How To Make A Bully Resign - Advice From A Former Bully | Kristen Geez | TEDxPleasantGrove

In 2010 I created a mentoring program called Advising Generation Z. This program specializes in improving the behavior of students in fifth through twelfth grades. September 5, 2010 was the day I took on my first client. It was a school district and a municipal court that would hire my program to take 150 of their most difficult students and turn them into leaders. I still remember the question an administrator asked me that day. Kristen said. What

make

s you believe that giving some of the most challenging students a leadership opportunity will work? to improve his behavior your question led me to give this answer I think it will work because it worked for me you see from 6th grade until my first year in high school I was a

bully

my teachers used words like ringleader, conspirator and Headstrong Two When they described me and the notes written on my transcript said things like Kristin constantly breaks the rules, but because she bullies her teachers and her peers, no one is willing to speak out against her.

It's so funny when I think about that because I heard that. all the time and if I'm honest everything they said about me was true, in fact I would intentionally

make

friends with students who I knew I could manipulate into lying, cheating, stealing and defending me by any means necessary. Now I'll be honest. I was never really afraid of the consequences that would happen to me at school if I got caught, but I was afraid of the consequences that would wait for me at home once my mother found out. You see my mom as a VP of a Fortune 500 company.

Not like most parents when it comes to punishment, don't get me wrong, my mom is from Mississippi, so she believed in yelling at me, but she also believed in making me write. chapters of the dictionary for each offense written in an office reference so by the time I reached ninth grade I had already written up to the letter o in the dictionary. I can also remember during my

bully

ing period that I had many interventions with administrators and counselors who offered me all kinds of incentives. to improve my behavior, but nothing they offered me was going to work because what I desperately wanted was for my father to come home.

You see, after he and my mother divorced, he moved from Dallas, Texas, to South Africa, and so on every day. Every time I made a bad decision at school, there was a small part of me that hoped they would contact my parents, but every time they only contacted my mother, so I kept bullying until one day my school finally one-upped me by installing cameras. . in various parts of the school over the weekend, so on Monday, when I returned to school being the bully, the ringleader, the conspirator, and two stubborn ones, I would finally give them the evidence that they needed to expel me from that school district.

You see, they caught me. camera bullying a student and then pressuring nine of my friends to join me, then I used the school phone to contact that student's parents and threaten her not to speak out against us. I didn't know this at the time, but they kicked me out of it. school district would be one of the best things that had ever happened to me because it would force me to become a new student at Northwest High School, where I would meet Dr. Linda Parker, the administrator who not only inspired me to improve my own behavior, but also gave me my first leadership opportunity.

She had only been a new student at Northwest for three days before receiving a letter from Dr. Parker. When I showed up at her office, I had student files all over her desk and my file in my hand, Kristen said. Did you know that Northwestern has about 2,500 students that go here and of all of those students only 15 are African American and there are only about 2 percent in the entire school district? For this reason, the Northwest has never celebrated Black History Month, but in a couple of weeks we are going to have an influx of African American students moving here to the Northwest because of the Hurricane Katrina incident that occurred in New Orleans and when those students come to the northwest I want them to feel like they belong, so I've been looking.

I went through all of these student files trying to find a student who was strong enough to persuade the majority Caucasian student body to celebrate black history and when I found your file I knew you were the student I had been looking for now I can still remember the thoughts that were passing through my mind as I heard the words that came out of Dr. Parker's mouth. I remember thinking to myself that this white lady is crazy. I mean, doesn't she have to know how to read to be an assistant principal? because there is no way she could have read my file that clearly tells her that I am a bully, a ringleader, a conspirator and two stubborn people, but here she is asking me for help, so I responded to Dr.

Parker the way she any challenging student would respond to this. I crossed my arms and told her I don't want to be the face of all black people, look for another student, but Dr. Parker sat back in her chair holding my file and she said, Kristen, that's a shame because before you came in to my office, I called. She and your mother told me that the only plans you had before and after school would be to write your own version of the dictionary, so she suggested that you not only put together the program for black history month, but also come up with initiatives for everything the month of February, so from that phone call with your mother I found five students per teacher and I gave them a budget and they will help you execute any idea that comes to your mind because when I read your file

kristen

I don't see any of the things negative things they have said about you.

