George Carlin: Back in Town [SUB ITA]

uh, thank you, thank you, thank you, why, why, why, why, why most of the people who are against abortion are people that you wouldn't want in the first place, boy, these conservatives are really something, isn't it, everyone agrees? in favor of the unborn, they will do anything for the unborn, but once you are born, you are on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months after that, they don't want to hear from you, they don't want to hear from you. I don't want to hear from you, nothing, nothing, no neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, nothing, if you weren't born you're fine, if you're in preschool you're conservative , No. talk about you until you reach military age then they think you're fine just what conservatives have been looking for they want live babies so they can raise them and turn them into dead soldiers pro-life pro-life these people are not pro-life they are killing doctors What kind of pro-life is that that they will do everything possible to save a fetus but if it grows up and becomes a doctor maybe they will have to kill it they are not pro-life you know what they are they are anti-woman, plain and simple anti -woman, they don't like them, they don't like women, they believe that a woman's main role is to function as a broodmare for the pro-life state which you don't I don't see many of these anti-abortion white women volunteering to They transplant black fetuses into their wombs.

No? Don't you see them adopting a lot of crack babies? No? That could be something Christ would do and you will do. I don't see, you won't see many of these pro-life people dousing themselves in kerosene and setting themselves on fire. You know, morally compromised religious people in South Vietnam knew how to organize a damn demonstration. They didn't know how to organize a damn demonstration? In a protest they light a fire, come on, moral crusaders, let's see a little smoke that combines with that fire in their belly. Here's another question, I have how come when it's us it's an abortion and when it's a chicken it's a tortilla.

What are we? ? so much better than chickens, all of a sudden, when did this thing happen that we passed on to chickens and my goodness, name six ways we're better than chickens? Look, no one can do it. You know why, because chickens are decent people, you don't see chickens hanging around on drugs. Gangs, don't you see a chicken tying a guy to a chair and connecting his balls to a car battery? When was the last chicken you heard about that came home from work and beat the shit out of you? because chickens are decent people but let's go

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to this abortion thing, now a fetus is a human being this seems to be the central question well if a fetus is a human being how come the census doesn't count them if a fetus is a human being how Is it that when there is a spontaneous abortion they don't have a funeral if the fetus is a human being?

How come people say we have two kids and one on the way instead of saying we have three kids? People say that life begins at conception. I say that life began. about a billion years ago and it's a continuous continuous process it just keeps rolling rolling rolling rolling I said you know something listen you can go

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further than that. What happens to carbon atoms? Human life could not exist without carbon. So is it possible that maybe we shouldn't burn all this coal just looking for some coherence here in these anti-abortion arguments. Look, the really hardcore people will tell you that life begins at fertilization, fertilization, when the sperm fertilizes the egg, which usually occurs a few moments after the The man says, Honey, I was going to leave, but the phone rang and I I startled.

Fertilization, but even after the egg is fertilized, there are still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not all eggs make it that far eighty percent. of a woman's fertilized eggs are rinsed out of her body once a month during those delicious days of hers, they end up on sanitary pads, and yet they are fertilized eggs, so basically what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who has had more than one period is a serial killer consistency hey hey, if you really want to get serious, what happens to all the sperm that is wasted when the state executes a convicted man and one of these guys pro-life who are you looking at is coming in your pants? here's a guy standing there with his shorts full of little vinnies and debbies and nobody says a word to a guy, not every jizz deserves a name now talking about coherence, catholic, which I was until I reached the age of the reasons why Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and against homosexuals, well, who performs fewer abortions than homosexuals?

Leave these people alone, for the love of Christ. Here is a whole class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and Christians are simply leaving them aside, you would think that it would make the natural allies look for coherence in religion and, speaking of my friends the Catholics, when the cardinal john o'connor of new york and some of these other cardinals and bishops experienced their first pregnancies and their first labor pains and raised a couple of children on minimum wage so I'll be happy to hear what they have to say about abortion.

