Dave Chappelle **For What It's Worth**

Why did you choose San Francisco to film your special? This is one of the best cities for comedy and this is the most historic V you got as far as comedians go because Lenny Bruce tore it up here. All the best came from the B. What? about Richard,

what

's up with Rob Williams' car? Mooney, you don't necessarily have to be the biggest star, as long as you come with it. People who go out like to see live performances because it's a smart audience in San Francisco. I don't think he. I can hear you, you're welcome to the oh man, oh oh, he's ringing, ringing, yeah, thank you, thank you all, thank you for coming.

Damn, I did it big this year from cable. Damn, thanks for coming and thanks for making us feel comfortable. The gayest place in the world, you guys made Disney World jealous of this man. I didn't really think he was that gay at first. I was like:

what

is everyone doing? Because when I came out, everyone was like, man, that place is really gay. everyone was talking about how he's not that gay and then I walked into that Castro God Dam I said this is America's anus right here this is this is deep I went to that lomo there was nothing tender about it that was hard the opposite of Tinder I have Never I'd seen crack smoke so casually before.

They were sitting in front of Starbucks smoking crack and drinking coffee. I said this is off the hook talking about politics. I saw a crackhead trying to break into someone's car and he hit a rope. I tried to stop him. I said hi and he looked back and saw me and said oh, keep an eye out. I told him I was the one who said he wasn't trying to help you. I want this to stop crack addicts. They are like that. A crackhead once broke my car window. he broke it, you know what he stole the chocolate bar that he had lying around in the SE that's all he took, it's a damn chocolate bar.

I was so angry that I drove around the neighborhood for 5 hours looking for a crackhead with chocolate on his face. I finally did it. I found it when I grabbed it and said, Hey man, what's all this chocolate on your face? He looks confused, chocolate, this is soooooo baby, I said ah, oh man, this place is crazy, but you know what I like about s the reason I chose this city to do my special thing is because of all the main CI cities in the United States, somehow people get along here better than anywhere else I've seen in the country, that's right, that's right, and I always admired singing in FR because of that and today I realized how did you do it.

Everything on the other side of that bridge is nothing, this is not happy on that side, you like San Francisco, bye, thanks for coming to San Francisco, come back in April, we will have a sale on Birkenstocks as soon as we get to the other side. Welcome to Oakland, quick, it's crazy, but it also feels like it's an east coast city, on the west coast, you guys have the subway and I'm scared of public transportation. I was on a bus that was held hostage for 45 minutes, it wasn't like three and I don't want to give you the impression that he was a guy masturbating, but he was terrifying, son, he was terrifying right before it happened.

He was on the bus smoking a cigarette. It's a long story, it's not the best I've ever done and people got scared. put it out sir sir put out that damn cigarette, okay, this is everyone's air, sir. I turned it on, I didn't want any trouble and right at that moment, coincidentally, this homeless guy out of nowhere pulls out his dick and starts hitting me and I was furious because no one said this guy just looked like OMG. I was the only one on the bus who had the balls to say something to him and it's not even like I was brave, it was actually like you knew I was sitting next to the one who had to say it. something, come on, dog, you hit my elbows, stop, son, stop, that's all I said, I don't want to say too much, the guy is hitting on the bus, it means there's something wrong with this, it's not R, so tight, didn't want to push. he over the edge as soon as I said something all these fools on the bus are brave now he's right keep your damn distance I don't want to see this anymore I don't want to see it either yeah now the guy's going crazy okay everyone back off back off I tried to be nice about this now everyone is freaking out oh my god it's a biological attack oh I'm stuck in the middle I can't lose my cool I said hey everyone calm down I'm going to get them to shoot me everything will be okay let's do what he says this man to leave us alone now everyone shut up that's better that's better and then he started walking up and down the AIS was terrifying us and then he started demanding that you and the pink shirt squeeze her tits together oh oh God no don't put your finger up your ass why oh god why is this happening oh god oh god he was working my way it was tight right then they saved me guys I was so Luckily this guy on the other end of the bus snapped and lost his head.