What I see is a misguided leader waiting to be redirected, so I will give you this leadership opportunity and challenge you to rise to the occasion, so when I left Dr. Parker's office I came home to my mother, who He gave me an ultimatum: continue writing my own version of the dictionary throughout the year or come up with initiatives for the entire month of February. We can all guess which option. I chose a photo here of my mother and Dr. Parker today. There were four ways Dr. Parker was able to inspire me to improve my own behavior while she gave me this leadership opportunity.

The first way she did it was she was direct. She told me exactly what her problem was at her school and why she needed my help to solve it and this is exactly what she planned to do with 150 of her most difficult students who are referred to my program. I plan to help them see the problems. that are happening in their schools and in their communities and then I plan to invite them to use their unique skills to help me solve those problems. The second way Dr. Parker was able to inspire me to improve my own behavior while giving me this opportunity. in leadership is that she touched my heart by giving me a task that was bigger than me and contacting my mother to make sure I understood the importance of this task and this is exactly what I plan to do with 150 of her toughest students who are He referred to my program.

I plan to strike a chord with them by sending them to initiatives that require them to be selfless and reaching out to their loved ones to make sure they understand the importance of participating as we begin celebrating Black History Month by posting facts about Black people. On bulletin boards throughout the school we highlighted an influencer of color during morning announcements and received soul food during lunch and unfortunately, because I was the face leading this initiative, it caused me to encounter racism for the first time. There were some Caucasian students who weren't happy about celebrating Black History Month, so they tore down all the posters we had posted around the school, heckled us during morning announcements, and there were even a few students who called me out. spray-painted t-shirts with big red Before and after class they didn't ask questions and when she arrived at Dr.'s office. parker I could cry, I could vent, I could do whatever it took to get it out of my system, but when he was done, dr. parker was turning to me and she I would say Kristin, you have the right to be offended, but you don't have the right to stay offended.

Your basic human rights are to be the only one in control of your emotions, your thoughts, your words and your actions, so don't you dare give your power to those students, you let me manage them while you focus on successfully completing the homework, so every time I encountered a racist student and the bully and I wanted to respond, I recited Dr. Parker's words and focused on successful completion. homework and this is the third way Dr. Parker was able to inspire me to improve my own behavior. She taught me to be offense-free and this is exactly what she plans to do with 150 of her toughest students who are referred to my program.

I plan to teach them how to channel her inner anger and use it for good. I also plan to teach you the words of Dr. Linda Parker. We ended up celebrating Black History Month with a pep rally where I was able to secure

former

Dallas Cowboys player Andre Jarrod. Being our keynote speaker when Andre came to the gym and spoke to over 2,500 of my teammates about diversity and inclusion, the importance of celebrating Black culture, and how proud he was to be a Dallas Cowboys player. I remember being in that gym that day thinking. For myself, before Dr.

Parker gave me this leadership opportunity, I had always seen myself as a bully, a ringleader, a conniver, and two stubborn men, but that day at the gym I felt comfortable walking into my true identity as a leader. Be a strategic, determined and assertive leader. and this is the fourth way Dr. Parker was able to inspire me to improve my own behavior while giving me this leadership opportunity. She gave me the opportunity to see myself transform and this is exactly what I plan to do with the 150 of your toughest. students who are referred to my program, I plan to hold their hand as they walk towards their new identity, needless to say that when I finish sharing this story in response to the question that was asked to me in September 2010 by that administrator of your school district and Your Municipal Court was happy to become my first client.

Nine years have passed since then and today my program has helped more than 11 school districts, four municipal courts and we have served more than 5,217 students by giving them a leadership opportunity. I want to make it very clear that I am not making excuses for students who bully or are more defiant, so I would like to take this opportunity now to apologize to any student who has ever been hurt by one of us, to any authority figure to whom one of us disrespected him. and to all the parents who have had their hearts broken by any of us, the core of every bully and every defiant student is the fact that we are misguided leaders waiting to be redirected, so I would like to take this time to thank all the young people . professional who has been as bold and brave as Dr. parker by giving a student like me a leadership opportunity while I don't have all the answers, I believe that if we start allocating more resources to giving students like me a leadership opportunity we will not only inspire them to improve their own behavior, but We will begin to awaken in them the curiosity to discover how they are going to positively impact the world.

I still get asked this question, Kristen, what makes you believe that giving? some of the more challenging students, a leadership opportunity will work and my answer has not changed. I think it will work because it worked for me, thank you.