I'm sure it will be interesting and enlightening, but in the meantime what you should be doing is telling these priests that they took a vow of chastity to keep their hands off the altar, boys, when Jesus said: suffer, little children come to me , that's not what I was talking about, so you know what I tell these anti-abortion people, I tell them, hey, hey, if you think a fetus is more important than a woman trying to get a fetus to wash the stains out of your underwear without pay or pension, I tell them to think of an abortion as term limits, that's all, they are biological term limits, but the more you listen to this abortion, you will know. debate the more you hear this phrase sanctity of life, you've heard that sanctity of life, you believe in it personally, I think it's a lot of good, I mean life is sacred, who said that?

God, hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one. one of the main causes of death has been for thousands of years hindus muslims jews christians all take turns killing each other because god told them it was a good idea the sword of god the blood of the lamb vengeance is mine millions dead millions of dead all because they gave the wrong answer to the question of god do you believe in undead god do you believe in god yes you believe in my undead god my god has a bigger cock than your god thousands of years thousands of years and all the best wars too The bloodiest and most brutal wars were all fought based on religious hatred, which is fine by me.

Hey, whenever a bunch of holy people want to kill each other, I'm a happy guy, but don't give me all this talk about the sanctity of life, I mean, even. If there was such a thing, I don't think it's something you can blame on God. Now you know where the holiness of your life came from. We invented it. You know why, because we are alive, we are selfish, living people have a great interest. By promoting the idea that somehow life is sacred you don't see Abbott and Costello running around talking about this Aren't we hearing a lot from Mussolini on the subject What's the latest from JFK? it's not a damn thing because jfk mussolini and abbott and costello are dead, they're dead and the dead care less than a point about the sanctity of life, only living people care so it all comes from one point of view Completely biased, it is a selfish man-made story.

One of these things we tell ourselves to feel noble, life is sacred makes you feel noble, but let me ask you this, if everything that ever lived is dead and everything living is going to die, where does the part come in? sacred? I have problems with that because I mean, even with these things we preach about the sanctity of life, we don't practice it, we don't practice it, look at what we kill mosquitoes and flies because they are pests, lions and tigers because it's fun, chickens. and pigs because we are hungry pheasants and quails because it is fun and we are hungry and we kill people because it happened and it is fun and you may have noticed something else: the sanctity of life does not seem to apply to cancer the cells do, you rarely see a sticker on the bumper that says save the tumors or I'll break down from advanced melanoma ah viruses mold worms fungus weeds e coli bacteria crabs there's nothing sacred about those things, so at best the sanctity of life is something selective. we can choose which life forms we feel are sacred and we can kill the rest.

That's a pretty good deal, huh, you know how we get it, we invented everything the same way, thanks, the same way we invented the death penalty we invented both, the sanctity of life and the death penalty, right? Aren't we versatile? And you know, there are a lot of people in this country now who want to expand the death penalty to include drug traffickers. This is really stupid. They are not afraid of dying. They are already killing each other every day in the streets through hundreds of drive-by gang shootings. They are not afraid of dying. The death penalty means nothing unless it is used on people who are afraid of dying. like the bankers who launder drug money the bankers who launder drug money forget about the dealers, you want to stop the drug trade, you have to start executing some of these bankers, white middle class republican bankers, and I'm not talking about that.

I'm not talking about mild American executions like lethal injection, I'm talking about crucifixion, folks, let's bring back crucifixions, a form of capital punishment that American Christians and Jews can really appreciate and I would go a little further, crucify the people face down like saint peter, feet up, head down and naked, you would have naked face down crucifixions on tv once a week at halftime of the monday night football game, monday night crucifixions you would have people tuning in , he wouldn't even care about football. Would you like to hear Dan Deardorff explain why nails have to go in at a certain angle?

He guarantees one thing you start doing: you start nailing one white banker a week to a big wooden cross on national television. I see the drug trade starting to decline pretty quickly, pretty quickly, you won't even be able to buy drugs in schools and prisons anymore. Now I don't care about capital punishment one way or another because I know it's useless. it does nothing except perhaps satisfy some kind of biblical need for revenge. You know, if you read the Bible you will see that it is full of retribution and revenge, so actually capital punishment is a kind of religious ritual, it is a purification, so it is a modern sacrament. and as long as that's true, I say we spice it up a little.

