SELENA GOMEZ ON: How To STOP Insecurity & TRULY LOVE YOURSELF To The Core | Jay Shetty

There is a blessing in breaking up, even if it's just road rage as simple as that or maybe losing someone you

love

. There's no perfect way to curate the best-selling author and host the #1 Health & Wellness Podcast on Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hello everyone. Welcome back by the way, the world's number one health podcast, thank you to each and every one of you who come here every week to be happier, healthier and more healed, and you know I

love

sitting down with guests who allow us enter their lives. allow us to enter your Journeys to understand more to help us not feel alone to help us feel connected in our pain and in our purpose and to recognize that we have so much more in common and that when we work together we can

truly

find the light in our lives now the Today's guest is someone who I believe does this with every step, every word and everything she takes on in her life.

I have been fortunate enough to know her over the past few years and I can honestly say that not only is she one of the most genuine and kind-hearted people I know, she is also one of the most caring and soulful people who

truly

wants to change lives. I have to start the episode by saying this. I think today's game is someone who has extreme purpose. I'm talking about the one and only Selena Gomez, one of the most globally and culturally celebrated artists, actors, producers, entrepreneurs, and most importantly, I know her philanthropists from her generation as a recording artist.

Selena has sold over 210 million singles worldwide and has over 45. Billion Global is streaming her upcoming biographical documentary. I want you to go see Selena Gomez. My mind and I are out of control right now. I could see it before. I'll tell you everything and in 2019 Selena launched the beauty line rare Beauty hers exclusively. with Sephora as part of the partnership Gómez announced the unusual impact fund he pledged to raise This is an exceptional commitment to raise $100 million for mental health services for people in underserved communities. Philanthropy and activism have been key pillars of Selena's career and she has used her platform to advocate for many important causes.

Selena has raised millions of dollars for charities, including Global Citizen and the Lupus Research Alliance, Please. welcome to the show Selena Gomez Selena, it's wonderful to be with you, it was so nice, I felt very emotional and I felt so I felt very honored thank you for saying those kind words. I thought about every word I think every time I sit with you, we have always had a conversation about purpose, yes, or is it that a conversation about service always had a thoughtful conversation, but I wanted to start with this because today we are going to talk about a lot of deep and meaningful things, yes, but I also wanted to start with this because it's my first memory of meeting you and you've probably forgotten it, but at least.

For me, here we go, okay, then you would come to dinner. It was the first time we met and I remember that we were about to eat, my wife had prepared dinner for us and we said a prayer before eating, but the prayer is sung. and chanted a little bit in Sanskrit, which is a language, yes, there are a lot of prayers for my practice and I remember I had to do it in front of you and then I opened my eyes and left. I just had to sing in front of Selena. Gomez and I really remember it, remember?

Yes, you said: I don't know if she should sing in front of you. I said, "Please, I thought it was beautiful." Yes, I thought it was amazing and also just to say the food was amazing. I remember that more than anything I love him. I wanted to start by just telling you that I really think this documentary is so special. Thank you really, it's powerful, it's inspiring and it's the work we so desperately need right now. and your voice in the conversation, the global conversation about wellness and mental health is the most powerful voice out there, it really is thank you, so when you publish an article like this and let us participate, it only strengthens the conversation throughout the world. world and that is something that you are doing, so I want to start by saying that from the bottom of my heart I am very grateful to you, thank you for starting.

I think that's a big part of why I decided to release it. after having an internal battle, I mean, daily at one point maybe I shouldn't do this maybe I shouldn't release it and this is too honest, this is too much for me until I realized that ultimately I was destined to something bigger. It wasn't just about me, it was about other people and it took on a life of its own and became what it is now, so I'm still nervous and anxious, but I think releasing it is a great healing, a healing. process for me and it's me letting go of that version of myself wow yeah that's so powerful to hear that I mean when I hear you say that I feel like you're one of those people that you serve to heal and that you give. to let go and that's such a beautiful cycle because I think we often think when we're going through things that the more insular we go to the right, but you're someone who opens up, yeah and says, here it is, I think you know how to be In moments of my life, whether it be my health or my personal life, friendships, I feel that giving myself completely to something is the best way I can love, but I never wanted the pain I endured to put any kind of protection and armor on me.

If you would and I would never let that happen because I still believe and I still hope I hope for love and I hope for healing and I hope for change and I never want to lose that Of course there are days when I feel so far away But I'd rather keep getting my heart broken than That not feeling anything, that is the greatest sign of strength. I mean, it's such a powerful statement and I think with a statement like that you're encouraging so many people to feel. I heard, I mean, I think most of us feel far away from those things, right? and we are afraid to admit it.

I mean, you start the documentary with the promise that I'll share my darkest secrets and when I heard that I thought, wow! I was thinking, Selena, why when we share our duck? What happens when we share our darkest secrets? Not just for you but for any of us. When you are with your friends. When you are with your families. What are you doing? I think that's scary at first but I feel like if you surround

yourself

with people who support you and love you you have to be careful who you share your story with I think that can be dangerous I'm sharing something that maybe was really hurtful or sharing a story about your internal struggles with someone who may not be giving you the right advice or guiding you in other ways that will only lead to more pain is scary, so first and foremost I would say make sure you surround

yourself

with good people. people and then I would tell them to learn everything there is to learn once it's available, once they say, "Okay, I'm dealing with depression," then find out everything you can about what that means and when you have a relationship to depression rather than, you know. allowing it to continue to sink and into you is a little more freeing.

I think understanding yourself better. I want to know what triggers me. I want to know why I get depressed and start asking you questions to open up instead of you know. Easier said than done, although I should say it, but instead of holding it in, I think the biggest reward is letting it go. Yeah, I think there's that statement in the documentary that says you said your mom would always say, uh, if you're afraid of something, learn more about it and then your fear will go away or something, she definitely did that when I was younger living. in Texas and we were huge with the tornado scene, that's what was happening and I was terrified.

She brought like a cross and she brought like a big pillow and I lay in my bathtub because that's what I Googled and supposedly she's going to help me and my mom just smiled at me and the next day I remember her. I bought a bunch of books and they were about thunderstorms and different clouds and formations and all that and she just told me and she said it's not that scary, you know, it's especially when you know it's just a part of the world. and I guess they're still scary, but now I understand what's going on and yeah, but I love how you apply that to depression, you apply it to different things in your life.

