How to Grow as a Person (And Why It Sucks) | Johnny Crowder | TEDxEustis

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grow

th is complicated, so the term

grow

th implies a million small, thankless steps, which

sucks

, and the term

person

al implies that no one can take them for you, which also

sucks

, but if we constantly interrupt our old thought patterns with new ones and resist the temptation to judge. ourselves, how long this process takes, we won't waste our lives waiting for a eureka moment that may never come as a member of the "buy it now" generation. I'm not a patient, but in my experience, real, tangible change takes more than two business days. and a credit card why because of this brains are complex, mysterious and uncooperative even with tons of scientists in the case there are still so many things we don't understand about them one thing we do know is that these fools almost never stop thinking According to the National Science Foundation, some adults have up to 60,000 thoughts each day, but a whopping 48,000 of them are negative—that's almost one negative thought for every second we're awake, making optimism a priority. the challenge of the century and because our brains are full of anxiety and stress and our memory banks are full of embarrassing moments and regrets.

We know we can't always choose what leaves a mark, but what if we could interrupt our negative thoughts with something positive? Shouldn't that change over time? we think and feel now before jumping into a sensitive topic like mental health I need to clarify something in case the tattoos don't give it away I am not a doctor I am a death metal vocalist I am a sneakerhead I am a

person

who loves dogs, I am almost everything but a doctor, I have no doctors on my wall, I have scars on my body, I have survived everything from bullying to childhood trauma, physical, sexual and emotional abuse, eating disorders, hallucinations, suicide attempts. and diagnoses ranging from bipolar disorder and schizophrenia to OCD, ADHD and the rest of the dsm alphabet for 10 long years I was on medication and seeing a therapist but I wasn't happy with it, I was negative, angry, depressed and completely disconnected from the reality, but today.

My whole life is based on positivity and kindness. I destroyed the world by sharing stories of inspiration and hope. I'm just as surprised as you are and when I'm on the road talking or playing music, whether it's in a prison or a school. or a businessman people always ask me what was the turning point that moment when everything changed now if my life was a jim carrey movie it would probably look like this I'm on my knees in the pouring rain screaming at the night sky why God why do I get struck by lightning and realize how precious life is I find true love yadda yadda but actually the answer is quite disappointing that moment never came there was no overnight cure no magic spell neither a miracle drug nor a light bulb eureka moment and I think if I had waited for that moment, I would still be that angry, negative and depressed person.

The ugly truth is that my recovery has been an exhausting, unglamorous series of microscopic steps that seemed annoying and pointless at the time. It's like sailing if you change course. heading even by a single degree when you're in the water, you probably won't notice any difference in trajectory until you've passed whatever it is you were looking for in the first place, but this doesn't mean that everything was smooth sailing from day one, that is, from self-help gurus to vitamins and meditation apps. I tried everything under the sun with no luck. I thought this book was supposed to change my life.

That Reddit thread said a therapist should be able to fix it. Me in two months and this is the fifth month, this medicine helps other people, so what the hell is wrong with me? Part of the problem is that some of these things disappointed me with lofty promises of quick fixes, which is really what I wanted, but the other part of the problem was me, these things required me to take the first step and I didn't like that most Of the days I could barely muster enough initiative to do laundry let alone make a dent in my recovery journey.

I kept looking around. for something external to save me a podcast a counselor a webinar to take responsibility for my growth I thought that if I was ever going to feel better it would be thanks to my therapist my friends my medications I felt safer putting that work in someone else's hands as well a mess like me, so out of sheer desperation I started leaving sticky notes all over my house, little reminders to check in with myself and reframe what was going on in my mind and because I can't stand that cheesy stuff. just be happy quotes, I thought I'd write some personal opinions on what growth looked and felt like for me, and as they crept into my day, whether taped to my bathroom mirror or hidden in one of my shoes, little They were slowly starting to make an impact, they didn't magically transform the circumstances of my life, but they did improve the way I processed them, which was progress, but after a few days I started to notice an unfortunate trend, these notes were blending together.

With the background, I mean, apparently we get used to things. After our brain processes something enough times it decides that this should no longer be the same answer, so it simply stops transmitting that information to us. This is a psychological phenomenon called habituation and is a classic example of how our brain prioritizes efficiency over our own. Have you ever wondered why you don't notice the sound of the air conditioning until it turns off, you can thank habituation for that and to be honest I was pretty frustrated with my brain for not cooperating with me, I mean after all the what we have been through here.

I'm trying to do my brain a favor and my biggest obstacle is me. I wanted to see what would happen if habituation didn't have a chance to take hold, if the brain didn't see that message coming, hopefully it wouldn't have. It's time to prepare for impact, so the day before Halloween in 2017 I decided to text that I needed to hear to 32 of my friends and said something like "um, the second half of today could be great even if the first half Half of it stunk." the past and the future are totally separate things and as the answers came in I couldn't believe my eyes, one person said, I really needed this.

I'm crying in the closet right now because my boyfriend left me, how did you meet someone else? He said, "Wait, I really needed this this morning." I was fine, but I'm really nervous about my job interview on Thursday. How did you know? Although everyone responded differently, there were two common points. I really needed this and how did you know. And, frankly, I did. I don't know that their brains did all the work, stretching the feeling to fit the specific circumstances of their own life, extracting the useful nuggets and discarding the rest, all I did was interrupt them, that's when I realized I was in something, so here's a context where your brain is constantly rewiring itself.

