Crappy Technology

You go home to visit your parents for the holidays, your dad is leaning over a lazy kid watching a cable TV movie on his smart TV made by a brand you've never heard of, and for some reason, Even though the movie has a 16x9 aspect ratio, the TV is turning it off to be a cinematic hot dog and it also looks like a soap opera running at the Counter-Strike frame rate due to the motion smoothing option that is turned on automatically. default. You look down and see two remote controls placed on the coffee table. for the cable box shaped by a brontosaurus during the Paleolithic cave era and one for the Roku Smart TV, do you try to explain to your father how you could solve all these problems using the two remote controls or do you choose not to say anything?

All of these options will end horribly. The

technology

is incredible. We as humans cannot, even we cannot imagine what we would be like without the

technology

to check our emails, watch our ASMR slime videos or listen to our AI. procedurally generated crypto podcast called crypto crunk how to use a pack your master dies trying, but unfortunately the technology is not created equal for every beautifully designed Game Boy Advance SP that still somehow powers up 20 years later, There's something much darker and more sinister lurking in the shadows searching your game, you know, some people invent the telephone and some people invent a device that you plug into your computer that farts, it smells depending on what you're looking at, that's real. , it's called digisense, I smell, which is what someone asks their friend after a date if she felt like they smell, and sometimes companies put out bad crap just to try to make the most money as quickly as possible and They don't really care and they say we don't care, you know, in order to get good laptops, maybe a couple of them have to explode, you know, to get good smartphones, maybe a couple of them have to explode, You know this, but even if your everyday tech isn't blowing up, it can still be a piece. of smart TVs are super common and cheap now, which, on the one hand, is awesome.

You know that everyone from Joe Schmoe to Joe Millionaire can afford to have access to thousands of hit Prestige TV series, like Joe Millionaire, what the hell is going on here, but the reason these smart TVs made by brands you've never heard of, like Rogue or Hayabusa, are so cheap it's because the processors they use are made from dirt cups, you know, the children's dessert with pudding and gummy worms, that's what feeds your TV. If you've ever wondered why there's a 49-second input lag between pressing a button and something actually happening on the screen and why the on-screen keyboard feels like a medieval torture ball, it's because the dust cup He's on a hamster wheel and he's losing.

His mind, thank you, cup of dirt, please don't stay alive until they finish the session. Plus, smart TVs are dirt cheap because they sell a ton of ad space right on your home screen for cool stuff like Wendy's or Punk Season 2 brought to you by Verizon or a separate Roku streaming stick to plug into your Roku TV and your pajamas. Roku and your Roku house with your spouse Roku and a Roku shirt while your cat Roku named Cole Sprouse is attacked by a Roku mouse who will shut down your house. I have a very good Ass TV I know a YouTuber moment this ball is full of nickels but I will never tell you the code it is an LG OLED and the picture is literally amazing like the color definition and clarity it is amazing but even this expensive TV comes pre-loaded with real motion and sharpness at maximum and the UI and user experience is still horrible and depending on your smart TV interface you may have to decipher an entire entry of the history of ancient alien civilizations to be able to navigate the settings and turn all this off.

Okay, but here's a great idea, listen to me. What would happen if we put a smart TV in your car's infotainment systems? Infotainment is a combination of the words information and entertainment, of course, they are great. Dia, in theory, great. Dia is a combination of the words. Great DEA drug enforcement touch screen for showing directions or a music library or a movie about someone driving a car that you can watch while driving and cause a horrible accident, but in practice, much like smart TVs, many of these infotainment systems have very brain-shattered and horrible input lag and faulty touchscreens that are often also essential for messing with crucial things like upgrade payment control, making even trying to turn on the air Conditioning while driving is a crazy distraction and a safety hazard because now you have to look at what you're doing instead of having the muscle memory of physical buttons or knobs to play with.

Back in the day, we had three knobs, one for heat or cold, another for power levels ranging from a gentle whisper to a jet-powered time machine, and we wanted to decide how you want to be exploited, like if you just want nipples or you also want to play with feet, you can do both things, although you can actually do both. I think even as touch screens and cars slowly get better with things like Apple Carplay, you should still do it. always have real physical buttons for the crucial things, if only for your safety and the safety of others around you, and that's a key moment of safety that extreme cliff diving gives you, everyone stop what you're doing, this guy owes me money and me.

I'm pressing charges Hi, I'm Jakey Jakey and Jakey's Lawyers, you want to know what shitty technology, monthly subscriptions you didn't even know you were still paying for, well today's sponsor Rocket Money is here to help, Rocket Money is a whole. financial platform in one that helps you save more and spend less this personal finance app lets you manage subscriptions lower bills create a personalized budget and increase your savings all in one place I use rocket money to find silly recurring charges and cancel subscriptions , all without having to talk to a single person on the phone, which is great because I'm terrified of humans.

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What's right with you now? I don't know about you, but I swear to God everything in my life needs updating constantly. phone Laptop Windows 10 Adobe Premiere Discord game console Steam game console games Smart TV smart TV apps every game launcher known to man is in a constant state of updating, why the hell are you going to sell a game on Steam if Are you just going to require me to sign? on another launcher or stupid DRM anyway, what's the point of buying it on Steam? My girlfriend's cat robot has Wi-Fi to update to firmware version 1.87 so her cat droppings can voice chat with other cat droppings.

