UNHhhh ep 216 - Straight People: The Sequel

I just want to thank my Glam Squad for always supporting me, no matter what happens, my Glam Spot is always there to make sure my hair is done and my makeup looks good and there's no poop on my mom, a beach towel and all. bent, yeah, 'cause you can't count on yourself tonight 'cause I know I'll get emotional and screw it up. I'm going to blow your ass off. I hate that she served, ate, and then blew up a house. Oh, I went to the Renaissance ball. Oh, how was Bae? Well the hive came out in full force and guess what happened Miss Carter speaking of the screens the

straight

est

people

nowadays but this has nothing to do with you yeah you're exempt because you are , whether you are in a compromising model of perfection.

Yeah, why do

straight

people

always bug me? What's the problem with that? I think they want to hear what you have to say, maybe hello. I used to be gay but now I'm not. I'm straight Trixie Mattel and I've had sex with so many women you wouldn't believe how many women I've had sex with Katya and welcome to the show, we talk about whatever we want, this is our show and it's not yours because you're gay, right? Why are they like bunny calls? or is it like Amanda, what's her name and um um that's also what it is.

Well, all the cartoon characters are gay, yeah, okay, okay, okay and they pose and pose, oh no one got hurt, it doesn't matter black, white or beige, if you're a straight person. out there and you're looking at us, don't be ashamed of your throbbing hotness, to bother people, straight people don't get STIs, I'm not fine though, you're full, let me tell you first, straight people get a lot less than gay people. Do you know why they still use condoms? Pack it in a bag. I don't know if they are. I know them and I'm filming it.

Do you think they are worried about the pregnancy? Yeah, do you remember in high school when I got pregnant every year I had to go to school well, when I put on drag I look in the mirror and go, yeah, you gotta be careful with pregnancy because you're giving so much that your body could spit out a suppository and use the fertilizer well. someone had your own baby store with an open window and then the little flies that pass by as you walk down the street get up the next day, the next day baby, that's how it happens the next day, the space idiot when we talk about Plan B , we really talked about giving birth at CVS, right, that's what we're talking about, okay, it's a drop box to put the baby in, yeah, I think straight people are just vibing because they can't imagine going through their whole life. the whole primary school experience, etc.

Without dedicating 40 of your brain's CPU to worrying about being gay, a little bit of my brain at all times until I was 18 was worried about being gay. People found out at the games. The day I was performing, I think they are worried about other things like I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm not saying they don't have problems, straight men have a whole issue that we don't worry about, of course, well, because it's Literally the whole responsibility of being a man, we were like we had to suffer everything you know in high school and then we're free from yeah, you know what I mean, we're free from that's like oh, go to be a little flyer? fairy, you know, you know, you like to get paid, I know he's sickly, he really is poor.

I want to talk about straight people, but this whole thing you and I are doing is so dated, it's so tired, it wasn't even that fun to begin with. We have never been so pretty if we don't deserve any of this and everyone is afraid to say it, but I'm interested, this is something that is an ongoing fascination for me and I haven't gotten any clarity around it. and what it is like you know because I mean, when you get them, that's your body, baby, okay, that's your mind, that's a mind-body connection, yes, it is, but it's also like vomiting.

What do heterosexuals do with them? I think I tried to put it in a hole, no I know, but I don't know if this is true, but straight people have made me feel that gay people have a lot more sex, right? Gay people have a lot more if you're horny. . just find a hookup or whatever and I don't think in the heterosexual world stakes it's so much a free sex for all, well, I don't want to, I don't want to, um, it's obviously huge and we're happy to be generalizing. of course, of course, you'll probably just have sex in a room, you'll probably have sex with someone you're dating, like you know.

I think in the gay world we are much more, oh, the bushes, yes, at the Sky Club. give up WorldMark shares great people don't have shares straight people don't have destruction I think for straight people although this is Dr. Burning Man listening to Sandstorm by Darude because you know girl you know those Festival people of Music is waiting until they are medieval and then they unleash on each other under the guise of Molly thank you guys thank you thank you for saying oh, you're not circumcised oh, you haven't, you haven't seen him since last week oh, of course , put it in my mouth no problem I have a mini shovel that I can use to get all the compacted sand out of here no, I put it in my sandwich ladies when you're with a strip when you're with a guy a straight lady no, but he's uncircumcised, you take the spout of water, you peel off the skin, what do you think straight people really think of us?, okay though, then we have the disgusting, kill it with fire, that's disgusting, the Lord will save them anyway, but and then Other guys say oh you know, oh you don't know, you know what I was thinking recently about being gay, we always talk about being tough, being gay isn't hard or hard until straight people come along and then they make it tough if I was in a island. somewhere I crashed into an island and died and I was gay, apart from the fact that I wouldn't have anyone else, I wouldn't spend the day being gay, but being gay was hard because for many years straight people were like that. are you sure about that fundamental thing about yourself, yeah sure, like that roommate I told you about, I just wanted to make sure you're not gay, that's crazy, that's crazy, my roommate got in touch with me, the preacher, roommate, make sure he wasn't gay, so and that sets you up for a lifetime of suspicion um hypervigilance.