Every time we have a thought, one synapse fires a chemical through a gap to another synapse, creating bridges that our thoughts use to travel throughout our brain and our brain over time recognizes these patterns and reorganizes itself to do this process. more efficient. The phrase that helped me remember. This concept as a psychology student was catchy enough to link synapses that fire together, wires together, think about your GPS every time you try to get from point a to point b, the default path is the shortest possible, our brain too It does so the more often we think about We think that the closer these synapses get, the more likely we are to think about it again, and so on.

This means that our thoughts literally change the physical shape of our brain, and as these patterns gain momentum, they form the basis of our personality, whether we want it to or not. no, but if we can interrupt these negative patterns, we have the opportunity to steal that momentum from them, we can separate those synapses and encourage others to move closer in their place, let's do it, here's the trick, although it's not just about our own thoughts and emotions. that influences this process, I mean, external stimulus has this effect on us all the time. Have you ever been watching a horror movie and taking bathroom breaks only to be deathly afraid of what could logically be hiding behind the shower curtain?

On an emotional level you know there's nothing there, but on an emotional level you'd rather be safe than sorry, so when we read or hear about an emotion, our brain tries it on like it's a fur coat in a dressing room and boom without realizing it. . I scare you, we are feeling someone else's feelings. I mean, we know these emotions are contagious. That's where things like empathy and mob mentality come from, but just like we can walk away from a horror movie with a fear that isn't even ours. Just by being exposed to it, we can also walk away from a distinctive film feeling warm and fuzzy inside, so if we're going to end up with an emotional memory either way, why not try to choose which one it will be?

I created a resource called coke notes to help people replace long-standing unhealthy thought patterns with newer, healthier ones, essentially we implement momentary ecological interventions that subvert habituation to catalyze cognitive restructuring, which is a clumsy way to say that we use text messages to help people rewire their brains and I. I'd be lying if I said my coke notes journey isn't teaching me a lot more about the human brain than I wanted to know, for example I always thought it took 21 days to develop a habit, it sounds easy but if anyone ever has established it. a new year's resolution before you realize this is not an exact figure, in fact, a new habit can take up to 254 consecutive days to take hold, that's a long time, most of us can't even brush our teeth . 254 days in a row and think about it without that everyday consistency, your 253 day streak can drop back to zero with a single decision and another thing, the power of the human brain to interpret stimuli is downright magical, so the same text that empowered it .

One user divorced an abusive partner and allowed another to propose to the love of his life. Stories like this shed light on the brain's incredible ability to expand and personalize new information and encourage people to take ownership of their own growth instead of pining it on someone or something else like they used to, but it's usually not a mystical text that changes or saves my life, there have been hundreds of small interruptions gradually eroding my stubborn destructive habits over months and years, now our messages have guided countless users. to a positive life change, from seeking addiction treatment to calling 911 seconds before a suicide attempt, but don't let any of that distract or fool you, it's not the text that's changing someone's life , someone's life, is the user's own brain, has someone here. you broke a bone before just by raising your hand it's okay so think about coping notes and any other personal growth resources like a cast on a broken leg the cast doesn't heal your leg your leg heals your leg your body is designed to heal yourself The cast, although itchy and uncomfortable, just keeps everything in place so your leg can heal itself properly, no magic potion yet, no fairy dust yet, just your anatomy doing what it does best knows how to do and, deep down, I think our brains want to be healthier, I think we are.

We're all hungry for growth, but the way we think about growth could be holding us back, so first of all I want us to reconsider this eureka moment myth. Growth takes a long time. We can't just work out on Saturday and expect to look like the rock on Sunday, I mean, think about it, we would never ask WWE Superstar Dwayne the Rock Johnson, can you tell us about the one push-up that got you in the shape you are? the one you are today? We would never do it, we know that physical change. It's complicated and it takes time, so why do we expect mental and emotional change to happen instantly?

We need to accept the idea that slow incremental change is sustainable and effective, even if it's not as romantic as we'd like it to be, and speaking of we need to rethink this bottoming out mentality, many of us are under the impression that we need to hit rock bottom. before we start changing our lives and that is simply not true, we do not need to wait until January to make a resolution about it. There is no quota or threshold that we must meet before we can qualify to make a real, concrete change in our daily lives;

In fact, the sooner we start making an effort, the better and yes, that means thatWe can start today, so right now I want you to identify one. Something in your life that leaves you with a negative emotional memory. A social media habit. Your favorite Netflix series. A Friday night tradition with the kids. Then I want you to interrupt that pattern and replace it with something that you know is healthier for you, big or small. Whatever. Whatever you choose, you have to go for the long haul and, for the sake of accountability, mention it to someone you trust.

You can even use me as an excuse if you want. I watched a tedx talk and this guy told me that I should mention how I've been feeling it, but he's cool, he's young, he has tattoos, he said, dude, and I trust him honestly no matter how much and I know it's hard, trying to Find glory in each and every small victory, no matter how calm you feel, because these are the pillars that personal growth is made of and each one of them is important. Embark on this wonderfully awkward stumble toward normalizing this type of dialogue and growing as a person, so give yourself some grace.

Try to be patient. Keyword. Try to remember my favorite proverb. I use this. in elementary schools all the time everything good is hard at first even ice cream now if you're uh, it took you a second, right? If you're like me, you've half-listened to this talk while thinking about all the people in your life it would apply to besides you, but let me phrase it this way. If you have a body, even if it is in optimal physical condition, the topic of physical health applies to you and if you have a brain inside that body, who do you think the topic of mental health applies to?

Plus, maybe in a few years you can look back and see this small step as the turning point I never had and the best one. part you will have no one to thank except yourself, thank you