I saw it happen. The Scream. Hurry up, he can't attack us all and run away and it was like in a movie. This homeless guy saw it. coming and I shot one, like the Matrix niggaas oh the guy behind me wasn't so lucky, you guys weren't, that was disgusting, he didn't kill him, but I'm sure this day you won't. A normal day, if the homeless guy pops your forehead and at 8:30 in the morning, that's all the rest of the day, this guy was crazy, he's on fire, everyone was standing there looking at him, even the homeless guy felt bad , I guess it was over. came to his senses this is my stop I said relax I had to say relax oh I can't I have AIDS I know I said you can't get AIDS from a homeless man who breaks a KN on your forehead that's not how it spreads I don't even know if that's it right, that's just what I told him, man, I was so scared I had to say something.

I don't know where AIDS comes from. Who knows? Scientists don't even know. Scientists still say that help began. Because someone had sex with a monkey. After all, this research is the best explanation you could come up with. Mother, no one, monkeys and people, you're an idiot, you're either a monkey or you, that's it, there's nothing in between, you're not going to get a monkey. on Tuesday and then say oh let me call Charlene on Thursday no, once you're a monkey, it's a firm decision. I'm out of the human gang forever, ridiculous, he acts like monkeys, just as open, he's waiting for people to come to him, man, he gets rid of the monkeys.

I don't want people to think about it, think about how hard it would be to catch a monkey and that's ridiculous, that's how he had to go down, who do you think you're going to walk up to him in the woods and BRB? this with fruits and bananas hey buddy hey yeah there you go buddy yeah yeah there you go you're a big bright red ass it's a big bright red booty you know how strong a monkey is he would rip your dick off like a celery stalk throw him in the tall grass no more will be seen hey dog, let's go to the club to get some girls, you trying to roll, nah man, I'm fine, I'll stay home, dog, relax in my jumpsuit, you know how long it took me to train. this monkey to suck my cock without stripping it last night Chim Chim jerked me off with his feet only a monkey can show you that kind of love and tenderness so keep up with these people if you want more monkey for me hooking up with an orangutang next week that's all , I'm chimpanzees and orangutang, you know, who I really feel bad for are the Indians, everyone feels bad for the Indians, they have Dogg, they openly persecute them because everyone thinks they're dead, not all of them are dead, right?

OK? I have seen with my own eyes a gathering of 1500 Native Americans, they were all gathered in one place, the place is called Walmart, New Mexico, there are Indians there. I had never seen Indians before. I wasn't even sure if they were Indians. It's upstairs, but I asked one of them, it's not nice, but I saw it in the sports section looking at bows and arrows. I had to say something, excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, are you Indian? and he was great, yeah, yeah. The Indian himself still did not believe him. I had to test it to make sure this was okay, but I had a gum wrapper in my pocket, so I threw it on the ground and a tear came out of his eye. oh I had so many questions what tribe are you from I'm a novel ho I said word I studied you in social studies you're a hunter-gatherer right he said I guess that's what you want to call it I said why what do you do?

Call him, he said I'm an alcoholic, I said well, what's your name? dog, he said, please, dog is my cousin, that's a good guess, my name is coyote, what's your name in print and that took me by surprise. I mean, I didn't want to. tell him my name was Dave to a coyote named Renning this doesn't feel good enough he just put me on the spot I said uh my name what oh my name is uh blackfeet then I changed the subject forget about me what's going on with you I want to meet to your boss, why don't we meet with you, your boss and your friends are meeting tonight?

We could really laugh. Peace pipe smoking ritual. We need to celebrate. I thought you were dead and he set it up. It was beautiful. It was simply. As I dreamed that everyone was sitting around them, the Indians were playing the drum, other Indians came out from behind with a long blanket that was folded in half and placed in front of us, open upwards and on the blanket was a long wooden tube with feathers and bags of grass were all over the blanket The boss walked towards the big ones there are 50 the little ones are 25 these are 10 man those Indians got high like me B I told the boss what I was talking to I cut his time out Boss I'm sorry interrupt smash man the weed is very strong this PCP stings me the spirits have me Boss the spirits have me and the boss threw some water in my face calm down blackace splash I said hey it's blackfeet take it easy blackfeet you're welcome to stay between me and my tribe at night until the spirits leave you and they gave me my own shirt to sleep in, which sounds good.

