How To Trust Your Voice and Speak With Confidence Anywhere | Mariama Whyte | TEDxManitouSprings

thank you, I know it feels like you can't

speak

, they are watching you, you feel so weak, you are stronger than you think will happen, you are so amazing, incredible, what is deep inside of you, the world should To know it, take a deep breath and take it easy, let it happen and if you could imagine all the possibilities, you would say the places you will see and the movements you will make. I know it feels really hard to be

your

self right now. Much more fun costumes pretending to be someone else. Believe me when I tell you that you don't have to be afraid, you are more than you think, you are wonderfully made.

I know it feels really hard now even when you're young, but I know it will happen because it's done, thank you. that's a short version of a song I wrote recently called It's Ya Done. I wrote it for my younger self, for the young Mariama, who was a good mix of quiet, sometimes very, very loud, artistic, sensitive, intellectual, athletic. She was a dreamer, yes, but in some situations she experienced intense moments. scary afraid to

speak

afraid to be seen and heard so I wrote that for her to comfort her and let her know that she is fine and that she will always be fine, that she expresses her ideas and her feelings that matter to her .

I wanted to make her feel safe. and at home within herself to be able to fully express herself wherever she was, wherever she was, wherever she was. I am one of the most phenomenal

voice

s of our time. The late Dr. Maya Angelou said the pain for home lives in all of us, a safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. I think the journey of finding a home within ourselves creating inner safety and belonging is essential for us to open up and

trust

our own

voice

s so we can speak with

confidence

and authenticity and when I tell people I had quite a bit of anxiety stern when speaking, they generally don't believe me because I make a living using my voice in public.

I performed in the national Broadway tours of The Lion King, yes, good times and the color purple, yes, y'all. I've seen that and I speak, teach and act in various capacities. I am also a singer-songwriter and I really enjoy coaching students and adult clients to act and speak with

confidence

, but growing up and entering adulthood I really struggled with my communication. Sometimes I realized it for the first time. I had this fear in fourth grade. I went to Moreland Elementary School in Shaker Heights, a small suburb of Cleveland, Ohio. We were tasked with giving a short lesson to the class on how to do something we were really good at.

It was called a how to presentation now, when I heard the word presentation my stomach instantly started hurting and I wanted to run out of the room. I did it, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get through it and I thought I might stutter, which is what I would do. sometimes when I was very nervous now I didn't have much trouble raising my hand and answering questions from my seats. I didn't have any problems there except standing up and speaking formally in front of everyone while all eyes were on me. about how now I didn't like it back then, so I remember going to my mother and I told her I was really scared, I'm not going to be able to get over it, she said, oh, honey, would you be Okay, I just did a play.

I said, Oh, that's a great idea because I was always performing around the house, so that's what I did. I wrote a quick script. I gathered some friends. Yes I did and we had our costumes on even though we wore our nightgowns for our costumes, I assigned our roles and we did my instructional presentation called how to procrastinate, yes I was very good at procrastinating back then, now it was really a lesson in the downsides of procrastinating but I got over it and I had a lot of fun I was scared I was definitely scared but I was more excited to share what I imagined and created and after that I was just acting everywhere singing acting dancing I played the violin and the piano I'm a little rusty and a couple of those, so now I do it, but acting was my safe and happy place, it was my home where my imagination could flow.

I could take risks. I was able to harness my creative energy and my anxiety about being seen and heard decreased and I haven't stopped. acting since I was a teenager I played several sports. I was the concert master of the orchestra my junior and senior years and I was in a really cool dance group and we used to dance all over the city of Cleveland. My name was cool because I was really fine with it, I was really fine with it now that Mariama was very, very outgoing and sociable, but in contrast, there were different times in school where there was like another Mariama who would shrink and hide and I I stopped raising my hand and talking. up, but only in certain classes, these were the honors and advanced placement classes I was in, where I was one of the few black students in a sea of ​​white students that I just didn't know.

Now some of us have become very good friends. over the years, but back then that transition was very, very difficult for me, now moral at my elementary school was a predominantly black elementary school and I loved being there, I was home, all my friends were there, but They weren't in these classes with I was no longer in these private classes with me after elementary school, we were all separated and I had culture shock of separation anxiety and I felt very alone and disconnected and that feeling stayed with me for a long time. Now I had the hardest time speaking in my English classes.

I love the books we read and thrived on my writing assignments. He was good at writing, but he dreaded those arguments about who wouldn't listen to the discussions about dreams, yes, some of them, yes. I see, I understand, you understand. I dreaded those discussions trying to formulate the racing thoughts in my head speaking clearly and fluently in this unknown space was very difficult for me. I see myself in my 12th grade English class. It's just me. No disguise to hide behind. No memorized script. No song to sing. It's just me and my civilian clothes. My cute airplane clothes, although I'm trying to find a sense of home and I'm caught between the desire to express my ideas and the reasons I came up with to keep those ideas to myself and in most cases I kept them to myself.

Now it was silent. I was physically safe, no one was hurting me, there was no cheating, there were no microaggressions from any of the students or the teacher, but I didn't feel psychologically safe. Dr. Amy Edmondson of Harvard Business School, who coined the term psychological safety, defines it as a belief. that it is safe to express ideas, concerns and mistakes, this sense of confidence that

your

voice is valued now. I knew I had great things to say. I just didn't feel comfortable enough to say them at the time. He was a young black teenager. girl trying to figure out where I fit in and where I belonged here so how did I end up here?

