Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop - JonTron

May 30, 2021

psychic vampire repellent psychic vampire or psychic vampire I can't see your future, plus I happen to be a vampire. Guess who did this. If you guessed the famous actress Gwyneth Paltrow from movies like Iron Man and Shallow Hal, you would be right. I have no idea what you're in for today so buckle up, sorry I didn't mean to hit that so hard and hurt the beach rocks they have here so I'm pretty surprised I haven't heard about this before because usually I hear things like this, but Gwyneth Paltrow, who I'm sure you know who she is, has essentially been running a snake oil business with her new-age health and wellness company,

goop

, so what is

goop

Well, goop is often stylized in lowercase as case goop you needed to know is an American natural health company owned by actress Gwyneth Paltrow goop has faced criticism for marketing products and treatments that are not scientifically based, lack effectiveness, and are recognized by the medical establishment as harmful or misleading, to put it kindly. So you're all probably thinking that's all well and good, John, but how did this brilliant woman come up with the name Goop for her multi-million dollar company? I quote Gwyneth Paltrow herself. I was told that all the big internet companies had two O's in their title I want to be fair she's right Google Yahoo Microsoft Amazon oopall but hey that's the kind of quality you can expect from the brain behind such a prescient quote says some days I feel like everyone in my world has wired themselves my kidneys I'm so tired I'm who I am I can't pretend to be someone who makes twenty-five thousand dollars a year Sometimes Harvey Weinstein lets me use the Miramax jet if I open a supermarket for him that no It doesn't age that well, okay, really.

More Interesting Facts About,

gwyneth paltrow s goop jontron...

I just have to redo some of these directly. They are incredible. There are so many quotes from this lady. I'd rather smoke crack than eat canned cheese. We are human beings and the sun is the sun, how can it be bad for you? I don't think there is anything natural that could be bad for you. I'm African, no I'm not sure about that. I don't know if that's okay here. It's goop dot-com there she is right in front goop Globe what is goop Glow Women? This is perhaps one of the most exciting days I've had in 2019.

The Goop Globe Mike's Instant Shine Scrub is back. What I like the most is that. I see an immediate improvement in my skin, it feels so soft and smooth, radiant and glowing. I was absolutely ugly before this interview. I have some marshmallow scrub here. Wow, I'm going to throw out the most beautiful of the 1% of the most beautiful in the population it will also work for you maybe I guess I don't curse Winneth, shut up, don't curse, quit, so sell all kinds of weird things on your site, especially the Wellness section, you know, vitamins and supplements, aromatherapy, cosmic health foods.

No one's shopping list looks like this reishi mushroom elixir mix, skin food, prebiotic superfood, cocoa honey, knock me out, just knock me out, buddy, just do it. I should mention, by the way, that everything on this website is ridiculously overpriced, ninety dollars for a sachet of vitamins. per day comes with a 30 day supply but is still pricey for what I assume is nothing $68 for your rose quartz crystal straw $27 for eternal love many divorces could have been avoided well many home breaking tragedies could have been avoided if more people visited GUP calm down, that's where you get your psychic vampire repellent.

What the hell? I hadn't actually read the back of this vibrational healing through sent stones and sound selenite pyrite tiger's eye amethyst lapis lazuli ruby and copper love love love, do you see that, can you be at the bottom? I'm kind of expecting that, but love is an ingredient in this half the time. I can't tell if these products are real or supposed to be some kind of elaborate prank. Can anyone else do it? This is how the game works: we have four sets of items here in each set, one of the items is a real goop calm product and the other is a complete fabrication that we made up ourselves, so I just have to guess which product you have Guess which one does, you have to guess which one you think really sells and I'm going to count up your score and tell you how you did at the end of the first round: Hot Cocoa Mix with Mushrooms and Cordyceps or Dr. individual mustard bath I think one of the mushrooms, well it could be the gray one, well round two, is it dr.