I personally felt like I was a little bit on top, you know, because everyone had houses, man. Why can't I sleep with you at the house and watch TV? I can't be on this grass all night. The Indians are a rude man. They are all rude Indians. They eat unpleasant food. All they ate was corn and Doritos. I think you call them, that's what it is, people only see the surface, they see the division in our foods. It's because I eat chicken and watermelon. They think that's what happens to me. Let me tell you something. If you don't like chicken or watermelon, something's wrong with you.

Something's wrong with you, where are all those people who don't like chicken and watermelon? I'm sick of hearing how bad it is. It's great. I'm waiting for the chicken to come to me to do a commercial. I will do that. I will do that. It's free chicken, it's the least I can do, they make fun of Latinos for eating, uh, what they eat, beans, rice, corn, listen, that's not a reason to hate a, okay, it's funny, but It's not a reason to hate the only reason these things. They are even a problem because no one knows what white people eat.

You've been very good at keeping that a secret from each other. I study white people. You don't know I'm writing a paper about you, not even for school, just to do it. just do this independent research. I'm spending my money, that's why I work so hard. I follow you throughout the supermarket. They get scared. I'm just trying to spy in the car. Always come. Stay away from my car. What are you? looking at the chicken and the giblets are there you must be lost these are vegetables I know what you drink look how quiet it got grape juice surprise you didn't know what I knew about grape juice did you? oh oh, don't play dumb with me watching What a lot of black people don't have the privilege of knowing about grape juice because they drink it so well.

It is not the same formula that you give. No vitamins, since you could have one of your black friends instead of Todd. Todd. You are interested in a glass of grape juice, what is juice? I want some grape drink, honey, it's purple. I don't think I know what a grape drink is, what it is, I have some apple juice, if you want, what juice is, I want some. Apple drink scream, remember that Sunny commercial tonight when all the kids run in from outside playing, they all run to the free refrigerator, okay I got some purple stuff, some Sunny D as soon as it says Sunny D, y'all The kids go, yeah, look at the black kid. in the back, if you ever watch that commercial again, look at that black kid, he says, I want that purple thing, that's a drink, that's a drink, they want, they want to drink, they want all those vitamins.

I would drink sugar water, purple, that's the ingredient, sugar water and Of course, the purple is too much. I have many things to talk about tonight. First of all, I stopped smoking marijuana with black people. You didn't let me finish, damn it. I'm sorry black people broke the news so publicly, but. I can't smoke with you anymore Every time I smoke weed with my black friends all you talk about is your trials and tribulations. I'm sick of it. I have my own problems. That's a waste of marijuana. I'm smoking marijuana to run. stay away from my problems, don't take care of yours from now on I smoke marijuana exclusively with white people, calm down, you went by default, you had a good conversation about marijuana that all white people talk about when they get high, other times they got high , I can listen to that all night buddy, remember Franks last week tore the man apart and catalogall they drink two shots of Jagger Killa four bong hitman Beer Cheeseburger that's great the only bad thing is you can't pass out on white people every time white guys pass out on each other they always do a Borderland gay when the guy is asleep Frank fell asleep so he liked to stick a carrot up his ass and put shaving cream on his balls like why would you do that to a friend of yours?

He trusted you enough to sleep with you. carrot in his ass he's that cute I'm telling you right now if I put a carrot on a black man I'll kill you when he wakes up for something like that that's an automatic death sentence on Sarat Street for you I'm going to kill that I thought you guys were friends baby What happened? I fell asleep at his house while we were drinking and I fell asleep in this house and while I was sleeping well, I'm just going to kill that, okay, that's all you need to know. Carrots, but everyone gets along.

