UNHhhh Ep 82: "Roommates Pt. 1" with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova

Don't yell at people Pete, that's rude. Oh FINA, can you bring me my ring? You better work with this leather glove, black nail, tell your other club. Hello, I'm backwards. Native Trixie. Hello, I am the STI clinic that offers you a lot. from screaming your STI screaming I'm just going to fire the gun, okay? I'm the limp doll that could save a life Trixie Mattel and I'm horny for psychopaths Katya and welcome to the show where we talk about whatever we want because it's ours don't show yours

roommates

Oh landlords rents rents rents I want a goose that lays gold Maurice thousand a day I had a landlord once and I kind of walk around with a heavy oh no, I guess I let the ball on my feet hit the floor and Then she always came and yelled at me because she said I can hear you walking up the stairs every day or that was under you, yes, and said that I walked too hard, it was as if you were here trampling. because you're trying to make me mad I'm not mad I'm just going somewhere yeah I think I guess flat but her name is Deborah her name is she was called Deborah she does Debbie or I don't know what Deborah means and I was done once I was on an appointment.

I had that appointment at my house. I remember one time he came up the stairs, knock, knock, wait, her name is Deborah, no, her husband's name was husband, yeah, and he was like you're here screaming. and I scream and I'm stomping or making noise and I remember saying you can't talk to me like that and really close the door, yeah for you you can't talk to people like that, surely you don't care if he just shot your mother in the face , you know what I'm here to be polite today. He had a landlady, one of the most fascinating creatures in all of human history.

It had oriental rugs in the entry way. I had a conflict, I remember, from a previous episode. in the face I was going to say what affliction in what episode she lived in a stone cabin that was not legally zoned in the back and I knocked on the door to give her my key, she asked me for five helps and she saw my face and she said, just He said Jim hurts logically, not because yes, yes, no, because you had scabs. I know they were like um, I guess they looked a little injured, there were like patches of red, dry skin.

The name of my first owner was silent. I love it, yes, Miroslav, and remember I was moving in with my boyfriend, you're both like 18 and he said, well, you know, when people are young and stay together, they break up, they still have to pay the rent. lease and I remember we were like oh we're in love how dare you and you see we broke up so I had to show up and fight with another roommate her last name was booty you heard you ask her what booty was so of all ways umm little needle, I remember it was winter and my responsibility was to shovel and sometimes I forgot because I'm 18 I wanted him to call me and he said to my face Victor hit me in the face with you yes I love it yes, stand on my face with you, yeah, that's what he said Wow, so it was a lot.

He lived in a walk-up apartment in Boston and the landladies were two ancient Greek women like in the '90s, when a skinny one was Dow, yes, but then they had to climb three flights of stairs to get there. their apartments on the top and I one of them died in the bathroom my roommate had to go up there so the fat girl was crying she had come down to our apartment she didn't speak English and um she went up she was she had died in the bathroom she came down to tell you mom dad like Elvis, yeah, what a way to go, yeah, how's it going, go well, you have to go, you have to go, you have to go, make a meeting for that, hey, you have to go, you have You have to go, you have to go right now.

I'm going to put up with this one, my responsibility is that the tram threw a tree I had. I shoveled the driveway and then ice picked. It's a long road. Oh, there's also a nursery downstairs on the first floor and one time when I was cleaning the stove. he lived in the attic above a daycare with an ice pick my first task was to plant pine trees in the garden during a blizzard it was a perfect time of year to do it it's too much I said yes it was literally a blizzard like literally a snow storm northeast snow and I was like Shelley you should know I'm not doing it you know and I did and well one day I was cleaning the stove she said that unprovoked curl sex is a feasible option for those who are not willing to have sex. like if you have a partner and you don't want to have penetration, just have him slide it between your thighs.