I honestly think that if you make the death penalty a little more entertaining and learn how to market it properly, maybe you can raise enough money to balance the stupid budget and not let's forget that polls show that the American people want the death penalty and wants a balanced budget and I think even in a fake democracy people should get what they want from time to time just to feed this illusion that they are really in charge. using capital punishment the same way we use sports and television in this country to distract people from thinking about how badly the top one percent are behaving now, unfortunately, Monday night football the night doesn't last long enough, what we really need is capital punishment all year round on TV every night with sponsors I have to have sponsors, I'm sure as long as we're killing people Marlboro cigarettes and Dow Chemical will be proud to participate , proud to participate, balance the stupid budget and let me tell you this.

You, my interesting Judeo-Christian friends, not only do I not only recommend crucifixions, I would be in favor of bringing back beheadings, beheadings on television, instant replay in slow motion and maybe you can let the heads roll down a little hill and fall into one of five. The numbered holes allow people at home to bet which hole the head is going to fall into and you do it in a stadium so the mafia can bet also raise a little more money and if you want to spread the violence a little more to sell some commercials But instead of using an ax, you do the decapitations with a handsaw, hey, don't abandon me now, damn it, the blood is already on our hands, all we're talking about is a matter of degree, you want something .

A little more delicately we will do the decapitations with an olive fork, that would be fine and would take a lot of time. There are many good things we could be doing. When was the last time we burned someone at the stake? too long here is another form of capital punishment that arises from a rich religious tradition that burns people at the stake sponsor bridgefordcoal and you put it on television on Sunday mornings on Sunday mornings evangelicals send us an offering praise to Jesus human bonfire don't you believe that would get great ratings in this sick country, people would skip church to see these things and you would take the money they send in the offerings and use it to balance the budget.

How about boiling people in oil? Those were the days. It is not like this? You get the oil going really well, you know, a nice high boil, and then slowly, at the end of a rope, you lower the perpetrator head first into the boiling oil. Hey? You talk about fun and just to encourage citizen participation. the crowd in the stadium controls the speed of the road family entertainment good, clean and healthy the children will love it the children will love it and at the same time they have fun we are teaching them a nice lesson in Christian morality by boiling people in oil sponsor to crisco and maybe maybe instead of boiling all these guys once in a while you can fry a couple of them, you know, french fried criminals dip a guy in egg batter just for something stupid, you know, a kind of tempura, huh, jeffrey dahmer never thought of this, but does jeffrey dahmer eat your heart out, which is an interesting thought in itself, alright, nostalgia, what about some modern forms of grief capital?

How about we throw a guy out of the World Trade Center and whoever ends up wins the publisher's clearinghouse? Well, something a little more sophisticated. You dunk a guy in brown sauce and lock him in a small room with a glutton who's high on angel dust. There's a guy who won't be around too many kids at the bus stop for a while. Hey? Here's something really cute you could do. guy comes out of a high speed catapult straight into a brick wall the problem is that it would end too quickly it's not good for television you know you'd have to do it with a bunch of guys in a row quick shot capital punishment 15 catapults while you're shooting one, you're loading the others of course every once in a while you would have to stop to clean the wall, cleaning right next to mercy okay high tech I feel like some of yours are expecting high tech I got it. you take a little tactical nuke and stick it up some guy's ass a thermonuclear suppository preparation h-bomb you talk about radioactive fallout, huh, or you take the bomb and stick it right inside that little hole on the end of a guy's dick a guy, yeah, a bomb on the deck, when it goes off, the guy wouldn't know if he was coming or going, get out of here, I got you, hey, listen, I got a lot of good ideas, balance the stupid budget, here's another idea, you I will save a lot of money on prisons but at the same time we are going to eliminate many of our most annoying citizens from society four groups are going to disappear permanently first group of violent criminals this is what you do with these emmy award winners they take all the money state of Kansas, you take everyone out, give them a couple hundred dollars for their trouble, you know you have to be fair, then you take them out, put a big ten story electric fence around Kansas and Kansas becomes a permanent prison for violent criminals, no parole, no police. without supplies, all you give them are lethal weapons and live ammunition so they can communicate in a meaningful way, then you put everything on cable television, the vnn violence network, and as a corporate sponsor you get one of those companies that love defame. their logo feces all over the landscape budweiser will jump on this in half a minute okay next completely incurable group sex criminals you have to lock them up you could ban religion and most of these sex crimes would disappear in a couple of generations but we don't I don't have time for rational solutions.

