Oprah & Arthur Brooks: Build the Life You Want - Episode 1 | Oprah's Super Soul | OWN Podcasts

OPRAH WINFREY: Thank you to The Hartford for supporting this extra special

episode

of "Super Soul." So Arthur Brooks, Arthur, welcome back. ARTHUR BROOKS: Thank you. OPRAH WINFREY: It all started here. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's right. OPRAH WINFREY: During the pandemic, I came across a column in "The Atlantic" magazine and noticed that I started looking forward to reading it every week. It's called "How to Build a Life" by Arthur Brooks. I knew I had to meet the man who wrote such insightful advice. Arthur Brooks, it is a great pleasure to meet you. I'm a big fan of yours.

Arthur Brooks is a world-renowned social scientist. ARTHUR BROOKS: Happiness is really a combination of three things: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. OPRAH WINFREY: --author of many books, including the #1 New York Times bestseller, "From Strength to Strength..." ARTHUR BROOKS: I'm a big fan of your column "How to Build a Life" in "The Atlantic." I find myself sharing it with my kids all the time. OPRAH WINFREY: And a professor at Harvard Business School, whose course on happiness is so popular that there's always a long waiting list. ARTHUR BROOKS: I thought about it and I thought, it's not about them.

It's not about Harvard. It's about everyone who needs the science of happiness. The entire world is on a waiting list for this class. OPRAH WINFREY: This year, Professor Brooks and I teamed up to co-write a book we called "Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Being Happier." And I'm very happy to say that it debuted at the top of "The New York Times" bestseller list. ARTHUR BROOKS: We prepared the entire book here in this room. And it's really... it's incredibly rewarding. OPRAH WINFREY: And isn't it also rewarding? I mean, I was really excited to hit number one on The New York Times Bestseller.

I mean, one of the reasons it's so rewarding is because, first of all, number one, it's always rewarding. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's a good number. OPRAH WINFREY: That's a nice... ARTHUR BROOKS: Sounds great. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. Yes. Yes. I love that. But it also means that the work we conceived in this room was well received. ARTHUR BROOKS: Right. Well, remember, we talked about that. We do not discuss what will be in the book, but rather the why of the book. OPRAH WINFREY: The why. ARTHUR BROOKS: This was the most important thing we did here. We said, OK, what's the point?

What are we trying to do? And it was lifting people up and uniting them with science and ideas. OPRAH WINFREY: So we decided to do a three-part series, going deeper into the book here on "Super Soul," because my intention for this platform has always been to enhance the human experience and give you information that will open up your

life

. So I know that you, the listeners, are interested in learning new ways to explore a

life

of meaning and purpose, which is what you, Arthur, are all about. And before we start, I think you should tell everyone about your day job or what you do.

ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. Yes. Yes, my day job is being a teacher. I am a university professor. I teach The Science of Happiness at Harvard Business School. I also teach at the Harvard Kennedy School, which trains people to work in government. And I research, think, and teach about behavior, human behavior, what motivates people to do what they do. I am a social scientist. OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah. I was going to say it's not just taught there. You are actually a scientist. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. And I've been a social scientist for the last 30 years. That's what I've been doing with my life.

OPRAH WINFREY: Doctor in social sciences. ARTHUR BROOKS: Indeed. Indeed. And so I teach... people ask, you know, are you a teacher? I say, yes, Harvard Business School. They say, what do you teach, accounting? Finance? Marketing? Supply chain management? You know, something really practical like that. I say, no, I teach happiness. And they think I'm lying. But I teach happiness with the same seriousness that you would teach supply chain management. Look, your life is a company. Your life is your beginning. Treat it as such. Treat it seriously. You know, treat the inside of your head the same way you would treat your profit and loss statement, it's the bottom line.

OPRAH WINFREY: Your life is your beginning, the greatest beginning you will ever have. ARTHUR BROOKS: Absolutely. It is the best company I could be part of and, furthermore, the most serious. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. So in this series, we're exploring the ideas from the book where Arthur, the author, offers science-based practices and wisdom that anyone can use to be happy, his, I call it, more happiness. ARTHUR BROOKS: It was so cool that you coined that. It's helpful to me because for a long time people said, you know, the goal is happiness. And I would say no, he is getting happier, but that has nothing to do with it.

And I told you for the first time. And you said, so the goal is to be happier. OPRAH WINFREY: It's more happiness. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's the right word. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. OPRAH WINFREY: I love it. ARTHUR BROOKS: And now people are saying it. My students say it. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes, we need a t-shirt. Before we dive into the book, let's talk about your own journey, because people

want

to know your story because you are the professor of happiness. And how did you get here? At 55 years old you left a very successful career. ARTHUR BROOKS: Right.

OPRAH WINFREY: And you were CEO of a think tank. And now you... then you started studying happiness. Was it to bring you greater happiness? ARTHUR BROOKS: Sure, and other people. You go through a kind of... not necessarily a dark night of the

soul

. But at certain times in your life, there are decisive moments when you have to ask yourself: why am I doing what I am doing? And what is the mission of my own life? And the truth is, when I thought about it, prayed, and talked to the people I love, it became very clear: my life's mission is to lift people up and bring them together.

And ideas of love and happiness, using... OPRAH WINFREY: Well, you were doing that with the think tank too, right? ARTHUR BROOKS: I was trying, but... and it was good. It was ok. I was grateful to have done that. I did it for 11 years. But it's about time someone else did that. And at 55 years old, he still had plenty of gas in the tank. And I

want

ed to use everything I knew for other people and, frankly, for myself, too. I wanted to delve deeper into this thing we now call happiness and see whether or not it was achievable in my own life.

And if so, could you tell others? OPRAH WINFREY: Well, you know, studies show that America is going through a happiness crisis. ARTHUR BROOKS: Indeed. OPRAH WINFREY: I don't think it takes even a study to figure that out. You just look around or turn on your computer, look at your phone, I mean, the news, the conspiracy theories. What's going on? ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. No, it's true. I mean, the data is unambiguous. The experience we all have that we feel that people are less happy is true. And there are two things we must understand. You could say that there are problems in the climate and problems in the weather.

