Funniest George Carlin Bit Ever

so I say there are little things you can do to help keep other people on their toes. Do you

ever

try to leave a drive-in? That's the kind of thing I'm talking about or just walking up to someone on the street and saying sorry. I have nothing to say someone asks you what time it is so well it's 6:15 or Mickey has a boner now many of these suggestions many of these suggestions I offer are intended to be used by retail employees because retail employees Look like you need help special. Do you

ever

go to a store and immediately notice that the clerk is using a lean blend?

The cheese fell off his cracker a long time ago. Just a couple of sandwiches away from a picnic. Here's one you can try. gift shop and ask for your gift, well they never seemed to have mine, I mean, I saw your sign, I came for my gift, save yourself the trouble of looking for me everywhere, it doesn't impress them, but it keeps them on their toes or else, just run into any quiet little shop on a Sunday morning and say they'll say yes, thanks and run, let them realize it's none of your business, stand in line at the bank for a long time, one of those new types. of lines they have at the bank the common feed line used to be each teller had their own line no longer now you think you're at Disneyland you stand in line for a long time when you finally get to the window you just ask for a nickel change they actually call other cashiers to look at you, here's one, go to your neighborhood photographer's studio and ask the man if you can buy the other people's pictures, then how much for that burly couple in the window or will they stare?

It takes you a long time with that one, in fact, they may even go back several meters. This is my current favorite. Go to the dry cleaners and ask the man if you can remove the stains from one pair of pants and put them on another pair of that pair. They should be able to do it for the same amount of money while you're there. Ask her if you can remove fingerprints from a wedding dress. That is the proof of a very good quality dry cleaner. Go to the laundry. Give him your shirt and tell him to turn the buttons, go to a gun store, buy a gun and buy some ammo, then ask him if they have balaclavas, okay, okay, go to a supermarket, this one is good for the supermarket, place your shopping cart at the supermarket and fill it to the top, I mean a huge pile of groceries and then get in line and look for someone with an item and ask if you can go ahead, do you mind?

I'm in a hurry. I only have 1,100. items run to a bakery and say: can you make a penis shaped cake? They never know, they always have to have a meeting, well I don't know, wait a minute, wait, what could you? We have a photo to go. Well, no, but I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you. Ask for more flour, Helen, next time you're at a wishing well, it doesn't happen often Next time you're at a wishing well, ask to see the The manager tells me we'll be going there for ten years and none of Your wishes have come true, either you give me my money back or I'm in the hole.

Here's one for the ball park. The baseball park will notice if the ball game is too much. guys bring a glove they bring a bat see a foul ball coming hit it back at them then they get up and greet the pitcher but they'll think you're a fun fan they'll think it's straitjacket night . tell me in some hotels they give you a little sewing kit you know what I do I sew the towels together so the sheets and curtains let him know you've been there here's one for the boys this one is strictly for the boys go to a barbershop tell the man you want your pubic hair combed don't say anything special just freeze my bush they'll be talking about you for years the man who had his pubic hair cut off with tin foil while trying to find a way for it to fit under a dryer , you'll be in the Busch Hall of Fame here's a good one at the bar when you're drinking at the bar have you ever noticed that at the bar someone always says to you hey can I buy your drink?

Say no thanks, but could you give me the money? Tell him you're saving up to buy your own damn bar. Now there's one more area of ​​daily life that lends itself to keeping people alert and that's when you're driving. You would certainly agree with anyone. Behind the wheel of a car you have many opportunities to keep people on their toes. I'm not just talking about blowing a guy's head off because he cut you off at a red light or something, or yes, I'm talking about subtle things like putting your car in low gear and following pedestrians into the mall, it's been talked about a lot, as you know, about this violence on the roads, people shooting each other from their cars.

I don't believe much and I like that type of open violence. a kind of preventive violence in my car you know what I have in the back window of my car I have one of those yellow signs in the shape of a diamond that says pitbull armed with aid on board and I tell you that even the idiots leave on my own here there is a little fun in the car driving someone will be driving next year in the next lane over there and you say stop, barber, barber, he stops, keeps going, let him park for a while and think well, hey, it's certainly nothing of his worry, in fact, he doesn't want to have anything to do with something like that man might kill someone.

Here's another little joke for the driver as he goes through the toll booth, well not actually through the booth itself, that would do it. be a big joke, I mean, when you're passing through the little space between the booths, when you get there and the guy holds out his hand, negotiate with them, try to get a better deal, tell him you heard it was a free Chevrolet. day tell him to use the road and that you are looking for a discount tell him that you don't have any more money that you spent it all on and beer that will wake him up especially if you are a woman