I Lived Like Gwyneth Paltrow • Ladylike

-Gwyneth. Gwyneth was here. She says, "Hey bitch." Put this in your vagina. (exciting music) "Squeeze hard. "Squeeze." (whistle) (crunch) Goop is a lifestyle brand started by Gwyneth Paltrow. I know it sells a lot of products. I know it gives a lot of advice. Goop has a reputation for being extremely expensive (cash register bangs) Almost unnecessarily expensive, but I'm always curious about it. And because of that, I can never get too far in this world. My brain says, (cough) Excuse me, is this science supported? the ingredients? Why is it $80? But I'm a hippie girl who loves it.

I carry some rose quartz in my pocket sometimes. I'm a very divided person. help make a decision about what camp I'm really in. Although I have a feeling that if I went full Goop, my boyfriend would let me. I'm on the Goop website right now and I'll pick two or three items that I like and that. Help me live a full and complete Goop existence. So the first thing I do on the wellness site is the vitamin packs, which I can get behind. I take a multivitamin every day. Mind you, it is a gummy vitamin. And they have cutesy, modern names, like why am I so tired?

Balls in the air, I'm working very hard at an intense pace and I don't have time to slow down or get dizzy. That resonates with me. I hate when I get sick. They cost $90 (cash register hits) for a pack of 30. This is what I love about this. He says note, it also works for boys. They are vitamins. Unless these are prenatal vitamins, they should work for men too. Like what? There are the jade eggs and the rose quartz egg. The jade egg is $66 (cash register hits) and the rose quartz egg is $55. (cash register bangs) Why? (groans) This is my favorite.

Paper Crane Apothecary has something called psychic vampire repellent (cash register hits), which is a protective mist to protect you from all the vampires and negative energy in your life. So what you have to do is spray generously around your head to safeguard my aura. If someone tells me shit, I'll just say no, no. Adding this to the bag. Glow Advanced Inner Beauty Powder contains 24 carefully selected skin-loving ingredients. I assume this is a protein powder. It costs $70 (cash register hits), but at least I can keep this. They are 5.3 ounces, whose product-price ratio has been the most reasonable so far.

So I feel like this is good. It's like a collagen type smoothie mix. Alright, I'll add this to the bag. Our producer, Annie, has informed me that I will be receiving these healing laptop stickers. Actually. They fill the gaps in your reserves, creating a calming effect, softening both physical tension and anxiety. Most people operate at this pace. I operate at this pace. I just do it, that's who I am. So, (scratch records) holy shit. Holy shit, these stickers are $60. The goal here is to use these alternative medicinal practices to make me more Zen, to give me more peace of mind.

At the same time, why is it so expensive? Oh, wow. Is this what I think it is? It smacks of a higher tax bracket that I'm not in. So I will grade these products from what I think is the most sticky product to the least sticky product. And I'll even say on a scale of one to 10, how luxurious it is, and on a scale of one to 10, how practical it is. So we'll start with the least sticky products first. This is my luminous powder. (cash register bangs) Inner beauty powder. This powder is brown and I wasn't expecting it to be brown.

I thought it was going to be light and bright. So collagen shake mix is ​​like any type of supplement or shake mix that you can add to a drink. And so from a practical standpoint, I'll say it's around five, just because it's $70 and you only get that much. But I will say that it made my skin look really good. I love its flavor. This tastes like those old Nutri-Grain granola bars that had a fruit center. Gwyneth. Did you break up one of these bars, put it in a jar, and resell it for $60? I had never taken collagen as a supplement before, but I think I will continue to do so because I felt like my skin, hair, and nails looked healthier.

But (scratching the record) definitely made my poop a strange color. Like I'm talking about Georgia red clay. Did you know? In fact, on a scale of one to 10, I'll give it a six. Because it is convenient, it is just a smoothie mix. It is a complement that you can sprinkle on any of your drinks. On a scale of one to 10 when it comes to luxury, I would give it an eight. It's $70. It's $70. So the second product on the like level, sticky, are these vitamins, why am I so tired? (cash register ring) This is for one day.

These vitamins worked too well. So I've been taking these gooey vitamins pretty religiously all week. Maybe I've skipped a day or two. On Friday I skipped the vitamin packet and woke up feeling really bad. What if these vitamins have a side effect? So I looked into them and lo and behold, other women have written blogs that say yes, it kicks your day in, but they have withdrawals. I think these bad boys have an incredible amount of vitamin B. Yes, it has two different types of vitamin B. 625% of your daily value. 625%. Why would I need 625% of my daily value of anything?