It is easier to fence another rectangular state. Rectangular states are cheaper. Defense saves taxpayers money. You know, this time in Wyoming, but only for the real sex offenders, we're not going to bother consenting adults who like to dress in leather. scout uniforms and hitting each other's heads with ball peen hammers while taking turns sucking their cat, there's certainly nothing wrong with it being a victimless hobby and think about how good the cat must feel, no, let's just Lock up rapists and abusers, those hopeless romantics who are so full of love they can't help but get a little bit of it, usually on your leg, take all these heavy-breathing fun-seekers and put them in Wyoming, then you let them suck, caress, you let them blow. chew, sniff, lick, whip, gobble and poke each other until your testicles hiss oh come on y'all faithful then turn on the cameras and get the cum channel and don't forget our corporate sponsor we're gonna let Budweiser put a small logo. patches on the rapist's pants right here there are puddings for you okay the next group drug addicts and alcoholics not all of them don't get nervous only those who are making life difficult for at least one other person and we are not going to bother The first offenders, the people deserve a chance to clean, everyone will get 12 chances to clean, okay, okay, 15, 15.

Okay, and that's it, if you can't make it in 15 tries, you go to Colorado, Colorado, the perfect one, a perfect place for. Staying loaded every week, all the illegal drugs confiscated in the United States that the police and DEA do not keep for personal use will be airdropped in Colorado and we will deliver the Coors brewery to beer drinkers and everyone. I can stay lost wired, stoned, bombed, hammered, smashed and faced 24 hours a day on another new cable channel, face central, this is the real rocky mountain on top, okay, I saved my favorite band for last , the maniacs and the crazy, those who live where the buses are. don't run and I distinguish between maniacs and madmen a maniac will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo a madman will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo but at that moment he will be wearing a bunny suit so you can't keep them all , you know you should keep some just for entertainment, like a guy who tells you that the king of Sweden is using his penis as a radio transmitter to send anti-Semitic lesbian meatloaf recipes to sales soup and marvin hamlisch a guy like that you want to give him his own radio show no, the manic farm will be reserved strictly for desperate cases like a guy who gets a big tattoo on liza minnelli's chest taking a you know and he tells her If she moves a certain way, it looks like she's cleaning herself the rear.

You know a guy like that. You want to stop it as quickly as possible. Now for the manic farm. I think there's no question that we have to go with Utah, Utah, easy defense. easy defense right next to Wyoming in Colorado and Colorado is right next to Kansas and that means that all four groups of our funniest citizens are now in one place except for the big fences and I think I have another one of my very good ideas for the cable. television doors small sliding doors in the fenders think about what you have here think about what you have degenerate predators crack heads and fruit pies 900 miles of fence separating them every 50 miles you put up a small sliding door but the doors are only 10 inches wide and they only open once a month for seven seconds and, on cable, this has to be on PPV because if those doors only open seven seconds a month, there will be very interesting people pushing and pushing to be first in line , moody, armed, deeply disturbed, drugged-out lunatics, you know, the ones with lots of tattoos, lots of broken teeth at the gum line, the true face of America and every time you open the doors, some of the most aggressive.

They are going to cross the cream of the cream the alphas are going to cross they are going to meet and they are going to cross each other and very soon you will have a melting pot of child killers corpses drugs zombies and full of crazy people wandering the landscape in search of truth and fun, like now everyone will have guns, everyone will have drugs and no one will be in charge like now, but at least we will have a balanced budget. Thank you very much, I appreciate it. thank you thank you hey hey it's time for some fart jokes, where would a comedy show be without some fart jokes?

