How to Build Self Confidence | CeCe Olisa | TEDxFresnoState

Every morning I look in the mirror and tell my

self

one thing to boost my

confidence

, don't wait for your weight to live the life you want. My name is CCO Lisa. I co-founded Kirby Con, a plus size fashion convention during New York Fashion Week. I am also a lifestyle influencer, which basically means I shared my life with thousands of people on the internet growing up. I always wanted to be on stage, dance, theater, sing. I love all. It takes

confidence

to go out on stage and perform. but fortunately for me there was no lack of love and validation in my family.

I like to think of confidence as a big red balloon that can rise or deflate. My parents had the challenge of raising three daughters and making sure each of our balloons were trusted. It was sky-high and full, they did a great job, baby Fifi had a sky-high confidence balloon until around primary school. I was the only Nigerian girl in my class, but that wasn't a problem. She was significantly taller than the other girls and rather long. straight hair I had big, curly natural hair but those things weren't a problem either the problem was my body according to the national

self

-esteem report 98% of girls feel there is immense pressure from external sources to look a certain way In elementary school , a teacher took my mom aside to let her know that although I was a good dancer, they wouldn't allow me to join the elite dance group at our school because I didn't have a dancer's body.

For the first time, my confidence balloon lost a little. some air I went to a performing arts high school with famous alumni like six-time Tony Award winner Audra McDonald, my junior year a teacher told me privately that while I had a great audition for the school musical , he just couldn't give me the role. I wanted to know why, well, he said there would be that scene where you would have to admit that you made love in the back of a car and it's just unrealistic, but someone your size would fit in the back of a car while listening.

The teacher I respected told me that my body was the reason he had chosen to ignore my talent. My face heated up with shame that had not formed in the pit of my stomach. I thanked him for his comments and ran out of his classroom. classes. When the tears started to fall down my face, I wanted to quit, but there is an expression among us Nigerians, Niger, we know that they laugh, that in my family it was achieved, if you have a goal, you don't give up, you keep working until you achieve it, My last year.

My classmates voted me most talented. My teachers couldn't see beyond my body, but my classmates could, and that gave me the little burst of air that my confidence balloon needed to keep going, so after After high school I moved to New York City and graduated with a degree. in theater and became a working actor doing shows around the country, then I decided I wanted to get a role on Broadway and my weight became an issue once again in final audition after final audition. I was asking the casting directors to say CeCe, oh my gosh, we love your talent but you waited I died I'm sure I could get smaller but I could never lose weight at the end of an entire year of rejection by casting directors my balloon of trust with lying dead and lifeless on the ground when I trusted people What I loved most was that I thought I would never have the career I wanted the relationship I wanted the life I wanted unless I was skinny his response was to hug me and telling me I was beautiful but that did nothing to revive my confidence my parents This time I could revive my confidence and neither could my friends.

I would have to do it myself, so when I was faced with the challenge of increasing my own confidence that I could do what I loved on stage, I just left it. I stopped auditioning. I got a corporate contract. I worked to pay the bills I developed an eating disorder I was miserable and in an effort to stay creative and feel less alone, I went online and started sharing my stories about what it was like to be an awkward plus size girl in New York. City forbes.com says that confidence is the result of the thoughts we have and the actions we take as my Instagram and YouTube audience gained followers.

I went through a process that reviewed and rebuilt my self-confidence through that process. I learned four keys. Steps to Develop Self-Confidence I would like to share them with you today. They sound good Step 1: Identify the obstacle you perceive. Step 2: Imagine what your life would be like if the obstacle disappeared. Step 3: Address the perceived obstacle. Step 4: Choose to live life Did you imagine today that a lot of good was done, let's break it down step 1 identify identify the obstacle that you perceive so for me I thought my confidence would improve a lot if I lost a lot of weight, that may not be the best thing for you and that's good to be able to identify what your perceived obstacle is.

I invite you to finish this sentence. My life would be perfect. Yes that's how it is. What is it? What is it that you are using as an excuse to opt out of the life you really want? Now it comes. the steps of the fun part you imagine what your life would be like if that obstacle disappeared according to a Harvard psychology study the brain can't actually differentiate between a real memory and an imagined one that's why visualization is so important I'll give you one For example , while you think about what your life would be like if your obstacle disappeared, then I used to fantasize about myself as a thin person.

I've never skated in my life, but I was obsessed with skinny Fifi and the life she would live. in my head, skinny Fifi would travel the world, skinny season II would wear whatever she wanted, not what covered her the most, she would get up in the morning and dress without shame, skinny Cece would do what I consider the most valuable neural act that Might think about skinny Fifi would put a full body photo on her dating profile app now it's your turn what is your life like without the perceived obstacle? Are you sitting in a big corner office after a promotion?

Are you boarding the plane to your dream vacation while Thinking about that, let's move on to step 3. Address the obstacle you perceive now. I'm a big believer in hiring therapists and coaches when it's time to level up, so it was my turn to level up. I hired my first therapist and dove into the world of body positivity and online, I decided that to address my perceived obstacle I needed to completely eliminate thinness as a goal Now, before you say I'm promoting obesity, I need listen to me for just a second. I was a 10-pound baby, so maybe just maybe I came into this world as a big girl and it is what it is, yeah, we live in a world that values ​​scales over soul, that values ​​used over of well-being, which values ​​looking good over feeling good, but in a world like that I chose to go against the grain.

I chose to stand up for myself and embrace health as a practice, not a pant size. I decided that living a healthy life in daily practice was my goal and consistency was my measure of success. How will you do it? Address the obstacle you perceive. Will you research scholarships while you figure out how to get into the school of your dreams? Will you reach out to a therapist about past traumas that are bothering you? I'll be very honest here except we can take a lot of time to figure it out while we work on step three we will start with step 4 at the same time step to choose to live the life you imagine today you are probably thinking fifi how can I live The life I imagined when I still have my obstacle? right, I can't do that, it's not true, you don't have to wait for your perceived obstacle, just like I didn't have to wait for my weight, remember my skinny CCE, imaginings, imaginary life, what did skinny Fifi do?

The skinny CD traveled the world. Here I am traveling the world I'm not skinny skinny like this I wore what I wanted Here I am wearing what I want and I'm not skinny skinny Cece put a full body photo on her dating profile here I am full body photo d-hop not skinny, How will you choose to live the life you want right now? I love nothing more than when I see people shouting at me on Instagram and sharing their self-confidence stories as you embark on your self-confidence journey. I would like to remind you of one thing.

I started my journey because of my desire to get on stage and do what I want, so I identified my perceived obstacle. I imagine what my life would be like if that obstacle disappeared. I made a plan to address my perceived obstacle. obstacle and then I chose to start living the life I envisioned right away and guess what. Here I am, in front of you, doing what I love on stage, thank you.