I completely agree, I mean my favorite thing I say in The Documentary is that I have bipolar disorder. I'm just learning to live with it and I made it my friend because that's really what it can be for me now, yeah, and tell us about that process when you discover something like that for the first time. you said it's easier said than done the voices are so loud there's a lot of internal judgment yes you know it's very painful to live with our inner critic and now when you say I'm trying to work on making him a friend which is a beautiful transition tell us a little bit about that inner critic journey to a friend well, to be honest, I've been to four treatment centers and I have a lot of opinions on, you know, rehab, if you want, or know where to go, there is a There is a lot of things that I don't agree with, but what I will say is that throughout all of this I learned lessons through dialectical behavioral therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy, there is something that has always been embedded in me in all of those different moments in my life and that was always recognizing when something was happening to me, accepting it and I think that once I realized that this was something that was not going to go away, this was not something that was going to be solved by going to these places , but rather, what can I do?

I know myself, okay if I go down this path I will get triggered and I know that feeling and I know how to avoid it, yet I go to therapy. I also have, you know, medications that I'm completely on. I believe in that wholeheartedly and it helps me keep my balance, but I still have to deal with it. You know, I still have pretty low days and moments where I'm over the top and I think I want to do it. buy everyone a house and I want to save the world, um, but I just learned to understand it and the best part of that is that my family and my friends are also learning to live with it, they can be great friends to me in that. way and that also took a long time, yes, I know they are such, you know, I know you work a lot in this space, but today when I listen to you, you share all these ideas and they really are ideas, they are so powerful because even if you say that I had to realize that I don't have to fix it or it's not going to go away, as if these things make hard things bearable, right? uh, and when we look at the seasons or we look at the weather it's like you know that one day it's going to rain and you know that one day it's going to be dark, you know that another day it's going to be sunny and when you know that you

stop

trying to fight it and you change it, yes, you can accept it.

It sounds like from what I hear from you, yeah, I mean, it's taken me a long time, it's not six years, actually it's probably 10 years, but it's really been interesting and I feel better and I feel great now that I can. Talk about it, yeah, yeah, what you keep mentioning today is Letting Go and I think we're all trying to know how to let go of old parts of ourselves or parts that no longer serve us and I remember when When I was living as a monk, some of the Areas we lived in there we often came across a lot of snake skin and we always used snakes as an analogy for how we leave behind so snakes don't break.

They don't peel off their skin, they slide out and their skin just falls off, yeah, and then naturally, luckily we wouldn't find snakes and we would find skin, but that analogy really resonated with me, the idea that when we peel off, we don't It's an aggressive process, right, how did you learn to be compassionate and karma with yourself? Because at first we can really feel like we are trying to break something. Yes, I think I tend to blame myself when I can't let something go. I feel like maybe something is my fault or I should have done more of this or less of that and it starts to become, you know, really something.

I got sad. One thing I noticed when I watched the documentary for the first time. I didn't even recognize that girl anymore and it broke my heart because she was talking about my body and my image and I hate that I felt those feelings and I think because I have As a younger sister, I have been given this great responsibility in a way that has helped me. and I also say this about my fans or the people who have grown up with me. I've almost had to get back up more and more. for them than for me and that's something I've learned to really understand, it's healthy to want to be strong for other people, but I needed to recognize that I needed to be strong for myself and that took a while and required things like being uncomfortable. and changing my um my thought process changing the things I watch on TV changing the music I'm listening to little things that I can adjust that maybe change my mood or make me feel better instead of worse, you know, they're some. of these little things, isn't it?

Oh my gosh, I love horror movies, but I can't watch them all the time, I'm happy and I'm like guys, let's watch a horror movie, everyone's like why the hell do you want to make it? that right now and you say yes you're right do they manage to persuade you yes yes most of the time but it was Halloween so I got away with it for a while?few weeksyou did, what did you end up seeing? Oh, we watched Halloween, we watched Freddy Krueger, A Nightmare on Elm Street, which one ruins your flesh the worst, like which one does, oh my gosh, probably like hereditary, something really dark, but it was fun.

It was Halloween, we were just celebrating, yeah, no, I always call it Cliffhanger chemicals, oh yeah, I feel like when we see things that put us in states of anxiety, oh yeah, or stress, we release all these Cliffhanger chemicals and now You say, why can it? I don't sleep, yes, exactly, why do I have bad dreams? Yeah, Robbie is like that, so my wife is like that, yeah, she can't, I have to do it, she always gets so excited to see things like that, yeah, I'm like Riley, we can't do it. this because you won't let me sleep for the rest of the night, it's very funny, yes, yes, but I think it's really beautiful to hear you say that there are these little changes because I think that's what people feel is hard to change and I think that when I watch the documentary, the biggest challenge that you really empathize with is having to do this when every time you're in a car and every time you get out of the car, these cameras there are people, there are opinions, you know, it's something that I very few people can relate, but I think what's so brilliant about how the documentaries were made is that you really feel like we're living that with you, yeah, and then you're like wow, even though I can't relate to what Celine's going through, I can. understand how it was.

It must be really challenging, yes, and very stressful, so what's it like having to deal with all of this that all of us are also dealing with, but you're dealing with it with an extra layer of exposure? Yeah, to be honest, I don't know. I don't know anything different, yeah, that's what's really scary. Sometimes I think it's very sad and other times I just think, well, this is what I've been given and this is the path I want to continue walking down and I know that at any time I can do it. you know, quitting and leaving and you know that's not really how I was raised so maybe if it had happened to me later in life it would have had a different outcome, but since I was raised that way I really had to learn the hard way about how deal with it, how not to give, if you will, that bait that people want and I mean, I think I do the best I can to try to eliminate these negative stories or this one or sick people or others that illustrate my journey I just interrupt them with my truth and that's what I will always continue to do and that's what this documentary does as well.

I will be the one taking control of my story and no one can change that or say anything different. In fact, I'm very glad that you addressed that because I've always found with you that you always lead with love even in those areas and I'm always very admired and amazed by that because I see that every time there's a narrative that whenever there's a narrative, your choice will always be to lead with love and inject love into that and recalibrate when you found the strength to start taking control of that narrative because I think it's an incredible skill that people need more of today. than ever, but when did you start to develop the confidence around needing to do that?