The climate has been changing for happiness for decades. Since the late '80s, maybe early '90s, people have gradually become a little less happy year after year after year, just a little bit. And that has to do with the fact that people are less likely to live a spiritual or religious life or find a meaningful life in those institutions. They are less likely to have close relationships with their families. People have fewer and fewer friends who know them well. People have less of a sense of serving others with their work. That's the weather. And that's been a problem for a long time.

Then there's the weather, the storms. In the last two decades there have been two big storms that we need to pay attention to. The first one was around 2008, 2009. Now I know that everyone watching us thinks, oh, obviously, the financial crisis. Uh-uh. That wasn't all. OPRAH WINFREY: I thought about it. ARTHUR BROOKS: It was social media. Same time. OPRAH WINFREY: Oh. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's when everyone started looking at social media. OPRAH WINFREY: That's right, 2009. That's when I got into what used to be Twitter. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. Yes, the artist formerly known as Twitter. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes, yes, yes.

ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. Exactly right. And that's when... and a couple of things happened. So Twitter, for example, became a platform for people to be intensely negative. Instagram is not the same. It is more of a platform for people to compare themselves with others. But that had a great impact, especially on young people, especially women and girls, from 15 to 25 years old. It created a new type of culture that was intensely comparative and problematic. OPRAH WINFREY: So social media, actually, where people think they're brought together and communicate on Facebook, actually makes people less happy. ARTHUR BROOKS: Lonelier. OPRAH WINFREY: Lonelier.

ARTHUR BROOKS: This is the strange thing. When you're really hungry and you're like, oh man, I haven't eaten. You know, I haven't eaten in hours and hours and hours. And you pass by a fast food place. And you say, okay. That will do the job. And then you gorge yourself, you get full and you don't feel so good. An hour later, you are hungry again. What happened? The answer is that you didn't meet your nutrient needs. All you met is your caloric needs. And the result is that you stay hungry, even though you don't need the calories.

Social media is the junk food of social life. It's like eating all your calories... OPRAH WINFREY: That's a tweetable moment, but we don't tweet anymore. We X. What do we do? ARTHUR BROOKS: X? Is that what we call it, X? OPRAH WINFREY: I don't know what to do. I don't know. ARTHUR BROOKS: But that's... it's like getting all your meals at 7-Eleven. OPRAH WINFREY: Social media is the junk food... ARTHUR BROOKS: --of social life. Social media is the junk food of social life. You will get too many calories and few nutrients. That's why you'll binge and feel lonelier.

That is a problem. And many young people have never developed in a way that they can finally figure out how to use it responsibly. OPRAH WINFREY: What will happen to the generation that was born at that moment and that is all they have ever known? ARTHUR BROOKS: We don't know. That's a great social experiment. That's a massive social experiment. OPRAH WINFREY: That's what we're in the middle of right now. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. It's not that social media is all bad. I mean, you can use it responsibly. OPRAH WINFREY: Absolutely. ARTHUR BROOKS: If you wouldn't let someone who harbors ill will into your home, you shouldn't let them into your head.

And that means you shouldn't be looking at social media where someone can tweet you or write you an X and tell you you're this or that. And, frankly, that's a big problem. That's the storm. This is the turn of the century. OPRAH WINFREY: Wow. So let's be happier. ARTHUR BROOKS: Let's do it. OPRAH WINFREY: Let's be happier. On page five you say, "Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a direction." I know it was a mindset change for many of you reading this book. Can you expand on that a little bit? ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. And this is... the problem with happiness... it's such a funny thing because we all want it.

Every philosopher and theologian has talked about it. Everybody... I mean, how many times have people said that on your show? OPRAH WINFREY: I know. That's what I say at the beginning of the book, that... ARTHUR BROOKS: Thousands of times. OPRAH WINFREY: I got interested in the topic because every time I sat down with the audience and said, what do you want?, everyone always said, several people responded, I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy. But still, when you ask them, what do they think of that? Difficult to define. ARTHUR BROOKS: Sure. And part of the reason is that it's not something that can be defined in any meaningful way.

We think it's a feeling. We believe it is a destination. Neither is it. You know, happy feelings are nothing more than emotions. And emotions are nothing more than information that we need as a reaction to the external environment. And as a destiny, why would you want to be completely happy as a destiny? You would be dead in a week because you actually need negative emotions and experiences to train you to stay alert and safe. OPRAH WINFREY: And be happy, stay alert, stay focused. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes, yes. I mean, maybe when I die and I'm in heaven, I'll see the face of God, the beatific vision will be pure happiness.

But on Earth, I'm telling you, I need my negative emotions to keep me alive and safe. I need my negative experiences to learn and grow. And that's what people... they want to stay alive and safe, but they don't want the feelings that keep them alive and safe. And that's the conflict they have, which is why they feel so uneasy. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay. So I think, particularly in this world of social media, people think, if I understand that... I mean, I see people posting on private planes. And I see them, you know, on the beaches, and you know, with their hair blowing in the wind and all that.

And people think, well, if I had that, I could be happy. But we know, we have the science to back it up, that there are actually four pillars. And if you don't have all thosepillars functioning in your life, you will eventually end up feeling not necessarily sad, but alone, distanced or disconnected. ARTUROBROOKS: That's right. OPRAH WINFREY: So, the four pillars. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes, the four pillars. There are the four pillars that you think you need. And there are four pillars that you really need. Idols, the things that seem right but are not, are money, power, pleasure and fame.

Those are the things Mother Nature says. If you get them, you will be happy. OPRAH WINFREY: Money, power, pleasure and fame? ARTHUR BROOKS: That's right. But she lies. Mother Nature lies. She lies a lot because she wants us to keep running, running, running, running, running. OPRAH WINFREY: Is Mother Nature telling us or is society telling us? Because I think Mother Nature is telling us what the four pillars are. ARTHUR BROOKS: Well, Mother Nature gives us these imperatives because she wants us to be hungry, you know? And she wants us to survive and pass on our genes.

And the way to do it is with money, power, pleasure and fame. And she doesn't want us to realize that those things never really satisfy us, so we'll just keep running and running and running. That's called the hedonic treadmill. What we really want, and this is backed by a lot of psychology, neuroscience, behavioral economics, all the research we want is that there are four things that are the virtuous things that we should seek out that Mother Nature doesn't necessarily tell us, but If we take the divine path in life, religious or not religiously understood, a better path in life, we will be happy.

