JonTron Starcade 1-9: All episodes

they made their own logo twice as big as the main act. Once upon a time, there was credit to be given, but now they are really twisting my hand. Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the brand, hey this is actually cool, it's just chess with all our favorite Star Wars characters. Han can't play even though he is dead in the background until Luke decides to stop playing and save him. Chewky, he sure is a lot slower than me. remember, okay, one down, 100 to go, this is so slow, oh my god, how many games did I expect to be able to play three?

Stop please, I'm not ready to die, this is a heavy board game, there are these little battle animations that take place on the board when two pieces collide like battle chests, but I think it could take me a lifetime to watch the whole thing. , out of respect for your time and mine, I'll be switching to the Sega CD version which actually works like a real game, they removed the walking animations and just reduced the overall wait time so we can get to the good parts faster . The graphics are not that attractive. In this version, but the presentation is a little better, they also added a little Curtain Call where the pieces are presented at the beginning with Luke and the Emperor as the Kings and Leia and Darth Vader as the Queens with a walk cycle like that, since You know.

The queen's lifestyle chose you, okay, you were born to be a diva. W dude, Yodo, over here, he looks like he did serious marijuana, this little green guy knows what's up, well, that was awesome. I wonder if mine does that, oh man the graphics are noticeably degraded. In this version, which you wouldn't really think would happen considering it's the Sega CD, you also get a few more options but they're mostly just board styles and such, there's not much to see here, this time the battles take out on its own separate platform in space. where you have to move at high speeds every time, literally every two pieces on this board has a unique set of winning and losing sequences, if you are strong from start to finish you have about 30 minutes of animation left, that's impressive, They're so weird, they're practically worth the price of admission alone, not to mention it's also fun to watch your favorite characters die tragically in unexpectedly violent ways because U, poor Lou, poor Leia Yoda, turned into goo, that It's a shame.

I really like Yoda everyone. sad now who am I who are you what's right and what's wrong I thought I told you I don't like banana pudding I mean, I know I'm repeating myself, but it's weird watching all these Timeless characters fly into crushed pieces. t3p burnt and decimated usually just wins by being an idiot. I wouldn't have it any other way 3p you're giving a new meaning to the word kill oh it's beautiful it's majestic Yoda made that poor man kill himself it's so cool I wonder how he consumes all that weed and can still be so great now, who would have thought chess could kill a man's life so much until next time I'll take Obi-Wan to D3?

Okay, I think it's just to show what's going on here. Technically, the future game should work perfectly. You are using an Imperial Nintendo Entertainment System. The game you are trying to play Star Wars has been restricted by the empire for containing data. Instead, try one of our supported and approved games, like All On Was An. inside job I guess I'll have to use one of my region's unlocking systems that plays everything in Gung and basic oh no, what do you say? This is not the same. This is bad. You can take away my dignity, but no. my NES, like I said, dignity is fine, take it, I really don't have much to start with.

Nintendo Entertainment System is well known for being the place where you proved whether you were worthy or not, it was The Gauntlet for retro games, sink or swim and Star Wars was no exception, let's see how the galaxy far, far away fared since the beginning. You get the awesome theme song, although it seems a little more upbeat than usual. The cutscenes here look great for the NES and really serve the movies well. This is what I mean, look C3po is looking you straight in the eyes like you caught him masturbating in this first level. Here you go on your landspeeder.

I'm guessing this is Tatooine and you mainly explore various caves and environments in the game. takes place on foot with Luke holding his little Blaster but hey I want My lightsaber I really don't know if this music fits it doesn't exactly scream Star Wars you have your standard Affair you have your Tusk and Raiders your Jawas your K flies your Brendan Frasers La Mummy, but wait, I mean, maybe I don't have to go over my Star Wars Lord, but I don't remember if Brendan Frasier was a part of this. Who is this guy? What is he doing here?

I think it could be. in the wrong game HH, who is he? Oh, it's your boy Obi-Wan, what are you doing in the cave, brother? It's okay, although I know you mean well. I can see him torn in your lifeless, cross-eyed stare, oh boy, what a great crowd tonight. a huge audience, my god, there are so many monsters and scary things in these caves, how will I be able to find my way? Oh, there's an exit sign right there. It would all be useless if it hadn't been for this well-placed neon sign. Thanks to whoever posted it.