Question, have you ever farted on a bus, on a plane, or in some public place, but you didn't fart the entire time? that day so you didn't really know the nature of the beast, you just knew that there was a lot of it in a situation like that, what you have to do is release a trial part that you have to organize to release it silently and in a carefully controlled way. about 10 to 15 percent of the total fart to determine whether those around you can handle it or whether, in fact, you may be about to precipitate a public health emergency by letting out a test fart, it is often good to engage in an act of subterfuge like picking up a magazine, saying it's that golf summary that doesn't smell too horrible, in fact, in a strange way, it's quite nice, I think you should enjoy the rest of this baby and it turns out to be one of those farts. that would take the veneer off a trunk, one fart that could end a marriage, and everyone around you is heading for the exits, even the people on the plane, when you realize it's time to review your fiber intake; after all, it may not be necessary every morning to eat a whole wicker swing I have no end to this, so I take a little bow thank you, I appreciate it, thank you, okay, next, next is about the English language, these are little expressions that we use, we all say in the little sayings and expressions that most of us use all the time and we never seem to examine these expressions very carefully, we just say these things as if they really make sense, as if it were legally drunk, well, if it's legal, what's the problem?

Hey, leave my friend alone, officer, he's legally drunk. You know you can hit it. Why do we always assume that everyone knows where they can stick it? Let's assume you don't know. Let's say you're a new guy. You have no idea where to stick it. I think there should be a government pamphlet titled where to stick it now that I think about it, I think there is a government pamphlet like that that they send to you on April 15th. Undisputed Heavyweight Champion, well if it's undisputed, what's this fight all about? the silent ones you have to watch, you know, every time you see a story about a serial killer on TV, what do they do?

They bring in the neighbor and the neighbor says well, he was always very quiet and someone in the room says it's the silence. Those of you who have to see, this sounds like a very dangerous assumption to me. I'll bet you anything as long as you watch a quiet one, a loud one will kill you. Let's say you're at a bar and a guy is sitting to the side reading a book. not bothering anyone, another guy standing in front with a machete hitting the bar saying I'll kill the next guy who walks in here, who are you going to look at, damn it, lock them up and throw away the key.

This is really stupid. I'm going to throw the key right in front of the jail. Her friends will find her. How far can you talk 50 to 60 feet max, even if you put it on its side like this and climb it? What do you get at most 10 extra feet? this is a stupid idea that needs to be completely rethought because of the tubes listen to that a lot of people say ah the country is sinking into the tubes what the fuck have you seen any tubes where are these tubes and where do they go and how come there is more than one tube , it would seem like one country, one two to me, but suddenly each state has to have its own tube?

Now one tube is all you need, but a tube that big, someone would have seen it by now, someone would have said, Hi, Joey. joey look at the big ass poop guy around here you never hear that you know why no tubes we don't have a tube one we are essentially tubeless takes the cake you know say boy he really takes the cake where where where are you taking the cake? the movies you know or I would take a cake to the bakery to see the other cakes and how does he take the cake? How come he doesn't take the cake?

The cake is easier to take in the cake as easy as the cake, hey, the cake is not. too difficult to carry either of the two basic cakes, the best thing since sliced ​​bread, so this is it, friends, a couple of hundred thousand years, the pyramids, for God's sake, the Panama Canal, the great wall of china, even a lava lamp to me is bigger than sliced ​​bread, what is that? great with the sliced ​​bread you have a knife you have a loaf of bread cut the thing and go on with your life walking the streets you know the guy gets parole they say now instead of being in prison this guy is walking the streets how ?

We know that maybe the guy is at home fucking the babysitter, not everyone gets parole and they're walking the streets a lot of times they steal a car, you know, and we should be happy, thank God, he stole a car, at least He's not walking the streets well. and dandy that's old fashioned isn't he here? tell a guy how are you he says okay anddandy no I never say you know how it is that because I'm never both at the same time sometimes I'm fine, not very elegant, close to dandy, approaching dandy, in the vicinity of dandy hood, not quite elegant, other times, in fact, I am very elegant, however, I am not well once, once, in August 1965, for about an hour, I was fine and elegant at the same time, but no one asked me how I was and I could have told him that I could have said I could have told the person nice and dandy I consider it a missed opportunity walking papers you know, the guy gets fired he said geez, poor guy, well they give him his walking papers today, did you ever get any walking papers ?