And those are our faith, family, friends and work that serve. Now, if you give a teenager the choice between money, power, pleasure and honor or faith, family, good friends, good times and a job that serves others, I mean, what are they going to take? I mean, our society aids in Mother Nature's lie because you know, the marketing colossus tells us that if you get that car, you'll be really happy. If you get that job, you get that money, if you get that 100,000 followers on Instagram or whatever your number is (it's never high enough, by the way), you'll be happy.

But that's a lie, that's the conclusion. There's nothing wrong with those things. But if you get those things, if we're so lucky to get them, they should only serve the big four, the good four. They should just be in service. They should be intermediate objectives, a rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike, Manhattan, where what you are trying to reach is faith. And with that... OPRAH WINFREY: How do you use that money, power, pleasure and fame to enhance your faith, your family and your work? ARTHUR BROOKS: And friendship. OPRAH WINFREY: And friends. ARTHUR BROOKS: Basically, your love.

Your love and your life and the love and life of the people around you. That's really what those worldly goals should be used for if you want to have any chance at true happiness. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. I know we have a lot of questions from our readers. Readers, people who have already read the book, I'm very excited about it. ARTHUR BROOKS: It's wonderful, isn't it? Yes. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. Well, Eric from Denver. Hello. ERIC: Hello. I'm Eric. And I learned from this book that you can't be happy, but you can be happier. And that really resonated with me because it makes happiness feel like something I can gradually work toward every day instead of this big place to get to.

My question is for you, Oprah. I wonder how, as you've gotten older, your approach to being happier has changed. OPRAH WINFREY: Thanks for noticing that I've gotten older, Eric. Thank you. I think it's actually... I like that question, Eric, because as I've gotten older, and one of the reasons I was so excited to work with Arthur here, is because Arthur, you confirmed my belief system. So I've known since I was a child that life is better when you share it. And I learned that with my first Three Musketeers bar, because growing up poor, I rarely got candy.

I would save it until my cousins ​​came because I knew better when I could share it. And now I know, Eric, that that is one of the principles of enjoyment, that is what really defines happiness, enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose. ARTHUR BROOKS: Exactly right. OPRAH WINFREY: And to answer your question, I would say that now that I know that science really backs me up that life is better when you share it, I want to share it more. It used to be that I would love to do a random act of kindness or do something, you know, meaningful for someone that would help them in their lives or make their lives better.

Now I make it a habit. It is part of my spiritual practice to include the enjoyment for myself of making other people happier. So I would say that as I grew up, that's what I really learned about how to enjoy happiness, not just for myself, but to pass it on to other people. So one of the things we talk about in the book is how enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose are the macronutrients of happiness. So let's first talk about enjoyment and the difference between pleasure and enjoyment. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yeah, this is a big mistake that a lot of people make.

I mean, one of the things we do in the book is disabuse people of erroneous notions of happiness. Happiness is not a feeling. Happiness is not a destination. It is a direction towards happiness, etc. And another has to do with the idea that I will be happy if I can press the pleasure lever over and over again. Here are some words that have never been spoken. I'm very happy about meth. Nobody has ever said that. That's not what people say. And the reason is that if you use illicit drugs and drugs of abuse, you are going to press the pleasure lever.

You will feel good, but it won't make you happy. This will lead to addiction. This will lead to a supraphysiological level of dopamine in your brain. And all that does is give you a little reward and then it's gone, a little reward and it's gone. OPRAH WINFREY: That's why you have to keep getting more and more and more, and that doesn't solve the problem. ARTHUR BROOKS: And then what happens is that becomes incredibly isolating. OPRAH WINFREY: And that doesn't matter if it's meth, or if it's your job, or if it's shopping, or if it's whatever. That only gives you pleasure.

ARTHUR BROOKS: Sure. I mean, that can be a game of chance. That can be eating. It can be all kinds of things that... whatever your topic is. And this is how you can tell if it's a problem. If you're pushing the pleasure lever over and over again and you're alone, then you know there's a problem. That is what it is. And that really... within that diagnosis, is the solution. You know, that's why Anheuser-Busch doesn't have a beer commercial of a guy alone in his apartment punching a 12-pack. That's why that's not the ad. That's because that doesn't lead to happiness.

That leads to a problem. OPRAH WINFREY: Doesn't that seem sad and pitiful? ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes, yes. Safely. No. What you have is a guy with his friends creating a memory, the guy with his friends or his family creating a memory. And therein lies the answer to this: It's not that you have to... OPRAH WINFREY: A lot of advertising does that. ARTHUR BROOKS: Absolutely. That's what all beer commercials do because they want you to be happier when you use their product. And the reason is that they want you to enjoy, not just pleasure. Now, a lot of the problems that we have in a kind of puritan culture about this would say that the solution is that if you're pressing the pleasure lever repeatedly on your own, get rid of the pleasure lever.

But that's not necessarily the solution. OPRAH WINFREY: Because pleasure has its pleasures. ARTHUR BROOKS: Absolutely. You need to add two things. You need to add... OPRAH WINFREY: In order to enjoy. ARTHUR BROOKS: Exactly. You need to have the source of pleasure, in addition to the people you love and the memories. Now, what you are doing is transferring the experience of pleasure from the limbic system of your brain, which is deep down. It has evolved over a period of 40 million years. All it does is send you signals on how to survive. OPRAH WINFREY: I have the perfect example of this.

So my entire life, from the time I worked in Baltimore making $22,000 a year, my first vacation, was spent going to a spa. That's why I love doing spas. So I've been alone in a lot of spas, where, you know, massages, all kinds of pedicures, manicures, all that, walking around in a robe. And last April I went to a spa. I did one thing: when I went to the first spa, there was a very rich woman there. I remember... Ann Getty, I think, was her name. And she was there with all her friends. And I thought, wow.

What would it be like to have enough money to go with all your friends? ARTHUR BROOKS: It would be more fun. OPRAH WINFREY: It certainly seems more fun than me walking around alone in a bathrobe. And last April I did it with dear friends. And it's the most fun I've ever had at a spa. ARTHUR BROOKS: Because you had the pleasure. You added people. You created the memories. OPRAH WINFREY: And we create the memories. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's exactly right. That is enjoyment. That means you don't have to give up sources of pleasure. You have to add the people in memory.