There it's somewhat similar to Zelda 2 in the way you enter levels from a top-down angle only to have those levels play out as a side scroller. This is a style of play that we have seen decline in popularity since this time. Most likely it has to do with the fact that it sucks and I hate it. There are some dog-friendly trim sections in the cockpit, though like on the X-Wing and Millennium Falcon. I don't remember there being that much vibration here, at the end you get your lightsaber. which is cool and lucky for you, the laws of momentum don't need to apply, just move through people at will, omg they also put in a top down shooting segment.

This game has ridiculous variety for the NES. I must say it's so immersive. I'm literally getting attracted to I'm art and just like that she he's gone, come on guys look alive you just saved the entire galaxy a simple twitch or twitch will do too. Leia has a banged head. I don't know what's going on with that someone. Better tell it while we're at it, let's take a look at the sequel to the Empire Strikes Back game for NES once again from the beginning amazing scenes and music here, the game makes you start with your Tonton like Luke does in the movie.

Okay, I'm ready, let's go. Do you want to give me a second? I just started here. Okay, just get your bearings, get your bearings, and oh my gosh, what do you want? What is it? You have to tell me Obi-Wan. so important that the lightsaber is the weapon of a Jedi oh thank you fascinating, I'm glad you stopped me in my tracks to tell me you'll let me play the damn game. Look, all I'm saying is, oh, come on, it's kind of hard to control and, damn, somehow the Blaster got even faster this time look at this thing, go, oh my god, everyone's heads down. .

Luke is packing the standard pistol here, trust me, you don't want to see the heavy artillery the game has. primarily a platformer, but like last time, it's kind of a hybrid thing when you really get down to business incorporating many gameplay styles, which you can see in the game designer credits if you go to this corner here look , choose strength, choose strength, I think. You're going wrong somewhere, but it's still catchy, so I'll let it slide. You can do this too, whatever it is. Uh oh, okay, I think something is definitely going on here, oh, that's absolutely unnecessary.

He didn't have to die. That reel is interesting. One fact on this game, they brought back the Atari 2600 version of Empire Strikes Back completely as its own level, you can recognize it by its better known name, bird verse camel, pretty crazy right, which used to be sold as a full game 10 ago years now it's just a minor portion of a larger game that is progress and most importantly, although you can shoot towards the back of the atat, Captain, it's time for a backup plan, sir, the enemy seems to be totally enjoying putting it in in the butt, oh God, I'm banged, oh, I think I'm going to fall, okay, I think I might have suffered some serious damage, but what do you know?

I think it could turn out well oh, oh wow, that turned out much better than expected. I even have my own lightsaber. I'm invincible I'm a God I don't even need a snowspeeder I'm coming for you Here I come I'm going to break the game I don't care about the rules In the end you finally get to Fight face to face with Darth Vader, who sits there and endlessly shoots you a blaster like in the movies and then the motherload jumps to the generation where we have the Super Star Wars games. For me, there was absolutely nothing like ripping out one of these colorful ones.

Action packed and each and every unique in its own way, this was as good as it gets. There's not much bad to say about these games, other than mentioning its brutal difficulty, it was one of those games where enemies keep appearing out of nowhere. so it was easy to get hit when he didn't want to, why does the Blaster keep getting faster and faster with each delivery? How are they going to maintain that at the current pace of technological growth that we predict for the distant year of? 2002 or so The Blasters will go off this fast, oh my god, I shot right into the gallery.

Now you may think that's where the old Nintendo Star Wars games end, but another game is rumored to exist in a distant, forbidden land to the east. and for this we must search on eBay. Oh, here it is, yes, in fact, there is a Japanese version of Star Wars Wars solely for the Japanese version of the NES and Famicom and it is completely different from the American version in every way, from the ground up. The game starts with Luke watching a broadcast from Leia as shown in the standard R2-D2 stuff so far Leia, I'm walking here, okay, you're walking around beating up Little Owl guys and other monsters that I don't really remember from Star Wars in this one. interpretation of course Luke Skywalker was played by uh jeanclaude vanam pretty much everything you cut with your saber just explodes instantly in proper japanese style.

The Stormtroopers are incredibly adorable and you better like the Star Wars theme if you're going to play this, I mean you. I better like it because this Loop is all it plays. Oh, it's a little early to see Darth Vader, isn't it? He usually doesn't spend his valuable time on the first level, and if it's a fight, what you want, Vader, is a fight you want. Excuse me why that's a scorpion. I have seen it. I have seen some of them, chosen some from the desert. That's a scorpion. I feel like at this point asking questions is irrelevant, really, but no.

