Trump Destroyed by Comedian Hasan Minhaj at 2017 White House Correspondents Dinner

Ladies and gentlemen, Hasan Minhaj *Applause and applause* Wow, thank you. Wow. Oh Lord. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the series finale of the White House Correspondents' Dinner. *laughs* Oh man. My name is Hasan Minhaj, or as you will know me in a few weeks, the number 830287 *laughs* Who would have thought, with everything that is happening in the country right now, that a Muslim would be on this stage for the ninth time? consecutive year baby! We had 8 years of Barack, what's another year? I see you "fam". I see you Barry, what are you doing now? Do you ride a jet ski while the world burns?

That's great, that's great. That's great. For those who don't know me, I'm a correspondent for Comedy Central's Daily show. Now I see some of you whispering to each other, "What is Comedy Central?" It's basically an internship for Netflix. *quiet laughter* I would like to thank Jeff Mason and the White House Correspondence Association for inviting me. I would say "it's an honor to be here," but that would be an alternative fact. It's not, uhhhh, no one wanted to do this, so of course it falls into the hands of an immigrant. That's how he always goes down. Nobody wanted this concert!

Nobody. Don Rickles died just so you wouldn't ask him to do this job, okay? RIP to Don Rickles, the only Donald with thick enough skin to take a joke like that. RIP to the legend. Sorry Sorry. That's my only... That's my only Trump joke. I was explicitly told not to attack the administration. I promise you, that's my only Trump joke. ("They didn't tell you that!") Believe me. It's amazing to be surrounded by some of the best journalists in the world, and yet when we all checked into the Hilton on Friday, we all got a USA Today, every time a USA Today slides under my door it's like they're saying: "Hey, you're not that smart are you?" America today is what happens when the coupon section takes over the newspaper.

Is this an article about global warming or 50 cents out of the tide? Either way, the photos are very nice. Tonight is about defending the first amendment and the free press and I am truly honored. to be here. I don't have a solution on how to regain trust. Because the president gets his news from you. Not from advisors, nor from experts, nor from intelligence agencies. You can't make any mistakes because when one of you makes a mistake, he blames your entire group. And now they know what it feels like to be a minority. And... and I can see some of you complaining about what?

Do I have to work twice as hard to earn half the credit? Remember... You are a minority! You have much more experience than me, but I have been brown for three decades. So if you want to survive the Trump era, you have to think like a minority. And now that you're a minority, oh man... Everyone will expect you to be the spokesperson for the entire group. I hate to say it, but somewhere right now... you are all being represented... by Heraldo Rivera. Now that you're truly a minority, there's a distorted version of you out there, you know?

Taco Bell for Mexican culture Panda Express for Chinese culture Huffington Post for journalism And then when you actually manage to do a great job, you get hit with the most condescending line in the English language Hey... You're actually one of the good ones So You have to smile and say "Thank you." Kinda sucks, doesn't it? By the way, you guys aren't really minorities, you guys are super

white

... but... ...but... I can see MS NBC behind it, "We have our minority card..." No! ...but your work is invaluable. And I mean it, as a fake journalist. I bet you.

We are in a hundred days. One thousand three hundred and sixty days left. You guys are running the marathon and I'm at the half-mile mark giving you tape for your nipples. So I wish you nothing but the best! You will be irritated then, you will be irritated..... a long way to go! This.... This has been one of the strangest events I have ever done in my life... I'm being honest with you! I feel like I'm a tribute in The Hunger Games... If this goes wrong, Steve Bannon will eat me... but... I was asked not to roast the President and the administration, in his absence... and I understand it perfectly.

We are in a very strange situation, where there is a very combative relationship between the press and the president, but now that you are minorities just for this moment, you could understand the position that I was in and it is the same position that many minority children feel. . in this country and it's, you know, "Do I come here and just try to fit in...?... and not ruffle any feathers?" ...Or do I say how I really feel?" Because this event is about celebrating the First Amendment and free speech. Free speech is the foundation of an open, liberal democracy from college campuses to the White House.

Just in America can a first A new generation Indian-American Muslim kid gets on this stage and mocks the president The orange man behind the Muslim ban... and it's a signal to the rest of the world that he is! an amazing tradition, which shows the whole world that! Not even the president is beyond the reach of the First Amendment! But the president did not appear!... because Donald Trump does not care about the freedom of speech! he refuses to recognize the Amendment that allows him to do so. Think about it, it's almost, what is it, four hours from now, Donald Trump will be tweeting about how bad Nicky Minhaj was at this

dinner

.. .and he will do it, completely sober... and he has the right! and I am proud that all of us are here tonight to defend that right. even if the man in the White House never did.

So I would like to thank the White House Correspondents' Association for inviting me here... I want to thank all of you. I want to thank Woodward and Bernstein for inspiring a generation of journalists...and I'd like to thank Donald Trump for inspiring the next! Thank you very much, it has been an honor. Good evening! I love you! Thank you! Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. Thank you!