The public speaking lesson you never had | DK . | TEDxNelson

foreigner, how would you feel if I invited you to stand in front of a hundred people you don't know and try to share personal and professional stories to create, ignite and inspire creative action? That's a proposition you'd run towards, that's something You say yes, that's full of promise and potential for me or you'd like to push me and Run to the Hills, probably the latter. Many of you thought it was cool to speak in

public

. I do a little bit of that, but it's not my favorite. Which I have

never

done for the last 10 years. I've been running the tedx Wellington, obviously, in the capital city of New Zealand and asking people to do just that, to stand up and share their story, with their voice, but for the last six years.

I have been training leaders and former all black and sort of CEOs of big companies and one lady included to do that too, however I have about 60 news of

speaking

experience. I have been very lucky to speak to small audiences as well as larger audiences on five continents around the world on different topics and I dedicate my time to trying to help people find and have their voice and today with complete humility I must say that I am going to give the

public

speaking

lesson

you should have gotten when you were a kid or at least when you started working, let's be honest, cool, so this is me, born in the Camry Valleys, South Wales.

Oh look, not many people can pull off the ruffled shirt and striped socks. a crop top and vest type like that was the 70's so forgive me for that man Jillian so there I am a beautiful little boy of the letter. I have two older brothers who remind me that I'm the runt, so that's cool. I was born with a hearing impairment which developed very quickly and then during my formative years I had to have a lot of speech therapy, if you know someone with a speech impediment the problems are to do with sharing but sometimes not, but as a child, I couldn't animate the sounds and then save them, so I remember when I was five, I was eight or nine every week, I would go with my mom to the speech therapist's office and I had a couple of doctors there teaching me. that I would listen and then by listening, pronouncing the words or at least certain consonants and clusters of consonants also when I was a teenager, I was in and out of the hospital with evasive surgeries related to my children, perforated eardrums, that's always fun. grafts mastoidectomies that's a big word for cutting small bones in the middle ear so that you lose a lot of the type of functionality in the ear and eustachian tube polyp removal very big words for saying, okay, you've had a lot done things with your ears, so I'm left with a deficiency, however, let's move quickly.

Now I'm talking to you about speaking, which is kind of ironic but cool, how we turn these superheroes or we always have as many kinds of flaws as they do into superhero abilities as well, so I've turned listening into my ability to speak in terms of what I can do in a moment, how speaking can actually be more about listening, listening than speaking, so in my history of speaking, this is my favorite gig of all time. Look at me, hopefully, looking calm and collected and speaking at Collective at a conference called The Sandbox Summit, it was in Boston at MIT, if you know that's a big deal, it was the closing keynote, it always continues at the end or towards The last one, people remember you a lot. more so, that's great and that was the first time I really got into my vulnerability as a speaker in 2015.

I was talking a lot, but I really got into the idea of ​​revealing who I am. I talked about me listening to the difficulties, but my creativity. ideas and stuff like that and the impact of that is I got 300 people to dance with me seriously, this is me dancing with 300 people and just to prove it I show up in a tiny place, the bad white boy dancing there, it looks cool and Suddenly it doesn't I know if you put the right components together, you can physically make people dance with you, so what are those components? Well, with a great Jedi mind trick and three other items, I will now give them to you.

There are only three things you need for Great to give a great talk and they are Grace, credibility and resonance, let's go over them very, very quickly, Grace, it's not what you say, it's how you said it, credibility, those are the things that come out of your mouth , now, those are the stories. you choose to tell and the way you choose to tell them cool story models Mark blah blah blah resonance that's the audience's role in your talk what makes them feel good? The great Maya Angelou paraphrasing her here she said obviously people will remind me of that. how you made them feel much longer than what you told them or what you did, so let's take them one by one chapter by chapter if you want and now I'm going to show you things that you can't unsee and I apologize for that. kind of because once I reveal things to you, you're going to go see other people talking and saying, oh, DK told me that, that's cool, so let's start with my favorite thing about working with clients, which is Grace, remember that that's not what to say what.

What clients like most is to keep them from walking too much, to keep them from moving in weird and wonderful ways, so I'm going to show you all the weird and wonderful ways people tell me other things about them first, let's start with your feet, okay, I'm pretty solid up here. I don't mind walking and moving forward and occasionally taking a gentle step back when I feel I've made my point and get situated. Myself here, some people do a couple of different things, one called hip Bop and the other is called one leg walk-in again. Sorry, I'm going to show you these things that you can't see but the hips.

The jump is obviously sitting on one hip and then transferring your weight to the other hip. Some people every phrase is this and in another phrase it comes out and in another phrase, and if it was a rhythm in the back, you have a hip. robot movement right, they're just dancing up here cool, my one leg walk is kind of funny because you'll see this a lot, people stand up and for some reason, when we know why this wants to go away, thank you very much. it just wants to leave obviously its body is going to run there are 100 eyeballs on you your food or you are in trouble with the tribe that is your lizard brain but for some reason this leg wants to leave but you know you have to Stand and Deliver so that's it It's a big problem, because if we have some people wandering around and feeling a little bad, they gather here so that those two problems can be solved with one solution.

