Rodney Dangerfield - It's Lonely at the Top - 1992

respect why they didn't even look for me without respect I was an ugly kid I never had fun no it was bad without respect they took me to a dog show and I won no respect without respect friends don't call my phone don't ring I don't get a break from anything what's up

rodney

About death where is my sting? It's just the boys and girls playing doctor they made me an outpatient last week I told my wife I needed a home improvement loan she gave me a thousand dollars to move make no mistake my joint bet is anonymous they gave me two one I can't make it, it's getting worse, it's collapsing into heaviness, like my foot is joking, you'll hear someone say something and it'll make a joke if you can turn it around, you know what I mean, like the other day someone told me, a man there lost his wife and is very unhappy.

I said what happened she found her way home and everyone left now last week my car broke down I would say my car has nothing but problems every Sunday I take my family for a push some a joke starts when you listen something and change it I'm watching football last week and I heard the two minute warning. I think what the problem is. a two minute warning. All players know that they have two minutes to play. What kind of warning is this for me? the warning is that you're in bed with a girl the phone rings her husband's phone in the car says i'll be home in two minutes that's a two minute warning my wife oh one night she told me she was feeling romantic i took her to take a drive - in the movie I spent all night trying to figure out which car she was in.

There is no perfection in life in relationships, marriages, love affairs, children, there is no perfection and the only place you can find some perfection is in your work and I will tell you what it is. It's not easy to be okay last week my house was on fire my wife told the kids to shut up you wake up dad you try to make it as perfect as you can without appearing on a talk show people think you get up there and joke around, TRUE? I used to take three months to prepare a talk show between the stand-up and the panel and the whole thing and I would take the time and break down everything I needed 32 new jokes that were all funny this and that and that's the time It would take me six or eight minutes to prepare.

I would have everything prepared a week before the program. I'll spend the last week strictly memorizing it and then pretending it's happening right away. My wife can't do anything right. She can not. cook, worst cook in the world, get my son out of this, so we explain to him help, what a terrible cook, I mean how can toast have bones in it, I mean if he can't cook anything in my backyard, the fly stepped in to fix this green door. So when it's over, you want to make something that you're proud of, that you feel like you did the best you could and that it turned out well.

My wife and I are going away for the weekend. I want to see better results. We will be back. on Monday, if not before, it won't come back before, that's perfect, I did Rodney's HBO special, uh, the really big show and I did a little three line party, you know, if you're going to see this, don't do it . I blink because I'm out of there, but from those three lines I got hired for this movie and that's indicative of how helpful Rodney has been to comedians and he's done this for a lot of people. That's really cool, Jerry Seinfeld.

Here we go, Bob. saget, how are you? Okay, Louie Anderson, okay, Sam Kinnison, okay, I know how hard it is for a comedian, but when it starts, if I see a guy that I think is funny, it's my pleasure to try to move him here, let that people see. He like Sam, he's unique, I mean, he was great at back to school. Remember that thing we had about 30 years ago called the Korean conflict? How come we don't cross the 38th parallel and push those rice eaters back to the big porcelain wall and take the bird brick and take them back to the storage river how close was it why say it say it a good teacher it really seems worry about what i have no idea say hello to andrew says clay okay here we go everyone right robert townsend is really dying okay i met roseanne about five or six years ago in las vegas and i was like what a voice what a personality she She's the perfect woman who could give me trouble, honey, you told me not to talk about sex until we got married.

Well, we're married. Well, now you can talk about it all you want. Look, no problem. Just tell me when you want sex. I will leave the room to give you privacy in life. It's hard to win. Nobody wins in life. It's hard to go. Through this, nothing goes right, everything is wrong, so if you can make people win in their fantasy, if you make a movie and they like the character and they go through their trials and tribulations, whatever it is for he passes, and they suffer with them, so when he wins, in the end you win for everyone, everyone is winning with you, but in my first film I was exactly the opposite.

What did you do? What did you do with that smoke? What is so funny? Yes, what are you laughing at? You got a job here. Nobody laughs alone together. I tell you when you laugh you understand something else about 22 years ago I guess he was working at my club in New York and this guy approached me, so I have a cheap movie to make on a low budget. We went to the place by subway. I don't know, you know, and I was a theater director, but I was bad. Did he pay for those lemon drops? No, what are you, the red cross?

What's a flood here? If you look at free candy for 11 drops here, put a little more. Gumballs around here keep it clean and I'll send you back to the old country a sister projectionist my characters have been nicer I'd give a bone for you 'cause that's how much you mean to me When I chase your face my heart started racing race, you'll fill my soul of ecstasy, you come here often. I made a full-length animated movie called Rover Dangerfield and he sings a song that all the people seem to really like. It's called I'll never do it on a Christmas tree and a dog sings I'll never do it on a Christmas tree a Christmas tree is safe from me or what would Santa think of me if I did it on a Christmas tree I'll soak an oak house meat and ash I will do it on a peach or a cherry but if I sprinkle it on a fir tree Christmas will not be happy I will never do it on a Christmas tree or what would Santa think of me I will keep it until eternity I will never do it on a Christmas tree never ever never never never will I do it on a Christmas tree okay that's your story my favorite Rodney movie Dangerfield was easy money where at the birthday party he asked the girl how old she was hey how old are you?

Me, when you're this good, I thought it was very funny. I like the scene and the easy money where he rides a bike because he has to lose all that weight. My favorite Rodney Dangerfield movie was Caddyshack. He loved it when he farted, oh, someone who takes a step. on a dock my favorite scene is when he does the triple loop off the diving board and into the water if I go to the school yard with any school yard the kids between 10 and 12 all want to know one thing for me and Back at school I really did that dip that's what they want to tell you and a kid wrote me a letter my name is Tommy I'm 10 years old and my friend Spencer said you did the dip and my mom says don't do the dice, right?

Who's right, Rodney? I guess I'm a guy people identify with when I check into the hotel and someone grabs my bag to carry it. I feel like I should wear it, you know, things like that. I mean, I'm uh. uh, I can never be a big shot, I guess that's what it is, I'm one of the masses and uh, maybe they know it, well, here was the last day of the set, oh, I made so many new friends, now remember What are you buying. dinner for this right, I had a farewell party so I could tell you how good I felt, the Ladybugs movie ended, I had the time of my life and I definitely want to work with all of you again, you are simply the best and I.

I'm sure you feel the same way about me, eh, come on, not so much, honey, honey, all I can say is just like upstairs when there's no one downstairs. My old man said he wanted a boy. No respect, no respect. Rodney, where is my? chopping is just