

Spider-Man costume.

I know his story and I have to do comedy, so I started doing comedy. Something incredible happens when a room

full

of people starts. to laugh you open up and reveal who you really are and I hear a voice coming from this part of the room and the voice says my name is Ronan this boy takes off his mask he introduces himself and starts talking to me for like nine minutes like he's not doing anything a comedy show, he talked about Spider-Man, he talked about Batman, he said Batman has a belt and I was like, well I have a bell too, if you don't sit down somewhere, that's exactly what happened.

The whole room laughed, in fact, it was the biggest laugh of the night. Now listen, I can guarantee you that it wasn't in my notes to make a joke about screaming kids in a room full of abused kids, but that was a joke that needed to be made, God. I knew it and the Elephant had to leave the room we had an amazing time we got out of there we go to Skid Row a guy tells me I've been homeless for seven years on crack for five years they beat me up they stabbed me and I left the Dead. he could really use a laugh Michael Jr. the same guy has to use his left hand to keep from falling out of a chair and laugh we filmed the whole thing we made a movie called comedy reel Let's Travel we're going to one more place we're actually going to a prison for youth we go to an adult prison the adult prison is not in the movie, but I have to tell you what happens because it just shows you how God has your back when you go out and do something that He told you to do.

Come on, we go ahead and go to this adult prison and I'm really scared. I don't mind telling us that I walk in war and take my belt. He says you can't have a belt. Someone might try to hang up on you. I wonder: can't they just boo me or something? Why do you have to hang up on me? Because there is a real dilemma right now. They can hang me with the belt or I take off the belt and my pants are loose. There are some things that are happening. in my head right now I'm just telling you that I'm very creative so I'm really scared and I need a joke right away I know tonight I was moving all slow comedy it's like having a date not in prison no, that analogy never made it up, It never showed up, I'm really scared, the bars are open in front of me, they're closing behind me, open in front of me, I can't run, I'm scared, I have to be funny right away, the joke appeared on my mom.

I'm afraid to say it. I was going to say, you know you guys are a captive audience, you know, I just want to say you know I was scared, I was scared. I walk in sitting right in front there is a white guy with a white beard named Moses, I thought thank you Lord, I looked at Moses and when I said these words the place exploded and laughed, we had an amazing time. I looked at Moses, I said Moses, that's what I want you to do. I want you to look at the prison warden right in his eyes, look him straight in the eyes and I want you to say: let my people go, listen, I love you, thank you so much, Michael Jr, thank you, thank you, thank you, foreigner, thank you.