Watch Roy Wood Jr.’s full set from 2023 White House correspondents’ dinner

everyone leave this for Dark Brandon, I'm happy to be here, oh, real quick, Mr. President, I think you left some of your classified documents up here, come in, don't give them to you, I'll put them in a safe. place, don't know where to keep them ready to be here, although happy to be here, very happy, very happy to be here, so it's a pleasure to be here among the most important leaders of our country, distinguished media organizations, both Property Brothers like Dr. Fauci, if See found, I should take a photo with him showing new booster shots, but they look good, even though I've been, I've been

watch

ing and looking around all night, they look good, they're well dressed, They have nice threads.

You've got the shiny jewels, it looks like everyone got a small cut of the money from the Fox News deal and that's all I have to say about it because I'm not going to have dominion over my ass. I love me, in fact, let me. just say right now my favorite voting machine is Dominion voting machines when I go to the polls I make sure it's a Dominion machine that I use if your election needs the truth put Dominion in your booth I won't be sued there are three people I don't want to see in the courtroom to Dominion cardi b or Gwyneth Paltrow, you are going to lose.

I would like to thank Tamara Keith and the White House Correspondents' Association for inviting me. Thanks for that. I am well aware that not all. This room knows who I am, so let's talk to the elephant in the room. I know what it is. Half this room thinks I'm Keenan Thompson. The other half thinks I'm Louis Armstrong. President Biden believes that I am the father of his family affairs. However, I am happy to be here at this event among government officials who speak to MSNBC, former government officials now working at MSNBC, and future government officials currently working at MSNBC who often overlook the purpose of this

dinner

. evening.

Tonight's

dinner

is to award scholarships to students who have demonstrated great achievements in journalism. That's right, these brave young souls are the future of the industry and I'd like to stop right now and congratulate tonight's top scholarship recipient, George Santos, a senior from Arizona State, oh yeah, George. He couldn't be here tonight, he's auditioning for Rupaul's Drag Race, that's not bad, we say good luck, George bag, also talking about drag queens, you can handle the boyfriend and stuff, can you stop talking about drag queens queens aren't in a school to get ready? your kids, most of them would be kids, they'd get shot at school, no problem, those adults overcame the legislation, I think I was going to be upset, I'm like Mitch McConnell, I have no soul, it's a tumultuous time. in the media, even though we have layoffs everywhere News BuzzFeed NPR axios Washington Post ESPN Paramount Global is currently considering Byron Allen and Tyler Perry's position to buy the bet, that's how bad the situation is, these companies are so broke that They are returning the bet. black people, which, by the way, is not what we meant when we said black people wanted reparations, we met cash, you can give it to us in the area.

I took my twenties, but tonight we are all united under one thing and that is the scandal, the scandals, the scandals have been devouring. races this year the Untouchable Tucker Carlson is out of work now it's okay, some people celebrate it, but to the Tucker staff I want you to know that I know what you are feeling. I work at The Daily Show, so I too was surprised by the sudden departure of the host from the fake news show got caught got caught like that guy from Vanderpump Rules text messages I don't know what Vanderpump Rules is about I'm just

watch

ing it a couple of times my friends told me it's like BMF, but not for

white

people, so stick around.

White power is

white

power. No, that's white power. You know, it doesn't matter, don't worry about it, but no, don't worry. We have to get Tucker back on the air, Mr. President. because right now there are millions of Americans who don't even know why they hate them. Fox claimed that Dominion conspired with Democrats to rig the election. Democrats should be flattered that they thought all of you were smart enough to rig an election. A necessary act. a second round to be the werewolf, but it's not over for you Fox News, you still have bad news, more bad news to come, the lawsuit for the Smartmatic voting machine is coming, that's right, Smartmatic is coming for you and they want more money than for me, in fact.

Let me tell you right now that my favorite voting machine is the Smartmatic voting machine. If your choice needs the truth, put Smartmatic in your booth, but I think it's only fair that we give it the credit it deserves. Carlson is the first host to be fired. Fox News for something that is only partially about how it treats women, that's progress, broke the ceiling talking about Don Lemon is out of a job Don Lemon, my dog ​​Don Lemon Don Lemon released a statement saying he was fired from CNN and then CNN released a statement saying that they offered Don a meeting, they had to part ways because Don Lemon can't even accurately report a story about Don Lemon.