Why is technology always modern? trying to get rid of tried and tested things like physical buttons, what the hell is wrong with buttons? Oh, you want to turn off your PS4, gently place your finger on this Sony clit and wait for something to happen. Hopefully Apple loves getting rid of not just the buttons. but doing all kinds of silly things with the eye buttons, okay, here's a little touch screen, we can do cool things like simulate buttons. Oh, you want standard handy ports on your MacBook Pro for doing creative work, like an SD card reader or HDMI cable, yeah, that's not us.

Lost, we don't make them anymore. The port machine broke, we only have USBC, I guess you got that right, they ditched the touch bar and brought back the standard ports and Magsafe charging on the new MacBooks and they are much better again. What the hell, but not Microsoft? They have never done anything wrong, why are they looking at me? Is there something behind it? OMG, controversial take. I had a Zune and I actually liked it, don't get me wrong, it didn't feel good to use compared to the iPod as I never let anyone see it, but it did the job and you know it came in cool colors that they specifically chose to design to market for kids, you know, like Internet Explorer brown, clippy, Windows Vista Bing, there's a lot of things that Microsoft has done.

Over the years, I'd certainly consider it shit, but the launch of the Xbox 360 was practically made for suicide. Everyone knows about the red ring of death, but did you know that the failure rate of the original Xbox 360 is 54.2 percent, or more than half in comparison? The PS3 launch failure rate is 10.6 and I was part of that percentage. I got the yellow light of death after playing Uncharted 3 for 11 hours straight, but then I discovered that you could take it apart and put your motherboard in the oven. and bake it because I suppose it re-solders at a certain temperature.

I don't really know what happened there, it's above my pay grade, but it worked and that's how I play GTA 5 and even if the consoles don't break that much. Now the controller will certainly, oh my gosh, I have two PS5 controllers, they both have Stick Drift and they just do whatever they want. Fellow yoga ball mustache gamer Eddie Burback has three PS5 controllers, all of his also have Stick Drift, both of which are mine. Nintendo Switch joy-cons have stick drift Why is the Sensor Bar required to launch GameCube games on the Wii when you're not even going to use the WeMo?

Did you know that you can use a candle as a sensor bar because it is just another infrared source? I learned that when I wanted to play Double Dash and my cousin's rabbit chewed on my sensor bar wire, so every time I wanted to start a GameCube game I would just do a little seance and then play Double Dash with the Demon King's payment . One of the worst controllers I've ever had the pleasure of using although it was for Ouya or sorry oh yeah my brother got an Ouya after backing the kickstarter and man this brought a lot of joy to our house but not for the reasons Which I think was their intention Ouya was like the smart TV of consoles, just a shitty little glass in a plastic box.

The control, oh my goodness, didn't just make you feel like you were committing a sinful act, like just holding it was like a serious crime. somehow, but even with the slightest chance that it would actually connect with its horrible Bluetooth, the plastic faceplates would like to decide to come off sometimes, when we all lived in Denver, any weekend we didn't have plans, neither my brother nor his girlfriend would be I mean, there's an Ouya in the garage, you know, we could watch the first season on Heroes and play, oh yeah, what else? What else? Twitter that's a shitty technology especially with everything going on right now and especially the Twitter video player has always been a At this point just burn it all even though anything related to crypto or nft is a technology shitty or at least don't talk to me about it at a party, tech multiplayer shooters that don't let you vote for the next map afterwards. a match that is shitty technology Reddit I refuse to download the app when I just want to read a quick how to guide in a web browser please stop it will never happen why do some airplanes have the TV controls on the armrest my giant ass I barely fit on these planes and now I have to worry about pausing my neighbor's flight viewing every five seconds, which is a strange choice for an airplane movie, by the way, in the situation of air conditioning on airplanes, Oh my god, man, I'm not trying to do that.

Be dramatic but I've been on several flights recently where I've had ungodly levels of heat, like I'm sweating, like sweat is dripping off like it's gross, I once asked the flight attendant, hey, could you turn the air on conditioning or do something? About it, we're all very hot back here and they said, "II'm sorry, because you're in the middle of the plane, it's just a matter of the flow of the plane and if we turn on the air conditioning in first class, they're going to be too cold, I'm sorry." like we're having this conversation in the sky right now and the guy next to me is watching the flight on a plane and you are telling me that air conditioning is not possible.

I don't know who to blame for that, but it's

crappy

technology. Who do you think is

crappy

technology? to know Do you think this video is shitty technology? Did I edit it wrong? Did your phone explode while watching it? Let me know in the YouTube trademark comments and if I want to see more of Listen to More Of Me Talk, check it out? look at Jaquan the G same or Jakey naked on Instagram or Jakey naked on Twitter if it doesn't burn or make Makey Jakey take Tick Tock because I'll probably start posting slime videos but thanks for watching my video and I'll see you next time.