They are definitely powerful, they are very, very powerful. I wouldn't take them every day. So on a practical level, they're pretty damn practical. They are like nines. Because, if you need to do something, good for you, do it. In terms of luxury, I would also give them an eight because they are expensive. Everyone proceed with caution. I wonder if this isn't so good for you. At the level of stickiness, we are moving up the chain of stickiness. We have reached the vampire spray. Psychic vampire repellent. (cash register bangs) Protection Mist, a unique and complex blend of sonically tuned gem elixirs.

Do you hear that? It has crystals. It's tinkling. It is jingling with magical energy. You already know how I am. I have crystals on my desk, sometimes I like to read tarot cards. I'm not a real cynic, but this vampire spray made me roll my eyes a little. Let me go ahead and spray this vampiric spray around my aura real quick. First of all, the first ingredient it contains is grain alcohol. - One of the ingredients is sound waves. And also the moonlight. The main ingredient is sonically tuned water, which I think might be the least weird ingredient in this whole thing.

Also, grain alcohol. So I just do this? - Yes, around your aura. - My God, where is my aura? - Where do you think your aura is, Kristin? - Where do you think my aura is? Because I don't believe an aura is real. -There were a couple of days where I sprayed it around my desk to keep the vampire energy away. And when I say vampiric energy, I think what they mean is soul-sucking energy, like negative energy. But it didn't really protect me from any of that. It just made my office smell a little funny. - It smells like socks soaked in grain alcohol. - On a practical level, I'll give this a two.

On a luxury level on a scale of one to 10, I'll give it an eight. It is a quite luxurious product. This, ooh, this smells good, it's my egg (cat meow). Yoni eggs, (cash register punches), a strictly guarded secret of Chinese concubines, royalty and ancient times, harness the power of the energy work of crystal healing in a Kegel-like physical practice. Regular use increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance and overall feminine energy. When it comes to using the jade egg, there is a huge process of cleaning the egg, because you don't want to get a yeast infection.

That's the first thing you should avoid when putting things in your vagina. Diseases. Of course, you should wash it with soap and water and then boil it for 10 minutes. So I already have my diva cup boiling, so I'm going to put this bad boy on. That's where you say your mantras and burn your sage or your palo santos and things like that. And I don't have time to do that more than once a week. The second time I did it, I did it at work. It's around four. It's the worst time of the day for me, and I think now is the best time, since it's the worst time to put the jade egg in my vagina. - The closer you get to me, the more worried I am. - I just put a rose quartz egg in my vagina. (laughs) It's Goop.

It's for a video. - I mean, I'm sure it'll be sticky. - I can't laugh too much, because it's going to come out. - That? - In fact, I forgot I put it there. I was holding onto it for a good four hours, and I will say that after I pulled it out, it hurt down there. And it hurt in a new place. On a practical level, I'd give it a two. It's really not that practical for numerous reasons. On a luxury scale of one to 10, I'd give this bad boy a seven. It's quite luxurious. Maybe one day I'll be enlightened enough to fit some time into my schedule.

They don't actually make vaginal suppositories, right? But for now, I barely have time to scramble eggs or boil hard-boiled eggs, let alone put a rose quartz egg in my (cat meow). Ooh. Body vibrations. (cash register hits) Life in perfect frequency. This is something I cannot support. Because they are super expensive. - You could use two mylar blankets a day all week for one-sixth the price of slapping on one of these fucking stickers. - They are very lazy. They don't really have a description. They are just stickers that you place on your body that increase your frequency.

I would have liked them to have explained their dogma a little more. Like. There, I wrote your copy for you. When I put the stickers on, I didn't really feel anything. - A carbon adhesive sticker. Those are all the stickers that exist. - The first day I put them on, I chose the sticker with the highest frequency and put it here, like on my heart. And I felt a little weird and a little confused. (laughs) - And was that before or after the sticker? Is it too powerful for you or do you like what? - So for practicality, on a scale of one to 10, those stickers are a three.

They don't really give any indication that if you feel this then it's working. It's literally like here you have some $60 stickers that are supposed to make you a better person. As far as luxury goes, sure, I'll give it a 10. Because who else can pay $60 for a sheet of stickers unless you're really rich? (groans) (sighs) So I

lived

my best Goop life for a while. These products are advertised as tools to help manifest good things, good energy, and good vibes into your life. And if that's the case, I didn't do it right. Spiritual enlightenment and self-confidence are things that are difficult enough to love and maintain on a daily basis.

If you're going to sell me something that's really expensive and that's supposed to help me on my way to that, I'd really appreciate it if you gave me a little more complete instructions. If there are any other strange and unconventional spiritual enlightenment tools you want me to try, let me know in the comments, because I'm here to help. That being said, let's say, Gwyneth, girl, we need to talk about privilege. Most people really want to feel magical and secure in their lives. It's strange that you charge them so much to do that. And also, where did you get that source?

I still love your source very much. What is it? (hiss) (crunch)