I still think Don deserves to see that more, that's not how you fire someone, he's a mess, how funny is that. you work in the news and then you watch the news you got fired from the newbies Don Lemon is now the most unpleasant guy in the history of CNN, that's not even Jeffrey two have been looking at Don Lemon like he bothered me. Letting go was a wrong move, you shouldn't let him go, not so soon. CNN first. Don was fine when everyone let him drink. He shouldn't have cut off her liquor. Don't fire your host after the first one. a couple of scandals let the scandals pile up you gotta get some you had to get ratings yeah Don Lemon was a diva and he said a couple of women are interface Raggedy but that's a promotion on Fox News but I finally understand why CNN did what they did, I get it, it's about morality, there should be no place on air for someone who speaks with complete indifference, doesn't consider the blowback to their co-workers or their company, thank

full

y CNN is taking steps in the right direction. they got rid of Don Lemon and now they've given Charles Barkley a show Charles Barkley's co-host Gayle King we say good luck it's a good show the whole show will be Charles Barkley saying something crazy Gayle King looking towards the camera Charles' scandals, that's what connects us with so many scandals, the king of scandals, President Donald Trump, just for a moment, can we all recognize it?

Can we be honest and just say that Trump's arrest was not what we thought it was going to be? blow, we are so desensitized to scandals now that Trump's arrest didn't do what I thought it was going to do the triple break was like a pot Brown and you ate four hours ago and you say: Do I feel justice this gift? I don't feel like justice will let me ride with one of those impeachment brownies in Georgia, maybe that will work out well, he who has some fun can't follow the Trump scandals, there are too many Trump scandals to keep up with, Keeping up with Trump's scandals is like watching Star Wars movies you have to watch the third to understand the first, then you can't miss the second because it has Easter eggs for the fifth Donald Trump is the only politician whose scandals had consequences on Disney Plus, but Trump's arrests made everyone question what they believed.

You thought you leaned one way politically. Then they locked up Trump. Everyone began to doubt. They put the Republicans between a rock and a hard place. Donald Trump locked him up for years. They are all Republicans. You all have been saying. For years we had to be tough on crime. Trump was arrested. We are referring to black crime. The same with liberals. Also liberals were all confused after Trump was arrested. We have to abolish prison. Trump was arrested. Bring back Rikers. I don't know about you. But for me, the easiest scandal to follow was the Trump document scandal, that was the one that was easy to follow, it was simple, it's some things that are supposed to be in the White House that aren't, and the media, you did it.

Good job everyone jumped on that story as soon as the Trump document story broke everyone was down tomorrow Lake we were reporting live from the documents and we'll find them and then we found out that Joe Biden had documents too and it was like oh , it's not a big deal, it's not a good deal, everyone has documents, everyone has documents, Mike Pence has some Doctor Who, everyone, well done, average, happy to be here, very happy to be here. If there's one person who could use a scandal, it's Ron DeSantis. He's just running around passing every controversial law he can think of, thinking that's going to activate voters, that's how you activate voters in this country, Ron, everyone knows how to do politics, this is America. , we don't pass laws, you make a promise to voters. and then you don't, that's what great leaders in this room understand, you know how to make things not happen, thank you, the only thing, the only thing Ron DeSantis has done, I have to give him credit for this guy who got people. they get angry about things they can't understand, no one, they don't know what critical race theory is, they get these people angry about something they can't even define like crypto or nfts, any republican who is anti-crt, ask any republican. trying to explain CRT they sound like a democrat trying to explain the charges against Trump they are everywhere you just have to stop him we have files we will be right back I'm Rachel maddowell I have files Rachel Maddow get those files on you It's a summary I think Republicans would be surprised everyone if you were honest about what CRT is and then you would even be surprised that some black people can meet you halfway, but you must tell the truth that you cannot lie to. black people call it what it is anti-crt policies are an attack on black history and in an attempt to erase black contributions from the history bus that is what you are trying to erase black people and many black people do they would do.

Some of that Erasure doesn't matter, as long as that black person is Clarence Thomas, a billionaire named Harlan Crowe who takes Clarence Thomas around the world on unreported trips, like the Instagram model who takes plans to the Maldives and the beaches and everything they paid for their mother's trip.

house

, this billionaire pays for Clarence Thomas Monaca's

house

. Gotta hand it to the billionaires, billionaires, guys, all you relentless ones, always coming up with something new to buy, just when you think of everything else you could buy. Earth, a millionaire will come up with something new. You didn't buy space rockets.

You bought Twitter. This man bought a Supreme Court justice. Do you understand how rich you have to be to buy a supreme and a black one on top of that? two in stock and Harlan Pro owns half the inventory, we can all see Clarence Thomas, but it belongs to billionaire Harlan Crowe and that's what an nft is, everyone has some scandals, although despite the difficult times we live in , I look around this room and I see people. who are very hardworking many of you I don't even think you should work so hard we should take inspiration from the events in France they rioted when the retirement age increased by two years to 64. they rioted because they didn't want to work until they were 64.

Meanwhile in the United States United we have an 80 year old man begging us for four more years of work, begging, pleading, let me finish the job, that's not a campaign slogan, it's a plea, let me finish, let me finish it, I want it. We wish you the best of luck in the election campaign, Mr. President, he has many things for which he will have to overcome many obstacles, he has had enough scandals, you know, we know the documents, we know the laptops. but there has been no scandal more damaging than the Is Joe Biden Awake? scandal.