I call it the smooth rock star pose. I invented all this. right, we know Rockstar brings this up, you know you have an ax, a guitar and you're rockin' something hard and cool that's a rock star pose, a cool, smooth rock star stance when you stand up to talk, don't talk until you're tight and firm, this is not standing like this where I can walk on one leg or I can do hip-hop, okay, this is strong and firm now, the haptic feedback if I try to move I can't do the hip because the way I'm built but if I can walk on one leg I can't because I'm all over the place stand up first before talking just your feet let's move on some people are spinners I like spinners you're spinning you don't realize you're spinning , but bless them, it's spinning, that's cool and they don't realize it and that's the most important thing you should do as friends and colleagues is tell people that if you don't know what you're doing, please when you are.

They're not there because they don't realize they're doing that, so we go a little higher, towards the hands, and he gestures to those in the crowd. I'm one of those, thank you very much. I don't mind emphasizing things like that. and openstandial doing the little things when I need hands is good for reasons, however, some people have a gestural signal and every point they make or every sentence or every international point they make is joined with a gestural hand signal. You may know some of these people and you're just thinking why they do that at every point they say and they don't know they're doing it again or maybe they're shaking.

Yes, we all have the shakes and the nerves. If they are shaking, give their hands something. do like hold a clicker and hold it to the side or put a tissue in her hand or put it in the pocket where the tedxb really shook like that, that's what we did, we put our hand in a pocket with a tissue so she could squeeze. and then she seemed calm up there, but if you looked at her forearms, you were bursting, well that's where the strength lies, oh scary things, now I mentioned shaking, now shaking is really interesting when it comes to hands because a lot of people are just starting out.

Well, you probably need a script to start talking. Now I'll get back to the scripts in a minute. The reason you should

never

use a hyphen. There are a couple of reasons. I'm going to illustrate it with this lovely strategically placed piece. of paper, thank you very much. A lot of people use hyphens when they speak publicly and we're professionals now, so we don't use hyphens, right? Will you join me in that kind of yes? Change the world, no more evil drafts because when I watch People with a Script, what I usually see is people shaking with a script, not just a script, and especially if it's a piece of paper and you're standing there trying to present it, now the paper will make you vibrate, yes, you have all seen this happen. and what happens then is, as a speaker, I look down and I see this paper shaking, so now I'm aware that I'm afraid and you can see that I'm afraid, now it's amplifying, now I'm trying to do some weird things.

Like holding it with my hip or something and trying to bend it and keep it down there and just pick it up every once in a while and it's a whole bag of worms right there, so let's see what happens when you get rid of the script, right people. see if you don't have a script how can I practice my talk? it just didn't go anywhere you can't practice public speaking they are out loud you can only prepare yourself for how you will feel when you stand on stage with 100 people you don't know and you are trying to impress them because most people practice badly, they write the script and, by the way, we write differently than we read, there is simply a deficit in communication, there are reasons why There are speech writers and screenwriters, it is very difficult to write dialogues, we speak differently than how we write, so that now, if you start with a script, what you do is you condense it into bullet points and those bullet points become what you say and the stories that you tell me what I'm going to happen in a minute, but practice well, which means not practicing with a script , it means you're not at home practicing with your cat, your dog, your kids or your spouse, who's to say, that's brilliant, honey, you're going to do it very well and then when you get up, you don't do it very well because suddenly there are lights I can hear myself.

Now this matters. Now there are people I don't know looking at me. If conditions change, then you have to prepare differently. to prepare you for your physiological responses, which I'll get to at the end because that's the elephant in the room in the Jedi mind trick I'm going to play on you, but that was Grace, let's move on to credibility, the second chapter of our One Little Thing here, so credibility is interesting because the things that come out of your mouth, no, no, this is where Ted takes a lot of blame. Seriously, I'm aiming for a bad Teddy, you know, bad head, because Ted, as we all know, is this. great beer moth, this is a brilliant presentation.

I would say that this has had a negative effect on the expectations of the audience because it increased their literacy, so now anyone who is here has to match what he has seen in the past and probably has seen. good presenters straight to your literacy level varies even at high levels, sorry, even at work now when you see the people present, you want this level of experience and delivery as a speaker, that means I upped my game as a creative producer who reserve Other speakers I am now encountering are very well behaved people, they can communicate complex issues in a simple way, but they also deliver.