I should have said don't worry, I'm just a woman with a big moment. You should have said no, no, I'm not gay, I'm a transvestite and you would have said oh well, okay, no, I'm not gay and I can meet him, he says, but your guy says no, I'm a oh look, you should say that in I'm actually bread like you know this is before that. oh, you're from 2000 mom, we didn't have the year 2000, you were gay, what other things are going on. I think that in many ways we have much more freedom than heterosexual people, although we are discriminated against, all that, but. well, yeah, if we're not like that, if we don't count the angry mob of many, many, all, uh, wild, conservative psychotic people who want to kill us, yeah, if all things are equal, if we're like in the city of NY. like in Washington um so it's amazing, you're almost a jock, imagine if you weren't married, oh I'm trying to help you, okay, imagine you're 40.

That's right, and you weren't married, your family would be like you're going to meet a girl or you want to have children or when you are gay your whole family has all your brothers at the table and they say aha wow having children is a scandal, right? Oh, how's your new wife and then? They come to you and say "you still have bangs", yeah it's not about kids or anything, if we weren't gay our lives would be fundamentally different, oh are you kidding me? It would be, it would be like me. I'm trying to keep my job as an adjunct professor of linguistics at Boston University.

I think you would still be practicing karate. I would have had a wife named Lindsay who cheated on me every Thursday, but I didn't care because she was one. I think I would like to buy for women like Dwight Schrute, as I would as a woman with fertile hips and, as many know, have children before her. I would like you to know that I would like to look at the medical records and ask: does she know that she is prone to cancer? She exactly, yes, because she and imagine this, even though you walk into these gay people, you actually hear these straight people walking around and it's a fact that the people around them are probably straight too, they never think about it. a woman as a lesbian never assume that, never until they look it up on PornHub right where they see a diesel dagger in leather pants with a KD Lang type backpack and smoking a cigarette, and then like she looks different, they're not sure, yeah , she's eating at Fletcher's concert and you say she seems different.

Should the Bluetooth speaker blame the link that plays Taylor Swift's acoustic B-sides with a Hitachi? Its straight people, there's a lot to do. Let's say we could go on and on, yes, but we know very little, yes, you know, there is a lot we can invent and generalize, so we will stop right now, sincere people, we think about you, we care about you and we wait. All the best to you, yes, and we just want to let you know that blue is definitely not your color. By the way, we're not straight and it never happens, so if any of this is wrong, well, of course, I'm happy for you. in the comments, feel like your judge, but that has nothing to do with me, well, we have to generalize so you know, yes, this is not, this is the BBC, you know what people think, it's the people who really think it's eight years of mental illness on a green screen and you guys still act like this is okay.

I think the joy of this is that eight years later we still know one damn thing about straight people, no we don't know what I know about straight people, honestly. it comes from their reaction to us, shock at the sex we have and what freedom, however, because we have gone from having to flee from their machetes and pitchforks to simply curiously wondering what they are doing. I was straight, which is crazy because I used to go to bed every night like I was praying. I would wake up straight. I know it too. I know I wish I was bisexual, yes, it doesn't matter if it's gay, straight or buy, yes, bye, real, yes, I would like to.

There are so many people that I think it's cute to say, "Oh, I really like him, but it's like he's missing teeth because he's a professional athlete. Look at you, you ripped out your teeth and put in new ones. They're still under there. What do I do?" ? Do you think veneers mean they take off my old teeth, what do they do, can you take them off? Did you wait a minute? Oh no, it's not ready, wait, shave them like vampires. Did you think there was a time in my life when I was ripped away? The entire top row of teeth I did it I did I don't know I'm not educated if you give me a smile so we can do something with your fingers Yes, let me open the forum to make fun of my teeth Yes You have all the pictures you need, yes, could you take a picture of your ugly face?

Do you want to paint the top row green? Someone else? I have a funny mole. Did you show your back foot again? Yes, my mom sent me a strange text message. Should we read that? I hate you all. I hate you all. Should we read that? Yeah.