You know, I think I'll have to ask why Darth Vader turned into a scorpion. I don't even know if this was originally supposed to be a Star Wars game. Why is there a level with Egyptian symbolism where you fight all kinds of crazy enemies that seems to fit more into Zelda than Star Wars. What the hell? This doesn't seem like it should be anywhere near this series. It's like something from a Mario game. Yes, just as I planned. Darth Vader is much weaker when he is submerged in water and cannot breathe. Why am I swimming and he's not?

That's not cool this time he's a fish, what a trickster. I guess this is all just saving your friends from various anamorphic Darth Vaders. Oh well, the Millennium Falcon was here the whole time. No, that's good. knowing, I'm glad to know that I didn't even have to swim all that way, the Millennium Falcon could have taken me directly to where I wanted to go, especially considering it can fly right next to this magical floating body of water, you know what's not this? very funny, you're always guessing what kind of crazy creature you're going to turn into this time, Vader, well that time it was actually him, I think poor guy, he just wanted to kill an animal, well, Mission over Galaxy saved the useful small head of a whale.

Han Solo dog, how are you buddy, it looks like you're really working to get there, you look happy, that's good for you, you know there was a lesson in all of this and what that lesson was, I really don't know, but I'll tell you one. stuff. Make sure you're careful who you harm because they can turn into a scary animal look what's happening now look what happened to me I'm a butterfly Star Wars tell me about this watch out V here I come Star Wars Episode 1 a movie that famously lives in infamy and I mean infamy from gungans to murans.

I think it's safe to say that this movie generated more social outrage in the burning of the Great Library of Alexandria and that was really bad. All my favorite books were burned in it, like this coloring book. for example, mustaches from the former Soviet Union, only comes with the Brown crayon, better not color Outside the lines or dad will have to go back to a concrete hole in the ground when people were watching this movie, they must have been saying them themselves: "I wish I could experience this for myself I wish I could be there, they didn't know their wish had already been granted.

This is episode 1 of Star Wars, The Phantom Menace, for PS1. Okay, it's a little weird to have a game like this,here's a page about weapons from the Star Wars Universe weapons tests, hey, what's going on there? Oh hello Mr. Stormtrooper, you're looking noticeably in the spotlight, oh what are these Ewok rock? Yeah that's my favorite genre too, oh I thought it was going to be a fun concert with holy furry shit, wow what educational value, well they have a good point you know, I mean how else would you know if Will your weapons work? Hey, don't worry.

Dude, I just want to make sure everything is working properly, okay, yeah, we're good, it worked, come on, get up, stop being a baby. Death Star Ray, oh my gosh, that's a bit much, isn't it? Oh, come on, what a cop-out they made for me. Sit here and watch this poor man's quiet desperation. I'm watching it before the final thoughts of it and they didn't even give me the payload. Listen. I just wanted to see them. The guy explodes. OK. I'm not the crazy one. I only want. to see his legs fall off and his eyes pop out oh yeah that's the good thing then we have the Star Wars demolition.

This was Lucas Arts' version of Twisted Metal's vehicular Gladiator formula. It is definitely one of the strangest offers. It has one of those cool interiors. menus that actually take place in a setting like conquering Bad Fay or something. I really don't know what you're laughing at, but hey, see you later, then you can choose from all kinds of different characters that have their own vehicle. what you'd expect from a game like this, except it's Star Wars, which automatically makes it better. Honestly, I wouldn't complain if they remade it for current times, it would work, but let's not beat around the bush.

Well, we all know why we are. here's to see Boba Fett's little baby legs dangling as you play back and forth, Boba's legs are sure to go there's also a gungan chess board level where there's just a bunch of Jar Jar Banks heads on giant stones, It's a bit of an Easter Island for your biggest Goan fan, okay, you know who you are, get up, don't get up, sit down and now, the one you've all been waiting for, the Star Wars masters of the ter ter ter ter What's his name, huh? is one of the most universally criticized Star Wars games in the universe, ours and theirs, although I suppose they're technically the same.

Don't worry about it personally. I don't understand the hate behind this. I think it's pretty amazing any game. in which you can have Luke Skywalker not figuratively but literally fight himself is a game that is okay for me knock out Luke Skywalker is ready there is a decent variety of characters but it seems like some are more overpowered than others, These guys must have really participated in something real. distance training to eat that many lightsabers in Cara seem to follow similar rules to Tekken or something, so the lightsaber works closer to a ball bat than a lightsaber, which is probably part of the The reason this game was so poorly received is that it really was a fair fight, come on, not Han.