I would probably say that I started to gain that confidence when I went through a breakup and that's something that was very public, but all those things that I felt so bad about myself and so terrible every day that I wanted to discredit those feelings. I wanted to take control of that narrative because I felt that way, but the greatest gift I received from all of that was that I was truly honest with myself. people share my story and gain the confidence of knowing that I am enough and that I really work very hard to be a good person and I know that I am a great person and when people paint these unnecessary stories, it actually gives me pleasure to just fight them. with love like you said or kindness, you know, I think it's actually fun for me because it's who I am.

No, no, no, I can't waste my time, if I'm honest with everyone on this. room I don't want to waste time getting angry or absorbing all the negative things I hear online and I don't even listen to it, that's where it gets really bad, other people tell me and then I see something inhumane. Things happen and people talk negatively about other women and it drives me absolutely crazy and I think I'll always be that kind of person and I would say I'm grateful for my past because it's made me a lot stronger, yeah, well. I want you to know that you know we see you for that, thank you as it is.

Every time you do it, I'm completely blown away because it requires so much confidence in yourself, it requires so much commitment to your truth and then also. to everyone else, thank you so much for leading the way even in that like anything else like no, it's so hard to do it's so easy it's so easy to be defensive uh and you've found it because it's your truth you've found a way to share your truth without getting defensive, of course, that's what I mean, thank you. I don't know if I do it intentionally, but it works very well, so I'll stick with it, yes, keep it, no, don't change. you don't teach it, teach it, yeah, exactly, show him the new masterclass, yeah, no, I, I really mean, genuinely, one of the things you see in the documentary is that we're getting full access, that's how it feels . full access at all times um and we can see all of your relationships and you can see the relationships that are long term you get newer relationships you get all these different people that interact with you and they're interacting with you in each element like we can see you immediately after a interview, right before an interview and I realized that there was a moment where you feel a little bit anxious because they ask you bad questions or like you know and I could see that in you and That really hit me because the reason why We established this conversation on this podcast in the first place was that I hoped it would be a place where people like you could share your true purpose and see you share on the screen how difficult it can be. be to deal with just minimize the work you're trying to do what's wrong tell me what's wrong when they ask you actually I feel insulted sometimes and like I sit on what I worked for I mean I work that hard I love what I do I love my job I I love to talk about my job there are different facets of my job that I love to talk about for different reasons and when I sit down and I have to push from you know, from 8 am until I know that every time the night ends it's frustrating to want to spend that time talking about significant moments and I just wanted that to be in the documentary because I felt like I knew a lot of artists maybe not all, but I know a lot of them.

Artists and people in my position feel that way and I hope that only you know, maybe you change that a little bit and maybe

stop

asking people what word you associate with marshmallow and maybe ask them how they're doing um you know , maybe just have a little bit of inspiration to do more and be better and yeah, it's actually pretty crazy because that happens, it's weird, yeah, it's really weird, yeah, and it's interesting because I feel like a trend has been created about asking people about clickbaity. Buzzy, you know the momentary questions and then you think well, but this is a totally human being with emotions and ideas and views, and I think often people think, well, I only have them for 10 minutes, so I better ask them all these things, but you forget that there is a whole person behind the documents that really humanize you.

What parts of you did you really want people to understand better or see more of that you think they haven't been able to see over time? I guess where I was. It was meant to be me at first, it really made me a little sad. I wanted it to be a documentary that was really fun and about me doing this big tour and instead I felt really bad because we were filming these really intense moments and then I had to stop filming and I think ultimately I wanted people to realize I realize that I'm not as well-rounded as I can be and I feel a lot better now, but I don't want people to look at me and think that she has it all and she's figured it out and she's, you know, perfect or whatever.

I hope no one thinks that, but I never want to be that kind of public figure. I want to be someone who can hopefully be a friend who can disarm someone. you from the celebrity part I just want to be someone that people can genuinely reach out to and say hi. I understand what you're going through. I did it too and have a conversation. Yes. Why is that important? Because? I think it's important, I guess for a long time your people considered the celebrity to be perfect or maybe they portrayed themselves that way, sometimes maybe they weren't, but why do you think it's important for people to see that no one in the world, including me?

Whoever we are talking about, yes, there is no one who is perfect, but why is it so important? It's important to me because I felt like it had to be when it was, you know, when I was going through relationships, I felt like it had to be true. In that way, that's why in 2016 I was talking about my body and talking about my appearance and talking about how, oh, everyone will see me as this Disney kid. No one is going to take me seriously all those moments, that's where, yeah, that's where all the confusion comes. it came from me yeah, yeah, no, that makes sense, that's a really fascinating answer because yeah, it's almost like you've had to live that way, yeah, and then you're unpacking it for everyone and breaking down that image that was created.

And I think that's definitely one of the things that caught my attention in that analysis of the Perfection element that you're talking about. We are so afraid of imperfection because it reveals that there are parts of us that are not ideal for some external reason. comparison or by some internal trigger or some past experience where we have that feeling of how you handle your imperfections now, how you feel about parts of yourself that are not perfect. I agree with that. In fact, I think a lot about who I am is just some things that are not perfect, even down to my laugh, sometimes I used to feel insecure about my laugh or you know the fact that I always talk during a movie or you know that I always do something tiny and I think little things like that make me happy because I feel like everyone else in the world knows, for example, a very small example, but if it's Halloween, I was a banana and I and I and I really like to get the costume more cheap, put it on and wander around Times Square with my friends and have the best time and everyone kept sending me these memes because everyone else tried their best and maybe I could have painted my face and done a little more but they all looked really sexy and funny and literally, I was a banana, that basically sums up who I am, um, and it was um, that to me means I don't have to be perfect all the time, I'd rather be that girl, yeah, and how does that apply? works how that perfectionist mentality works in terms of music or creating or performing because that's beautiful in your personal life, it sounds like there's this acceptance of you, you know we can be, yes we can be more in flow, but then how Does that apply? that I like to write or create or build well I think how I don't do it well I always say this in any session there are no stupid questions I always have to say that out loud because sometimes I really think well what does this mean and how can I unpack this and create a song from this or how to unpack this scene and do the best I can?