I see that I see it everywhere. Blacks and whites don't fight as much. You know, who doesn't have meat. with anyone's Asians, I see how everyone is doing, they just made the cut, just time, only Asian people fight with other Asian people, like calling a Korean guy Chinese. I've done this, they'll go crazy, hey. What makes you think I'm Chinese? I'm Korean. Do I look Chinese? Yes, you look Chinese. That's why I said it. It is an accident for the untrained. Now you all look Chinese to me. It's a mistake. I'm not trying to offend you. people say all black people look alike, we ain't deformed, normally we just call those people police, it's okay, learn to live with it, that's all I can tell you, everyone's afraid of the police, they're dead now I'm afraid of these police officers, I am. a police scanner first, the first money, I got this the first time I went out, I bought myself a police scanner, I just listen to this before I go out just to make sure everything is okay, you hear it calling cards calling cards be on the lookout for a Blackmail between 4 S and 68 Stay in the crib tonight Damn, that went to work on that alibi for a minute.

Every black person needs an alibi. I improvise joints if I'm alone and need to. I'll just open up. the apartment windows turn on the lights stop banging right on the window look at me hey everyone look it's me they P I'm crazy I'm masturbating Keep in mind it's 2:35 look at me I'm masturbating in the window 2:35 comedian D Palace 10 June notes the moment that could have saved my life Officer David Chappelle couldn't have done it. I saw him in the window masturbating from 235 to 237. I'm sure he was standing. a watch and holding a calendar and today's newspaper I need an alibi I can't be a celebrity this is the worst thing I'm seeing I can see why I see why the stars are crazy man these I went to Disney World with my kids which is very Important for me.

I don't see my children much. I do the Chappelle Show 20 hours a day, sleep for like half an hour, raise my kids for 10 to 20 minutes, and go back to work now, on this particular day. I have to hang out with the kids we went to Disney World everyone in the park everyone hey hey Rick James hey it's Rick James it's like hey man hey would you mind not calling me out in front of my kids a break we took a day off even Mickey Mouse did it I said that This is the most unprofessional thing I've ever seen in my life rck James oh he was fed up I caught him with the hook B hit his head if everyone was screaming oh my god oh my god Mickey Mouse is Mexican.

I had a terrible time at Disney World. Disney World is like another country. Anyway, they have their own currency, which is ridiculous. As soon as I check the hotels, welcome to Disney World. Mr. Chappelle, can we interest you in some Disney dollars? No man. I'm fine, I can't buy marijuana and with Disney dollars I'm on vacation. I like the green backs. I like the green backs. You know what I am saying? The amount of money people spend. People are very particular. I saw that that was it. One of the main stories of the war was that the first thing we did was they said that now that Iraq had been liberated, we had managed to take money away from Saddam Hussein and I'm not going to lie when that press conference ended.

I was like drowned. I was actually proud to be an American because it's a very subtle psychological nuance of oppression to have a dictator over your money and it's thoughtful to be able to take it away from you at the good will of someone else, right? so I thought, well, if you could do that for Iraq, what about our money man? Our money looks like baseball cars. George Washington's slave owners are the worst of the worst. Yes, I said it, you mythologize this as if he were the best man if I were. back in time with a white person and we saw George Washington walking in front of our time machine, my wife friend will probably say, "Oh my God, Dave, look, there's George Washington, he's the father of this great nation.

I'm going to give him hand". I would be on the other side like George Washington and we are both right, you like him because he wrote the Declaration of Independence and everything we consider these truths to be self-evident. All men are created equal. He go get me a sandwich. I will kill you Freedom Justice for all Am I wrong Am I wrong? Wait a minute. Didn't he have slaves? Didn't he have slaves? That's all I'm saying I almost protested the war at first until I saw what happened to the Dixie Chicks. I said if they do that to three white women, they will destroy my black ass.

I don't want to hear that. Yeah, man, they would, but seriously, why do you care so much? a lot of what the Dixie Chicks say, they don't like political scientists or anything, they just know how to sing well, you know what I mean, stop worshiping celebrities so much, just don't pay attention. I remember around 9/11 uh J Rule was on MTV that's what they say we got J Rule on the phone let's see what Jaw thinks about this tragedy who cares about things with Ja Ru at a time like this this is ridiculous I don't want to dance I'm scared to death I want some answers that J Ru might not have right now.