I never tell you not to use your fist in a sword fight, idiot, relax, no problem, Darth Vader versus or, well, well, just make sure you use protection and while we're at it, how about we look at some of the best? Old fashioned merchandise, this is what is known as the Millennium Falcon game, something that literally only a madman would want to use. Basically, you just strapped it to your keyboard and swung Chewbacca and Han Solo back and forth like you were trying to masturbate. a badger, when you press one of the characters, it pushes the whole device and presses a key on your keyboard, so essentially it's a very complicated way of pressing buttons on your keyboard as far as the software that comes with it, if you could.

Call it that, it's kind of like a dragon cape that uses real movie footage, very cool salvaged inventory item, but what about the regular old merchandise that doesn't come bundled with the software? What do you call that? Ah yes, the toys imagine George Lucas as good. Boy, how about George Lucas as the bad guy? George Lucas as a family, everyone hates all fun right, it's George Lucas's real family as Star Wars characters, you can't make that up, there were some things in life that shouldn't be questioned, just absorbed, admired. Savored and appreciated, this is one of those things where you know you can't repress your true feelings for me, but what about all you Jedi wannabes?

What can you use to hone your skills well? The Star Wars strength trainer, of course, except you. I can't because it never works, but it makes you look like a total idiot, so at least that's a point out of 10. What is this? I have the Death Star here, it's obvious, but what if I told you it actually is? Hidden Darth Vader is impossible, you say oh, but how wrong you are. I think you must have seen Lady Gaga on TV and just decided to give it a try. Han and Chewy to the rescue watching in amazement as Han Solo transforms into a slice of pizza and chewy transforms into a bread sandwich p, what, oh you gotta put them together, there you go, midium Falcon, there it is, and here we are, We have seen almost everything there is to see.

I guess we finished well. You did not do it? I think I would forget it. We've spent a lot of time looking at the worst and the strangest, but I'll never forget the times I had with some of the best Star Wars games. The games I've played, things like Star Wars Battlefront Knights of the Old Republic Rogue Squadron and even Lego Star Wars, but that's what we all love about the brand, isn't it? That's why I was able to sit here and talk endlessly about this magical franchise at the end of the Day when Star Wars is an open book, there's so much fun to be had in the universe and so many depths to dive into.

The journey does not end with episode 6, it lives on and spreads throughout the universe in the hearts of many. It's more than a filming a game or a book it's a damn phenomenon sir, you forgot this is starring me, I'm cool now, can I be on YouTube? Rewind, hey, look at these Star Wars droids. I had never heard of this. Okay, one last game for you. 3PO H this melody. of course, this was played in addition to some of the more memorable scenes. This game is strange and old. It's never a good combo to control C3PO.

You have to manually move the cursor to one of the panels at the bottom of the screen and then press the button. action button, so you can't just go right and shoot one of your yellow diamonds to get rid of the enemies, you have to select the move button, get in place, stop, select the shoot button and then shoot, talk about tedium even for the time and then there. Are these weird Simon Says panels? Oh how funny, you know a game is getting good when one of the main puzzles is Simon Says, a game you can literally buy for your keychain, maybe they were trying to emulate Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Yes, it's wrong. Space movie with aliens guys the one they were looking for was clearly Al laxative on a rope Mel macki and hiccup the cat doesn't fit in the toaster who is winning these encounters between the enemies and me there is no clear winner in the droids only chaos is a good thing c3po is all ripe and oiled huh, he bowed his head down to hold 2 in this move, it's very useful in the Jerusalem level where C3PO has to bow to the Western Wall after defeating these enemies and I mean that , if you get to these, weird computer things near a door I don't understand how anything works in this game, what is this?

The TSA robot is about to feel my junk and make sure I'm not carrying any thermal detonators aboard the Starship. I see how it is. You're going to profile me because I'm a droid, huh, because in bright yellow, you know, sometimes I long for the days before the Death Star blew up, they even used to have a lightsaber section, this game is so bad, look at 3PO and R2 alone. Stay in the center of the screen at all times and move with the two squares they were adorned with. I already finished 3PO. I can't even do this for you.

This box design looks familiar, although where have I seen it before? Oh no, Master John. You don't have to ask what you mean, where is he from? Has he been buried? My capacitors weaken just thinking about it. There's only one man left in the galaxy who knows his whereabouts. I'm talking, of course, about the most terrible piece of Star Wars content in the entire galaxy. okay, have you seen some of the stuff I've been playing here? I will believe that when I see it with my own eyes it is not an interactive piece of Master John software, it is much worse than a Star Wars vacation.