I wasn't asking for any sexual advice. Listen. I have wrinkles. Have you ever done it? any um shenanigans um no, I mean I've never had problems like that, my infestations haven't, oh we had a good rodent mine, I had all these traps, these are like black box traps, they're like little covered carts, you see one little tail, Oh, when you get it Oh, every few days I get a good one, you know, you're all every few days, yes, there are a dozen rats, so I had to deal with them, however, all the traps were set, I went to the Christmas holidays and I came back as soon as I walked through the entrance while on the second floor I was like I knew him behind the stove green slime a puddle outside the trap it was like something out of this world did you guys work in a bar where there were dead rats oh yes, yes? but I mean, you know, that's work.

My refrigerator died in my garage in the middle of the Los Angeles summer. How many nickels would you have? It wasn't mine. My roommate had a bunch of raw meat there and I came home after the tour. I've been cross-juggling for weeks. Open the door. The Texas Massacre. Worms fell out. Are you through a wall of worms that fell at my feet? And I called TaskRabbit and said, you have to come down here. I need to bring duct tape. Tape it shut and take it to the trash can. I remember it was like we could clean it up.

I'm like we'll never have food network again. No, I don't care, no, we are not at a point in our lives. where we have to be like cleaning worms if something has worms it has to go yes I would love to own a property and be the owner. I can't decide if I want to go as a tenement, slumlord or more of a new age. something like where I say that I am not an owner at all, I mean a friend who completes me, they wake up and you come in, I brought it to you, we have aged the apartment if you have a lot of glass and a frying pan and you go out. you're hungry and you turn around it's like an amethyst also like they're sitting in the living room watching a movie and it's only halfway through the movie that they realize you've been hanging one of those yoga ropes upside down from the ceiling or are you coming to knock on the door to collect rent you are wearing one of their suits and they are like this mine is ours you are a person who feels comfortable approaching a neighbor or I feel comfortable with anything because I am comfortable I am right now, how Do you ask if someone is making too much noise or if they need you to know?

I'm the kind of person who would just complain about it and let it rot and the viewers get their fill instead of going to the general, what would I do, what to do, okay you're the noisy neighbor making the noise, let's say I don't know, yeah, yeah, okay, so Greg, like I showed him, they'll take the library books back to the shelter. Oh God, uh, excuse me, I live downstairs and you, I mean, yeah, why don't you paint your face with them? You're loud, you don't live above, you live above me, but you're not above me, are you serious already?

It makes sense um, I already said that. I never went to a door, knocked on it and said anything. Okay, if you're having a party at your house, you should tell your neighbor that people will be angry because of the noise they made. I don't expect them to not get mad about a noise you told them about, yeah, like I said, I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend in about 20 minutes, yeah, and every time you should go down and say like this, I just took what? Is this Alice? Yes, I just inserted my cialis to make Brian Irving you insert it right.

Yes, the pee hole. Oh, I just pushed a pipe cleaner up. I could use it as a splint. I will not live recently. There was um. I have learned. that there is no heating in the apartment or that maybe there is, I just don't know, I haven't checked, that's the point. I continue like this for a whole week straight. I was like walking around my apartment with clothes like two pairs of Lenin socks and a blanket, yeah, and I felt like a prisoner in my own house, I thought, um, I felt like I was in the movie, the revenant had never seen it. , me neither, but it's cold in that movie living, yes, together, yes, the rings make rentals.

roommates

have daughters long-term month-to-month leases and litigious landlords security deposits Oh, have you ever gotten a security deposit back every time?

Listen, have you ever lived with someone you're not ready for? It's hard to live with a drag queen. because we have a lot of style, however, I am the most fabulous bankrupt because I am like there are three months of rent here. I'll be gone, yeah, what's breaking the roommate rules? Ah, for you personally Stephen Marie Smith Oh, having people like a big like a big gathering and I don't really like sharing food, well, you don't have what I would like to eat at a time and if they take what I'll get angry, don't you think there are some? mutual like I'm making eggs you should ask the other person if they want to buy sure there are some ways to have a mutual and consistent acknowledgment that you live with someone yeah I think this is the way I'm doing now so when I'm in this every time I have a roommate.

I do a lot of this. Hey.