You know there are mistakes that happen in the studio and on set that actually end up becoming part of it. Know? Me messing up a line actually ended up being funny and we kept it in the show or you know, there's something I said in a lyric that was wrong and it ends up being the biggest hook we have and I and I go for that. moments yes, I long, I long for those moments, that's a great example, I love all of those, yes, and that's what feels like magic, that's when imperfection can somehow become part of the process where you say: wow, this!

This actually feels like we're getting something, so I think when we started, I love that idea applied both personally and professionally because I think even the parts of ourselves that we consider imperfect, the parts of ourselves that we consider to be They are broken when you start. seeing use in those when you start to see a purpose in them, I always say there is a blessing in breaking up and every moment you encounter in your life, even if it's just road rage, it's as simple as that, maybe losing someone you love there. there's no perfect way to heal there's no perfect way to deal with something it's more how am I going to be a better person how am I going to make the best decision for me so that I don't end up mad at that person on the road so that I don't end up ruining my day for what someone did to me on the 405.

You know, I also want to say that how can I turn something like losing someone I love so much into something good? celebrating that person and the great things they gave me or that they gave me, that takes a lot of work, so I don't say it lightly, but I try my best to do it and I try to get my friends to hug me. Responsible for reminding me, hey, let's try to turn this around and try to turn it into something else. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think what I deducelistening to you is that again you are not saying that I have arrived and that is how I think now you are saying that this is what I am trying to practice in this way.

This is the approach that I am applying to my own life and absolutely this is my daily practice, it is practice. I even said it last night at the premiere. I was saying no, I don't have anything figured out. I'm definitely not like I'm sold. I'm fine, it's more like, this is a continuation, yes, my story is not over and I can't wait to find out what happens next, and that doesn't mean it's going to be easy. And I'm sure there will be obstacles, but I'm going to learn to live with them. Yeah, as someone who is so committed to moving forward, what did it feel like to like your school again and all these old places I won't do?

Give away too many, but in the documentary go and visit, yeah, what does that do? Well, coming home is uncontaminated territory for me, right, it's safe, it's simple and kind. Where I'm from, it's about you know, being together. Loving each other, I go home and people are welcome home, Miss Gomez, they're not, you know, treating me differently and I enjoy and I enjoy visiting, you know what made me who I am and it always gives me a good feeling. of appreciation. Oh, I hope I can inspire people where I'm from because there's not much to do where I'm from, but I hope I can inspire just one person to do something bigger than that.

Yes, was there any particular place you returned to? that almost gave you a special feeling or something surprised you that you were like oh, I didn't think this was going to be yeah, well, my snow cone place. I really loved that place. I went with my dad all the time and my cousin and we would buy the snow cones with pickles, like you know, with grapes and they would be delicious and amazing, and that brought me back to when it was so hot in Texas and I was with my family and we would just stop there and sit outside for an hour and just talk and it was the best, yeah, I love it, yeah, that's it, it's great to hear.

I think there's always a park in my hometown called Broomfield Park and it's still lovely to me, although I don't think if anyone else went there it would be like I know, but when I come back I know where I used to go and get my ice cream and you know where would the truck be in this. there are all these special moments that almost, but it sounds like again, it sounds like it's not like you're like, oh, I missed that it's almost like that's a part of me and it's a beautiful thing, but now I'm happy to Be new and even today, when we were walking around here and talking about you finding places that push you, yeah, uh, and it seems like you've opened yourself up to say, okay, okay that life is changing and in transition, yeah, and there are places new ones that feel more like home than old places I hate change.

I really hate it, but I felt last year that it's quite new, yes, I have really accepted the discomfort of change and I think it's because I get so tired. of the same thing over and over again and it scares me, but I learned that my world can be bigger by being in a different destination. I work on my show, just murders in the building, it's in New York where I photograph and I never do. I've never spent more than a week or two in New York and I was there for months and that alone was an uncomfortable experience, you know, but I loved it and I loved the friendships I made and the knowledge that I was winning over the people I loved. .

I was around the park and walking and how precious life is celebrated, there's a culture where it just becomes addictive to want to put yourself in these situations and see what happens, so I will say that last year I became more comfortable with change. and I'm grateful for that and I'm just going to continue to do that and I want to know how you got comfortable with that discomfort. I guess first of all if you're someone who said you know, like hey. it changed I didn't like the change yeah, like what I guess obviously works naturally and all that, but yeah, there was something internally, are you okay, now I need it? because you've done this, you've done uncomfortable things your whole life, right, yeah, definitely.

You've had to do so many difficult things, whether it's going on tour when you're young or, yeah, making a career transition. You've constantly done uncomfortable things, yes, but I think it had always returned to the same behavior and the same pattern. of maybe well I'm nervous to go out because I don't want to be seen today or I'm just going to stay inside because I'm feeling anxious or I don't want to go out to that event because I don't want to be seen, I was just, I was terrified of the world and that is not a way of life and it is easy to do a job because well, I am with a group of people who help me look.

Well, I do my job, I smile and I'm done, but taking spontaneous trips or you know, going out and going to Balboa Park, which is a very simple park, doing that kind of thing is necessary and I realized that New York really helped me . It really opened me up, the show is really cool and I think being around a group of New Yorkers does something to you, man, it's good, yeah, well, one of the biggest changes in the atmosphere is you talk about the documentaries, you go to Africa , TRUE? That's like a big change, you know, even if it's a shorter period of time, but you were still there for a concert there for a week, yeah, but I mean it was definitely not the first time I've done trips in the in the sense of wanting to go on a mission and it was one of the most beautiful moments of the movie for me because we actually thought we were going to make a quick little video about, you know, what we were there to do and then we fell in love with the people , we fell in love with the story and started to notice that everywhere in the world mental health is very, very real, it's something that is affecting everyone and then you realize that the world is small. place sometimes because everyone is walking through pain and everyone sees things differently, but ultimately everyone wants to be happy and well, I felt like they inspired me more than anything I could have done for them.

It was a really beautiful journey and yes, it was one of my favorite moments in the movie. People don't always understand how mental health exists in the world when you say they are experiencing mental health too. What was your experience of it compared to? what we would understand as our experience in the US, so yeah, well, I was talking to a woman named Betty and she was basically the person who gave us tours or gave us the tour of the town and the schools, and she was lovely, but when we stopped to chat we were sitting and she told me her story and how she was dealing with suicidal thoughts and then how she went to a lake and sat there for two weeks without contemplating a day or an hour for a moment.