The special was a made-for-TV event that aired in 1978, a year after the release of A New Hope. It is famous for being incredibly difficult to find and that is no coincidence. It is known that George Lucas, the great man, was very unhappy with this production. him to the point of saying that if he had time in a deck, he would track down every copy of that show and destroy it since it aired. It has never been broadcast or released on home video. If a TV special airs and no one is there to record it. Has it ever happened?

Even Harrison Ford doesn't seem to remember doing this. Do you remember doing this Christmas special? I think it was 1978. You don't remember now. The plot thickens. How could it be bad? Anyway, look at the cast. Mark. Hamill Harrison himself, Kerry Fiser, the original C3PO, Chewbacca R2 and James Earl Jones, man, they got everyone. I mean, how have I not seen this? It sounds incredible, no, that's all. I'm getting to the bottom of this, come on, George, relax a little, I just want to. to see it don't be such a prude I uh I mean I don't know maybe if you give me a kiss first or something like that I just want to see the movie George well now you're getting bold with me that's going to Sean two kisses now look what happens when you tell me impudence, you are a very persuasive man, kiss for dad, look, it was so difficult, okay, but don't show it to anyone, okay, I'm not very proud of this, be very careful.

I can't let this leak on the Internet John, do you love me like I love you? How can I love? What is human? This is even more dangerous than that time I tried to watch Dunston Checks In on a laserdisc, that monkey wasn't it. willing to cooperate, okay, let's be careful with this, oh boy, here we go, uh, well, good start. I'd say the first few seconds literally start with a dogfight on the Millennium Falcon, you can't go wrong, that's all. Returning here, we meet Han and Chewy who are trying to return home from the War for the Star Wars equivalent of Christmas or any winter holiday.

They really call it life day, that's this Spirit, you'll be celebrating life day before you know it. I don't know if a Christmas celebration would be what I would have in mind if my spaceship was about to be destroyed. The Star Wars Christmas Special with Anthony Daniels as C3PO. Oh, how cool, they're actually giving the real names of all the people inside. Peter Mayu's costumes as Chewbacca it's nice to see them get credit for such a thankless job overall R2D2 like R2D2 oh that's really cute give credit to the guy in the air conditioned monkey suit but to the poor underpaid midget he has a roast in a can all day.

Screw it, so after the opening credits we go to Chewbacca's tree mansion. Chewbacca is like a dirty, rebellious space animal, but he lives in this nice house that looks like it came straight from the set of a 1975 episode of The Price is Right. The film explains that this is actually Chewbacca's family that is waiting for him to return from the War. I'm really glad they addressed this aspect because all I could think about during the action scenes in the first movie was how Chewbacca's son was doing and how he was getting good grades. Are you getting beaten up at school?

What are your interests? Yeah, we're already there, so I guess I'm going to need some heavy lifting for this one. The house is too immaculate. Chewbacca is supposed to live in a cave or something. I need a really strong vacuum to remove all the fur from the carpet. Plus, the place looks expensive, since it's the Star Wars equivalent of living in a penthouse on Central Park West. Where should we get the money to collect autographs after the war? Something is very wrong here, are you serious? There won't actually be any dialogue here, actually, really, there will just be these guys growling at each other like cavemen for 2 hours.

You know, I'm probably being too cynical, I'm sure. This is just one of many short vignettes in this vast Universe, I'm just getting a you-know-what feeling. Building worlds, they don't even seem to like each other. It seems like they are constantly doing passive-aggressive Jabs. That's all. I'm coming back. oh they left this out, well this is where the movie gets a little dark, well this is not scripted, this is the actor who actually tries to commit suicide after realizing what he participated in, don't do it, it's not worth the shame, at least there are two good movies after this, you could hope.funny.

It's not my real life. What's the matter? I'm sorry. Alright. I gave it a lot of importance and put it on my channel. Okay, yeah, you know, that's pretty good, oh, thanks man, you've been doing good too. It seems like we're all in a pretty good place. Eh yes? Wow, John. I have something to tell you. What is it? Aaron. I'm a poooo peee fart Diaper Baby stinky brain looks like you shouldn't have let me write your lines uh my dad is Adolf Hitler yes he is and he always will be Aaron Aaron Aaron Aon Aaron what's up are you okay yeah well polio but yeah ? um for now like everything is fine, let me ask you something, do you want to do the dance for old time's sake, I don't know what you're talking about, but yeah, yeah, like you, my shine, I'm my head in the I.

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm picking up my, put it on my, I'm Jing on my Falcon, on my, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, it feels like balance has been restored to the galaxy. or at least to a very specialized part of the Internet. May the force be with you, oh not again.