Barbara Sturm Face Cream for Women or Soy Bella Nut Milk Automatic Machine. I really don't know that. Make it real ash and amber ice or reusable sandwich bags. I will say that the sandwich bags are fine. Surviving the Death of Leslie Kean for $8.00 or How Dumb Are You? Volume one four three hundred and twenty-five dollars, considering how cool she is. There has to be something dumb on their website, so yeah, but if it's called how dumb are you, I'd buy that. I want to know. what a sticky onion well, I found out that Gwyneth Paltrow makes money, do you want to know how she did?

Yes, okay, they're all real, no, okay, maybe I'm being too harsh here. I mean, you could say that there are a lot of companies like this that sell beauty care products that may or may not work well, but they also go into some pretty strange realms, like promoting these body vibe stickers. This is surprising because this website claims that these stickers are not incredibly frequent. or something like that through a patented technology, the frequencies are recorded condensed and grouped inside the sticker. Actually, they claim that through a technology that they've invented, I guess they essentially imprison frequencies and then destroy them.

Download the sticker you put on and I guess that's supposed to do anything let alone be possible when the sticker is properly applied to your skin it starts transmitting stored frequencies that can influence the cells in your body you know what else the cancer okay here we are the stickers this one says this one is on a frequency I would call passive aggressive okay so in the spirit and the name of the science that this website clearly promotes let's put this to the test so here It says that the frequency of my stickers is calibrated at 528 Hertz and it turns out that I have with me today a tuning fork calibrated in 528 parts.

If two objects are tuned to the same frequency and one is hit, the other should in turn vibrate at the same frequency creating the same tone, so one or two sticks will work. see if she sings, I'm in disbelief, I'm stunned, this is not the result I expected, the sticker is completely silent, okay, the vibrations are initially a little hard to deal with, but I think I can fight with it until it finally settles will become a transcendent being I feel pretty good yeah okay let's look at some of the videos they have here on how to give yourself a stomach massage so just like getting a massage and rubbing your stomach you can do that on yourself.

You are going to put the bodies here under your belly and you are simply going to move your hips. This is great for helping you release that congestion that builds up in your deep core. What is it? Can you give me an analysis? about what congestion in the deep core is where the deep core might be located what are your credentials who are you any of those would work whatever you are using the fear of your body especially to massage your organs don't fill your sphere completely Like this , okay, here's another one on how to relieve neck and shoulder tension with Faragon, which is $600 by the way, so this better be good.

Hi, I'm Dr. Jason, I'm here with Alexis, our shoulders and web are under a lot of tension and I'm going to explain to you how to use this. This is supposed to relieve my tension. I have to tell you, this thing works wonders. your favorite cuts of meat, so in the first step you're going to focus on the trap area up here, reach your arm over here and she would just take the gun and put it in that area, basically, you just take this thing, just go To her. just put it there stop being a and just smash that against your skeletal tissue and then the top has two different speeds so you're going to hit that top again and then just rest it on your shoulder run it in this area right here don't worry I'm not going to do it I'm not going to hurt you just don't worry just put it on I swear I'm a doctor a real certified doctor nothing will happen the way you feel I feel so relaxed I feel like I went to the place and got a full body massage.

That's great. Is a lie. It's an absolute lie. You are a good liar. That's why I hired you for your gun. Go to Goop com. Jesus, food. I'm sorry. Oh. Shit, my dad, now here's a certified classic, it's Gwyneth Paltrow, tour the GUP pop-up in London, basically, I guess they had a pop-up in London and she came to do some PR. Hi, hi, we are very much a launched lifestyle brand. in 2008, ten years ago, almost to the day I left my kitchen in Belsize Park in London, which is just down the street, she basically said she'd been working here for about ten years and I started moving on, but somehow it still sounds like the most pretentious thing I've ever heard this is the first G rock label this is the honor Farrell sweater onna is one of our fantastic food editors food sorry our fantastic food editors what What a food editor does is that's what you're supposed to refer to as a chef, I bet she names everything common, something like that, um, this isn't my fact, this is my dirt organizer, this is the man who runs the door, our entry operator and this is my exploitation worker, I mean, oh no, yeah, that's our exploitation worker.