It was two weeks and that was something that floored me because that's different, obviously we can have those thoughts, but she said goodbye to everyone and she had to find it with herself when so many people don't need to go through that alone, but she did and she did it. she did well and she is proud of it and now she is in an amazing school and she will grow to be the best influence for her Village, for her sisters, for everyone around her who is so special and me. I'm just having those conversations with someone from all over the world, it's mind-blowing, you don't really know what people are going through until you stop and have a conversation two weeks in, I can't imagine that feeling you must be walking through.

It went on for two weeks just sitting there and she felt the same way about his deeper conversation with her. Did you get the same feeling that a lot of people have here where it's like you don't know who to talk to and you don't? He didn't know who to open up to and who he didn't know how to trust. She thought she needed to be everything for her family and she felt like she was letting them down. The same thing about not feeling good enough, about not feeling like being there would do it. even being helpful and you find the similarities and in that and that's how I felt like I joined it, it's amazing, like an intercultural world, to have a human moment like that with someone, what was the purpose of those missions in your life.

In terms of what you said, it's not your first time out and I'm sure it's not your last either. It's something you want to keep doing. I mean, there was a point in the documentary where I don't want to leave, yeah, I don't think I'm necessarily always streaming when I do these trips or I want to do more and help and travel, so I think I'll probably have them quarterly or even maybe only once a year. I have to set aside time for that and I make it a priority simply because I feel personally that everyone is my brothers and sisters, we are all here together as living beings and you know, I want to navigate life together and I want to continue to travel the world and be able to spread some kind of message or bring changes in some way.

I don't know something, you know. I want to be able to always keep doing something and eventually I think my life will end up being something along the way. the lines of doing the things that you do, you know, I have a few more things to do first, but eventually yeah, well, you're already doing them, no, you're already doing them and I, yeah, there's that moment, there's a moment in the documentary I think they ask you a question through a mirror envelope, yeah, what is what is your biggest dream or your last dream? I think it's the word and this is exactly what you say, you say, I want to find a way to change lives. and I want to find a way to impact lives and I think when people think about their ultimate dream, that's not the natural thing that comes to mind just when serving, when helping others becomes a great understanding of this as well because it's No I just know that you feel like you are growing from these experiences, when did that become an ultimate dream?

When it was? Yes, what was your dream when you were a child? And then you know how it evolved. I'm going to say my mom, I mean, from a very young age we didn't have much, but it didn't matter, it was every Thanksgiving, we would go and help in the soup kitchens and my mom would talk. to me, you know why we were there and you explained to me The Way of the World and we would see really difficult things and Texas, you know, can be very, you know, be very conservative and my mom would just break down those barriers to and explain to me how beautiful the people and how complicated and complex things are in the world in which she never protected me from showing me the bad things, she showed me everything and that is what has always been a part of my life.

I mean, I'd be on set and I'd talk to the director and someone would come over and give me water and if my mom realized I hadn't thanked her, she'd just kindly remind me in a way that was Hey, next time I know. aware and grateful and it's kind of like oh yeah, you're right, I'm sorry mom, but you're right, you have to be aware of people and you have to be aware of what people are. walking, yeah, I mean, that's true, yeah, yeah, no, and it's such a beautiful message for anyone who's growing up with a little bit more in terms of anyone who's grown up, even you know everyone goes through so many difficult things. . but I felt the same when I first went to India.

I was about nine years old when I first went to India and I remember we didn't grow much, but we were still traveling to India, we were in a car and you. Look out the window and see children your age. I remember, you know, just seeing tons of kids my age on the streets and it was just yeah, it made me aware that there was a whole different world of experiences that I only learned about later, yeah, but I couldn't agree with you more. in that when you feel like you are a part, even a small part of the solution, the problem starts to feel more within your reach and I feel like sometimes when we push the problem away. or we try to keep it out of sight, yeah it just feels bigger and harder and harder to completely ignore it, it's not fun, I've done it before, you just end up dealing with things you never thought you would and you're done. even feeling disappointed because you just never want to feel like you're doing something wrong.

I think deep down everyone knows what's right and what's wrong and when you're at rock bottom, if you want, because I think eventually everyone has one of those moments, hopefully, it gets lighter and lighter. because you can start attacking it in a way where how do I address this and figure out how to get out of this state of mind? I've learned to do that over the last few years and I'm so grateful for it, sometimes it's a choice but I also hate when people say that because sometimes they really wake up in a depressed state and can't get out of bed. but I allow myself to have that day and just focus on the things that can make me feel better instead of pushing it away and saying no, okay, I'm going to go out, I'm going to do something, I'm going to go get my adrenaline going I'm going to ignore it and ignoring it and ignoring it, it doesn't help at all, yeah, and you just said that everyone goes through such a low point like if everyone went through that in their life in different ways, what would it have been like?

You become more aware of your fears and your lowest points because I think we often ask people if they would look at your life and I think you've been through so many difficult things and you know how to deal with fears now because we all still have fears, We all still have worries, but I feelwant because even you know it again having not seen the documentary. I hear he's very real, raw, honest and open to doing something like that. Is for me. I cry with fear. I liked how you felt and how I could protect you and then I thought, "I know the little bit I did in the interview made me depressed a week later because it put me back in that place even though we weren't there." There and I fainted the moment you know, Alex said action and she was very nice about it and um, my lovely friend, dear friend, Emily, who does my hair and makeup, she was like they were going to leave because she was crying. and Then she says, "I didn't know.

Well, now everyone will know and there's something beautiful about that because you're putting a lot out there and that can be scary, but you're also giving a lot away if that's how you look at it." and so I think it can make those dark moments really beautiful, yeah, yeah, well, I think that's something that you as a family definitely seem to have embodied is the idea of ​​using your pain to serve others, figuring out a way to make sure these stories aren't. They're just told in silos, but they help other people feel connected and you know what you're doing with Wonder Mind, like telling us a little bit about the mission behind why you founded them, why you brought that to life, because I feel like comes from the same thing.

