When narcissists know YOU know...

Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Romini and welcome back to this YouTube channel that addresses all kinds of small and big problems related to narcissistic relationships, so some of you are thinking I've seen too many of your damn videos, ma'am , I get it, I really get it. Now, now I'm going to let you

know

in a way that you're kind of screwed once the narcissist

know

s that you know, so let's break that down and really lay out what that means for you so this ties into a constant question I get. . from people all the time through comments or emails or whatever a narcissist knows.

Do

narcissists

know they are narcissistic or difficult? And perhaps even more important is the question of whether

narcissists

really know how insecure they are because clearly this person is insecure. I know the answer to that is ish, remember shame is the anger spiral I talk about so often. Narcissistic people are not insane or downright deluded, they are able to see that their behavior has consequences and know that their behavior is sometimes not a good look, but their impulsivity and entitlement somehow means they can't stop themselves and don't believe If they have to do it, it's like they're going to explode if they don't call their bullshit, it's that de-escalation thing I talked about, so they know that over time their behavior is causing a problem, but they'll rationalize their behavior, they'll justify their behavior, they'll do it. they will explain, they will defend it, but yes, in a little corner of their brains they know that what they are doing is probably not a good thing and sometimes in therapy, if they are in therapy, they may even admit that they can't stop, it's too uncomfortable , they just need to say it and they know it sounds silly if they really said their truth, so not everyone can let it go.

I get away with what I have to say, I don't really mean it and I just need to let it out. I think everyone wants to get me

when

they won't let me and life is very unfair to me and I do it. I always know what's best why can't everything be my way and let me have my tantrum, they can't say that and they know it but that's what's happening so there is a turning point in every narcissistic relationship, it's the point where they see that you get it, it's a subtle dance it's something that's happening just under the radar it's almost imperceptible you're not taking the bait as much you're not letting the gaslighting get to you as much you're gray swaying a little more you're not defending yourself , you're not explaining, you might even be holding yourself a little higher because now you understand, maybe you're not putting yourself down as much or you're not getting as anxious

when

they say they're going to cut bait and leave or maybe we need to. divorce or when they throw their passive-aggressive things at you, interestingly in this phase of the relationship it becomes even more miserable and the narcissistic person will act out even more, it is as if you have observed their insecurity and discovered their game and they do not like that when the people start to turn gray you can almost graph it it looks like a roller coaster the narcissist's anger will increase for a while they are not getting the same fights from you the bait is not working remember they need you to take the bait and behave in a crazy way so they can later say "oh, someone's really upset" and they might feel better about themselves and start getting meaner on the roller coaster, start insulting your friends or family and start chasing them. things about you that they know are triggers for you, they may make fun of your work, they may make fun of your cooking, it starts to become more and more toxic, you didn't think it was possible, but it is, but if you could hold your ground and it wouldn't break , reach the top of that roller coaster, the narcissist will actually begin to deflate, in some cases they will get bored but deflate, however, on their way to this destination, the top of the roller coaster is a world of abuse, anger and rage.

So if you thought they were bad before, when you finally start to understand them, they somehow feel sorry for all their lack of empathy. People with narcissistic personalities are tremendously in tune with their worlds, but from a very point, towards the world around them, but from a very point. egocentric perspective they are always monitoring for threats they are always looking for that person who looks at them the wrong way they don't believe they will ever be shown the respect they think they deserve they feel like they don't receive enough validation of all their greatness they notice the changes and They realize that people are following them.

There is a point for every narcissistic person when they recognize that they have gone too far, that they really pushed one person to the breaking point and that another person they push eventually shuts down, this can actually be quite shocking if it happens e.g. at work or with a lower risk person. Narcissistic people take the people closest to them, like family and partners, for granted, so they may not notice it there, but the idea that someone in their world likes their work world or something they don't think well of them actually activates their shame once they recognize that people are starting to see it and are starting to walk around the narcissist as if the narcissist is unhinged in that, in essence, they feel like they are being managed by other people, they don't care. like it because it again triggers shame, but now they're in a vicious cycle because on some level they know they're unhinged, so it's a big, weird cycle and at that point, if you're in a relationship with them, you can slowly move toward indifference. once you have the road map to narcissism and I will be honest with you on that road map.

It's the reason I started this channel. I want to show you every subtle pattern that exists so that you can spot it and you can consider Dr. Romini's YouTube channel as a GPS of narcissism because then the pattern makes sense and you are faced with the hard work of breaking your internal cycles of trauma bonding, etc. , but once you see it, you start walking in a much larger circle around them and they start saying, oh, see they can have a wide range of behaviors when you start walking in that larger circle and you go between the anger and intent.

To show you that they can stay calm and they are not and try to show you that I am actually a good person, they may resort to insults or passive aggression. The narcissistic relationship is about control, controlling the image of the relationship with the world. the people in the relationship control the narrative and they control the narcissistic bid control the control so once you understand what is happening they want to control you even more and they won't let you get rid of their controlling ship because they want to control the narrative and yet , once you understand it, their destabilization will mean that they will not be able to regain control and will now become even angrier.

There is no way to escape anger. You might be thinking: Is there a way for me to understand this without them losing? is around me all the time, probably not, or you will get bored of this relationship and leave, or if you can't leave, you may make the relationship, what we call, very superficial and mechanical, or you will wait for them to leave, or You hope that they will have a place to go every time they have a tantrum because you won't listen to them, at some point your presence will be such a shame activator that they will try to destroy you with their rage or they may leave. and run away because your presence embarrasses them too much, neither of those outcomes will feel very good, especially if you're not sure you want this relationship to end, yes, I get it, you might think that I shouldn't want it and you.

You may not want this to end, you may also wonder if there is a way for you to understand this and for them to not understand that you understand it, probably not again, your better behavior changes will show, it's frustrating and demoralizing because They didn't. You noticed when you were crying or you didn't notice when you were actually trying to get them to notice you, but you make a small change in the narcissistic supply you give them and they notice. Understanding narcissism is complicated and your partner will. they will probably pathologize you for change they will say things like oh you have changed you are cold you are weird it seems like you are becoming a little less socially skilled in your old age again and again they will make you Pathologize yourself for understanding them, so what will make you free, understanding narcissism It may make your life miserable for a while, in the long term it's a win, but in the short term, keep in mind that it will be unpleasant, so at least you can do it. be prepared that you only think about understanding this, understanding narcissism, once you understand it you may feel like ha ha I have the keys to the kingdom, I get it, but as your behavior changes the narcissistic person you are with in a relationship it will become Notice it, whether it's a family member, whether it's a partner, whether it's someone you work with, they will notice in many cases and that could mean that they feel uncomfortable because what was the power that they really had and you knows what it was. a power from hell because you didn't understand what was happening, you were backwards with the gaslighting and manipulation now you understand it, you see it, there is actually a strange calm and serenity that will come over you because you do it right. almost like ah, this is how you do the trick and now it's not even interesting anymore, but they will notice that change and they will recognize that they can no longer dominate, dominate, you get confused, then they have lost their power and they become frustrated and that frustration is something that you will experience like rage, like I said, in the long run it's healthier for you to get it for no other reason so you stop blaming yourself and personalizing it and that's your job, not to blame yourself, it's not your fault, it's just that.

Once you get it, you should have unlocked the code and this rather silent and manipulative way in which they kept you under their control, you've lifted it in a way that may be very unsatisfying as a relationship right now, but at least you're not. . Living in a place where we are constantly invalidated, confused and don't know where to go. Hope that helps, thanks again.