Well, obviously, we are a cooperative. We're really into health, wellness and fitness, so everything is really healthy but really delicious. Then you would like this companion. You would like this book. Okay, you'll like this book. We have an understanding. So yeah, this is our sex. health section smile makers vibrators his name is the firefighter he's coming to my rescue she's trying to guess - I feel like she's in on the joke God bless this woman she's one of us I think Vice News actually covered Goop a while ago and they went to a wellness summit. He's so creepy, man.

It's like he's a cult thing. It's just not what I expected. What else are you trying to do these days? The summit feels like you're living through the latest newsletter. There is carefully selected gluten. -Free vegan dish wellness panels and of course Goop devotees and of course people who will pay for just about anything. Goop has changed your life, it's health. You would not do that? Doctors haven't even noticed this, but they don't even know it. exists, the goop Wellness Center is really for anyone looking to have some autonomy around their health, so it's not like you're going to squeeze all the money you can out of a bunch of stupid, impressionable young adults.

I don't really know many. The people in the audience have been really very kind and it's helpful because I wouldn't want to do this to anyone, let alone someone I know personally. It's not that we are opposed to conventional medicine, we are simply very interested in alternative medicine having autonomy. it's really important i think eating to ask the questions i don't get it she's literally scamming vulnerable people out of their money and everyone is okay with it because she's

gwyneth

paltrow

if any other cult leader or whatever did This, they would explode immediately, the world is not safe with this woman free, okay, but she is powerful, she is from the elite, that is true, this is the United States, the only free country in the world, except Denmark and a few others, here we settle our scores with capitalism if you want. beat someone you have to do it in the realm of the free market look at Paltrow there is a new businessman in town ladies and gentlemen listen to what I, simply a humble servant of the public, has to say is my strong conviction that every man, woman and child has the right to a decent life, isn't it a life free from struggles and hardships, free from bad complexion, free from clogged chakras and free from having to read a single science textbook, our competitor wherever he may be? exactly geographically at this moment in Time, by coincidence, thinks you should pay premium prices for snake oil, not so here at Dr.

In Jonathan Tron Lee's Medicinal Animal Menagerie they would charge you $240 for a simple snake brush. hair here, no more than five cents for our best eat Charge $90 for some vitamins that contain God knows what even you're not that stupid here all the vitamins you could ever need, right? In that snake oil, a gradient of crushed snakes has vitamins in it somewhere and do you think the good ladies and gentlemen of this fine country would dare charge you $300 for a bottle of serumsimple hyaluronic, whatever it is? That's $15 on Amazon. I checked it. many five star ratings. I'm going to be honest, everything in that store I'm pointing to, but not at the same time everything in it that may or may not be in that store, $15 or less worth of mustard from Amazon. bathroom, check out Heinz for those good hot dogs too, oh this is just my shopping list, hey, do you ever buy something online and then find out you could have bought it for less.

It is a more unpleasant feeling than being taken to the Tower of London and tortured mercilessly. for 10 days, not to mention that once that happens, you have a sneaking suspicion that you might be overpaying every time you buy well. I don't have that problem and now I'm going to proceed to tell you why it's because I have affection. the free browser extension that saves you time and money when shopping online Honey scans the internet for coupon codes and other discounts and then does magic automatically applies the one with the biggest savings to your car to verify that you know each coupon code sale or discount on over 20,000 sites like Amazon Newegg Walmart Best Buy eBay, you name it, you're not safe from your savings, for example, I saved twenty-two dollars and twenty-five cents here on this flannel shirt that now costs twenty-two dollars and twenty-five cents.

I can use it to buy other flannel shirts if I want. It's free to use and install a new computer in just two clicks, so get free honey on jo-ann, honey, calm down, cut to