You think when something bad happens to me I'll be in the crib like, oh my God, this is terrible because someone, please, find your period, take this so I can understand everything. here where is J God me J R I don't even know why people listen to me I'll say anything I've done commercials for Coca-Cola and Pepsi I care what comes out of my mouth I'm just saying Whatever it takes it takes that's what I'm saying If you want to know the truth I can't even tell the difference, surprise, all I know is that Pepsi paid me more recently, so try better, that's pretty much how the game goes.

I'm just being a real man. too many gags and too many celebrities people no longer know what's fake and what's real that's why Bill Cosby got in trouble look what happened to Bill Cosby Bill Cosby said something real and the whole world got scared for having an opinion just because Because they've been selling putt pops for the last 40 years, people forget that he's from Philly in the projects and he might say something real once in a while, no big deal. I spoke to my old high school and told him. Those kids directly, if they really want to get out of this ghetto, they have to focus, they have to stop blaming white people for their problems and they have to learn to rap or play basketball or something like that. trapped, you're trapped, do that or sell crack, those are your only options, that's the only way I've seen it work, you better entertain these white people, get dancing, go out and be somebody, I just hope they listen to you ridiculous people love television, they love this, you know, if you watch a movie, say you're watching a movie and one character says to another character, hey, what's your number, man, what's the other character? it always says 555 5555, you know why we have to do that because stupid people go to the movies and then go home and try to call the characters they just saw hello, here's Indiana Jones, no, it's fake, it's not their number and to be honest this is the worst time in history to be a black celebrity they are locking up all of our stars.

It's hot right now for black celebrities. I knew it was bad when Kobe got in trouble. I said this is a rap for us. He is one of the healthiest types. We locked them up and everything Kobe kept. Together, thank God, he kept his game together because if he was cracking under pressure and getting like six points a game, everything would have been like that, La is guilty. Kobe was playing as if his freedom depended on it. these games, this trying to beat that case on the court, like the judge, the ball, like playing for your freedom, if I could talk to coob, just relax, you'll be fine, man, because the public is still giving Kobe the benefit of The Doubt is that she is one of the few black celebrities who understand that, not because she is just another celebrity because you know the girl showed up with eight different Seamans in the investigation.

You can't do that, that's seven too many, it's a lie from Sean. no bow in panties what are you trying to recreate Humanity or something like that she is a collector she has all the unsolved mysteries the answer could be in this girl's pain that is the first place I look at OJ's other gloves there the print from Bigfoot three CSI reruns where you have the most evil giveaways ever being a celebrity this is not the time to be a black star they are locking up all our stars black celebrities this is a witch hunt for us man Damn , it's all OJ's fault since OJ escaped the white people just been locking up our stars one by one it's true and it's all it's not even OJ's fault it's our fault we celebrated too openly when OJ was acquitted we should have been quiet about it so soon as we are not guilty D oh in your face in your face it hurts Doesn't it hurt?

Burning, right? Oh, that justice system is on fire. Isn't everything white people wanted OJ's ass welcome in my world? The city of Los Angeles spent over 12 million dollars just trying that and the look on white people's faces when he was acquitted Priceless prices and that's why I don't make a mistake being a celebrity. I don't like it, I don't trust it. One moment they love you and the next thing you know you're in front of that court. dancing on top of a car alone trying to find out what happened to you that's what I'm waiting for because the moment of this Michael Jackson is what makes me doubt every time there is a war that gets out of control or the economy gets worse or something is wrong wrong with the world in general are always these moments in history where Michael Jackson casually masturbates a child this is getting ridiculous are you planning this?

Do you have meetings? Michael, thank you for coming, as you know, Michael, the war has not gone as well as we had hoped, there have been many setbacks and the public asks us many questions, of course, and well, Michael, there is no nice way to say this and all I know how to do is be direct, so let me be direct. we're going to need you to masturbate another boy Mike I'm sorry I'm sorry but it would really help or maybe it didn't who knows who knows that's what I meant who knows who knows Mike God and this little boy know that's what it's about, it's about So the only reason I can talk about this is because everyone is speculating, everyone thinks he did it and I don't think he did it.

