Body Language Expert Explains How to Show Confidence | WIRED

people who have supreme

confidence

when they enter the room they feel comfortable in that room they do not hesitate to look around their gestures are soft but they are very broad and that has to do with

confidence

and for many people this is very difficult I remember to the great actress Helen Mirren saying that one of the most difficult things to learn as an actress is how to enter a scene. I've thought about that even in my career. How early is the difficulty of mastering that? How do you get in? at the crime scene, how can I enter the public and

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that I am trustworthy, etc.?

We can all work a little on our non-verbal mode to come across as more confident when we talk about confidence. There are so many things you have to do. to do with our posture the way we present how we look where our chin is where our eyes are looking and looking our gestures are loose but they are softer as we walk we walk like we have a mission I go out to shake your hand or I'm walking towards a podium or I'm walking to where I'm going to sit, so the less confident we are, the less eye contact we make, the less confident we are, the more reluctant we are to look around.

I know that when I look at someone I admire, like Colin Powell, when he goes on stage before he even speaks, he has complete control of the room and he does it because he brings two things to this equation: one is a tremendous amount of knowledge and experience, plus he has become and defined himself like a statesman. We have to think of America as a family where each family member cares about the other family members. I think sometimes people confuse machismo or theatrical displays of power with confidence. Jane Goodall, very calm, listens to this ethologist, very meek, very gentle, and yet, wherever she goes, she dominates the room.

One of the things she notices is that they have this self-control and, in doing so, that command conveys outward the other thing that confident people realize. It is the temporal aspect of leadership if you are in charge, you are in charge of time. I'm going to take my time getting out. I'm going to take my time to answer your question. I will answer it at her pace. and the tone that I choose and by doing so we are

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ing that we have confidence and control. Where do we get that confident voice from where do we get those gestures of confidence?

This is what is called socialization. We notice the director who acts this way. We like this leader. because of this or that trait, I try to model their behaviors and say this is a shortcut and if I have to work on my vocabulary, that's what high status people do if I have to change my mannerisms to fit into this society and then that's what I'm going to have to do that doesn't mean I change myself completely it just means that this is what is required of me and this is what I want to achieve right now I think of cary Grant here is an An individual born in the The United Kingdom grew up very poor and, as he said in his biography, I became Cary Grant.

I adopted all the behaviors I saw in high-status people. Just think about it, but make up your mind and it's hard to prescribe this, except one. one of the easiest things we can do, you know, if you're a woman, maybe you want to model yourself after the actress Kate Blanchette or some other actor and say you know when they're interviewed, how they look, they look so confident. They look interesting, they have such a commanding presence. You know we're not born this way. These are things we have to develop and say how I want to be perceived and what I can do to achieve that.

Are there better behaviors you can do? here's a simple one: how many of you someone says where you went and you go like this? It turns out that this is one of the most hated posters in the entire world and yet, if we go like this, he went in that direction. Small things are already perceived differently. I often tell the story of when I first went into law enforcement, they said, well, you know you have to go out and make some arrests, and the first time I went out and my voice just rang out. very loud, you're under arrest, that sounds horrible and you have to work to have that command presence where you say, stop right there, don't move, that's almost theatrical, yes, but it's what it takes, so let's do this exercise , I want you to say no, just go ahead, say it out loud, now let's do it right, say it like I say it, no, no, no, no, do you see the difference between the way you said it and this way?

You noticed your voice getting deeper and deeper, but? Also notice that the finger became wider and wider the more confident he was, the more his fingers extended. There is a big difference between saying don't stop and not stopping. This enhances the message, but to get to this we have to practice it, so let's do it. Again, no, now go out and teach your kids how to do that. Sometimes I love mirror selfies. One of my pet peeves is what we hear every day called talk, talk, it's when someone says something and then ends up doing it. sounds like a question mark then it sounds like this four score and seven years ago four score and seven years ago our parents brought to this continent our parents brought to this continent a new nation my company has investigated this and we I asked the CEOs and executives and some will say, well, you know, I've gotten used to it, etc., but when we ask them if it really matters, they also, yeah, we'd rather not see it. the people who say well you know this is the way I talk and sure, but don't expect the same results, we choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things not because they are easy but because they are difficult.

Because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and abilities, cadence in our speech is extremely powerful for a couple of reasons. One we know that when people machine-gun a statement, when they speak too quickly, we are less likely to listen. to them for a long period of time, but when we speak with a cadence we stand still listening to what is coming next and I will give you an example of that great speech that Martin Luther King gave, as you can notice, with a cadence. I have a dream, I have a dream and then he pauses on it one day and then he goes on and Churchill used the same thing.

Churchill's notes would literally create spaces for how long an iron curtain would stop, from Stephen in the Baltic to Tryeste in the Adriatic. has descended all over the continent, these pauses make people listen and one of the things we teach is that if you want people to listen to you, use cadence to get their attention, keep their attention, but then look forward to what it will be the next set of words. it lets them know on a subconscious level that this is the person in charge and we know that they are in charge because they have temporary control over this, they are not in a hurry, so a lot of times people tell me, well, that's what it does. confidence, it looks like you know chest out, shoulders back, chin up, yeah that looks pretty good, but you know a lot of times confidence is just sitting comfortably in a chair and that may have more to do with the amount of space you control.

The gestures you use you will probably notice that I use a lot of movement. I tend to interlock my fingers etc. These are gestures that contribute to that communication that I am trying to convey, that I have confidence in what I am talking about. so it's not just about sticking out my chest, much less speaking louder or anything, it's about controlling my environment but about making sure that what I'm transmitting at all times is confidence and that means that I'm prepared, I'm ready to reply. I am going to answer you now I am going to answer you effectively and I am going to make sure that you understand what I said I am here to convey I am not here to convince many times people who lack confidence are trying to convince you of something hey, yes I have trust, I only say it once, it's this way and that's it.

I convey the information instead of sitting there and trying to beat you down by repeating it ten different ways. Compare the gestures. I'm about to do it It's about temporal movement Controlling time so that the person in charge has time to look up at their own pace The gestures are smooth There's no hesitation There's no quick movements There's no nervousness There doesn't have to be I'm in charge when I feel less confident I feel like I have to be in a hurry, I have to look up and I have to respond immediately and there are a lot of grooming behaviors that are detracting from me, I was really shy a few years ago this is probably changing a little bit people are horrified when speaking in public I used to feel horrified when speaking in public I still get nervous when speaking in public but here are some tricks that I found that may be useful to you the first is never hesitate to say you know what this is scary be honest with yourself this is not natural number two take refuge and knowing that if I sit down and study this material I will know it better than my audience the third thing I always make people do is rehearse it really helps so that the first time you hear it on a forum you don't freak out when it comes When it comes to presenting one of the things I like to do is warm up I find a nice solid wall and I just lean into it like I'm holding this wall pressing it like I'm doing a pushup and one of the things that that does is it makes it releases a lot of muscle tension and because I'm doing it very wide it makes me feel more powerful and I need to walk on that stage as if it were my own with complete confidence, it's only then that I look at my audience and then take a second to compose myself and start with practice, obviously, you are going to improve more and better let's be realistic people are not born confident they simply are not confident we can have confidence with the help of our parents who encourage us we can have confidence through our own achievements we can have confidence by going beyond our limits, but trust is something we can grow and we can nurture.

I mean, I've seen people in wheelchairs who have supreme confidence. I have seen people over 90 years old who are very confident. I've seen kids holding a violin with such confidence, if you want to be confident, know your material, know the information, hone that skill, work on it, have that mastery of things and yourself, and that's how you'll feel confident without No matter what your position in life is.