OPRAH WINFREY: People and memory make it fun. ARTHUR BROOKS: Pleasure, more people, more memory. Now, you can mess this up, right? You can make all your friends drunks, you know? And they can, in a way, get into a cycle like that. A lot of people... you know, I drink too much. And he drinks too much. And we all drink too much. And we all got very drunk together. I mean, there are obviously exceptions to this. But that's the basic rule. You don't have to do less. You have to add more. This is not a subtractive formula.

This is an additive formula. Almost everything in the science of happiness is additive. You have to add more ingredients to make it good. OPRAH WINFREY: I think this is fantastic. Whatever you are, this is an easy formula. Whatever you like, find a way to add other people to that pleasure and it will become more pleasurable. And you're making memories, baby. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's right. And you know, I'm not saying don't go to Las Vegas. Just don't go alone. At 4:00 in the morning, you will go alone. No no. No no no. Go with your friends. Go with your spouse.

Go with your friends. And by the way, if you're being compulsive, they'll say, dude, really? Can you afford that? And you'll want to have more fun with the company instead of compulsively pulling the lever over and over again so that little dose of dopamine reaches the nucleus accumbens of your brain, giving you that little relief. And that just disappears and you're still alone. OPRAH WINFREY: So enjoyment is one of the components. And to enjoy it you have to add other people and make it more conscious. ARTHUR BROOKS: Exactly right. OK. Monica, what's your question from Michigan?

MONICA: Hello. My name is Monica. And when you talked about the difference between pleasure and enjoyment in the book, that really caught my attention. And I realized that I tend to seek pleasure to cope with disappointment, sadness or anger. So I'd love to hear some examples from you, Arthur and Oprah, of how to disrupt that pattern when, as you say, pleasure is easy and enjoyment is difficult. OPRAH WINFREY: That's good. ARTHUR BROOKS: Interruption, right? I mean, the idea is that you understand... she knows. I mean, by the way, the first one... she's good. Monica is good because Monica realizes it.

She already knows about this. The basis to be happier is knowledge. You know, this is the thing. Many people say, "I'm going to feel." Let me feel something different. No no no no no no. The Dalai Lama says: think more, feel less, which is really important. That's why we wrote a book that has a lot of science, because people need this particular knowledge. And she really is on her way. And she understands that there is a cycle of pressing the lever to get pleasure, pressing the lever to get pleasure. You have to interrupt. That cycle that returns to what we were talking about before.

You interrupt that cycle with love, with another person, with people you care about. You add the person who interrupts that little relationship. When you talk to people who have suffered from addiction, one of the things they always talk about is that addiction was my closest relationship. Know? It was like... it was like... OPRAH WINFREY: They were consumed by it. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yeah, sure. He was my lover. He was my best friend. And I wanted to go with my best friend, which was alcohol or whatever, gambling. I wanted to go with them. You interrupt that by adding an actual live human being.

This is how you break the cycle and add a person you love. OPRAH WINFREY: And also accepting unhappiness. You say that without unhappiness you wouldn't survive, learn, or come up with good ideas. Even if you could get rid of your unhappiness, it would be a big mistake. The secret to a better life is to accept unhappiness, so you can learn, grow, and manage the resulting feelings. I think it's hard for people because what does it mean to accept unhappiness? When you say ok, it often seems like I'm not supposed to do anything. Am I supposed to accept it?

Am I supposed to give in to it? I am unhappy. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. No, that's not... that's not the idea. The truth is that you have to accept it normally. And a big part of our culture today is that we think that if we feel unhappiness or pain, there is something wrong with us, that there is evidence that something is broken if youyou feel unhappy. You know, if you're in college, you go to therapy on campus and you're like, "I'm feeling really anxious and really depressed," and you know, my college is a really tough college. If you're not anxious when you're at Harvard University, that's the problem.

That means you're not working hard enough. Frankly, maybe that's when you need therapy. You know, when I talk to young people, they say that I felt very anxious about my studies. As, of course, you are. That's a normal thing. That is acceptance, acceptance of the fact that you have feelings, including negative ones. And you'd be dead if you didn't. OPRAH WINFREY: Who walks through Harvard without feeling anxious? ARTHUR BROOKS: Absolutely. Completely. By the way, including the faculty. It's like my students don't realize that I'm going crazy too. OPRAH WINFREY: Thank you to The Hartford for supporting this extra special

episode

of "Super Soul." WOMAN: The Hartford presents today's bonus episode.

The Hartford is a leader in property and casualty insurance and employee benefits. For more than 200 years, they have provided people and businesses with the support and protection they need to pursue their unique ambitions, seize opportunities and overcome unexpected challenges. In an industry that views customers as risks and data points, The Hartford stands out by engaging with people beyond the policy by using its knowledge data and resources to make positive contributions to society. That's why they are committed to making adaptive sports more accessible for youth and adults with disabilities. Help employers create stigma-free workplaces with mental health resources, support small businesses with opportunities to showcase their products and services to revitalize main streets, provide fire safety and prevention education in cities with higher risk of domestic fires.

So whether it's a bridge to cross the Golden Gate, a store with the family name on the door, or a home to make memories in, trust The Hartford to protect what matters to you. Presented by The Hartford. Learn more at hartford.com/achievement. OPRAH WINFREY: Jean from Atlanta has a question about repentance. Cowboy? JEAN: Hello, Oprah. Hi Arturo. I'm Jean. "Build the life you want" has been the gift she didn't even know she needed. On page 20 when I read that unrepentant people tend to make the same mistake over and over again, I thought, that's me. When I was 18, I failed an exam that would allow me to enter university.

And my dad said, don't cry. Keep it up. And I didn't do it. Now, my question is: how do I begin to use repentance as a tool today when my African upbringing has dictated that I move on and move on? OPRAH WINFREY: I love it. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's a great question. OPRAH WINFREY: That's great. ARTHUR BROOKS: It's really good because there is a lot of advice that we give our children. You know, it's like holding on. OPRAH WINFREY: Hang in there. Yes. ARTHUR BROOKS: You know? And like, keep going, keep going, keep going. Now, there's like a hint of...

I mean, good for his father because what he was really telling her was for him not to forget everything that happened. What he was telling him was that he should not dwell on the matter. You do not know? Go over it again and again and make it, you know, create a constant source of sadness in your life. On the contrary, we must continue moving forward. And that's true. But here's the thing: reflecting is not the same as understanding. When something bad happens to you, you benefit greatly if you analyze it like a scientist. That's one of the reasons I tell my students to keep a failure journal, like a disappointment journal.