I got sick and tired of myself. I did it. I felt so frustrated and exhausted from going in and out of my own life for so long. I ended up working with a therapist, a speech therapist, during my sophomore year of college and it did wonders for my confidence and self-awareness. It helped me close the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be in my life as a confident person. and offensive communicator

anywhere

and I also majored in English at the College of Worcester. Yes, this is my story, but many of us have this fear, whether it's in front of a few people or in front of many people, if it's you, if you have this.

Fear of not being alone is very common and there is nothing wrong with you. There are countless studies that tell us why this fear exists. It is because we are humans, we are programmed to belong and survive, so when we are separated or in a bind, we can feel extremely vulnerable and insecure and it feels like a physical threat, it feels like a threat and then we instantly go into survival mode, our survival instincts kick in and we want to protect ourselves to stay silent or We can become very aggressive in our communication, distract ourselves with something else or just leave the room together to fight or freeze.

Now we need this survival mechanism to try to get out of the real danger or threat that many of us have had to do in our lives. lives, but it is important to know when we are safe so that we can respond in a way that benefits our well-being and self-expression. Now the beauty of Being Human is also that we are born to thrive, yes, and this is where we can. create this safe space within ourselves to open up and speak freely and have an impact on the world in our work or in business in the classroom at various stages of the interview or audition within all of our relationships, but it is also important that Let's talk so we can personally witness our own growth, evolution and knowledge of who we are, so how do you find your home?

How do you create this inner security within yourself? I have a three-part framework that is highly accessible, is within you and around you, and helps you safely connect with yourself and the world first breathe deeply and take it easy everyone breathe with me through the nose and release through the nose mouth doesn't feel good breathing breathing now as a coach I'm always emphasizing breathing making sure you're taking in enough air to project and read your sentences to get to the end of your lines, but emotionally deep breathing as a daily practice and in moments of high stress and anxiety It can be very powerful because it centers us, it is very grounding.

It keeps us here in the present moment. We can open our hearts to ourselves and have this sense of security, belonging, and wholeness. Many times, when we are afraid, we start breathing, we breathe very quickly or we hold our breath, which is what I used. To do this, breathe slowly and deeply from your abdomen or diaphragm here and stabilize your nervous system, relax any tension you may feel, and open your voice. There are many breathing exercises you can do, but the important thing is to simply know that you can take time every day anytime you need to breathe deeply.

It's so powerful. Number two, if you could imagine all the chances you'll take. Imagine, imagine, but use your imagination to your advantage. Most of our worry and anxiety comes from our remembering what happened in the past or what we imagine may happen in the future, research tells us that we have between sixty thousand and ninety thousand thoughts in a day, that's a lot of thoughts. and 90 of them are repeated, isn't it amazing that Our brains are neuroplastic shaped by our experiences, so the empowering experiences we allow ourselves to create through the power of our imagination can create new outcomes for us.

We have access to this amazing creative mental playground, just like my mother gave me the suggestion to think about my presentation in a different way immediately sparked my imagination and creativity and opened up my world give yourself permission and freedom to visualize create and guide yourself through the power of your own imagination there is an African proverb that says let him speak who you have seen with his eyes in your own time, sooner rather than later I hope you take moments to simply see yourself see yourself differently see yourself in the way you would like to communicate not in the way you don't want to communicate in the way you want to and See yourself as the light, release only the essence of Who you are and write it, write it, write what you You see, write down what you feel, how you engage, how you breathe and start talking, talk it over and over again and now get it out of your head, into your body and start acting.

I know it may seem a little strange, but this is how you are creating a new memory, a new experience and a new result for yourself, and although those voices of doubt and criticism may try to arise, it is okay, just acknowledge them and move on. Moving in the direction you would like to go, this creates inner security, courage, excitement and the belief that wherever you can go, you can communicate in the way you want. Third, seek support, okay, so I don't have lyrics for this one, but it just means I'll have to write another song, how about that?

Seek support, find people who encourage you and give you. you have positive, honest, encouraging feedback and accountability, this may be

trust

ed family or friends, a coach or mentor, a local Toastmasters group, a presentation class, a public speaking class or an acting class, or perhaps a speech therapist, this is when you can practice, become more comfortable with yourself with an audience of a few or an audience of many and the beautiful thing is that you will begin to truly understand how connected and valuable you, your ideas, your story and your message are. , they are so valuable to the world as you enter the world and flow.

Throughout your journey to becoming a more confident and offensive communicator, know that you belong here and that you belong here, remember to breathe, imagine and reach out for support, be patient and kind with yourself, take small steps and giant leaps,Celebrate each one and take the pressure off. of having to sound or be like anyone else except you you are the best role you will ever play your voice matters your ideas matter and your feelings matter and I have a beautiful reflection of a final scene from one of my favorite musical movies The Wiz as Dorothy is trying to find my way back home.

Glinda, the Good Witch of the South, tells her that her home is a place we should all find girl, it is not just a place where we eat or sleep. Home is knowing, knowing your mind, knowing your heart, knowing your courage. If we know each other we are always at home

anywhere

thank you thank you