Mi Crisis de los 30 | Michelle Rodríguez | Stand Up | Comedy Central México

Hello, good night, how are you? Listen, first of all, I want to thank the person who dressed me tonight because I can't be alone anymore. Thank you very much. I am Michelle Rodri

guez

and I am Mexican. I love being Mexican. I love being Mexican because Me

xico

is a country rich in culture and tradition and basically I like delicious things, the truth is that I am Mexican because then I don't have to justify my obesity problem and I love being Mexican because they say that Mexicans learn to make fun of ourselves and of course the first one to start It's the government, that's why I want to get into Big Brother to see if I can have a position in the Secretary of Culture.

If not, then I continue preparing as an actress to see if I become first lady, a lover of my country and I think it's the The only lover I have ever had, I am a lover of my country, my traditions and customs, I love traditions, you already know that on the day of the dead, on Mother's Day, you have to wash your underwear in the shower and leave it hanging on the faucet so that dry what station art in the second row and open the hood completely it didn't even take me so long to fix everything with a wire provisionally than to give you a mouthful of antifreeze to pass the breathalyzer and I didn't I with the breathalyzers soon there weren't those those beautiful islands in middle of peripheral where with a deep breath and a nice pound you will be now they are increasingly more difficult not just last Saturday the breathalyzer grabbed me and they start to make a maze like with these big orange drums and then they arrive and blow a little device and Then you have to run through a tremendous network to get to the other side, cross the dirt chest, cross the median, get to the other side, half and waist to the policeman with toilet paper to get to the other side where there is a muddy area where you have to fight without skidding. with two women in bikinis and then go back to pass chest has the median arrive on the other side put the with the police jump some tires and arrive at an area where they have such tremendous hanging areas a small one a big one needs a big domestic where with their hands In the back you have to eat everything well, the only thing I take are personal things and that and I take them to heart and after there I had to leave very quickly because since I was dressed in orange when I got in the car the police started yelling The trucks are taking us at full speed and the good thing is that I really like driving and I don't like this saying that says woman behind the wheel, constant danger.

Yes, women know how to drive slowly. No, girls. No, I learned from a very young age. I learned to the 8 and pure tantrum without handling it is a thing of nothing at all not that your husband tells you that you have nothing it is not a thing of a pretty you know that I no longer want it so that they buy it for you or of a nice so that then no longer Go with your friends. I love that I say quad. It's like I'm already 60 years old. I just reached 30,000 and 30 is this beautiful stage where your married friends start to get pregnant and your friends, the married ones, start saving to get pregnant for After 8 months you will be able to lend them your clothes again, you know, you will be able to lend them my spring pants yourself.

You are too long to share. I love 30. It is this stage when you already dance to the taxi song with pure little hands cha cha cha does the honeycomb dante for the taxi driver and this cardio of the week I woke up the other day sore besides being 30 years old you have 30 extra kilos 30 is this stage where when you arrive at the weddings you feel this rivalry with the old lady across the street for see who takes the centerpiece that was there, you could stop by the bouquet, no, but this arrangement is very pretty with a lot of cloud and a betta fish, nothing and nothing, the 30 is whether or not it starts with super strange symptoms, the other one came in the car and they played an arjona song and I left it and I understood it and I cried and that can't be anything other than a lack of omega3 due to age, not with these symptoms I'm also having my maternal instinct coming out, it's something that I thought It was never going to happen to me because it is one thing to decide to have children but another thing is for the maternal instinct to be born in you and the maternal instinct is what makes your voice even change, some strange things do not start to happen, for example the other day I was on Facebook and I really wanted to share the image of a beautiful sunset with a reflection of Paulo Coelho's pose and I say that your voice starts to change and you start to say things that you don't know where they come from or the other day I really wanted to say no, why don't you, it's just that I can't sleep until you arrive.

I also parked outside a kindergarten in the second row just to make traffic these things 2. It also happened to me that the other day I was talking to my bitches because I talk to my dogs and they always make me really want them to answer me but since the blowing of the mouth and these symptoms answered me, for example the other day I was with my rumi and we were watching a movie and then he told me well, now I'm going where with my friends and they can't come any better so that you don't expose yourself and when he was leaving he still yelled at me from the door I don't know where those things come from maybe the lady who cleans my house comes and tells me Miss, I can't find the hand soap and what should I do if I find it?

One 2 clean, everything is perfect, wonderful Starbucks and the lady told me with lactose-free milk so you can ask me if you are going to do what you want and she told me that it was 50 pesos of course Here is your bench, do you want me to bring it to your table? No, look, right now I see how I can do it. No, and then he said ok, Mrs. Mrs., because the 30 girls arrive accompanied by the nice man, and a lady appears, although sometimes she came down to shoot. rubbish in a nightgown and flip flops, sometimes I just put on a morning dress so it doesn't show that I don't have Brazil, these things don't make you a lady, no, because you also know that you're not a lady when you don't have a man by your side or by your side. side in front or back or up or down or anywhere because because I don't want to be a lady because I still like to do simple things for example lie down on my stomach talk on the phone daydream chat and send the monkey emoticon so go out with my friends to the coffee accompany one to the bathroom criticize those who stayed at the table go back and criticize those who did not come stab the ex the ex's girlfriend the ex of your boyfriend take down the friend's boyfriend you know how to go up from the hem of the skirt, buy a pregnancy test so that your friend doesn't get rid of these things, I know that there will come a time when things that have been done come to an end, girls, I didn't throw away my whole life because I don't want to turn these ladies into ladies many times.

Well, they are already over 50 years old and these children that a Chinese man has here make it seem like they separated at five in the morning to do it and in reality this is how these ladies wake up and you can see their beautiful touch-up on their faces and they are already laughing Recently these ladies who also arrive produced and tight tight tight tight of their clothes to the club and always tell the kids first better tell me about yourself tell me about your life and I say that if she sings to you it is like that she is a lady

michelle

rodr

í

guez

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