Seriously, trust me on my life. I was fired many times. It is noted that I never obtained any walking documents. desk and say get out of here you don't need paper for that it's like the riot act the riot act they keep telling you they're going to read that to you have you heard this at all, especially when you're a child they threaten you in the way your father comes At home he's going to read the booklet to you, tell them that I already read it and I didn't like it either. I consider it verbose and poorly thought out.

He wants to read me something. How about the gentleman's guide to the golden age of being more than happy? I bet you say that sometimes not every once in a while you say to someone oh I would be more than happy to do it, how can you be more than happy with me? as a dangerous mental condition, we had to put Dave in an asylum. He was more than happy. One more of these in your own words, people tell you that, you know, when you hear that a lot in a classroom or in a courtroom, they'll tell you.

I tell you, tell us in your own words. Do you have your own words? Hey I'm using the ones everyone else has been using next time they tell you to say something in your own words. say nick flat blarney when he flew yeah thanks now this next stuff is very simple it's called floating hostility 24 minor cultural elements the ones i'm bored, tired and angry so i hope you're ready for some random anger people people people making air quotes with their fingers are you tired of these people but he said he was sober hey lady eat me The next guy tells me about a boom bada bing he's getting kicked in the balls you want to try badabing bad hair day where does this come from? what superficial culture put on a hat and go to work superficial it's a good thing lewis and clark never had a bad hair day or daniel boone uh custer had a bad hair day but he had that blonde eyed criminal coming blues What's with these guys telling you I heard I heard oh you did it, you did it right?

Isn't it so exciting? What is this? A hearing test. I walked into a Beltone commercial here, of course you heard it. It's your nimrod, I'm standing right next to you, I'll move down here, I'll move a little further away, blow me by chance, did you hear that? And now what happens to these people who tell you that their needs are not met? I met you, you stumbled upon these things, this is a support group, 12 steppers, my needs are not being met, you know what I'm telling them? Give up some of your needs, life is a zero sum game, what else am I worried about?

Mickey Mouse's birthday is announced on television. news as if it were a real event I don't care if I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago and sent him a card dear Mickey Happy Birthday Love George I don't do that why don't you Don't give him a Mickey Mouse with a big dick of rubber and then you break it and hit it with the rest of it. I hope Mickey dies. I hope he dies. I hope he gets some tainted cheese and dies. lonely and forgotten behind the baseboard of a dirty bathroom in a poor neighborhood with his hand in goofy mickey mouse's pants it is no wonder that no one in the world takes our country seriously we waste valuable time on television informing our citizens about the age of an imaginary rodent that we now leave I ask you this, the two pandas in the zoo.

Do you mind if they don't care why they keep telling me on the news that the pandas didn't do it again this year? It does not worry me. I have no emotional interest in the panda. ok, if they want they will, if not they will see that the price is right, probably the only reason they don't do it on time is because some asshole from the environmental movement has gotten in the cage with them, could you get a heart of a guy in a green t-shirt where the stopwatch was taking your girlfriend's rectal temperature leave these creatures alone and that's okay, let me have a sip of water here, wait, and while we're talking about the news, I don't want to hear nothing more about sperm, egg donor, surrogate mother, in vitro test tube, biological adoptive parents who want their baby back.

Baby Jane. Baby Ruth. Baby. This baby. That baby. It's cold outside. I don't care, leave me alone and keep it. off my tv sick american im also tired of hearing about innocent victims this is an old fashioned idea there are no innocent victims if you live on this planet you are guilty period you finish the report next case next case next case your birth certificate is proof of guilt and what happened in this country that now, suddenly, everyone is walking around with their own personal water bottle. When are we so thirsty? In the United States, everyone is so dehydrated that they have to carry their own portable supply of fluids with them at all times. have a drink before leaving the house another crime against society hyphenated names hey lady, pick a name, could you pick a name?

Hi I'm Emily Jarakor Fortescue Hi I'm George Idiot meow you too you don't gain personal dignity by adding a name to your name feminists think it's a radical act it's not castrating a guy in a parking lot with a bottle of coke It is a radical act to hyphenate your name it is pretentious and what is happening with all these mci a t phone calling plans is this really necessary When did the phone bill become the most important document in life in a country where Can you buy cinnamon cheese, spray dental floss, and edible women's panties?

