After 50 You Just Stop Caring. Karen Morgan - Full Special

to three different stores to get the whiteboard that goes outside her dorm so she and her roommate could write notes to each other. I told her honey, you're in a co-ed dorm, no matter how nice this whiteboard is, some guy is going to make lewd drawings on it, it doesn't matter and then she wanted husband's pillow she had to have husband's pillow I said honey we all think we want husband's pillow and then we get husband's pillow we realize it takes up too much space in the bed and

just

stays there in front of the TV so between my three kids I think I've been on about 836 college tours and then836 college tours you realize they're all the same you get a very cheerful tour guide Hi my name is paisley I am a third year student majoring in marketing and communications with a minor in women's studies and biophysics today during the tour I will be Walking backwards and this is so I can maintain eye contact with you and so that you are nervous for the next two hours.

Our first

stop

on today's tour is the dining room. Our dining room has gluten. Dairy free. No allergies. Nut free. Vegan. Chicken fingers and vegetarian our next

stop

is the library. Now, the library you'll notice is the bottom floor, where you can study and talk to your friends, but each level of the library gets quieter and quieter. You can't talk at the top level. library can't be on the upper level of the library our last stop is going to be a dorm now today we're

just

going to show you a sample dorm so you can see what a dorm would look like if you didn't have real college students living there.

We were going to show them a real bedroom, but someone threw up a red hunch everywhere. I also like to ride a bicycle. My husband bought me a bike last year for my birthday. a very sweet guy, he said go to the bike shop, pick the one you want and I'll buy it for you for your birthday, so I went to the bike shop and went in there, a very nice young man named Curtis took care of me, maybe be 22, maybe 23 years old, young man, he said, okay, try your bike, go to the parking lot if you like it, come back and tell me, so I rode this bike in the parking lot, I went in, I said Curtis, I like this bike I want buy. this bike but I don't like this bike seat, it hurts and he said, "Oh, no problem, we can change the seat," so he runs to the back room and comes back with another seat, another seat that looks really uncomfortable and that It looks like the one I just pulled out, except this one has a groove in the middle, a very narrow groove, and he said, look, this one is for girls.

I said yes, Curtis, this one is for girls. Young and virtuous girls. I am neither young nor virtuous. I have created three. There are human beings inside my body and I've pushed them out of the part of my body that will be sitting in this bike seat, so what I'm going to need you to do for me, Curtis, is get me some wide seats, preferably with some some kind of calming gel because this part of my body needs a vacation Curtis and Curtis turned bright red and ran away and came back to the owner of the store who was a guy my age and the guy says to me Curtis says you have a question it's like I have a question I like this bike I want to buy this bike I don't like this bike seat it hurts can I get another one?

He said how many kids do you have and I said three, he said I'll be right back come back with the holy grail the big soft bike seat with a soothing gel insert he said here I think you'll like this seat my wife Barbara has this seat I think it's in your walking group it's free it's free take It's free so I also swim I go swimming and there's a lady that comes with my wives very very inspiring she's about 80 years old but she swims every day but she's one of those people who come to the wild locker room.

Who doesn't believe she needs a towel and I believe everyone needs a towel? You know they don't weigh, she gets a towel, so she went in there and not long ago she took a shower. She entered the locker room without a towel. They're all there and she goes to her locker and she puts on her bra and then she puts on her turtleneck sweater that she has little trees on and then she puts a big turtleneck sweater on top of that network of cables and so on from her waist. Upstairs she's

full

y dressed and from the waist down she's nothing and then with a room

full

of women she turned her back and leaned into her bag of clothes, this yellow bean bag and she's rummaging and rummaging for what we all hoped were her boxers and she rummaging rummaging rummaging and we looked everywhere but her direction and finally she said I know I had a panty zone when I came here because I went to the grocery store first, which makes me love her even more because she's an active senior, she's inspiring and she is a lady and knows that women don't run the supermarket.

I'll leave you with this again, one reason my husband, I've been married for 24 years, he's a great guy, he's really helpful when I'm driving, he likes to read the speed limit signs and he makes a couple of years ago I signed up for an ocean swim race and you swim from Peaks Island Maine to the mainland of Portland Maine so you're in the ocean for about two and a half miles and you have to be accompanied by a kayaker I guess in case If a shark attacks you, they are there to collect the body parts, I'm not too sure, so I told my husband, hey.

I'm going to sign up for this race. Could you be my kayaker? She said of course, I just have one question. Can I fish while doing it? I told her yes, I'm Karen Morgan. Thank you very much to all.