OPRAH WINFREY: We talked about that. ARTHUR BROOKS: We talk about it in the book. Absolutely. We talked about how you can do it. When something bad happens to you, write it down and think about it. Don't reflect on it. Don't let it be like a ghost haunting the limbic system of your emotions. No no no. Use it as an opportunity to think about what really happened. And when you do that, by the way, when you think about it as if you were analyzing a problem that someone else had, this is something we talk about a lot in the book, then you will learn and you will grow.

So the point is not to reflect. Understand. That's the way you can really use the information, take the time to understand these things properly and learn and grow. OPRAH WINFREY: The second macronutrient of happiness, satisfaction, is the excitement of achieving a goal you worked for, that's what you say. Why is satisfaction also the key to being happier? ARTHUR BROOKS: We are made to progress. Human beings are made to progress. You know, we want to achieve it. The funny thing is that people always think that when I reach my goal, I will finally be happy. But that is simply an incredible fallacy.

That's called the arrival fallacy. You know, you and I are giving each other a high five because the book went to number one on The New York Times bestseller list. But if we think, okay, now Oprah and Arthur will be happily ever after, we're kidding ourselves. OPRAH WINFREY: No. ARTHUR BROOKS: Next week we'll do a new project, something new. That's the truth. The fallacy of arrival is that once I finally have the money, once I finally get married, once I finally have the car, the house, the boat, then everything will be fine. The truth is that the greatest joy comes from moving toward fulfillment, even though it requires much struggle.

Satisfaction is that moment when you achieve it, which is a true moment of joy. Now, the paradox of this is that it doesn't last. And it can't last. If really... OPRAH WINFREY: That's why he couldn't get any satisfaction. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes, that's true. And the truth is that you cannot be left without satisfaction. That's the real problem. I mean, Mick Jagger was almost right. OPRAH WINFREY: That's why I said Jagger couldn't get any satisfaction. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's right. And the truth is that if he couldn't get it, he wouldn't keep trying, trying, trying, like he sings.

The problem is that you cannot be left without satisfaction. And that's what seems like a kind of sour fruit with the satisfaction dilemma. You need to fight. By the way, if you don't fight, there is no satisfaction. If my students cheat on my test and get an A, there is no satisfaction. OPRAH WINFREY: There is no satisfaction. ARTHUR BROOKS: They pull an all-nighter, work really hard, and get an A, and they're like, yeah. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. ARTHUR BROOKS: And you know what that feels like. I mean, you and I worked hard on this book. I mean, it was a quick job with a very quick turnaround.

And we were... OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah, from the moment we... yeah, it's miraculous from the moment we decided... ARTHUR BROOKS: I'm sending out chapters like, I don't know. But then, boom! And it is satisfaction. So the problem is thinking that once we get there, everything will be good forever and then having a little... the frustration that comes from contentment dissipates. And there's a way around it... there's a way around it. But once again, we must fight against Mother Nature. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay. Then you need enjoyment. You need satisfaction. And you also need a purpose. Those are the macronutrients.

ARTHUR BROOKS: Right, like the proteins, carbohydrates, and fats of... OPRAH WINFREY: And how... Okay, so explain to people how the macronutrients fit into the pillars. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. So macronutrients are basically the elements that we find that we need in balance and abundance. You can't just have a life of enjoyment. You also need satisfaction. You need goals. You need to fight. And you need meaning, which is the why, the essence of your life. You need those things. The happiest people have those three things. And they work on them. They take them seriously. And we spent a lot of time thinking about how to do it.

So... OPRAH WINFREY: That's why it's so great for all of you. And I mean you mean me too because when... ARTHUR BROOKS: And me. OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah. When we found out... I mean, those are... that's the baseline. You need enjoyment, you need satisfaction, and you need meaning and purpose. And let's talk about what meaning and purpose mean because I think people get confused about purpose, like, I don't know what my purpose is. I don't know my purpose. ARTHUR BROOKS: Right. So those macronutrients are simply the macronutrients in food, the component parts of food. Then you have dishes and dinner, which are the

build

ing blocks that we'll talk about later, the things you really need to focus on, the things you're working on.

But the last macronutrient is meaning or purpose. Meaning is the essence of your life. Do you know who I am? It's all about finding yourself, right? It's like I have to find myself. And people since the beginning of time say: who am I, right? And that's no joke. That's a hard thing to do. That is, some people believe that you could discover it because your essence precedes your existence. I mean, most religious people, you know, people raised in the Christian faith, like you and me, believe that we are made in the image of God. And that is our essence.

And it precedes us. OPRAH WINFREY: Right. Good. ARTHUR BROOKS: Other people think they can create their own essence. This is... you know, different philosophies think it's complicated, right? Some people believe that there is no essence. That's a real problem, right? But the truth of the matter is that to do that, and we talk about this a little bit in the book, there is a test that you have to do yourself. And you have to have really sincere answers to two questions. Now, if you don't have them, it means that there is a crisis of meaning in your life.

But it's good to know because then you have the opportunity to search only for the answers to just two questions. Question number one, why are you alive? And I repeat, I can't tell you that. I mean, it's like you have your own answer to that. Go find that answer. And the second, why are you willing to die today? And the answer should probably be nothing, right? There has to be something. And once you find the answers to those questions, it's extraordinary, Oprah. You know, when you see this, my... you know, a lot of my family... my family.

And one... my son, you don't know him yet because he's still an active duty Marine. He's a scout sniper in the US Marine Corps and he got in trouble in high school for meaning, you know? He was joking and he wasn't even having fun because who am I? So I... I'm a business school professor. I make my kids do a business plan when they're a junior in high school, you know, a business plan because the business is alive. And they are entrepreneurs. I am VC. I'm a venture capitalist, so I deserve a business plan. I realize he's pretty nerdy, but there you go.

OPRAH WINFREY: I like it. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. And if it's not original, I send it back for review. So this is my son, Carlos. He is a good boy. And Carlos...his business plan is like...I don't know. I don't believe it. That is why I say that it is necessary to find the answers to these questions. How are you doing with the answers to these questions? So in his business plan it says I'm not going to college, which is fine. I didn't do it either until I was 30. You know, it took me a long time to finish college too.

