Trevor Noah's full set at the White House correspondents’ dinner

mulvaney, I get it, you know, he's more than just the guy who assured everyone that Donald Trump would grace

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y concede that no, he can too. give you access to other people who assured you that Donald Trump would graciously concede that is very important so thank cbs my corporate cousin you can actually find us at Paramount and yes right between spongebob squarepants and a bunch of movies in the that even Delta is in flight. rejected entertainment system but I don't want to insist on that I want to insist on mick mulvaney when we have so many other great journalists here tonight we have anderson cooper in the

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man we have rachel maddow we have don lemon we have shepherd smith smith and so many other great talents who can no longer be mentioned in florida public schools I see you rhonda sanchez what's going on baby oh man a lot of big media names in the room tonight chuck todd is here lay down here yeah how are you? doing, i would ask for a follow up, but i know you don't know what they are, don't boo him, he's trying, man. these people are bad, chuck, the axios team is in the

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too.

I didn't know this, but axios actually means political playbook in Greek without the birthdays, yeah, and you know, axios got a lot of flack a few years ago for posting a staff photo that had fewer black people than CPAC, but kudos to Axios . They solved that problem by not posting any more star photos and um and Jonathan Swann, mom, I'm a fan, personal fan, you've been crushing it with those interviews, congratulations on the award. Always asking how Jonathan Swann gets these politicians to open up to him. I'll tell you what the Australian accent is like. Yes, American journalists sound too aggressive.

What did you do with the money? An interview with Jonathan Swan is like being interrogated by a koala bear. But senator mcconnell, don't you think it's strange that you and the devil have never been seen in the same place at the same time? Don't you think it's strange? Well I guess when you go to hell you'll find out for yourself npr One of my favorites is here tonight, congratulations on all the work you do. I love little desk gigs. I just wish they didn't always have to beg for money. You know, maybe you're spending too much on those bags.

Who designs these houses? from gucci, why not ask ivanka which kids do her stuff? And how about the New York Times? sneaking off to the bathroom to do things you're not supposed to do tonight, like posting on Twitter, yeah, I see I love the New York Times. I really do, you guys are the best. They do some of the most accurate and accurate reporting. news that you never stop writing down exactly everything the police have given you to say something really powerful like, is it just me or is the New York Times still blaming bail reform for crimes that have nothing to do with it? with bail reform, as I almost hope to do?

Open your newspaper and see a headline that's facing a blow due to changes in state bail laws and you know it's actually crazy how you guys have been attacked for everything from your investigations into Trump's taxes that are reporting on the pandemic and yet the biggest. The death threats you received were because there were two L's in the world that day, which was crazy, by the way, hand it to those New York Times reporters who managed to get their hands on those Kevin McCarthy tapes. That was amazing, yeah, leave it to them, amazing. I knew how crucial those tapes were and that's why you immediately waited until your book was on sale to tell people bravo bravo and you know what I liked about those tapes is that the only good news is that now we know if nancy pelosi or kevin mccarthy are speaker of the house that position will still be held by someone who believes trump should have resigned and was responsible for what happened on january 6th yes that is bipartisanship I like it I am very excited because the kings of cable it's Fox News in the house here, yes, the highest rated news network for the last 300 years, killing it and I know Fox has a bad reputation.

I even feel like you get tense now that I talk about them, they really crush it, you know, I think. They have a bad reputation because it's a mix, you know, they actually have very good newspapers, it just depends on when you look closely Fox News is like a waffle house, yes it's relatively normal in the afternoon, but as soon as the sun goes down. there's a drunk woman named janine who threatens to fight every mexican that comes in, they can't kick me out, i know the real president, how about that primetime programming on fox, huh, tucker, carlson, sean hannity, laura ingram, su undercover coverage was really shocking, your vaccine segments? they moved their viewers to the ICU and congratulations, congratulations to Sean Hannity for becoming the longest-serving anchor in the history of cable news, by the way, leave it for him for real, leave it for him, longest-serving anchor, don't hate , do not hit the player.