It's like we're going through these things personally, but we also know that this is a collective global challenge and that's why we want to be a part of supporting those communities when I was very young and I was about seven years old. first and only suicide attempt, no matter how you say it, it didn't happen seven years ago and I think that goes back to the time when I always didn't feel like anything around me made sense in my world and it was like I felt like I was and you know that nothing bad was happening it's just that this seems wrong to me this seems wrong to me it seems wrong like how can I solve this but since that moment I have always carried I think that moment in my life in my mind I did not want anyone to feel that way, which led to 13 Reasons Why and some of their fans opening up to us when I read that I knew it had to be a topic of conversation and from the response of what it did and by opening up those conversations I was inspired to do more, but it was about the timing of what we wanted to do and how we're going to use it and so collaborating and figuring out what's missing out there, uh like.

The support system was the ecosystem that we're, you know, planning and working tirelessly. to create a place where everything is cohesive and you have a place to go to see that you know we really focus it on a filter of fillers so that everyone has feelings that might not be a diagnosed medical condition, but also how we can post content all the days that you know keep it light but real and open to conversation and build a community where everyone feels safe and not embarrassed like a feeling like they're having it and not embarrassed. I heard them talk about perfection, it's like I don't like to pretend there's perfection, you know, I like, I think perfection puts a little bit of pressure whenever you can be like that. just know and like you know I'm not a big fan of social media but I definitely wonder where we share positive messages but I think what you know that inspired me was creating this for everyone and content for people to have access.

For those who can't afford treatment or don't need treatment, but need someone to tell them, "Look at this, you know, it's really for everyone." Yes, thank you very much for sharing your personal experience, because I imagine you know that. the fact that you've been held so close for so long and now it's manifesting in this beautiful way, but when you hold it it doesn't always feel so beautiful, I mean Selena, how old were you when you had your first time? I learned about your mind, I don't think so, and this is probably fair enough to say that she never hid many things.

When she was younger, I was never aware that we didn't have enough. I never did it. great job of I feel weird talking about you were down here but you did it Mom you did it about being who is this woman you're talking about um I like to explain to myself situations that we would be in and um and I feel like I'm about 18 I started to give myself tells more of her story and obviously it broke my heart and there are things that I never knew were happening and she did a great job of allowing me to have a really wonderful childhood and then once I realized that we could be open and honest with each other We, that's how Wondermind started and we, really, you know, ended up working together on an interview and we shared such an interest with the person I was interviewing with and we thought, hey, this is something we could probably do together and it happened like that. way and it was a lot of fun.

Wanna. I know this is like a Love Fest, but as I want, there is a moment when you touched me during that time. I don't even know if you remember. I remember I was doing that thing of going to school, going to work, trying to get her out of the neighborhood I grew up in and trying to give her a better life and this was before she did anything besides directing movies. with children on the street yes, but she he was not doing anything professionally I was sitting in front of a mirror and I was trying to get ready and I started to cry I was crying I was crying and she came after me and she was so young and she liked it start playing with my hair and she asked me what's wrong and I said I just don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing and she says, you'll figure it out, move on and that's it. like she's already smarter than me so yeah it's like it's a really good strong moment like you never want to know.

I think being vulnerable in front of her allows you to know her vulnerability, you know, to be welcomed. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, I think that's so true as we grow up, it's like we often look at our parents as perfect unless they let us in, yeah, or when you realize they're not and it's interesting. that. you're saying that at least you thought you were always open and honest with what you were going through and with your own challenges and your own struggles when you're going through your own things and you're watching your child go through their things, like what's going on in their mind. from a mother in that situation, for example, how you handle your own stress and pain and try to be there and often, like Selena said and you said that kids don't want their parents to be involved at a certain point, I can relate to that completely, I think you know, I listened to everything my parents said until I was 13 and then from 13 to 25 I didn't want anything to do with them and then after I was 25 I was like, "Oh, you guys were The best ones, yes, yes, they are right, but everything and they go through that journey to know when their child does not want their help, when their child does not allow them in, like what goes through a parent's mind, especially when they themselves They are doing their own work.

I just needed more therapy and a feeling. um and if you feel because I want to use this term lightly, like you feel like you failed in some capacity, then you say I know I took that opportunity to try to see maybe where the missteps that I took as a parent were. I was too open with her. I was too liberal with her. Know? Should I not let her do the Barney thing? You know, it's just all these decisions. that you know what you're doing, you just reflect and I think that, as parents, we have this ability to decompartmentalize your feelings and then prioritize those of others, as I told you before, when we were talking, it was easier to bury your things and then concentrate, which then becomes unhealthy for the receiving party and for yourself because you're not taking care of yourself, so um, I was, I went through that, um, a lot of days I didn't get out of bed, there was like a lot of crying, a lot of therapy and I had a therapist because I also had a miscarriage during the madness and you know, I had this therapist who gave me the best advice I've ever had, she's like, I just need you to get out of your house once. one day and go to the movies buy a ticket I don't care if you see it but every day you need receipts that you left your house and that's why I would like to walk through the mall just like crying being lost and you know not knowing what to do and I would buy things and I would have to go and take them to her every session and I didn't do that, I didn't even ask her the purpose of it like she was just trying to get me out of the house and then it all hit me after about six weeks of doing that I started to feel more comfortable being even more vulnerable because I'm crying and I know the world is going to be okay and no one is going to judge me, people ask me, hey.

You're okay with that kind of thing and you know I just say no and then you know you keep walking, but that judgment that everyone's afraid showed me that you know because I was angry that I failed as a mother and this is In my eyes, not like you, you know, I felt like Selena's mother and then also my body hurt my other baby, so I was completely mad at myself and I needed to see that, oh, the world is alive and there is forgiveness and I still can. Finding happiness for me because it was like being a mother with something and the only thing I really knew how to do since I was 15 years old.

So when that goes away, you think, oh, I'm supposed to have hobbies that Don't even tell my son I'm supposed to do things, you know, so it was a big growth, you know, and it's hard when you're in it, but when you come out of it, it's fantastic, it really is, it's just you. you feel lighter and you feel more hopeful, you know, and then when you have the next opportunity or the next downtrodden moment, you know you're going to get through this, okay, I just have to get through this, I just have to figure it out.

Gotta get through it with Vibe and then it'll pass, yeah, so I think yeah, you were talking about Rock Bottom a little bit earlier, yeah, definitely hitting rock bottom, it feels like you're breaking through which is really refreshing to listen to both. you together is that I feel like this is going to heal a lot of parent-child relationships, like listening to both of you today because I'm thinking so often that we think our thoughts to ourselves and never share them with the people that those thoughts are about. Yeah, you know, I'm sure there are so many kids out there whose thoughts are like I wish my parents did this better and my parents could have done this and those are valid thoughts and then there are parents out there at the same time who have the same thought like I wish I hadn't done that to them and I would let them know and often we never find out, we never know because we can't have these open and honest dialogues, so I really think that this adds to all of this is really going to inspire many parents, yes, it's because they even listen to you.