I was not ready. He went to work on a farm. He spent two years on a dry wheat farm in Idaho. He then joined the Marine Corps. And now he is 23 years old. He is married. And he's got it going. And he has answers to both of those questions. And I ask him, Carlos, why were you born? Why are you alive? He said because God made me to serve. Why are you willing to die today? He says for my family, for my faith, for my friends and for the United States of America. Boom. OPRAH WINFREY: Boom.

ARTHUR BROOKS: And you know, that's not the response of everyone who's watching us. But that boy has answers. OPRAH WINFREY: At 23. ARTHUR BROOKS: At 23. And his life is different from what he was. His life has meaning. He's beautiful. As a father, he couldn't be prouder. He couldn't be more proud of the company he's

build

ing in his life because he's becoming a good man. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I love that. You are the venture capitalist and bring me the plan. Yes that's fine. ARTHUR BROOKS: Business school. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay. Chapter two is titled “The Power of Metacognition” and what I call feeling to feel and then take the wheel.

Explain metacognition. I think this is just one of the biggest contributions to people becoming happier in their lives once they gain metacognition. ARTHUR BROOKS: He has changed my life. It just changed my life. And part of the reason is that people go through life relatively unexamined and simply hoping that their emotions will get better and with a complete inability to separate their own essence from their emotions. And that's crazy. You are not your emotions. Look, I'm not my hand. You know, it's... I'm not... my hand is not completely independent. It's like one of those old horror movies.

But that's how people are with their emotions when they control them. Metacognition is thinking about thinking. It is the ability to look at yourselfoneself with a certain intellectual distance at a distance. It's putting distance between your feelings and your reactions and doing it on purpose. When you have that ability, your life will not be the same. It's just not because you're not going to ask yourself, is something bad going to happen to me tomorrow? By the way, answer yes. Am I going to feel bad about that? I'm going to decide how I'm going to work on this.

I'll decide my reactions. I'm going to substitute emotions that are more appropriate for what I'm doing. Now you have emotions for a reason. You're not going to block them. But once you have a metacognitive skill that allows you to leave space between emotions that are simply signals from your brain about what's going on around you, and... OPRAH WINFREY: Emotions are there to tell you that something is wrong and that you must do something. something about. ARTHUR BROOKS: It's just information. It's just information. OPRAH WINFREY: Your emotions are just information. ARTHUR BROOKS: That's all they are. OPRAH WINFREY: And if you can separate yourself from what you're feeling, feel the feeling, and then take control...

ARTHUR BROOKS: Exactly. And the way to do it is to leave space between your emotions and your reactions. OPRAH WINFREY: Tell us how to do it. ARTHUR BROOKS: So you do it by studying yourself. Now... OPRAH WINFREY: Don't you also do that by observing the feeling Yes exactly as if it were happening to someone else? You identify what this feeling is. You say, oh, God, I feel so sad right now. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel so betrayed, whatever it is. But you separate the feeling from yourself. You are observing all those feelings inside your body, so you see that the feeling is really different from yours.

You are in control of the feeling. ARTHUR BROOKS: Exactly. And you are able to react appropriately. I mean, we are very maladapted to the way we come up with our feelings. I mean, I talk to people all the time and again, let's go back to social media. I received a bad tweet. And what he did? It elevated me... your stress hormones are through the roof. You have butterflies in your stomach and all that. The reason for this is that nature wants you to run away from a saber-toothed tiger by injecting stress hormones into your system when you think there is a threat.

Or you don't want to wander the frozen tundra and die alone. But you know, people look around. No tundra. Twitter is not tundra. And so the bottom line is that metacognition is very important, so that we can... OPRAH WINFREY: Make it feel like it is. ARTHUR BROOKS: Sure. And if you don't have an unexamined life, then you won't be able to make those distinctions. And then you can laugh at yourself. When you're actually observing your own emotions from a distance, as if they were happening to someone else, and you find yourself freaking out over a tweet, you'll start laughing.

Will you be like, seriously, Arthur? Actually? I mean, it's like you're a grown man. You have a Ph.D. You are a social scientist. You're supposed to know all these things. And someone said something bad to you on Twitter and you act like you're being chased by an ax murderer? Come on man. And it's just fun. And life gets better. And that's what metacognition can do for all of us if we have the right techniques. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay, so let's explain the emotional caffeine metaphor you mentioned on page 71. We all loved it the first time we heard it.

Tell us about it. ARTHUR BROOKS: Emotional caffeine... this is just a metaphor. Most people, something like 95% of Americans, consume caffeine on a regular basis. I'm crazy about coffee. I grew up next to the world's first Starbucks. In the 1970s, there was a Starbucks. My house was nearby. I've been drinking... OPRAH WINFREY: In Seattle? ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. I grew up in Seattle in the Queen Anne neighborhood. And we used to walk to Pike Place. OPRAH WINFREY: That was the first one? ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes, the first one. Yes. I have spoken to Howard Schultz about this. He thinks he's quite charming.

But I've been drinking caffeine... I mean, drinking caffeine regularly since I was in seventh grade, which means I have a weaker adrenal system. And who knows? I mean, the autopsy is going to be a fun time. Anyway, so... but what happens with your brain is that you think it cheers you up because it gives you all this energy. It's not. What it does is block another neurotransmitter called adenosine. Adenosine is a neurotransmitter that floats around the brain and enters certain receptors. And it calms you down. So it makes you... when it's time to be tired, time to reduce your energy, whatever that may be.

The problem is that you have too much. In the morning you feel a little lethargic. Too much adenosine is filling up those receptors. So you get caffeine where the molecule is the same size and shape. And it gets into the parking spots of adenosine, blocking it, so it just can't calm you down. That's what caffeine does. Blocks the neurotransmitter you don't want. That's what he's doing. OPRAH WINFREY: So it really doesn't encourage you? ARTHUR BROOKS: It's not. It's stopping you from cheering up. That's not an expression, is it? To soften you. You don't want to be too quiet.

OPRAH WINFREY: If there is more happiness, we too can feel encouraged. ARTHUR BROOKS: Is that what we're creating? A new language here. OPRAH WINFREY: A new language. ARTHUR BROOKS: I love it. So that's what, and the reason I use that particular metaphor, and you and I talk about this metaphor in the book, is because that's what you can do once you're metacognitive and you're aware of your own emotions. , and you are studying your own emotions. Many times throughout life you have a particular emotion, but it is not the emotion you want. Choose another. Choose it. OPRAH WINFREY: Then you should have a little storage of better emotions.