There are people who will really break their eggs to save nine cents on a phone call by talking to your mother once a year. It may not be the nicest thing in the world, but it shouldn't be seen as a critical spending decision. Another thing I don't understand. Motivational ribbons. Motivational books. What happened here? Suddenly, everyone needs to be motivated. It's something quite simple. Do something or not, what is the great mystery? Also, if you're motivated enough to go to the store to buy a motivational book, aren't you motivated enough to do it so you don't need the book?

Return it, tell the Employee, I'm motivated, I'm going home and can someone explain to me the need to finish the photo in an hour? You just saw the thing. How is it possible that you feel nostalgic for a concept like the one from a while ago? Another complaint, there are too many vehicles there. Are there families in this country that own too many vehicles? You see them on the road in an RV, but that's not enough for them. The RV is not enough behind them. They are towing a motorboat, a go-kart, a buggy, a dirt bike, a jet ski, a snowmobile, a paraglider. glider windsurfing equipment a hot air balloon and a small diving bell for two people in deep water no one just goes for a walk anymore the only thing these people are missing is a lunar excursion module too many options america is unhealthy another abomination white boys finished 10 year olds who wear their baseball caps backwards white boys let me tell you something you will never be as cool as black boys that's not going to happen you're white and you're pathetic it's a law of nature turn your Wear a hat and learn a shake of Complicated hands won't make you great and you blacks, since you started it all, I'll let you keep the hats a little longer, but I think really once you qualify for social security it's time to turn that around to the front again, okay, another tip, another tip for men, earrings, the earrings thing, it's over, it's over a long time ago, it doesn't mean anything anymore, it was supposed to piss off the squares that wear the squares. they don't mean anything now they're just jewelry unless you have an earring with a live baby hanging from it they're just jewelry and I want you to know I'm all for self mutilation and personal disfigurement I've always said there's nothing like piercing and piercing your skin in a dozen places to demonstrate your high self-esteem when I see a young man decorating his scalp with a soldering iron I say there is a happy guy who thinks highly of himself and haven't we gone? a little over the top with these colored ribbons for different causes each cause has its own color now red for age blue for child abuse pink for breast cancer green for rainforest purple for urban violence I have a brown one you know what it means come hey and what can we do to silence these christian athletes who thank jesus every time they win never mention his name when they lose not a word you never hear him say jesus made me drop the ball the good lord made me trip behind the land of scrimmage according to these guys jesus is undefeated meanwhile these are in last place it must be another one of those miracles and speaking of delusional people who pass by a guy who hears a voice in his head tells him to kill his entire family and What does it is is this the only thing a voice in the head ever tells these people to do is kill others, doesn't a voice ever tell a kid to go eat at the Wendy's salad bar?

Doesn't the voice always tell a guy to take his dick out on the merry-go-round once in a while, well, some guys take their dicks out on the merry-go-round, but it's usually his idea. There's one more thing I can do without aftershave, cologne, and that gross stuff men wear. bodies just what I need in the elevator a guy standing next to me smells like pine I said go home and wash your smelly penis you smell like the urinal in a Portuguese cat house the boys are stupid the boys are very stupid they think I'm going to go to bed with these things, you know, oh yeah, they put them at home.

Oh boy, oh boy, I'll get laid and then I'm not late tonight. You don't sleep with the green that comes out of a bottle, okay? The only smell that will help you have sex might be your own natural aroma. You have pheromones. It is a secondary sexual characteristic. People in America are nervous about sex. I'm going to cover it up and disguise it. Guys in Europe, you know how to live. He gets into the elevator there, it smells like a bunch of dogs. Those people are sophisticated and they're getting pretty tired of these guys walking around in cowboy hats and boots.

Have you ever seen these idiots? Can't we kill some of these guys walking around with the overgrown cowboy hat? Man, it's not even Halloween, for God's sake, I'm telling you, hey, text, grow up, and get yourself a wardrobe that fits the century you live in. Why do certain men feel the need to dress like mythical figures that you don't see anyone walking around in? a pirate costume, when was the last guy you ran into? had a viking suit, imaginary jeans, the closest they got to a cow when they stopped to pee and an arby's and camcorders, here's technology gone crazy everywhere you go, now there's some dick, a yo-yo, some putts with a camcorder and he's going to record everything, no one in this country just stops and looks at things, they'll take it in, maybe even remember it, it's just a strange notion.