I'm alone in this. I don't think he did it I'm not going to say I don't think he did it that's too strong let me tell you I reserve judgment until all the facts come out but far from what I heard I mean the boy said he was dying of cancer he was at the Make A Wish Foundation he claims he had two weeks to live and it was his last wish to meet Michael Jackson come on man give me a break this boy is 10 years old he doesn't remember Thriller the he wants to meet Michael Jackson because , honestly, I remember Thriller and I just want to know this like I wouldn't break a date to meet it.

I put it that way. He should be free by now. That's ridiculous. It's as if. I'm dying in two weeks and said, oh mom, oh, take me to the room with a chubby laugh. I wouldn't want to run into that in my last two weeks, why not Usher or someone like that? Then the boy says that he is going to Michael's house. this is where it all goes crazy I don't like it, you know, he does everything you'd expect at Michael's house, they climb trees and roller coasters Rod and ferris wheels, the chef made cookies, cakes and pastries, they pet the monkey and the giraffe. sing songs kid and in the middle of all this kid activity, for some reason, Mike got out some wine and some pills and sucked this kid's dick, folks, it pains me to say it, and the kid had the nerve to call it abuse , that's a good host.

Damn, what more do you want? What else do you want? I'm lucky to have a glass of grappa at my friend's house on a roller coaster ride with my cock sucked Mike must be confused like he brought you to my house. I fed you. I sucked your dick and this is how you repay me this was your wish no man I thought you would die in two weeks what happened to that I've been in court for a year and a half you get strong every time I see that you wouldn't do it. Is this, although I shouldn't even say it, wouldn't it be ironic ifThey found out through this case that the cure for cancer was to have Michael Jackson suck your dick somehow, like Mike had powers like Green Mile and all the kids were like? please Mike Su got X, never again, he didn't appreciate it.

Can we at least study your saliva? Please, Mike, he just won't stop, though he just won't stop and the only reason I can talk about Mike is because he's a weirdo. he's a weirdo, that's why people let you talk about it because if I raised children Catholic priests everything will shut up, but when Michael Jackson does it, it's okay because he's a weirdo, his face is cut up, but he's just remember when you look. at that thing he calls his face, that he did that for you somehow, somehow, he thought you could help, maybe people will like me more if I turn into a macabre white creature, no I know what it is. but he did it for you and I appreciate Michael Jackson's gesture if you are watching this.

I appreciate that gesture and I want you to know that all Dave Chappelle understands why you want to know something. I'm working a little. Surprise, yes, nothing important. You'd never know if I didn't tell you, but it's something. I'm insecure about it, I want to work on it, if you must know I'm talking about boat in my balls to get rid of these wrinkles, finally have them smooth as eggs, oh I can't wait, I can't wait and no. Stop there, that's just phase one, honey, be like Bob, these old balls I'm fixing. I'm pulling out all my hair.

I have to make space. I know I have to make space. I'm going to get a gangster's face tattooed. in bad expressions like this, then I will grow my hair on the bottom so they have a beard like me, then I will go to that beach and look for fools, I will wear some high shorts like this and I will approach women with a confidence that I never I had done it before, excuse me miss, I don't want to be rude, but do you suck balls? Excuse me miss, relax, you didn't even let me finish, do you suck on these balls?

Oh my god, those balls are so soft as a yes. suck them I've played this scenario in my mind a million times lady this is how it always ends yeah I'll suck those balls all our stars All our stars man our Kelly pissed on her victim I know it was harsh but I want to say it again I can't even judge to our Kelly, first of all, we don't know if these accusations are true or not, and even if they are true, if you want to know how I feel about it, honestly, if a man can't urinate on his fans, I don't know.

I don't want to be in show business anymore because well that's why I got into the game honey I have dreams too you guys are confusing the issue why are you busy worrying if our Kelly peed on this girl or not you ain't asking . yourself the real question America needs to decide once and for all and that question is how old is she really 15 years old? Oh, that's a good question, I'm not saying that a person is as smart as he is going to be. 15, that's not what I'm saying man, but I do say that 15 to me is old enough to decide if you want to get mad or not.