ARTHUR BROOKS: Repertoire. You need a better repertoire. OPRAH WINFREY: That's right, a repertoire of better emotions, so when you're down, when you're up, you can turn to something that cheers you up. ARTHUR BROOKS: Exactly right. In fact, you can block anxiety and depression. OPRAH WINFREY: Give me an example. ARTHUR BROOKS: So... and this is an example from a mutual friend of ours, Rainn Wilson, you know, the actor who was on "The Office." He... I realized, you know, just through basic observation, that a lot of professional comedians are depressed. So I said, hey, man, what is it about professional comedy that puts you off so much, that makes you melancholic?

And he said, no, no, you were wrong. It's the opposite. It's just that we tend toward depression and we make jokes when we feel depressed. And that solves the problem. That's emotional caffeine. When you make a joke and others laugh, life gets better. You lighten someone else's burden and lighten your own. And you get relief. At that point, you get a small cup of Starbucks dark roast. OPRAH WINFREY: Is it also kind of like... you know, when I... every time... does anyone know this too? I'm sure this happens to you. You go to the doctor. The blood pressure cuff continues.

My blood pressure goes up immediately when I see the blood pressure cuff approaching. ARTHUR BROOKS: White coat syndrome? OPRAH WINFREY: I definitely have white coat syndrome. Literally... I go to the Cleveland Clinic like once a year. And they leave me in the room a few minutes before to calm down because I have white coat syndrome. And I start thinking about every happy thing, walking through the woods with my dogs. I've always loved water sprinklers on a green lawn, you know, when you're walking and you can see the rainbow in the water. So I start... I have like a little warehouse, this little...

ARTHUR BROOKS: Happy place. OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah, a little repertoire of things to calm myself down and think about. So, is that emotional caffeine? ARTHUR BROOKS: Emotional caffeine works exactly that way. And the key is to think about the things that plague you, you know, the particular experiences that you have, the problematic emotions that are not adjusted. They are not the wrong emotion. They are just an emotion. It's just information. But you can have another emotion that is also extremely appropriate and choose it if you are studying yourself and have distance between your reaction and what you are feeling.

If you are very reactive, you are like a little child. You know, you're angry, you scream. You are sad, you cry without thinking about it, on the contrary. When something is... and it is good. I mean, we like spontaneous people. But that's no way to live. You know, when you have little kids, when my kids were little, my wife always said, she uses your words. I would say be metacognitive. That's what that really means because when you use your words, you move the experience of the emotion to your prefrontal cortex to your executive brain. And there you can make decisions like emotional caffeine.

You can decide on different emotions that are more appropriate to the circumstances. So here's the thing. OPRAH WINFREY: You can think of something better. ARTHUR BROOKS: You can think of something better. OPRAH WINFREY: And you can think better if you have a repertoire of thoughts to think about. It's hard to think of anything better when you're in the middle of... if you're excited. ARTHUR BROOKS: So give yourself some space. Get some space there and say, Okay, I'm going to go to the library. I'm going to choose that one. Here's a classic one that does everything... you do it

super

well.

I've seen you do it time and time again. OPRAH WINFREY: You're talking about... ARTHUR BROOKS: I'm talking about gratitude. OPRAH WINFREY: I was going to say, are you talking about gratitude? ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. Then we feel resentment, bitterness or a lot of anger. And the reason is that we have evolved to have those dominant emotions. This is called negativity bias. The negativity bias is that, you know, we actually have more brain space dedicated to producing negative emotions than positive ones because negative emotions in the Pleistocene keep you alive. Someone in the tribe who smiles sweetly at you, that's great.

Having someone frown at you can be a big problem when you go out. OPRAH WINFREY: And you'll remember that frown longer than the 12 people who smiled. ARTHUR BROOKS: Oh yeah, because that evolved to keep you alive. The problem is that this is very maladaptive and ruins a lot of our lives because we are so negative all the time. It is also unrealistic. OPRAH WINFREY: So at the beginning of "The Oprah Show," when we were still taking phone calls and people were writing real letters in the mail, if someone wrote something negative or said something, I would track them down.

You would receive 1,000 great cards. I wouldn't answer. But oh, that's good. How nice. How nice. And one negative thing: I would locate them. I would find them in Louisiana, Alabama, wherever you were. I'm going to... and then I'm going to call them and say, excuse me. This is Oprah calling. They're like, what? ARTHUR BROOKS: I know. It's like, oh, no. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. Yes. Yes. ARTHUR BROOKS: It's crazy. But you know, there's a lot of literature on this. Social scientists have looked at this a lot. If you go out to dinner with your friends and you have a great time and there is one point of disagreement, that's what you remember from the whole night.

That's what stays with you, right? That Thanksgiving dinner when, you know, Aunt Mabel, something... you know, she went after, you know, her nephew, Jake, because you know, they disagreed about President Trump or something like that. . And that's when everyone said, oh, that was Thanksgiving where Aunt Mabel went crazy about politics or something. That's what you remember about it. OPRAH WINFREY: We can't invite Aunt Mabel back. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yeah, because that happened. You had a great time for three or four hours. And it was like three minutes. But that negativity bias, man, it's like a flickering light.

OPRAH WINFREY: And we're... so you're saying we were born that way? ARTHUR BROOKS: We were born that way. Absolutely, we are born that way. And sometimes it's great because it saves your life. But many times it just makes beautiful things bitter. And it's not realistic. It's not even good. You know, the truth is that a lot of times we feel resentful because it's like, can you believe the quality of the food on this airline? It's like, dude, you're crossing the country in six hours on your middle-class salary and you're complaining about the fact that you don't like the food?

It's crazy. Or is it like, can you believe this? It's too cold on this plane or, you know, whatever we say... OPRAH WINFREY: That people just get sucked into it? ARTHUR BROOKS: Yeah. I mean, we have these incredibly privileged lives. I get it, we have problems too. And we have suffering. And not everything is perfect and all that. But overall, in modern life, most of the time, it's pretty good. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. Yes. Yes. ARTHUR BROOKS: And this is the point we can really get to. And I've seen you do this many times. OPRAH WINFREY: Oh.