I'm just thinking about my parents and I'm thinking about my friends' parents and I'm thinking they all must be. able to open their heart because somewhere everyone is painting themselves as the villain and someone is painting themselves as the person who messed up and did everything wrong, yeah, and in our head we're like, oh, yeah They got their way or you know they didn't. You're not aware of it, so I mean if you were always open to therapy and always open to this personal work, that was a part of who you were always too and that was or was there something that you turned to at some point.

Well, I'll tell you a disturbing little secret: when I was really young in high school, I wanted to be a criminal psychologist, so that's why I always say that she's making fun of me in the murders, maybe that's the day when I. I'm that person, but um, I was already reading about serial killers at that age because I was fascinated with the mind and I didn't come from, you know, an environment where therapy was even talked about, but at a certain age I really felt like super depressed, so I had to go out and explore it myself and go through tons of doctors and you know you would say one thing and it was like they said hey are you seeing things?

I'm like I saw a black butterfly the other day and they said oh so you're hallucinating and I was like "I had to go and I wasn't but it was a real black butterfly so I had to learn to understand myself and and my mind um on my own and um finally I did it too I went to a facility and it was the first time I was actually able to spend all that time it was better uh 28 days that I spent and you know Me and um yeah you just have to build that relationship with your mind and I think people are very afraid to be honest with themselves because then they have to face it, but what helped me is that I realized that you know In this relationship, I was raising her the way I was.

I needed to be raised, not the way she needed to be, and that's how I feel like I made my contribution to the healing of this relationship, it was like, okay, back off, I need to get to know her and she doesn't need to be the Mama Bear, although I haven't lost it yet. completely, but as you know, sometimes I just need to listen and not fix it, and that was the most important thing. I think I really put a little spin on it there, but that's how it was. The most important thing I learned through all the time we were apart was how to see who I was and how other people see me and I do that every day.

I'll say something. I wonder. How did that work out? to someone else, you know, because I have ADHD, so I quickly let out what's in my brain and then likeYou really don't need to know it, but now it's there in the world, the self, the self, the self that works in this room. it's the amount of self-reflection and self-awareness in this room is really strong this is yes this is yes this is something very powerful no and you didn't get lost in a tangential I think everything that you just shared with us, even you just come to the conclusion of knowing that you are raising someone you love deeply in a way you wanted them to be raised.

I think that's the essence of a lot of how we all live, yeah right, we all love people. the way we wish to be loved and we are all hurting people the way we wish not to be hurt and it's just fascinating when we finally look beneath the surface and discover why it's all there and yes, where it is. and do that together and separately. I love the idea that there were times when they had to do this from a distance too. I think it is a very healthy message to also be there in the world.

I think we're often all trying to solve all our problems in the same place, yeah, definitely, I think there are times, even you know, even in friendships, where it wasn't necessary for me to take a step back and figure out what It works for me and what doesn't. what makes me happy what challenges me what helps me move forward versus what doesn't I think it's really important I think when we look from the outside we limit people to certain experiences we remember them for certain people we hope they will be with people who are meant to be in the way that families are meant to be, like there's all this meant to be, yeah, and then it's like, well, no, actually, there's space, there's distance, there's reflection, there's need all these things with with with The work that you told me about before also in terms of how you are taking these messages on the screen, yes, you know what you are sharing, which I know is a very important part of the work and I feel very excited.

About that it fills me with the greatest amount of joy knowing that we are going to see a better representation of mental health on screen. I think that's huge. Where did you start to realize that on 13 Reasons Why, as we talked about before? Where did you start to realize that it was so important for people to see that representation on screen? Well, I think it's about not wanting people to feel like I did when I was seven. It's like it's so open like, you know, oh. I'm bipolar or I have ADHD, you know, I was misdiagnosed for a while, so I was always very open about it and you know, even in a city where they're so lenient in certain capacities, it's still like she's not stable. and I would even joke and say yeah I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm crazy and I was like not leaning into that and I didn't want anyone to feel that way so you know for 13 reasons why we worked tirelessly the entire team to make sure that we were executing the whole point and you know we're losing teenagers every day to suicide and it's horrible and unnecessary and you know how we can do it as adults and that's why I think it was very important for Selena and I to come out and talk about it so that the Parents could watch it together, you know?

And once that generated the reaction, I heard different opinions and I wanted to hear from everyone if they thought it was a bad idea a great idea it touched them it offended them like I really like hearing everything and all the data, you know, and I've always been someone who liked to tell stories, that's why I like to tell stories and if I can, show it and like it. I was telling you before that I like using Silver Linings Playbook because they are bipolar but they have a life, they have a relationship and as it can come with challenges, every relationship comes with challenges, it's not just a mental problem that someone has.

That causes those challenges, we are all people and if we learn to understand each other, there will be less fear and then people will get more treatment and they will be happier and I know that sometimes I feel like "I'm like the world is going to be happy, now." you know, kind of, but you know, and again, like my adolescence, which is still there, but I, that's what inspires me is, um, I scared people by talking about me in a negative way and, you know .not sharing enough, so it's like or sharing too much, so it's like surfing that and as you know, as I mentioned as someone who flew over the cuckoo's nest and growing favorite movies blew up, I loved them, but that's not it. the reality that Selena or I live in every day.

You know, I was in a facility and it was not like what is portrayed, it was a beautiful experience and it made me a better person for it, so the media loves it, yay. you know, tell all the bad things that are. We could use it as something educational without preaching, so let's just tell stories of real people who face mental health problems in different capacities and show that you can, that you are okay, you will make it and you just need to give yourself. that permission and then once you give yourself that permission, you will come out a happier person.

I like it, I accept my ADHD like I really do, yeah, we have a lot of fun together, well, I think this is painting a beautiful picture of how we always want growth to be this perfect line, you know, we hope that growth in the families individually look like, oh, we're all growing up at the same time and isn't it that beautiful and it's like well, right? growth is not like that, yeah, and growth is being patient when my daughter wants to grow this way and yeah, I'm trying to figure this out or I'm going to be patient while my mom pivots and changes, and that's growth.

