Trump Hawking $60 Bibles to Help Legal Woes, Texas Man Runs for President as Literally Anybody Else

-Welcome everyone. Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show." You are here! I love the energy of this crowd. That's what I'm talking about. Not only am I saying this, but you guys seem a lot better than last night's audience. That's what I'm talking about. If I had to compare them in Easter candy, it would be a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg, while last night it would be a Dr Pepper flavored Peep. And i mean it. I wouldn't say just that. I wouldn't say just that. I wouldn't say it. I'm so happy you're here. Guys, Easter is almost here.

And I saw that due to supply problems, the price of chocolate is reaching record levels. Yes, in the meantime, the cost of white chocolate remains stable. Chocolate has become so expensive that Donald Trump just paid off his entire debt with a Butterfinger. I just read about that. Just read about it on the Internet today. Speaking of Trump, today he posted a video of himself selling a new line of Bibles for $60. He is selling Bibles. Look at this. -Every American needs a Bible in their home. And I have many. It's my favorite book. It's my favorite book.

Right after "Captain Underpants" and the Cheesecake Factory menu. They are my favorite book. The kid... Captain Underpants always gets in trouble, that kid. Once he puts on his boxers. I like how they made the Bible the exact color of his skin. Yes, that's interesting. Corinthian. Corinthian leather. Guys, yesterday Trump was in court for a hearing about his hush money trial and another one of the sketches of him in the courtroom went viral. Let's take a look at how it turned out. Watch this. Yes. That's why a lot of people have talked about the new sketch, including the sketch itself. -Actually? -Yeah.

Have a look. It said... Then this other sketch of Trump in the courtroom said... Then this other sketch of Trump said... Then this sketch said... Then... And finally, this sketch said... Guys , listen this. A man in Texas is running for

president

under the name Literally Anybody Else. Come on...let's see how funny he is when he wins. He was doing well in the polls until the public met his sons, Eric and Literally Anybody Else Jr. Well, changing the subject, the FAA is trying to prepare pilots to fly during next month's great solar eclipse. And listen, if he flies with Spirit Airlines on a Boeing plane during a solar eclipse, he's a risky bastard.

That's what I would say. That's what I would say. Well, listen to this. I read that for the first time in over 20 years, Trader Joe's raised the price of their bananas from 19 cents to 23 cents. -Oh. -Oh yeah. It's not just them. Whole Foods also increased the price of bananas by 4 cents to $29.99. Well, some TV news. Last night was the season finale of "The Bachelor" and Joey proposed to K

else

y. Yes. A pretty quiet season for "The Bachelor." I don't want to say it was overshadowed by other dating shows, but in the fantasy suite, they just sat around watching "Love Is Blind." I just thought...

That's what they did in the fantasy suite. Well, this is crazy: Apparently, thieves in California stole over $9,000 worth of SPAM, alcohol, and instant coffee. The robbers are described as armed, dangerous and recently divorced. Well, get this: A zoo in Texas used a cotton swab to make the world's smallest neck collar for a grasshopper in trouble. -Oooh. -When asked for comment, Jiminy Cricket said: "This generation is so soft." "Snowflake!" Hey guys, I heard about a man in Australia who lost his fiancée's wedding dress after she put it on top of her car and went on the highway.

She said, "Actually, it's okay. I don't need it anymore. We're okay. I've seen enough. I've seen enough." And finally, guys, the

president

ial election is only eight months away. But they are not the only elections that will be held in November. There are so many state and local races across the country. That's why we're taking a look at the campaign ads of some of the other politicians you don't always hear about in the news. It's time for the "lesser known candidates." -♪ Lesser known candidates, yes ♪ -Now, this first ad is from a guy running for school board president.

It seems like he's dealing with an unusual problem. Look at this. -Hello. I'm Ethan Anders. You've probably seen some ads of vicious attacks from my opponent, who is also my twin brother, Evan Anders. I can't emphasize this enough. Vote for Ethan Anders, not Evan Anders. I know our names are very similar, we look exactly alike, and we both dress the same, wearing hand-me-downs from our older triplet brother, Easton Anders, who is also running for the school board. Under no circumstances vote for Easton. He would be even worse for the school board than Ethan. Wait. I'm Ethan.

This is very confusing. -Definitely vote for Ethan, not Evan or Easton. Evan. No, I mean Ethan. -It's complicated. It's complicated right there. I think he's going to win. The next candidate is responding to many ads that attack him. Look at this. -Lately, you've probably seen some misleading ads that say some pretty nasty things about Representative Keith Shermanberger. His opponents are calling him...Well, he's here to say...-That's not true. -Keith Shermanberger 2024. -I am Keith Shermanberger and I approve this message. And I'm friends with Owen Wilson. -Well. Alright. Well, look, it's interesting. This is what I'm saying.

These races are close. Make the right decision. The next campaign ad is from a man running for dog catcher in Virginia. Let's look. -Hello. I'm Dustin Welsh. And I want to be the dog catcher for Fredericksburg County. If elected, I promise to catch every dog ​​in town: stray dogs, dogs walked by their owners, dogs sleeping inside their houses, dogs in pet stores, even furry children who look like dogs from afar. My opponent says I'm overreacting because a Chihuahua barked at me and I passed out and collapsed in a fountain at the mall in front of my son's skater friends.

But that's not true. In fact, I want my son's friends to remove that manipulated video they put on YouTube. -Dustin Welsh for the dogcatcher. -I double dare you to vote for me. God. Damn! -Wow. -Wow. -It's interesting. I would vote for that guy. This last commercial is for a candidate in... treasurer candidate in Bend, Oregon. Oh. See this. -Hello. I'm Todd Trevor. And it would be an honor to be his treasurer, but please don't ask the last town where I was treasurer anything about me. They are liars. I promise to balance our city's budget and be someone you can trust.

Just don't Google me. I'm not corrupt. I didn't do any of that stuff that Google or "The New York Times" say I did. I'm super normal. Look, here's a picture of me and my normal family. It's not AI. Simply enter the voting booth and check the box next to my name. And don't talk to those people protesting outside. They're protesting a different guy with my exact name and face. Todd Trevor as treasurer. Don't watch the Netflix documentary about me. -There you go. Incredible. I wish you all the best of luck. We have a fantastic show tonight.

Maya Rudolph is here! Oh! "Loot", "Loot". Check it out. She is the best. One of my favorites, Pete Townsend, will be joining us tonight. And we had a performance of "The Who's Tommy" on Broadway. Stay. We'll be back with Maya Rudolph, everyone.