It's usually not the CEO who gets the script and presentation when they appear because they are too busy. do well for themselves, so let's think carefully about how a great story is made. I'm going to take a quote from this old gentleman Woodrow Wilson, one of the acceptable presidents of the past, and he said that this brevity is difficult to do and that We've all been in situations where the boss says yes, I'll just talk for two minutes and 10 minutes later you're thinking, are you right? It's always fun for the listener if you do it right, in other words.

Think of brevity as a skill, like a condensed distillation skill. Now the art of anything, the craft, is always in the editing, so when you write your script now you have to condense it and concentrate it and distill it into the stories that now exist. There are so many narrative forms that could be as simple as just telling me where you started, where you finished, and filling in the little ones andlovely middle bits. My favorite model is get up, tell me what you're going to tell me, tell me, tell me. What you told me is the simplest presentation model that exists, really simple, true, there are other more complex ones, Nancy Duarte, the form of a great presentation, look at where it establishes what it is and what it could be, what it is, what it could be, you come and go. between those two and end with a lovely new blessing with the annulment and the three act structure, you don't need to get that detail, all you have to do is stand there and tell lived stories, choose between lived experiences, not things that there are I've read that they resonate much better with the people in the room, what doesn't resonate are vignettes, that's a slide. to remind me to talk about bullets, look what I've done there, yeah, it's a good thing, so there are three bullets on this slide, they're just not there because they're pattern-seeking creatures if I started with three bullets, in other words. any text on a slide you're reading so what I do is hold the slide until I'm ready to talk about guns don't kill people bullets kill people and bullet points kill attention boom nice yeah but you know the point that Megan, if I had started like that, you would have been reading and when you got to the end, I would have been reading the first one, you would have had to come back to me and join in because you can't listen either.

As you read it, you get the point, so if you have complex information, make sure it is segmented or broken down and have it come as you speak so that listeners can follow the story with you and not in front of you or trying to figure it out. . or they are confused and go back to the wrong point when they start listening to you again the last one is the resonant one now this is where you have a role I guess it's your emotional feeling what do I leave you feeling as an audience as a group of humans so this is where most of people fall because they write a script based on something that they want to impart with this information now in the scope of a sphere or atmosphere.

This is a line, so let's talk about it as a spectrum, thanks for excitement. on one end you have fear and disgust, on the other side you have inhalation of joy, the worst place in a given presentation is in the middle, that's the information, kingdom ma, m-e-h, okay, I don't have any feelings towards that, it's just information, right? I'm not saying I don't have information. What I'm saying is humanize that information as much as possible. Whether you are in history. where I also go back to square one on Grace because you're going to get your emotional cues from me as the speaker.

A client blessed him with a high rank in government and sent me a 40-minute presentation of him speaking at a European conference about Apparently Something Very Original and that was great. I could see the talk and then criticize when I first met him and he was very egotistical, very open, he hit me with everything he had, so I said great. My first question is how many? times you smiled in a 40 minute talk and he said I don't know and he had counted and it was twice the first time he thanked the person for introducing him the second time he thanked everyone for listening to him he was already gone right, we have seen those people who are very stoic in their presentation, but what they say is incredibly unbelievable apparently, but they don't change their face, they take these things very seriously and that was my point to him.

There wasn't any kind of emotional cues from you as the presenter of the information to understand how I should feel as The Listener at certain points in the story, if you're serious, don't do this, okay, this is a very serious topic, right? You know? alternatively, if you need to have a little fun with this, you know you can play with this, but recognize that people are going to mirror your emotions, so when you get excited and you lean in and use your hand, you're going to feel a little bit of oh, he's going forward. I should be paying attention to you versus someone who comes back and is obviously a little afraid of you and then starts talking like that and you're not, you can see my point, the whole physical aspect lends itself to resonance now, this is where we get the trick. mental Jedi and this is the last information I give you and this is the fun little thing that you can't participate in if you breathe with this little image that expands and contracts, it will reset your parasympathetic system big words for basically you relax a lot maybe you want yawn while you do this I do it when I breathe this slow yawn that's cool and I stood next to the stages with this as a gift I have it I can I send it to you with the people and I'm going to do this breathing exercise and I see that their shoulders They fall and they relax and then I give them the beautiful thing that is: you're not nervous, you're excited, not nervous but still excited, and as soon as I click on their brain, the physiological responses actually amplified that emotion, remember when you were going to see your favorite person at a concert or your favorite team in any sport and they were just running, you feel that emotion and are you? like oh my god, I'm here, I want to pee, this is called cool and it's the same as when you feel very, very nervous, like I don't want to, you need to pee, the psychological state is the only thing that is changed so that you are not nervous. , you're excited, you're not nervous, you're excited, you're excited to speak, not nervous, and that will help you overcome a lot of the woes that we have when it comes to public speaking, so just a summary.

If you had a little grace, credibility, and resonance with a little Jedi Yoda mind trick, then you can talk to a plum and connect with an audience and also, while you're here, have a little fun. Thank you for your time and attention I really appreciate it