George Carlin on Students and Parents, Phone Calls,Bluetooth....

here's another bunch of low class morons who want to be locked in port-a-potties and set on fire by these people with bumper stickers that say we're the proud

parents

of an honor student, while Midvale Academy or whatever other name they innocent sounding has been assigned to you. the indoctrination center where your child has been sent to be stripped of his individuality and turned into an obedient soul, dead conformist member of American consumer culture, proud

parents

, what kind of empty people need validation through the achievements of their children? live with a partner these misfits how's that science project going justin your dad is a naive idiot mind your own business and pass the cheerios here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see that we are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is Enough that you don't need us to promote your minor school achievements on the back of our car or be the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters by simply Be Better. for change, you know, here's something realistic.

We have a daughter in public school who has not yet gotten pregnant. We have a son in public school who hasn't shot any of her classmates yet, but he sells drugs to your honors student. got his daughter pregnant then there are people who are not very proud of their children we are the embarrassed parents of a little cross-eyed idiot who at 10 years old not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus, something like that in the back of the car might give the kid a little more incentive, you know, get him to try a little harder next semester, there are more parents who should be hit with heavy sticks and left begging in the light of day.

Moon, these are the ones who carry their babies in these backpacks or front packs or baby carriers or whatever these devices are called that are apparently designed to leave parents with their hands free to sort through high-end merchandise and reach for their credit cards. platinum because these are always exclusive. yuppie looking Greenpeace conscious of the environment that has mine I say hello sir this is natural I say hello sir. lady. natural fibers it's not camping gear it's a baby touch the little puncture once in a while you'll thank yourself one day these are the same people who sort through trash with their dogs and listen to Steely Dan they just like to take them deep into the woods and gut them with a wooden kitchen spoon here are more people who should be smashed in the face repeatedly with heavy mining equipment these grown men grown men who refer to their parents as Madadi you know you hear a lot of him stupid on the south is rebellious you know my dad no that's right my dad well you know my dad used to say my dad used to say brother of black blood but remember, I bet that kid did very well what not enlightening my dad used to say your dad in his wrinkled rustic country country grow up Billy Joel Carl Bob Danny Frank you're no longer six more like nine here's another unfortunate group of mutants who should be penciled in for a sudden visit from the Angel of Death these guys these guys who can I won't tell you about a call

phone

they had without giving you this in Pinky and the thumb like they attended mine in college, studied with Marcel Marceau in psychology or higher, you know I'm not talking to her and she hangs up on me, so I hang up. to her and she

calls

me back I hang up again I say hello Bruno thanks for the visual aid but we all understand the concept of the

phone

you are holding your hand you speak for him excuse me for a note incoming call oh hello it's for you, there's another group of cretins pus-headed telephones, these smug techno morons walking around in these hands-free telephone headsets and headsets, mr. cocky doesn't want to be too far from the phone in case Henry Kissinger

calls

.

It has the Dalai Lama on line two. I say: Hello, astronauts, your hands are free. Come over here and fondle my balls and the answering machines, starting with these people. I think it's cute to let your kids record the outgoing message and you can't understand a word because kids are idiots. Hi, my name is Stacy, I'm five years old, my mom, you're dead, here's my message, Stacy, I'm coming. to your house with a big knife and I'm going to kill mom and dad, then I'm going to skin them and make them a funny hat, after that I'm going to take out my huge ding dong and stick it in them They are the same parents who send you pictures at Christmas of their kids, pictures you didn't ask for and wouldn't, but it's fun to look at the pictures and I don't even look at the Christmas card, who is it? this LuAnn turns 12 this year, LuAnn.

I wonder how old she is. Does she have tits? Still send me a picture of Luann's urine. So I know I'm going to have a happy new year to then complement the pleasure of your vacation and then close. a family newsletter just what you expect, news about people you can barely remember, we are so proud of Brad, he has been accepted into dental school, yes, in the Philippines, who tried it before with Brad and everyone who looks like Brad , judging by your photo, I think. he's masturbating too much keep them away from luan here's another group of genetically defectives who've been let loose on the answering machines these guys who can't resist playing music on their outgoing message you know a guy spends eight bucks at RadioShack and suddenly he's a record producer because he's busy in the basement masturbating with his dog hello, I have to listen to crappy music which is always rotten music you know, or it's new age, that useless, meandering zombie noise played by pseudo-spiritual lunatics who think that wind chimes are a musical instrument, or else it's soft rock, lame soft rock, sweet, non-threatening suburban white boy crap played by bands like men without testicles.

Oh, and people on these answering machines, do me a favor, could you please when you record your outgoing message? Don't bother telling me. I can't answer the phone I understand that apparently that's why we have these machines don't tell me leave my name and number somehow I found out and if you work in an office it doesn't matter those things I'm far from my desk If you had to comment just say Hello, I'm Mary Louise. I had chili sauce with Mexican jalapeno beans and washed it down with a gallon of gin. I'll be in and out all day.

There are more people who should be there. tied to chairs and beaten with hammers people who wear visors let me ask you something what's the point of wearing half a hat, you either buy a hat or not, no one cares about the top of your head, go back to the store, tell them to give you the rest of the hat, you were fooled, you better put on the little Jewish hats and sew them to your bill and get yourself a full-fledged hat, my friend, here is a more musical varmint whose mother we wish had had medical attention. plans that included abortion these singers these singers who think they are so special they only need a name Juan Austin jewel Tiffany Prince what nonsense get a last name could you please?

I've got a cute two-word name for you pretentious no it's not Bad enough, music sucks, but without a last name you can't figure out where the Libbas threw a bomb through their window. Here are a few more people who deserve an inoperable tumor at the base of the spine. These guys that fly around the world in a. balloon, what is this? 1850, I have a plane ticket, could I weather the media? They are going to realize that no one is interested in staying in rich pants, that they are so bored that they have a ruffle on their balloon all day.

I hope the next one gets hit by lightning and flies around. a small fart spins around and lands in a sewage treatment pond and sinks with the rest of the lord's excrement. lighter than air there is another package idiots want to be strangled in front of their children people who pay for cheap items with a credit card yes people take my word for this Raisins are not a major purchase, get some cash, no one You should pay a bank 18% interest for ticks. You're keeping a line with some dumb-looking jerk with a fanny pack waiting to get approved for a bag of Cheez doodles.

I need this like I need an infected scrotum. Get it. money the next guy in front of me online pays for Newsweek with a credit card he's getting stabbed in the eyes and I'm getting really tired of guys named Todd, you know, he's just a dumbass, it's a dumb name, okay, hello, what? what's your name, todd todd and this? It's blake and Blair and Blaine and Brent we're all these dumb kids names that come from Taylor Tyler Jordan Flynn these aren't real names I want to hear a real name Eddie Eddie is a real name no matter what Eddie was here a minute ago Joey and Jackie and Johnny and Phil Bobby and Tommy and Danny and Bill what happened Ty and Cody and Dillon and Cameron and Tucker tight Tucker I'm the boy Todd Todd London Tucker Tucker's socks and Tucker's friend Kyle here's another soft name for a boy Kyle bland names make bland People, I bet you anything that ten times out of ten Nikki Vinny and Tony will beat Todd Kyle.