Overcoming Our Egos | Craig Manning | TEDxBYU

At the 2014 Sochi Olympics I found myself among the US Olympians and coaches and what they called the pit watching the first event of these Olympics. I asked myself what it really takes to be successful at this level, after all you need to be the best of the best just to represent your country and you are competing against the best in the world so technically that is the best of the best of the best just to get here, but how do you win once you're here? How not simply? podium but winning a gold medal after watching these athletes for many decades.

What I have learned is that the key to success is not so much how talented you are or how much information you have stored in your mind, but how well you use your mind. After all, what's the point of having all this talent and knowledge if you can't unlock it in the world of science? This is called cognitive control or determination. I just like to call it mental toughness. What does all this mean to us? How can we actually unlock it? The power of the mind for me I want to talk to you today about what is the most important mental skill that I have seen and that is being task-oriented as opposed to being ego-oriented.

Ego is what causes a lot of drama, should I say? In our lives the ego always needs approval, think about that for a minute, if you need approval from one person, how often do you need that approval in a day and if you need approval from two, three, maybe five people, with what? You often need that approval. What happens is that it creates a hyperactive mindset or even a manic mindset that is always seeking this approval. How can the ego and the ego mind obtain that demonstrable? You get it through results because results are the quickest way we can get that approval.

The problem with the results. You come from the future and that is where fear originates. Think about that for a minute and he thinks you're scared. It always originates in the future. I am from Australia, where crocodiles are from and in one of the sessions with my mentor he asked us. What are you afraid of? And nothing came to mind at the time, so I said crocodiles. He thought it was funny, so we went through that and he talked about if a crocodile walks through the door, what would we all do, or he said. We would all go out the door.

It is the thought of what the crocodile would do that creates fear. Those people are afraid of flying. What are they really afraid of about the flying part? those are good words it's a crashing thought I don't really like seeing that all the fear comes from the future and that's the problem with having a results mentality now, those of you who are present who are thinking, wait. I am results oriented. Do I have a big ego? No, not necessarily many of us. Perfectionists today are really good people who only seek the approval of others because they are trying to please people.

Perfectionists fall into the same behavior patterns as ego-oriented people because they are also results-oriented and that is one of the current challenges, so ego is always a need for approval, hence what the research says , the ego-oriented mind does not persist in things, it also does not have a good work ethic because it does not see the results, it does not get that approval until it achieves those results and the results are difficult to achieve, therefore the ego-oriented mind ego does not persist, they do not work hard and they set really extreme goals. It's a V, it's either very easy or very difficult to guarantee your success and feel good about yourself or extremes, so if you don't do it.

I don't achieve it, you may say, well, I wasn't supposed to achieve that anyway, an oriented ego of mine also doesn't work under pressure because of the anxiety that arises as soon as you focus on that result, fight anxiety is triggered or flight. and that's what blocks the mind in athletics, we call it choking in the music industry, it's called a memory lapse where you can't remember all your life experiences and everything you've worked on, so what is the opposite of a task-oriented mind? a to-do list is not stupid i did my wash check a task oriented mindset is more permanent think of it as a skill when your task is oriented what research shows they will persist a task oriented mind will persist because it is seeing the growth They will also work hard because of the motivation of skill development.

Set goals that are on track and just beyond your reach. Goals that will stretch them but not stress them out and they perform under pressure because they are able to stay on task. I unblocked the mind, so let's bring this to life, one of my favorite stories from my coaching days. I coached for a decade at a college here at BYU and had an athlete we recruited once from Russia. Our name is Olga. Not this girl. She didn't have fast-twitch muscle fiber nor did she have modern-day topspin, meaning she wasn't very talented, but she was humble and task-oriented, so we got to work building a game around her strengths that, in a nutshell, she had. as she progressed each year because her growth was very fast because she was task oriented and performance oriented when she became a senior she is 61 years old in the country she qualifies for the top 32 players in the fall to return to Columbus Ohio , we go back there and she is chosen to play against the 25 best players in the country, so 61 against 25, she comes out executing the task, plays very well, takes the ball early and plays quick explosive points because that worked around her strengths , it gets up for 1 4 games to 1, so if you don't I don't understand the best game that tennis has ever invented.