Yes, fun fact: Sean Hannity and Ainsley Earhart are actually dating now, yes, yes, and I actually think it's lovely to see a romance in the Fox office that won't end in a $20 million deal. Yes, I'm sure Roger Ailes is right. now he's looking up and smiling oh laura ingram wow what can you say about her that hasn't already been said by the powerful anti defamation league? I'm just sad that tucker carson isn't here, he's my favorite, how talented tucker carson is. Are you kidding? That man is a beast. Who else could fill an entire show each night asking questions that Google could easily answer?

Do vaccines work? Who really won the election? Who is the president right now? It's something exciting about America, but you know if we ask people. There's so much going on in the world right now, sometimes it can be overwhelming and you just want to disconnect from it all and that's why I love watching CNN, where's Jeff Zucker? By the way, I couldn't explain what's going on there either, apparently Jeff got fired. after he tried to keep their workplace relationship a secret, which is weird because if he really didn't want anyone to know he could have made a show about it on CNN, plus I know it's really sad, CNN plus He left but forgot. you know who i blame you know who i blame cnn i blame john king, that's who, yes john, your magic wall can predict how every person in the country will vote in every county, but it couldn't warn you that no one wanted more cnn, I mean, they spent $300 million on CNN plus $300 million.

Can I be honest? I think Stanley Tucci was playing with you guys, yeah, no, I think that guy knew exactly where Italy was and he was just going to keep looking while you were paying 300 million, do you understand how much money that is? I mean, I get it streaming. They say it's the future. You know, as the old saying goes, you have to spend money to make sure Chris Cuomo doesn't make a mistake. layoff lawsuits and that's not the only big change happening at CNN, they just brought in Chris Licht, yeah, my man there, Chris, as the new news chief, his first order of business, hire a guy who knows how to turn off the breaking news sign, yeah.

What happened to that? They just put it on during the search for do and never knew how to get rid of it. News isn't always breaking, but this is an interesting time for the media world as, in many industries, the pandemic was important. interruption for journalists, but I also think it helped humanize them, honestly, you know, millions of Americans watched TV anchors report from inside their own homes, while reporters in print media said, "We get it, "You have homes to show off and we have to face the facts." the media is in a difficult position you said mr president informing the american public is harder than ever you are fighting conspiracy theories that the election was stolen by george soros that jfk jr is still alive that everyone in this room is a pedophile secret and that's just what clarence thomas' wife thinks are crazy people this is truly the golden age of conspiracy theories whether it's the right who believes trump can still win the 2020 election or the left who do you think joe biden can still win the 2024 election, thank you mr president And so, as we sit in this room tonight, I really hope that everyone remembers what the true purpose of tonight is, yes, it's fun, yes, we dress Well, yes, people eat, drink, we have fun, but the reason we are here is to honor. and celebrate the fourth estate and what you stand for, what you stand for, an additional check and balance that has the power to account and gives a voice to those who otherwise wouldn't have one and and and I'm not just talking like cnn or fox or any of the other major organizations talking about everyone you know, the young journalists we saw today, you know fearless journalists who aren't even in this room in flint michigan or those daring reports in the des moines register or the unwavering local news anchor at the Paso Texas, every one of you, whether you like it or not, is a bastion of democracy and if you ever start to doubt your responsibilities, if you ever start to doubt how significant it is, look no further than what is happening. in Ukraine, look what is happening there.

Journalists are risking and even losing their lives to show the world what is really happening. You realize how wonderful it is in America. You have the right to seek the truth and tell the truth, even if it makes people in power uncomfortable, even if it makes your viewers uncomfortable. or your readers feel uncomfortable, you understand how amazing it is. I was here tonight and I made fun of the president of the United States and I'll be fine, I'll be fine, do you really understand what a blessing that is? It's maybe it's been happening for so long that you can forget it's a blessing, in fact here, ask yourself this question honestly, ask yourself this question if the Russian journalists who are losing their livelihoods while you were talking about Steve and his freedom for daring to report on what your own government is doing if they had the freedom to write any word to show any story or ask any question if they had basically what you have, would they use it the same way you ask yourself that question every day? day because you have one of the most important roles in the world thank you very much for inviting me I appreciate you please be careful when going out tonight we all know that this administration does not handle evacuations well good night everyone thank you very much