I mean, that's me if you can't make a decision like that when you get there. 15 then just give up because life is a lot harder than that I make harder decisions all the time if you don't want to get mad just get out of the way it's not even a decision if I stop peeing in the front row then I won't have to calculate and think How do I feel about this? I agree with that? They just move. You can do that at 15. I could have done that. I was 15 when I was 15. I was doing stand up and clubbing.

I smoke Reaper. Every once in a while my friends would sell crack trying to point people out. I knew what was going on around me to a certain extent. Getting angry was the least of my worries at 15, believe me, but it still comes up. There is a lot of confusion at that age at any time. People get scared like when they kidnapped that girl Elizabeth Smart, right? Remember how you told him last year that Elizabeth Smart, a 15-year-old girl, was kidnapped and they finally found her and the whole country was relieved and I was the only one who said, damn, she wasn't?

That's how smart she is, after all, it's not because she was kidnapped, that could happen to anyone. I'm not criticizing her for that. I'm just saying, if you kidnapped me when I was 15, you have to take me more than eight miles from my house, dammit. They can't keep me prisoner I admit I'll run away I'll run away from me that's my bus stop I know where I am I'm going home She was missing for 6 months 8 miles from my house That's two ways out, man, that's nothing, and while she was missing for this half a year that this girl is missing, there is a seven year old black girl who is kidnapped in Philadelphia, no one knows her name.

They may have talked about it two or three times. news, but she should have been the main news because she bit the ropes and had them both in jail and 45 minutes flat 7 years, I'm not making this up, two crackheads kidnapped her and took her back to the crack house and they tied her up and then they left her they said crack addicts that they had to make movements crack smoke chocolate to eat these movements made they were outside but as soon as they left this girl realized she was kidnapped at 4:00 and at home looking at herself same on the news at 5:30 that's crazy that's news that's a new story now meanwhile in Utah 15 year old Elizabeth's smart captives left her alone too and didn't even get tired because the Hillbillies it just bounced off don't try to escape or we'll kill you right now I'll be right back leave she's 15 years old sitting alone in the house how am I going to get out of this come on Elizabeth think think Elizabeth how am I going to get out of here why?

Don't you just open the door and walk out? Have you thought about that? Do you have a quarter? Do you know your phone number? Your 15 races, stop thinking and stop making moves. I know I sound mean and I know what people are thinking. I'm saying Dave, she's only 15, but that's the discrepancy because when you talk about a little girl like Elizabeth Smart, the country feels like 15 is so young and innocent, on the other hand, Here comes 15 again, now we are talking. about a 15 year old black boy in florida this black boy accidentally killed his neighbor when he was practicing wrestling moves he saw on tv now he was a kid no they gave him life they always test our 15 year olds as adults this I knew what he was doing he's a damn pile driver this kid climbs the ropes there's nothing to stop him you'd have to send the stone to arrest them and they gave a 15 year old a life sentence if you think it's okay to give him a life sentence in jail then it should be legal to urinate on him that's all I'm saying you need to decide across the board how old he really is 15 that's all I'm saying so I'll tell you right now if Someone comes here and tells me He puts a gun to my head and says Chappelle, you have to choose: either you're going to go to jail for a month or we're going to let you go, but you have to let R Kelly piss on you.

Without hesitation, bring R Kelly and tell him to stay away from my ass. I'd rather be peed on the outside than on the inside of my ass, son. I can't go to jail with some soft balls of Botox and think everything is going to be okay. Okay, it's not that kind of place, I take my chance with that piss, wash it off with a 10 minute shower. I'm sure the urine will come out right away. What could I do? They're going to put me in jail. Society is changing. Quickly I can't smoke in the IND doors. The thing is, I got kicked out of Teddy Ball for smoking.