You have to get to 6 games to win the set, so she is up by 1 and does very well. Suddenly her mind starts to wait. She could win this. It is a results-oriented mind. an ego driven mind instantly anxiety will take up space when what will happen to her fight or flight skills becomes tense and now she is just a creature of habit, she ends up losing that set 6-4, so that's five games. a row and it's down for a second and a second spiraling that's how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader that's how we have our Darth Vader moments when we're spiraling always looking for that approval when needing validation I'm trying to get it out because in the college tennis you can train on the change, so I'm trying to get her out of this mentality, but nothing works for six for one down, two games from losing the match.

I tried reverse psychology, she sits on the shift and I tell her. Olga, hurry up and finish this. I'm hungry, she bops her head at me and I say, well, just terrible. The inside is closed, hurry up and get this over with. I want a steak. I told you I'm from Australia and we love it. steaks so she's super angry with me now not with herself she comes back she concentrates on the task she literally comes back she wins that set and when it's the last 6-1 4-6 6-4 6-1 that's how powerful the mind is when it's right place on the way out I look at the box because I've always coached my athletes don't focus on who you're playing focus on your game develop your strengths and your skills as we walk out I look at the box who has to play against the next number one player in the country.

I think this is all going to be tough the next night, it's the last match because this other girl is number one in the country, so again 61 against number one, everyone comes out, runs real Sun. and perfect tennis loses the first set again 6-4 what do we tend to do when we do well we put in our best effort but the results don't come the way we want what happens again that's the result but she stayed focused on the task she played amazing this girl I was playing with had never lost more than two games in a set and everything went well in the first set at the changeover she sits down and says what do I need to do better and there is a task again. a skills-based mindset.

I laughed a little because she was playing amazing. You looked at me again. I just told myself what I have to do to win and that's what a throwing mentality leads to. It leads to playing to win or The ego-oriented mentality leads to playing not to lose. I said, "Okay, that's how good of a coach I was. Keep doing everything you're doing, just do it faster. That's it. I don't know why they paid me, but Algar is coming out again." she does everything she was doing better than ever and goes 5-2 against a player in the country this girl is trying to prepare to become a professional she is looking at the sponsors her parents are in the back one of the parents has changed a lot by smoking the others They were walking around it was pandemonium I loved it it was incredible Olga is up five to forty-fifteen strokes with an open serve the girl comes out and makes a really bad return and she just hits her racket against the ground and that's it Olga has these lights little ball short to hit the line to win the second set and gain all the momentum, the ball hits the top of the net and pops up, so this other girl decides to run, she barely makes it in time and hits it crosswise for a winner not even she took it off her strings that came out of a racket she was lucky what happens Olga comes back now 40 30 double faults two double faults again advantage her opponent commits double faults again game now there are five three she is so angry with herself she makes four returns followed to the net 5-4 can you see how quickly this happens?

Ego tasks cannot occupy the mind at the same time your conscious mind really is binary, they cannot coexist and as soon as we turn to that ego oriented mentality that is when all the drama comes in our lives and what I have seen in athletics in life this is what is most difficult for people to handle the task is not great they do not pay attention their humility and That's the best thing: they stay humble because they recognize that to be really good you have to keep executing your skills. A lot of people think that once it's a habit, once it becomes muscle memory, you're good.

No it's not true. Research shows that you need to acquire the skills. but once the skills are there you still have to unlock the skills and to unlock the skills we always need to be a task which is also humbling when we have ego which is pride that is when all things can fall apart so here it is the other challenge, look once. We start doing well and I see this all the time with my clients in business and athletics, they'll start doing really well and then what happens, yeah, big

egos

come up and what happens, we start focusing on the outcome and we lose that. impulse. and that mental effort that we are putting into execution, we have to remember that we have to be task oriented, long story short for girls, she sits down and we were able to get her back into a good mindset, she plays very well, but when the time comes moment, you can smell your opponent. fear and once her opponent smelled that fear, she calmed down and refocused on her game.

In short, Olga lost by six seven six while they turned out the lights because it was the last game. Olga sat there and told me what I need. do better, that's a task-oriented mentality and that's why she had been so good in her career, but what was interesting to me throughout this whole match was how quickly she changes and I've used it so often with my clients that we always have to do it. We work on playing to win, we always work on staying task-oriented, so if there are two words to close after the Olympic experience and all these years of studying and working with these elite athletes, I think this applies to life everyday, we must have confidence in what we want.

To be confident in our abilities, not other people's abilities, we need to be confident in who we are and our own abilities, and secondly, we want to be humble, confident humility, those are the two key words. I hope you remember from today, confident humility, confident in your abilities but humble enough to recognize that no one has the right to success, we have to work at it and we must stay focused on the task if we really want to maximize our potential, thank you, I appreciate it.