Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU

Their relationship now, this was just a story. We have data that proves it too. I have been studying love competence—people's ability to use intelligence, share, and control emotions—among young adults. , we looked at 13- to 14-year-old girls, in early adolescence, and found that girls who were more

romantic

ally competent felt more secure in their

relationships

with people they couldn't trust. They were worried about being rejected. Girls who were more

romantic

ally competent showed fewer symptoms of depression. They had better mental health. They were also more positive about their expectations about marriage in the future. Girls who were more romantically competent engaged in romantic behaviors that were more typical of their age: things that were considered normal, like dating and flirting, and affectionate behaviors like hugging and kissing.

And girls who were more romantically competent engaged in romantic behaviors that were more typical for their age. less... atypical sexual behaviors such as sexual intercourse, which are considered very important for 13 and 14 year old girls, then even at a young age, between 13 and 14 years old, where most girls were not . In a relationship, as long as they were romantically competent, they showed interaction and adaptation in the relationship and showed better psychological health. We see the same among young people, between 18 and 25 years old, women with greater love competence feel more. They feel secure in their

relationships

and have been shown to make better decisions.

They can see warning signs when things are not going well. They make informed decisions with confidence. They are also more affectionate and supportive of their partners. Ask for what you need and use what your partners give you. And they're better at providing helpful support when needed, and that's not just what they told us. In fact, we analyzed it while they were in our laboratories. When talking to each other about a personal problem they were having, young people who were more romantically competent were also more satisfied with their relationships, again showing fewer depressive symptoms and also fewer anxiety symptoms. , being romantically competent is related to better relationship interaction, better adjustment, and better health for the individual, and this brings me to the point that we need to teach people how to have a successful relationship so that, as I mentioned above, we can know it. what that looks like.

A successful relationship, but most people don't know how to get it, and no one teaches us how to do it, and this is a problem. We must help people know what they want and what they need in a relationship. relationship honestly. We must help them choose the right partner. We must help them make good decisions and deal with the difficulties that relationships bring them, and we must help them develop and use

skills

from the beginning. related to using intelligence, sharing, and controlling emotions to reduce behaviors that lead to failed relationships, such as disagreements, lack of support, contempt, criticism, hostility, violence, and creating things that lead to a successful relationship like intimacy. security, respect, good communication and feeling valued.

Wouldn't that benefit all our relationships? I think it will. (Applause)