No, that was ridiculous. The stripper did it. The stripper came up like you were smoking. It is a risk to my health. I don't want to. I work in this type of environment, you have your Gunner reinfested in my face, you started it, I got kicked out, it's the dirtiest place I've ever been kicked out of and just to give you an idea of ​​what I mean by Dirty lat daners in this place $3 is disgusting and at the same time who could pass up a sale son it was $3 of course I did it it's only 12 quarters he said I'll break a five for that I've never seen someone work so hard for $3 this The lady must have been throwback to the Great Depression, she was all over me, so the first time I told a stripper to get off me, yeah, thank you so much, miss, thank you, that'll be it, thank you, hey, hey, get off .

Yo, whatever happened with the lipstick on my collar, ma'am, I have a stripe down the middle of my shirt, how am I going to explain this when I get home? Huh, oh, no, baby? Bob and I were playing basketball and Bob Dunked On Me was hanging on the edge and his pants fell off I was checking him out closely I think he's swinging and his buttocks could uh his buttocks I think C my shirt I don't know why he was playing basketball the ball with my dress shirt It was simply midnight. I don't know, let me think, that's when you know a guy is lying, if you say that, wait, let me think, your man has told you that, wait, let me think for a minute, can I?

I think, but you women Men, you made too much progress, too fast, not too much, but you are just confused because you made so much progress, you even confused men and women. We both like what just happened because the women got all this money. now, but they still like women like oh you don't take me anywhere anymore and the guy thinks you have more money than me, you don't take me anywhere anymore and at the same time you don't treat a man like a man, You don't cook, you don't clean and you don't do anything, he says, you tell what to do.

I see women doing this to men all the time, come on, oh the man wants that so I want someone to tell me what to do. Work with me, if he makes a man feel like a man by watching the game, then just let him sit there and watch the game for a minute and if he looks at you while watching the game, don't look. he's all bad and makes him feel guilty for watching it just grab your own tit and suck it just try it he'll instantly remember why he fell in love oh that's right i forgot my girl sucks her own tits once in a while i can't stay away from that, it's very hard to find, you see, that took him 20 seconds, he can still be as busy as you want, just throw your boob in and everything is fine, how about this if you're making love to your man?

Making love could also spice it up, how about this? I personally like it. I like it when a girl tells me where to come. I don't like it when a girl tells me when to come. I hate that she's not coming yet. oh, all these rules instead of doing that, why don't you tell us where they make us feel better, especially if you're aggressive? I like it when a girl goes wow, come on my face, sticks her chin out like a boxer, bring it on. you're lazy but it doesn't have to be so wild or explicit that's a look the only thing the man wants to know is that you're interested and that you're participating you can say anything he'll be happy oh oh come on top of the tv well the stranger Be the place, better, oh, come to my fish tank, damn the fish tank, oh, they're eating it, oh, the fish, they love it when I come, oh, it's that guy, let's eat chicken tonight, guys. man, thanks man, it has been the best year of my career by far.

I appreciate that you see me because I do it for my children, brother and my children are free. They think I'm evil, wait until you see Chappelle's 2000 model. He is free my son is bad my oldest son is three years old this he made me a macaroni necklace I said this is baller he painted the macaroni green and put them on a rope he tied them around my neck and told me he was proud of me and I choked and he thought he was sad, that's how smart he was, he said, are you sad, dad? and I told him no, I'm not sad, you're too young to understand his son, but this is crazy what you used to live. in my balls man, now you're making jewelry out of macaroni, you're evil, long live Chapelles, oh thanks guys, thanks that's what it's all about, everyone usually wants to be famous so they can show off pretty jewelry and all that.

I already have a macaroni necklace. Valu, I have, I have courage, not for that only kind of fame that I want to do with fame, which is decadent. I want to go to Las Vegas for the $5,000 tappable black check and I don't even want to gamble. I only want to be. such a big star I could walk up to one of the players with my hand tight and put my dick on this shoulder and I'm such a celebrity they think it's funny hey what the hell Dave Chappelle wow you put on the cell phone ? I'm not going to believe whose cock is on my shoulder and this guy's balls are soft as ass.

Some work has been done. I can't thank you enough. God bless you all. Keep looking at me. I'll try to make it interesting. Stay safe. I'm rich b h