UNHhhh Ep 70 "Halloween" with Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova

I think there is a ghost touching you like a chill that runs down my spine as if something bad is going to happen. I have the complete opposite. I have warm rivers of sweat. It's almost like it's Halloween. And as usual, we came half armed, yes, half armed and fully loaded, oh. god oh it's just that I feel hands on me oh I'm so vulnerable bird reynolds it's that you hello I'm the Japanese ghost girl who just wants to be understood

trixie

mattel

and I'm the ghost of your 8th grade health teacher

katya

and welcome to the show where we talk about whatever we want happy

halloween

can you clap and turn on the lights oh right oh perfect thank you i'm very talented well it's

halloween

and that doesn't happen every year except it absolutely does.

Oh, as always, we look very scary, I think last year we were Romeo Michelle, uh, the year before we were a witch and a person with an eyeball forehead, there you go, a fortune teller, that episode was the birth of I'm a vampire. I'm a vampire from the future who rides a mountain bike, which is cool having teenagers yell at you at the mall, so you're um, you're not a hoedown whore, I'm like a cowgirl, manny oakley, manny oakley, yeah , you work and you are. I'm fine, let me tell you, I get my hair from Carrie White's mom, so I'm Carrie White's mom.

I come back from the dead and I look great opening a salon. We're going to have slider and shooter happy hours from five to seven on Thursdays. It's a great moment, we're both surfing a little bit of the west, yes, a little, yes, with fringes. You better believe I'll be wearing my Larry King t-shirt. Put a little shine on it. Why buy something? Bring a gun. Dress him up with a shiny gun. I got it. a rhinestone taser that scares me oh, it's really scary, huh, and it's a big party, um, the kind of dumb people at the party or yourself, yeah, yeah, hey, the guys want to see a trick and then they have to take you to hospitals as if they changed the location.

Well, I like to scare children, that's one of the best things about children is how easy they are to scare them. I would dress up really scary with a friend and then I would make the house spooky and then we would do that, okay, yeah, maybe a vitamin. Could you come and have some soup? We don't have any candy but we have, oh my gosh, they would open their bags and you would just grab a scoop of superhorn, a minestrone, I literally tried it, I tried it. Grab my finger and I wasn't extending it, I know you can grab it, you were with ghosts, I tried to fight the ghost, okay?

What I was examining was a bit lonely, yes, but I saw a brown recluse. I'm going to kiss my ass, yeah, I'm going to call smug at the end of this, so my family is that thing I hated like the front door that blows in the wind. It opens and my grandma says oh grandpa is visiting and I say stop, that's really scary, that's scary for me, don't come and do ghosts, because if it's true, you can get it, it doesn't have to be grandpa. , it could be the Downs killer, you know, I mean, it could be anyone, but you know, you have to have ghosts like a residual energy, it has to happen to them, no one is a ghost and they say, well, you just know that I I worked, I was at the pta and I got hit by a car and I could never finish the puzzles and I was just hanging out, but everyone always says, oh, she was a colonial woman, that woman had a maid, she didn't have a tortured life, yeah. , but they also had really bad healthcare back then, yeah, if you were dead, you'd be a ghost.

I'd love to be a mentor. It would probably haunt me like, uh, Cambridge College, and then maybe, oh my God. someone would be like writing and you would come to the shelter and leave, that's a misuse of a prepositional phrase, just super helpful, if you're a good person, I could chase you like you know, leaving some hydrangeas by your bed, oh that's it . nice, but if a bad person gets some loud chains, ghost piss in your mouth, I'm gonna put my ghost piss in your mouth, let's see if we love that, yeah, what does that taste like?

Oh probably tequila dawn I'd be there in the um ymca in the men's room as it goes just open the page I make no one a human being so it's not okay for you to wear a ghost costume to be fair when Do it, do you like a shitty linen with its eyes cut out? I love that it's a little bit ku klux klan, not if you choose the right print, oh yeah, if you like it, make a Flintstones sheet, yeah, yeah, who says it has to be a white sheet? You know you're a ghost going out to a At dinner, you spill some red wine, oh yeah, what a nice burgundy ghost, especially if you're a wine drinker, yeah, and maybe with a little ribbon around your neck to give it shape.

Do you believe in the afterlife because here is the thing? Absolutely not, absolutely not okay, that's being a ghost, I know, which is very confusing because I literally saw a ghost, but I will say that in a lot of these ghost movies I can see a lot of horror movies, a lot of horror movies are they remain. too long the first time a door closes by itself in my house I leave I burn the house down I kill myself yes both just to follow just to play it safe just to play and then oh my god something extremely scary happened let me go alone to the depths of the basement and check it out.

What about possession? Because that's ghostly. That's what we can get. I want to talk about it and there are documented cases. Wow, the Vatican gets involved and they say yes. that's real yes that's not real okay if we have learned something from life it is not to trust the vatican no joke, the real ghost is in the little children hello I have to take this spirit out with my with my what is that I'm sorry, I'm the only one with a direct line to God. What is it that you want me to perfect? I have you so much Jesus bareback became wonderful yes we can say that uh I'll think about it just say let us do it if they can do it we can Say it, have you ever done a seance?

Yes, I have and I take it seriously because I really want something to happen. Dragon named fiancé Knowles A creepy drag queen hip-hop artist Oh my god, Sean says no, session nulls, okay, well. we have a ouija board here the beginning of this haunting is the spelling of this word well it's funny because then it says french and german yes yes oh good point have you done this before? yes, do you believe in it? No, I always think that's how my older brother pushes him and says like you, Brian, you know what I mean? All those lyrics you have to get to and then you know, yeah I'm not looking to play wheel of fortune, I'm looking to get a body snatch from me demon, it's important to spread your legs oh yeah, you've got good posture, get it, We have to get up here oh my god, oh my god, it's already starting so you want to talk to evil, I'm going to talk like you don't.

I'm going to go back back back back like the screams above Meredith Baxter do you want to talk to Murphy Brown Candice Bergen we love using a Ouija board to talk to people who are already alive yeah I don't know their phone number we're the first people to do this with gloves and nails oh yeah what's the question wrong wrong wrong if you're out there please answer slide into my dms yes I took the o bye bye interesting choice you I owe you what do you think it's about five zero I owe you fifty dollars grandpa let's use our health real I'm looking to be terrified maybe we're not doing enough skin to skin teasing contact yeah it's like a newborn maybe it's a sexy ghost needs to be felt up straight to ghost yeah how horny are you and do you raw bert?

I'm trying to get to burt reynolds oh jesus christ I'm trying to get to burt reynolds but honestly debbie reynolds is in second place I'll take it yeah burke reynolds I have a message for debbie reynolds can you pass her something to take to Fisher? I got a message about something I passed on to Carrie Fisher. Yes, this is a cream. I have dreams about dead loved ones, you know, and I always think that they communicate with them. Not me, it's okay, it's just you who remembers them great if they peed in your mouth although they're like I know that's my grandma she knows that's my thing grandma ghost piss in your mouth tonight happy halloween happy halloween um have fun , take care, be careful razor blades and strawberries listen, I hope that if a ghost contacts you, you guys have fun, okay, bye, take care, I would feel obligated to give candy to the kids, but there was a talking pumpkin in my neighborhood, No, there was someone who had put together a whole audio where the talking pumpkin was.

It was a trick. Well, it worries me when you say things like that. It was a real talking pumpkin. It bothers me that he's on YouTube and he's a transvestite. Yeah, and I can't tell you what your favorite curse word is, okay, my favorite curse word on a sale rack, ugh, oh.