The experience has to be documented and brought home and saved in the program and people actually see this. These are the lives of people so ruined that they sit at home looking at things they've already done. These guys are so intense that you know they're always men who won't let women. touching cameras is a highly technical skill looking through pressing a button great skill and everyone thinks they're federico fallini low angles zooms and pans and it's the same three ugly kids in every damn shot all the

george

lucas magic in hollywood doesn't go to change the unfortunate genetic makeup in these children's faces.

Keep these unfortunate youngsters out of public view. Now many of these last a second. You can blame a lot of these cultural crimes I've been complaining about. about baby boomers something else I'm a little tired of hearing about baby boomers whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy give me it's mine give me it's mine these people were given everything everything was given to them and they took it all, They took it all, sex drugs and rock and roll and stayed high for 20 years and got a free ride, but now they're staring down the barrel of midlife burnout and they don't like it, they don't like it.

This is how they become moralistic and want to make things difficult for the younger ones, they tell them to abstain from sex, say no to drugs, as for rock and roll, they sold it for television commercials a long time ago so they could buy pasta machines and the ladder masters and the soy futures you know something are cold and bloodless people it's in their mottos it's in theirrhetoric no pain no gain just do it life is short play hard it happens deal with it get a life these people went from doing their thing to just say no, they went from love is all you need whoever ends up with the most toys wins and They went from cocaine to rogaine and you know what, they're still counting grams only now they're fat grams and the worst thing is the rest of the We have to watch these commercials on TV for baggy Levi's jeans and fat ass Docker pants because these Degenerate yuppie boomers couldn't keep their hands off the croissants and the haagen-dazs and their big fat butts have spread everywhere and they have to wear fat pants these boomers these yuppies and everyone now that I think about it sometimes in comedy you have to generalize now there is one thing you may have noticed I don't complain about politicians everyone complains about politicians everyone says they suck yeah well where do people think these politicians come from?

They don't fall from the sky. They do not pass through a membrane of another reality. They come from American parents and families. American homes. American schools. American churches. American companies and American universities. re-elected by American citizens this is the best we can make friends this is what we have to offer this is what our system produces garbage in the garbage if you have selfish ignorant citizens if you have selfish ignorant citizens you will get selfish ignorant leaders and term limits don't work to be no good at all, you'll just end up with a new group of selfish and ignorant Americans, so maybe maybe maybe it's not the politicians who suck, maybe something else sucks around here, like the public, yes, the public. it sucks there's a cute campaign slogan for someone the public sucks hope hope because if it's really just these politicians' fault then where are all the other brilliant people of conscience?

Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation? lead the way, we don't have people like that in this country, everyone is at the mall scratching their butt, picking their nose, taking their credit card out of their fanny pack and buying a pair of light-up sneakers, so I've solved this little political dilemma. For me in a very simple way on election day I stay at home I don't vote for him I don't vote two reasons two reasons why I don't vote in the first place it doesn't make sense this country was bought, sold and paid for a long time ago for a while they mixed up every four years. it doesn't mean anything and secondly, I don't vote because I think that if you vote you don't have the right to complain, people like to distort that, I know they say, they say well, if you don't vote, you don't have right to complain. but where is the logic that if you vote and elect dishonest and incompetent people and they come to power and ruin everything, you are responsible for what they have done, you caused the problem you voted them in for, you have no right to complain?

On the other hand, who did not vote, who did not vote, who in fact did not even leave the house on election day, is in no way responsible for what these people have done and has every right to complain as loudly as they want, but from the mess you created. it had nothing to do with it, so I know that a little later this year they will have another one of those really wonderful presidential elections that they like so much that they will enjoy it, it will be a lot of fun. I'm sure as soon as the elections are over your country will improve immediately, as for me, I'll be home that day doing essentially the same thing as you, the only difference is that when I'm done masturbating I'll have something to show you guys, thank you very much, thank you very much , TRUE?