Hey, say what you want about our president, but when you wake up from a nap, work's done, he might fall asleep on infrastructure bills, oh, student loan forgiveness, hmm, let's free Brittany? Grinder clears Britney's ground, but I think the most insulting scandal that fell at the feet of the Biden Administration was that of our lady Vice President, the what is Kamala doing scandal, which is a disrespectful question because no one ever asked. that question about the vice president until a woman gets the job I'm going to make it very expensive the only thing I know about Mike Pence is that he is very good at playing hide and seek in the Capitol you have to be made to catch Mike Pence in that capital letter, now you know all the nooks and crannies, don't put the camera on it because of a Mike joke, don't do that, no one said they tried to make you Madame Vice President at the end of the day as Vice President, the only The only thing thatyou have to do is be better than Dick Cheney at the bar, be better than Dick Cheney.

They made a documentary about Dick Cheney. Now I don't know much about the job of vice president, but I do know if you can make a documentary about your time as vice president, you are vice president incorrectly and if the job of vice president is really waiting to intervene to save the country in an emergency, then the job of vice president is the perfect job for a black woman. It's not like that, and whatever you achieve, whatever you achieve, all they're going to do is just give a man credit for her. Whatever you do or immigration things that you would have eliminated, it doesn't have all this Banking and you.

I have the internet there to take care of all this postpartum stuff. By the way, they will give a man credit for what he has done. Mr. President, great job being the first black woman vice president. I don't even know how he did it. I did that part a wonderful job, I'm happy to be here, but tonight it's all about you, all the journalists, the defenders of freedom of expression, the people who show the truth to the world to through different media, through television, print media, radio, everything that China lets us see in tick tock, but.

The industry covering all these scandals is not immune to themselves. The problem with good media is that most people can't afford to have all the essential, fair and nuanced reporting trapped behind a paywall. People can't afford to rent. They can't afford food, not healthy food, they can't afford an education, they sure as hell can't afford the truth, see what you want about a conspiracy theory, but at least it's affordable, I mean, unless you're Alex Jones, it cost you approx. 900 million and I understand that we have to put things behind the paywall because creating the truth is important.

People can't afford the truth, but you can't afford to go looking for the truth for free. The work you do as journalists is important. It is essential, it is dangerous, my father was a reporter embedded on the front with black platoons in Vietnam, he was in the South African attractions of Soweto, he covered the Civil War and Rhodesia, which we know today as Zimbabwe, my father returned home and co-founded the National Black Network because I wanted to tell Black stories. It's now an American urban radio network and they've been doing it for 50 years and that's part of what my father wanted to build.

You know, and I know it was hard because you know black dads love it. tell you when something was difficult people shot me boy I just did it but I never dropped my tape recorder my dad tells war stories like Brian Williams Lester Holt didn't laugh at it okay so I don't know good cost journalism that's the truth In a way, that's the foreign equivalent of saying someone fits the description. Evan and hundreds of journalists are imprisoned around the world simply for doing their jobs and we need to stand up for brave journalists. Most national stories in this country at some point were a local story first. and those stories are championed by reporters at outlets that many of them have now closed, if we can't find a way to pay local reporters, then as a country we will just be left with many more blind spots about where the bull is.

It's happening, you hear about all these newsrooms getting cuts, that's every article Tamara has been sending me for the last two months, it's just the new rumors getting cut, we're cutting people, we're cutting budgets, but never You hear about billionaire executives. reducing their salaries within these organizations now, how do we fix this? I don't know, I'm a comedian. I was up here. It's not my job to have the solution that's in you, but local local reporting is very important, very important. My mother is here tonight. I know she's furious right now because I'm trying to get her on camera, but my mother was among a group of black student protesters fighting for equality in the '60s at Delta State University and that was a dangerous time, but those kinds of incidents were covered by local reporters and part of the shame that came from the national shame of treating people inhumanely is part of the pressure that helped create that kind of change.

What would have happened to my mother and those other protesters if a local journalist had been murdered? I'm not telling the story and now it's no different, but fortunately my mother's story was told, she got her

full

degree at Delta State and continued on the floor until a m and got another degree and then for the last 45 years, her I work in a historic institution. black university as an educator and administrator and one of those many black universities that need a little more funding you have a 20 on your jokes send that to one of the black universities uh to my mom I say thank you for everything you've done for me and for helping countless students in Birmingham have the opportunity to earn a college degree and see an opportunity to grow.

You know, my mother's journey might not even have begun if it weren't for me and the brave journalists who chose to chronicle the story in real time. I don't know how to repay my mom for what she did for me and for so many people in Alabama, but know mom, if a white billionaire calls you and offers to buy your house, please sell it because he might want to. to become nft many thanks to the correspondence association many thanks to Tamara Keith foreign