Being patient with each other and growing is holding space and being okay when we're not the best people with each other, there's absolutely so much more to growth and that's why I want to thank you both for showing it and sharing it with us today. No, thanks. you because it's uh yeah, it's special to see it from this perspective, sure, um, instead of anyone or I, we purposely end each episode with a final five, which I'll ask you both, okay, then you'll do it. one question at a time, each one, okay, and these are one word per sentence at most, cool, they're not questions like what's your favorite color, okay, they're all thoughtful questions, okay, as expected, Okay, so the number one question is what is it?

The best advice you have ever received or heard when it comes to mental health. I'm sure it's like a Brene Brown book. I feel very good on my wrist. Yes, I think the best advice I've been given is: Probably what I've said in detail throughout my documentary and in talking to you is to learn how to make it a part of your life, which is why I say be your friend because I think you have to understand why and sometimes you may not always know why. but if you can understand that it's a feeling like my mom said, where maybe this happens and maybe you just have to go through it and you have to spend the day in bed crying, you have to do those things to find out what it is. is that will free you from it um maybe that would be my advice, make you practice Yeah um, I think mine was uh, take your time, that's what they told me when I went, that's true, yeah, take your time , it's really good, yeah.

Yes, what is the second question? What's some of the worst advice you've heard or received when it comes to mental health? It's all in my head and I can control it, like stop having bad thoughts. Yes, yes, I was going to say somewhere. along the lines of like you're okay I mean yeah someone literally told me like you're so dramatic that you make up everything you know it was so painful the worst I felt at the worst I calmed down it's like that would ever happen worked Alright, question number three, how would you both individually define your current purpose in life?

I fully feel that I am exactly where I should be. I must share my story and at this stage of my life I want to be loved. The way I love people I want to give the way people live so generously given to me and I want to continue working to become a better and happier person every day. It's a beautiful purpose that I have received, so now I want to da oh wow this is this is really beautiful answer our question number four uh what is something that you used to value and that you don't value as much anymore oh people's opinions I agree, it's very tiring.

I would say it's good to hear wonderful things, but I accept praise in a way that I can appreciate it, but I have to learn to know to keep my head straight. I must understand that everything is a gift and not let things go to my head, yes, because always Tell me, if you accept all the praise internally, then you will have to accept all the negative, so be careful and be selective with what that you let in. Yes Yes Yes. There is a beautiful quote. I don't remember who said it, but it says uh uh don't let the praise get to your head and the criticism get to your heart yeah, I love it, yeah, I love it, that was very poetic with what yeah, I was trying to say, It has already been said.

Thank you, thank you for repeating it, no. no, but I think it's so beautiful, yes, it is, and yes, and I think that also happens when we are conscious of complimenting others. I think one thing I've learned is that I enjoy it and we talked about this today. I really enjoyed the art of learning to see someone's Essence, it's something I try to live because and then when you want to compliment someone, it's like how do you give them a compliment that's empty flattery or isn't just superficial and I? I think that when we receive compliments like that it doesn't go to our heads, it does go to our hearts.

Yes, you know it's different, so I hope we can also learn to complement each other and more. Yes, you know beautiful and genuine ways. Fifth and last. Question number five is if you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be like to practice forgiveness? Wow, I'd probably say something super simple and cheesy, but treat others how you want to be treated, yeah, and then us. add forgiveness, yes, and honestly, that's the most important thing, yes, sorry, yes, yes, I say we can't paint well, let's do it Mom, sorry Coffee, that's right, wait, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, okay, when was the last time you did something for the first time, oh wow, where did that come from? Well, when was the last time I practiced? This time, then the most interesting answer that came to mind immediately, although it was a couple of months ago, I went on a gorilla trek in Rwanda wow and it was amazing, yes it was a few months ago and it was the most amazing experience I've ever had. It sounds wild, yeah, so they're mountain gorillas and they're not, you're not, they don't have any. There's no technology on them or you know they don't treat them a certain way.

They are not in a zoo or trapped. You are at their house and you have to leave early in the morning to go look for them. and the people who do these tours know where they usually are, so they take you in that direction, oh my gosh, then you finally discover this family of gorillas and I thought I'd see one or two, I was very, I wasn't. I was skeptical but I was like, who knows, you know, we saw 18 gorillas as a family, so no, so you know, I wish they hugged each other, oh yeah, but they don't.

The guides tell us that all you have to do is do it. What you have to do is keep your distance, you can't try to touch them or their children because they see it as something violent, but gorillas are very peaceful and calm and they have that sound that they make. This is my favorite part. from the experience our guide told us that if you make this sound it basically tells the gorillas that we come in peace so this sound is so you have to make that sound and the gorillas will return it to you or they will. to you as they get closer just to let you know Hey, we're not trying to hurt you, we're just going to walk past you.

I love that it's really special, so that was the most recent memory of something. Well, it's amazing. I know I thought, yeah. He says, yeah, that was beautiful, yeah, that was really, that was really special, it was uh, you know, it's just being with another creature, another life form that's not interested in you, yeah, it's very humiliating in the good way. sense, yeah, yeah, this form of Life doesn't even care that it exists taking pictures and the girl is like, yeah, whatever, yeah. I'm fine, that's a good question. I guess that's a good question. Well, Selena Amanda, you've both been very kind with your time today.

I've been so kind and generous with your energy and this documentary is going to change so many lives and it's going to change the culture of how we share our pain in a way that really positively impacts the lives of people around the world and so I thank you both. , we really appreciate it so much, thank you for sharing your heart for years, for sharing your soul and for taking the time to create something that will truly be talked about for years and years, oh boy, thank you, thank you Jay, you are the best, thank you for your friendship and of course Mandy, thank you for opening up so vulnerably with us today about your experiences, learning about all the gifts and challenges that come with a loving family and each other, and also for leading as part of this. movement and everything you are doing with Wonder mind and trying to help people around the world with mental health and well-being.

Thank you very much for your commitment to that no and thank you, thank you for everything you do, yes, yes, all together we can achieve it. It happens, I love it, yes,thank you yeah perfect thank you if you enjoyed this video you'll love my interview with Kendall Jenner about

insecurity

and finding confidence. I can't wait for you to see it.