The gratitude thing is huge for me. ARTHUR BROOKS: And I know it's been that way since you were a little kid, right? Basically, when you feel resentment welling up inside you, when you feel anger, even when you feel fear, that's when you start to reflect on the sources of... OPRAH WINFREY: And not just reflect because that's not enough. Sometimes just to think about it. In fact... I have volumes of gratitude journals, volumes. ARTHUR BROOKS: This is a really good thing because this is... OPRAH WINFREY:Volumes of gratitude journals. And now I hear everyone talking about it.

And I watch these videos where people talk about gratitude. I've been doing it for years, and years, and years, and years, and years. ARTHUR BROOKS: And when you write it down, by the way, it can't stay in your limbic system. Then it's in your prefrontal cortex. The act of writing something down and putting it into words places it in the executive centers of your brain. And he stays there. I mean, he's in your memory banks right now. You're really going to use it. And you have it in the most conscious metacognitive way possible. This is it… gratitude journals are great.

Everyone should keep a gratitude journal. A failure diary is fantastic. We talk about it in the book and all kinds of ways you can take your sources of displeasure and discontent and turn them into learning and growth. But gratitude journaling is a must for everyone. And there are many ways to do it. You know, the easiest way is to write down every Sunday night five things you are grateful for. It doesn't matter how stupid they are. Like my team, right? I ate some Three Musketeers bars with my cousins, like you said, right? Whatever it is that delights your heart a little.

And then from Monday to Saturday, look at those things and reflect on them a little bit. Give maybe a word of thanks, maybe a little prayer. Sunday, update it. The data says that, on average, after 10 weeks, you will be 12% happier. OPRAH WINFREY: I believe that. And I think that at the moment when you feel worst, if you can just take a deep breath and do what, first of all, be grateful, for your encouragement and start to actualize it for yourself, and we are saying that writing is more important than just thinking. in the things you are grateful for.

You can feel your own vibration changing. ARTHUR BROOKS: Yes. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. ARTHUR BROOKS: Sure. Absolutely. OPRAH WINFREY: But for me it's also a nature walk. ARTHUR BROOKS: There's a lot of work on this that's really interesting. For starters, that's almost a form of worship for many people. OPRAH WINFREY: It is for me. ARTHUR BROOKS: You and I have walked here. And it was a kind of magic. I remember that we were working very hard to prepare this book. We work all day. We were really very tired. OPRAH WINFREY: And then we took a long walk.

ARTHUR BROOKS: At dusk. It was so beautiful, right? Because everything was very calm. OPRAH WINFREY: There's a photo. Yes. Yes. ARTHUR BROOKS: There's a picture of that. Yes Yes it's correct. And it was...someone took a photo of us. It wasn't us. It was not a staging. And it was... I remember it was relaxed and nice. And some researchers wonder what it is about the experience of touching nature that you can get even more from when you're barefoot. That's all there is to earthing. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes, yes, yes. I've heard that. I've heard that. ARTHUR BROOKS: As a social scientist, I think... but you know, it's funny.

The data is actually quite compelling. OPRAH WINFREY: Is there any truth to that? ARTHUR BROOKS: It seems like, you know, your feet on the grass and the ground... I mean, touching the grass and the ground has a particularly profound physiological impact on what we're experiencing. OPRAH WINFREY: That's really interesting because I enjoy walking barefoot on the grass. But I thought it was because that's how I was raised, you know? ARTHUR BROOKS: It takes you back to... OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah, Mississippi. I thought it was like a dirt road in Mississippi. And you're... it's like something primordial. I didn't know it was...

ARTHUR BROOKS: Yeah. No, there's work in that. And I do... a lot of people... a lot of us remember that when we were kids... you know, we were in the backyard, or you know, in the neighborhood and running around with our bare feet. It takes us back to those particular times. You can smell certain things from your childhood. But there's more than that. Scientists believe there is much more to the experience of touching nature than that. I often end up giving a lot of advice and support to young people in their twenties. And they feel quite lost.

And I understand it. You know, they don't know the reason for their life. They haven't read our book yet, you know? So one of the things I will tell you to do is to undertake a process of discernment about your life to understand the meaning of life. And one of the best ways to do it, I recommend it to everyone, but not just young people, is to get up before dawn, some people find it difficult, and walk for an hour while the sun rises. There is something deeply mystical. It's cooler. It's quiet. You're alone with your thoughts, no devices or

podcasts

except this one.

Do it just with the sounds in your head, with the music of... OPRAH WINFREY: I know someone who does that every day. ARTHUR BROOKS: It's very important to do that. Actually, that's one of the ways you can satisfy, you know, the spiritual element of what a good, happy life really needs, a transcendent life, a life that transcends your everyday, ordinary, boring work existence. OPRAH WINFREY: Because you can see how small you are compared to the greatness of everything else. ARTHUR BROOKS: I'm alive. I am alive. I don't know what this day will bring. I don't know, and that's okay.

I'm really grateful to be alive this day and to be walking this road right now and to see the sun rise. It puts you in a state of wonder. It puts you in a moment of peace. And if that becomes... and by the way, you get 10,000 steps. And that's good too. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay. So that's a good place to end, right? That's all the happiness we can squeeze into our first episode. We have only just begun. Do you remember that song? (SINGING) We've barely begun. Who sang it? Carpenters. ARTHUR BROOKS: Thank you. I mean, it's like I was a classical musician growing up.

It's like I was raised... OPRAH WINFREY: You have to meet Karen Carpenter. ARTHUR BROOKS: I know, but I was like... OPRAH WINFREY: Every damn wedding for everything. ARTHUR BROOKS: I know. I know. Who knows? We played Bach at our wedding. OPRAH WINFREY: Okay. So my gratitude to you and all of our readers for your thoughtful questions, guys, we really appreciate you reading the book. I just want to say this. I think this is a great gift idea for your loved ones. There is something here for everyone. I'm not just saying that. I think... In fact, today I sent three copies to people I know and I think they will benefit from it.

Up next is episode two of our three-part series “Build the Life You Want.” And we'll discuss chapters four and five, specific strategies for you to start taking action and building what matters to you. So thank you Arturo. ARTHUR BROOKS: Thank you, Oprah. OPRAH WINFREY: See you next time. Thanks to our episode sponsor, The Hartford.